by Susan Meier
And that was wrong. Good grief, she’d barely dated since her big mistake her senior year at university when she’d fallen for one of her professors. They’d had a secret affair that started off wonderful and ended when he introduced her to his wife at graduation, humiliating her. Looking back, she realized she should have seen the signs that he was married. He’d pulled her away from her friends, insisted they meet at her place even though he made fun of her condo and never took her out in public. But loneliness after her dad’s death had made her vulnerable, needy, and she’d missed the signs.
Which was why, for the past five years, she’d been a woman in control of her emotions. She’d never be so foolish as to fall so fast or be so smitten that she let a man walk all over her. Being overwhelmingly attracted to a guy she didn’t know was so out of character it scared her.
The elevator bell dinged. They strode across the building lobby. He pushed on the revolving door, motioning Claire through, into the crisp late-September afternoon. He followed her out into the busy Boston street and paused in front of the black limo parked there. A uniformed man raced to the back door and opened it.
Claire peeked inside. A bar and a television sat across from a curving white leather seat that looked like a plush sofa. But on the sofa sat a car seat.
She quickly passed Bella to Matt Patterson—so quickly he didn’t have time to protest and their fingers didn’t even accidentally brush. “I’ll slide inside, then you hand Bella to me. I will strap her in the car seat, and you can be on your way.”
She climbed in. He passed Bella to her. She put the baby into the car seat and secured the straps. As she pulled away, she looked at the baby’s pretty face. Blue eyes. Pug nose. Cupid’s bow mouth.
Her heart twisted. She’d had this baby with her twenty-four hours a day for four days. Caring for her. Teasing her and playing with her to help her accept her new circumstances. Walking the floor with her as she sobbed all night because she missed her mom and dad. Bella had cried so hard the first night that Claire had cried with her. A baby couldn’t understand or deal with death. All she knew was she missed her mom and desperately wanted the comfort of her arms.
Claire swallowed. This poor sweet baby would never see her mom again. Just as Claire hadn’t seen her mom after she died.
She pressed her fingers to her mouth. How could she leave this sweet baby with a man who didn’t know how to care for her?
She couldn’t.
She scooted across the seat and out of the limo. Though fear trembled through her, she faced Matt Patterson and held out her hand. “Do you have a business card?”
He frowned. “Yes.”
“Does it have your home address?”
His eyes narrowed. “Are you planning to do some kind of surprise inspection?”
“I’m going to lock the office, then meet you at your house.”
He smiled. Those beautiful green eyes of his lit with so much pleasure, a corresponding pleasure tugged at her stomach. “You’re going to help me?”
God help her. “This evening, yes, to get you settled in. Then you’re on your own.”
CHAPTER TWO
THE rhythm of the car lulled Bella to sleep and she napped through the entire drive home. But when Jimmy, Matt’s driver, stopped the limo to punch in the code to open the big black wrought-iron gate for his estate, the baby awoke. She glanced around sleepily. Her little mouth turned down. Her nose wrinkled and she let out with a yowl that went through Matt like an icy wind blows through barren trees.
Pretending not to notice, Jimmy drove up the brown brick driveway. Little Bella’s wails filled the back of the limo. She didn’t see that the grounds were manicured to perfection. Or that the leaves on the trees had begun to change colors and swatches of red, yellow and orange guided them along the circular driveway to the front of the stately stone mansion.
She didn’t care when Matt said, “Shh. Shh. Please stop crying.”
She simply continued to wail.
Jimmy appeared at the back door, opened it with a wince. “Quite a set of lungs.”
“Indeed.” Matt smiled ruefully. “You wouldn’t know how to...” He paused, searching for a proper phrase and finally settled on, “Make her stop.”
Jimmy backed off. “No, sir. Confirmed bachelor.” He tugged both ends of his bow tie jauntily. “Happily single. Not daddy material.”
Remembering what Claire had asked him, he said, “No nieces or nephews?”
“Several but I don’t take to them until they’re old enough to go the bathroom on their own and get into the casinos in Atlantic City.”
He sighed. “An excellent plan.” His plan. Until circumstance changed things.
Bella’s screams grew louder. He raised his voice to be heard above the sobbing. “So how do we get her into the house?”
Jimmy stepped back again. “Sorry. Not in my job description. In fact, I think I’ll go make sure the limo’s place in the garage is cleared.”
He raced away and Matt scowled. See if the place in the garage is cleared? What a line.
He turned back to the baby. “So...what? You want food? A bottle? Some Scotch?” He knew she didn’t want the third, but the terror riding his blood right now had him giddy. He’d like a Scotch. But he knew he wasn’t getting one. Might not ever get one again until this child turned eighteen.
With Bella wailing beside him, he knew he had a choice. Sit in this limo for God knew how long until the adoption agency woman arrived. Or get Bella out of her car seat and into the house.
A cold wind blew alongside the car. The open door caught it and sent frigid air swirling into the limo. A few drops of rain pelted the limo roof, then the rain started full force.
“Crap.”
He reached for the door and slammed it closed. Bella’s wails echoed around him.
Jimmy suddenly appeared at the driver door. “Let’s get this in the garage!”
“Good idea.”
The sound of Bella screaming competed with the drumming of rain on the roof, making a horrendous racket. Matt squeezed his eyes shut, popped them open and turned to Bella. “Come on, kid. You knew me at the adoption agency office.” He pointed at his chest. “I’m Mommy’s friend.”
Her crying only increased when they pulled into the garage. Being indoors seemed to cause the sound to ricochet off the walls and reverberate through him.
He peeked at her face. Little blue eyes watery and sad. Her nose red. Her lips trembling.
He scrubbed his hand across his mouth. He couldn’t stand to see her like this. He had to do something!
Noting that Jimmy had disappeared as soon as the limo lurched to a stop, he reached for the buckles of her car seat. Once he had her out of the car seat, he’d carry her into the house and maybe the movement of walking would calm her down?
He found a clasp at her belly that, when opened, allowed him to raise two straps over her head. A buckle by her hip released the bottom strap. When he jiggled the padded half circle around her, he discovered it rose, too.
But with all of her trappings gone, Bella fell forward. He just barely caught her. And when she plopped against him, she wiped her wet face in the lapel of his silk suit.
He groaned.
She clung to him. Using his lapels like a rope ladder, she climbed up and burrowed into his neck.
His heart knotted with confusing emotions. Fear and misery wanted to dominate. He had no idea what to do with this kid. Barely any idea how to get her into the house.
But sympathy snaked through the fear. She was alone. Lost. He knew what it was like to be alone and lost. Except he could also add unwanted. The morning after their legendary fight, Cedric might have retracted his demand that Matt leave the Patterson home, but too many harsh words had been spoken. Up until then, Matt had called Cedric Dad, believed they were blood. But in that awful fight, Cedric had let loose of the big family secret.
Matt and his twin were not Cedric’s children. His mother had been married before. She’d
left her first husband not knowing she was pregnant, and Cedric had taken her in, raised her children as his own.
It explained why Matt had always felt a distance between himself and Cedric, always felt a nagging sense of not being wanted, not really having a place, not having a home—
He looked at Bella. Orphaned. Alone. With a guy who didn’t even know how to get her to stop crying, let alone how to feed her. She could have heard the conversation he’d had with Jimmy about not wanting kids. Not being daddy material. And though he knew that on a logical level she didn’t understand a word they’d said, on an emotional level, she’d recorded it all.
Did she feel unwanted?
He pressed his lips together and closed his eyes. His chest shivered with regret. Then he popped his eyes open again, caught Bella beneath the arms and lifted her so they were eye to eye.
“I am sorry for everything that has happened to you in the past few days.” His eyes squeezed shut again, as his own grief over losing Ginny and Oswald swamped him. “Very sorry. I’m going to miss your mama, too. But you’re mine now. And that means something.”
He wasn’t sure what it meant. He knew—to use
Jimmy’s phrasing—that he wasn’t daddy material. The best he could do for this kid might be to hire a great nanny or a team of nannies—or maybe find the best nanny on the planet and give her every cent of his money to raise this little girl. But whatever he decided, Matt Patterson didn’t abdicate responsibility or say die without a fight.
And as soon as he figured out how to fight, he would fight.
He slid out of the limo, Bella in his arms, and headed for the door into the mansion.
With his resolve in place, he noticed Bella’s crying but he reacted to it differently. Something was wrong. He had to fix it.
Unfortunately, he didn’t know how. She didn’t feel wet. She wasn’t generating any god-awful smells. So he steered clear of the diaper area. He asked about food. Mimed feeding himself. She only cried harder. He tried dancing. A couple waltzing twirls caused her to blink in confusion and quit crying for a few seconds, but when he stopped dancing she started crying.
He danced again. Around and around and around the foyer they went. Back to the den where he deposited the diaper bag, took off his jacket and rolled up the sleeves of his white shirt—all while dancing a baby around the sofa.
They danced through the empty kitchen. Up the hall. Around the dining room table. Across the sunroom. Until he felt dizzy and his legs became rubbery.
Where the hell was the adoption agency woman...Claire? Where the hell was Claire?
As if she’d heard him, the gate buzzer sounded. He raced to the com unit and hit the button. “Claire?”
“Yes. It’s me.”
Her musical voice sent sensation skipping down his spine, bringing her pretty face and sensual body to mind. If she were any other person, if he’d met her any other way, he would date her—
Oh, who was he kidding? He’d sleep with her. But needing her the way he did for Bella, he couldn’t even consider sleeping with her. Technically, once she began helping him with the baby, she became an employee.
A smart man didn’t hurt a woman in his employ. Especially not one he so desperately needed.
Regret tumbled through him as he pressed the com button. “I’m opening the gate now.”
He hit two more buttons and Bella patted his cheeks, as if trying to get his attention.
“What? You want to dance some more?”
She giggled.
What went through Matt’s heart was so foreign he couldn’t describe it, but it felt like tug of longing crashed into a wall of truth.
He couldn’t raise a child. For Pete’s sake! He was the Iceman on Wall Street. Unyielding. Intractable. The only thing he knew was severity. Hard truth. He didn’t have an ounce of softness in him.
Bella patted his cheek again, squealing with delight, obviously trying to get him to dance some more.
Yearning surged through him, but before he could capture it, it hit that wall of truth again. He was hard, cold. No matter how much he wanted to be the one who showed this child she was loved, that she didn’t have to be afraid, he knew he couldn’t. His family had taught him that people lied. His ex-wife had shown him that even when he wanted love he didn’t know how to accept it.
So how could he show this little girl she was loved?
He couldn’t.
* * *
After parking in front of Matt Patterson’s mansion, Claire got out of her little red car and popped her umbrella. Standing in the cold rain, staring at the residence, she suddenly understood what it meant to be a billionaire. Her entire condo building could fit into his house.
She hesitated at the sidewalk. Her heart tumbled in her chest as the reality of what she’d just agreed to hit her. For the first time in five years she was attracted to a man and she’d agreed to spend the evening in his house, helping him care for his baby.
She straightened. This fear was ridiculous. She was an adult. Back when she’d fallen for Ben she’d been a starry-eyed ingenue. She now knew how to control herself.
Plus, this situation was totally different. Matt Patterson wasn’t a professor she looked up to. In fact, she’d be teaching him. There’d be no danger that he’d sweep her off her feet by impressing her with his brilliance. When it came to baby care, Matt Patterson had no brilliance. She’d be fine.
Even before she got to the wood front door with the brass knocker, it opened. Matt stood before her, his hair oddly disheveled, his jacket removed and shirtsleeves rolled up to the elbows. It looked like there might be a thin sheen of sweat on his forehead.
“Come in. Come in,” Matt said, all but dumping Bella into her arms after she closed her umbrella and angled it by the door. “I’ve changed my mind about the nanny. I think we need to get one now.”
“Okay.” Bella on her arm, Claire slid out of her coat and walked into the foyer. A huge crystal chandelier dominated the space. Her heels clicked on the Italian marble floor. The sound echoed around them.
“I have the cards you gave me in my jacket pocket in the den.” He turned and headed down a hall.
Claire followed him.
“But it’s all so confusing.” He stopped in front of a closed door. “I’ve never even considered hiring a nanny before.” He peeked back at her. “Do I get somebody who’s old...old and cuddly...who might want to retire before Bella hits four? Or somebody who’s young and sophisticated who might not love her enough. Read her stories. That kind of stuff.”
“You’re overthinking.”
“That’s because this is very important to me.” He opened the door and led her into a neat-as-a-pin den that could double as an office given that there was an overstuffed sofa and chair in front of a big-screen TV, as well as a heavy oak desk and tall-backed chair on the far side of the room.
He went to the desk and plopped on the chair. But before Claire sat, she sniffed and frowned. “You haven’t by any chance changed her diaper in the past hour.”
“She wasn’t wet.”
Her nose wrinkled. “I think she is now. Where’s the diaper bag?”
He pointed to the overstuffed sofa where the baby’s bag leaned drunkenly against the arm, beside his jacket, which had been tossed haphazardly on the sofa back. “There.”
“Okay...so...” She peeked at him. “There wouldn’t happen to be a nursery in this house?”
He snorted. “Not hardly.”
“Okay.” She looked around again, knowing she could make do. “How about a blanket?”
He rose from his chair. “Blanket I can help you with.” He frowned. “I think. I know there’s a linen closet upstairs somewhere.”
“You get a blanket and I’ll rummage through the diaper bag for a diaper. Hopefully by the time I’m ready to change her you’ll be back with a blanket.”
He nodded once and left the room.
When she was sure he was gone, Claire waltzed Bella around the desk once
. Rocking the floor with the baby, she’d discovered dancing was the only way to get her to stop crying, but it was also fun. Sort of their point of connection.
“So how’s it going with the new daddy so far?”
She screeched and Claire laughed. “You’re right. He’s green. But think of him as a diamond in the rough.”
She danced the baby over to the sofa and poked through the diaper bag until she found a diaper.
She tossed it to the sofa, then danced Bella around again. As the room spun by, she realized how cold and sterile it was and a worry flitted through her. How could a man who lived in such a formal house ever care for a baby? “There’s not even an afghan to lay you on.”
“Here we are,” Matt said, walking into the room. In his hands was a thick blue blanket.
Not wanting to be caught dancing with the baby, she turned her waltz into a step that looked something like she’d been pacing and said, “Lay it on the sofa.”
He did as instructed and Claire made short order of Bella’s diaper. But even though Matt had meandered away from the spectacle, she caught him peering over a time or two.
A light of hope lit. He might be green and his house might be cold but he was curious. “Want to learn how to do this?”
He pulled back. “No.”
“You sure? It’s not difficult.”
“My hour alone with her was enough to remind me that I don’t have the skills to care for her.”
“What are you going to do when your nanny takes a day off?”
“Get help from the maid?”
Though that made her laugh, it didn’t bode well for sweet Bella. Still, that wasn’t her business. The point of her being here this evening was to help him adjust to having a baby, but since he’d mentioned changing his mind about a nanny—thank God—she could also assist him with calling an agency that could provide someone temporary for the night. And Bella would be well cared for.
So she said nothing as she rooted through the few things in the diaper bag until she found a set of clean clothes. One of the four or five sets she’d been alternating with pajamas and washing over the four days she’d kept the baby.