by Sabrina York
Jewels presses her eyes closed. “You’re not a whore.” Her wounded gaze flips back to mine. “Why is it when guys have casual sex, they’re allowed to brag to their buddies and pat each other on the backs like they’re some kind of studs, but when most girls do the same thing, they hide it, thinking they’re sluts? It’s ridiculous! We live in a world of double standards. What happened with this Brad douchebag wasn’t your fault, except that you seem to have a thing for assholes now that I know what exactly happened with you and Erik. How many times do I have to reassure you that you’re not some kind of sex addict or whore?”
“Maybe it’s because I don’t believe it.” I wipe at another tear. “So many people called me these awful names this summer. I think it just reinforced my darkest fears. I’m hoping when I go talk to someone about my problems, they’ll help me figure out how to deal with all of it.”
“You’re going to be okay,” Glori promises, touching my arm. “You’re strong enough to make it this far, sweetie. And you’ve already taken so many steps in the right direction. You moved away from Erik, and you may have already found a job that will keep you occupied so you can’t continue to dwell on the past. These are all good things. You have nowhere else to go from here but up.”
I frown, picking at a hangnail on my thumb. “I don’t know. Working in a bar doesn’t sound like the best place for someone who’s trying to avoid having sex with strangers. Maybe I need to keep looking.”
Jewels stops me from picking my hand. “From now on, I want you to think of me as your lifeline. Any time you feel like you’re going to slip up and disappoint yourself, I want you to call me. I don’t care what time of the day it is. This quest of yours for love is admirable, and I want to help you complete it. Whatever it takes.”
The waitress sets our shots on the table next to a salt shaker and a bowl filled with limes. Jewels hands her a credit card.
I stare at my friend, chewing on my lip. “Are we going to talk about the thing with Erik? I’m sorry I lied to you.”
“Adam told me everything after we returned from your party. I haven’t told you that I know because I wanted to give myself time to cool off. When you said you were moving out, it was the best news I’ve had since Adam told me he was going through with his surgery. I understand that you didn’t want me telling you what to do, but I wish you would’ve listened when I tried to warn you about him. As much as Adam refused to forgive Erik, I knew something horrible must’ve happened.” Her eyes open wide, and she flashes a little smile with a tilt of her head.
I gasp. “Wait! Was that an ‘I told you so’ look you gave me just now?”
“Shut up and take your shots like a big girl,” Jewels grumbles, sprinkling salt on her hand and holding a glass up. I laugh happily, remembering a time when I said the exact same thing to her.
Glori and I lift our glasses. I smile at each of them. “To new beginnings.”
“To Kelly’s quest,” Jewels adds with a wink.
The three of us proceed to get hammered on the roof overlooking the phenomenal view of the twinkling city skyline. We talk and laugh for hours, filling my heart with joy. I feel lighter knowing everything’s out in the open, and I no longer have to guard any secrets from my best friend or my sister.
At one point Jewels calls Adam to let him know where we are. We’re all surprised when he approaches our table with a casually dressed Theo at his side. I’m overwhelmed with a tornado of emotions.
“Theo.” I stand and reach for him, wanting to tell him everything once and for all, though my mind is a drunken haze of mismatched words. “I…shit. I have so much to say. I just…”
Hushing me, he cradles me in his large arm. I can’t decide if I feel him sniffing my hair, or if it’s my imagination this time. “Not tonight, Cavenaugh. I’d rather do this when you’re sober. I just want to make sure you make it back in one piece.”
Glori rides with Theo and I in the waiting town car while Jewels and Adam wait to grab a taxi. On the ride back, I snuggle into Theo, glad he at least cares enough to see me make it home safely. He smells so good, and I never want to leave the solace of his arms. “You should grow your hair out,” I slur at one point, running my fingers over his short hair. “It’d be soooo sexy.”
Theo doesn’t say a word until he drops us at the brownstone. “When you’re feeling up to it, I’ll be ready to talk. Just give me a call.”
I look into his hazel eyes and want to kiss him all over. Somewhere inside, however, the new and improved Kelly knows it’s time to say goodnight. He kisses the top of my head and I leave the taxi with a mere nod.
The three of us aren’t ready to call it a night, but Jewels has to work mid-morning, and she hasn’t been this drunk in awhile, so she’s worried about having a brutal hangover if we keep it up. She wraps her arms around my neck. “I love you, Kelly Cavenaugh. You’re my only sister. Don’t ever forget that. I’ll always have your back.”
“And I’ll always have yours,” I return, kissing her cheek.
“We should get some kind of sister tattoos. Maybe some matching hearts and shit. Not like each other’s names, but something that means something to us. I mean once we’ve both saved up some cash. Those damn things aren’t cheap. Wait!” Though she’s slurring, her words become more excited like she’s just waking up. “I know! Chloe said she could give us good deals if we ever want one, once she has her own booth!”
Laughing, Adam gently pulls Jewels away from me and kisses the top of her head. “Time for bed, babe.”
“Oh my god! My sweet Adam! I love you so much!” She leans in to nuzzle him, her eyes closed. Adam smirks at me before leading her to their room. It’s so touching to see how much passion they have for each other. Sometimes it’s like they’ve known each other their whole lives the way they interact.
“Good night, love birds!” I call after them, giggling.
As I settle into their guest bed at my sister’s side, I’m filled with an inner peace I haven’t felt in years. All is right with the world again. I didn’t scare Jewels off with the brutal truth. It seems I may have my life on track, though there still may be some struggles along the way. The way Mick carried on before Glori and I left the bar, I’m hopeful that I may have a job and a place to live within the week.
Yet there’s still a nagging feeling that keeps me up for hours into the night once I begin to feel the alcohol’s grip fade away. Something tells me Theo won’t be as accepting of my secrets as Jewels and Glori had been.
Chapter Twelve
The minute I’m awake, I send Theo a text telling him to call me, eager to get our meeting over with. Glori and I are on the Staten Island Ferry when he finally returns my call. I show my sister the screen and she claps her hands, squealing in a high pitch. It’s the same over-the-top reaction she had when she found a knock off of her favorite perfume earlier in the day. Something is definitely up with my normally placid sister.
“Cavenaugh!” Theo blurts the moment I accept the call. “How’s the head?”
“Still there,” I answer smartly. “Thanks for taking me home last night.”
“I didn’t want you to decide to stop at some random bar on the way home.”
The ferry horn blasts.
“Where are you?” he asks.
“Looking at the back end of the Statue of Liberty.”
I watch Glori pretend to pinch the statute’s rear, something we’d do with our sisters when road tripping as kids. Unable to help myself, I cover my phone and laugh. I haven’t seen Glori act so carefree in years. Between the shots the night before and the way she’s acting, I almost wonder if she’s becoming more of a free spirit and leaving her pageant days behind.
“I’m glad you’re showing her the city while she’s here,” Theo tells me. “More than that, I’m glad you agreed to talk to me. It was pure torture when you wouldn’t return my calls.”
Sighing, I rest my arms on the ferry’s railing. “Theo, you know I’m damaged, right?”
&n
bsp; “Of course. I remember discussing demons in the closet.”
“Well there are multiple layers in my closet. We’re talking a two-story monstrosity with rotating shelves. It’s basically the reason I stormed out of your office yesterday.”
I hear him laugh. “I figured it must’ve been significant if you were willing to leave the manicotti behind.”
“That was pretty amazing manicotti. I don’t even know if I got a chance to thank you for buying me lunch.”
“Maybe we can try lunch again?” His tone is tinged with hope.
“You may want to hear what I have to say before you offer that. I’ve done some pretty shitty things, some of them since I met you.”
Glori moves to stand next to me, draping her arm around my shoulders and squeezing. As mad as I once was at her, it feels damn good to suddenly have her support after all this time. I’m going to miss her when she leaves.
“I was in the Corps, remember?” Theo answers. “It takes a lot to scare me.”
“You may change your mind after hearing me out.”
“That’s for me to decide. Can I pick you up tonight?”
I loop my arm around Glori’s waist, and rest my head against her shoulder. “I’d rather wait until my sister’s gone before we do this. She’s only in town until tomorrow night.”
“Invite him to come along with us tonight!” Glori whispers.
I press my phone to my chest, frowning at my sister. “Wait, are you sure?” Glori pulls my phone back up to my ear, nodding. “But…Chloe’s band plays tonight in Times Square and we’re going with Jewels and Adam. I know last time we saw them together it wasn’t exactly fun, so if you don’t want to join us, I’ll totally—”
“I’ll be there,” he blurts.
My insides light up with excitement.
After going to the top of the Empire State Building and visiting the giant Macy’s store—some of the sights Glori missed on her last trip for a 2-week beauty school—we doll ourselves up with Jewels and hit the subway with Adam. The bar Chloe’s band plays in this time isn’t some kind of redneck redo like the last place, which comes as a relief since Glori’s along. She’s having a hard enough time dealing with the “different music” as she calls it.
The crowd gathered seems to be tourists in the mood for unrestrained fun. Laser lights flash across the black and white floor, while the rest of the long, narrow bar is barely lit with glowing blue lights. The acidic smell of artificial fog is thick. The name “Retro Revenge” seems appropriate.
Seeing Chloe and the guys rock the stage is a different experience now that I know Landon and Beckett from the party at “my” place the other night. I stand with my sister and friends at the front of the stage to cheer for the band, keeping the dancing on the down low for my benefit. Jewels didn’t tell Adam the truth as to why we weren’t doing the usual bump and grind, instead telling him that kind of dancing wasn’t Glori’s thing. In all honesty, my sister would’ve sat on the sidelines and watched us anyway. I feel the bond between us strengthening after our heart-to-heart.
A few songs into The Blood Legion’s first set, I feel a large hand press to my lower back. “Hey!” Theo greets me in his deep tone.
Turning to him, I feel a surge of excitement when our eyes meet. I take a moment to appreciate his gorgeous features. Even if he decides I’m not worth pursing after I tell him everything, I’ll always remember how his dark brows and sparkling eyes did things to my gut that I can’t explain in words.
I lean in to hug him. His arms wrap around me like they’re meant to be there. We stand holding each other for a minute longer than considered kosher. This time I know I can feel him breathing in the smell of my shampoo before he backs off. “Want something to drink?”
“I’m good,” I decide, throwing him an appreciative smile. Jewels and Glori decided it would be best if I avoid booze while around Theo so I can be in complete control.
Other than the hug, Theo and I hardly touch for the rest of the night. I do my best to keep an invisible line between us, knowing it will only be a challenge to keep my hormones in check the way I keep swaying to Chloe’s guitar riffs and throaty melody. He respects it, sticking to Adam’s side. The band’s done at midnight. Chloe, Landon, and Beckett join us for drinks after they pack up their gear. We all gather around a table beneath the blaring 80s rock playing from the bar’s speakers.
“Glad you could catch the whole show this time!” Chloe teases, pushing on my shoulder. Her eyes flip over to my sister. “What’d you think? You really don’t seem the type to like our music. It’s okay to be honest. You won’t offend me, I assure you. We have a pretty decent following even though we don’t necessarily appeal to the masses.”
“It was great!” Glori answers with a surprising amount of enthusiasm. “You sound a lot like a band I’ve heard on Spotify!”
Everyone at the table stares at her, waiting for her to say she’s joking. Her smile fades a little. “What?”
I clear my throat, drawing everyone’s attention away from my poor sister. While it seems she’s attempting to change, I don’t think she’s quite comfortable with her new self. “So, Chloe, when do you guys play again?”
“Not until next Thursday. I have to work at the shop Monday and Tuesday, but I have Wednesday off if you still want me to come by and help you find discount places to spice up your room.”
“About that…” I pivot in my seat to face Theo. “I moved out of the apartment. Erik was too controlling. I’m back with Jewels and Adam until something else comes along. I think I found a reasonable place, but they’re waiting for the background check to go through before I get the final word.” I glance back to Chloe. “I wanted to let everyone know right away so you didn’t show up at Erik’s door, looking for me.”
Beckett slaps the table. “Damn, that was such a killer loft!”
Chloe reaches back to press her hand to his mouth. Sometimes they act like they’re a couple rather than just bandmates. “Just an excuse for another party, right? This time we can invite some of your neighbors so you can get to know them a little better. No better way to start off on the right foot.”
“The place I’m looking at is way too small for a party, but it’s over a great Irish pub. If everything goes the way I hope, I’ll be working there too. We could probably throw a party down there instead.”
When I glance at Theo, he’s completely unmoving, the corners of his eyes creased like he’s somewhere far away with his thoughts. My throat tightens. What is he thinking?
“What’s the name of the place?” Chloe asks. “If we haven’t played there before, maybe you could get us in for a gig.”
Sucking in my breath, I turn back to her. “It’s Flanagan’s, near Riverside Park.”
Chloe cocks her head, rolling her eyes to one side. “Never heard of it.”
Beckett elbows her in the ribs. “Yeah you have. We’ve played there.” When the other two stare blankly back at him, he raises his hands. “Remember Tess and her brother Mick? They were the ones that paid us extra to play another hour on Mick’s twenty-first birthday last year. Goofy Irish guy? Squarish woman that smelled like goat cheese?”
“Oh yeah!” Chloe perks up. “That Mick guy is adorable. He tried to serenade his girlfriend when we were finished, but she was so embarrassed she ran out of there like her fucking hair was on fire! Poor guy. He was a real trooper though. Just laughed it off like it was the most natural reaction in the world, and bought the entire bar a round of shots. He was the cutest damn thing, I swear.”
Beckett rolls his eyes, like her story makes him sick. I laugh with the vision of Mick doing such a thing. He’s seems like such a positive guy that I imagine he took his girlfriend’s rejection with a grain of salt.
“Can I talk to you for a second somewhere private?” Theo whispers, touching the back of my arm.
I nod before telling the others we’ll be back. My sister and Jewels each flash me a look of restrained concern, so I wink and give them a
small nod to let them know it’s okay. I’m not about to let Theo take me somewhere private, and the no-dancing or alcohol rule seems to have cut back on my attraction to Theo—a little, anyway. While he steers me through the crowd and out the front door, my skin still tingles delightfully from his touch.
“Are you okay?” he asks once we’re somewhat alone with the smokers. He looms from a few inches away, the distraught look in his eye making me believe he wants to hold onto me. The enchanting pull I’ve always had for him has become stronger, scrambling my coherent thoughts.
“Huh? I mean…yeah. I’m fine.” I draw my eyebrows down. “Why are you asking?”
“I just think it’s strange that so much has changed in forty-eight hours considering the other night you were excited about the apartment. What made you so suddenly move back in with Jewels?” He presses his fingertips to my elbow with someone dark passing through his gaze. “Did Erik do something to make you uncomfortable?”
“No. I mean, kind of, but not in the way you think. He’s part of the truth I have to tell you.” I bring my hands up to my face, inhaling the cloud of smoke around us. “I wasn’t planning on doing this tonight.”
Theo jams his hands into his pockets, looking to the street still bustling behind us despite the late hour. His clenched jaw flexes. “Did you have sex with him?”
“Yes,” I squeak in an unrecognizable voice.
He hardly looks back at me for a full second before looking away again. “When?”
“Theo—” I bring my hand to his chest, but he stops me, grabbing my wrist.
His hazel eyes darken. “When?”
The thing about having casual sex is you have to be able to own up to it without feeling dirty. I’ve always been able to do that in the past, and normally it wouldn’t be a problem, except that I have to admit that I was having casual sex with someone else between the time Theo bought me a drink and took me back to Jewels and Adam’s place, and then again just hours before I agreed to go on a date with Theo.