by Susan Meier
When she returned downstairs, he was happily playing with Bella, who still sat in the high chair. As she entered the kitchen, his eyes clouded with regret, which only made her feel worse. If she hadn’t blubbered on about her dad, he probably wouldn’t have kissed her.
“You’re back.”
“I told you I just needed to wash my face.”
“Look, I’m sorry—”
She stopped him with a wave of her hand. “We’re fine. Talking about my dad upset me and I took it out on you.”
His eyebrows rose. “Took it out on me?”
“I normally don’t freak out when someone kisses me.” She drew a breath. “But...” She waited until he met her gaze before she said, “Our circumstances are unusual. We’re virtually sleeping in the same room. We’re playing house with a baby. I think we need to use a little common sense and not do things like talk about our lives and kiss.”
Looking incredibly relieved, he nodded.
They fed Bella as if nothing had happened and carried her back to the nursery. Focusing on the baby, Claire’s calm, confident demeanor returned. As Matt went to the dresser for clean pj’s, Claire opened Bella’s little jeans and stifled a laugh over the sight he’d made of her diaper.
“I should have given you a diaper lesson before I left.”
He sniffed. “Maybe.”
The tightness in her chest loosened a bit. This was what they needed to do. Focus on Bella. Forget about kissing. Forget about talking. Stop trying to be friends.
She considered offering to give him diaper lessons now, but didn’t feel comfortable with them standing so close when they were only a few minutes off a kiss and an argument. Instead, she let him go downstairs for a fresh bottle.
A few minutes later, with Bella asleep in the crib, Matt led her into the office/den. Walking to his desk, he peered back at her. “While you were at your office, I took the liberty of calling a nanny service.”
She could have been insulted, thinking he was trying to get rid of her. But after that kiss she wanted to leave.
“Not giving me a chance to hang up on them this time?”
He smiled. “Exactly.”
As he sat in the chair behind the desk, she sat on the one in front of it. “So?”
“So...since you’re here, I thought I might skip the temporary nanny and I talked with them about hiring someone permanently. They emailed a bunch of résumés and I printed them out.”
He reached behind to the printer on the credenza, pulled out a stack of papers and handed them to her. “I’m giving you first right of refusal. Knowing me the way you do, and also knowing Bella, you probably understand better than anyone who won’t fit with us.”
She took the résumés. “I can weed out the prospective nannies I think won’t work.” She glanced up at him. “But you can’t choose a nanny from a résumé.”
“I’d intended to interview them.”
She nodded. “Good.”
He pointed across the desk at the papers she held. “You pick the ones I should interview.”
She looked down at the résumés. Now that their relationship had returned to something more businesslike, her goal for being here—making sure Bella got the best care—guided her again. “If you want, I can help you with the interviews.”
“That would be great.”
She began reading the résumés, looking specifically for nannies with experience with babies. They called the agency and set up interviews with six of the candidates for Friday.
“So if all goes well,” Claire said, rising from her seat. “You should have somebody on Saturday.”
Matt tossed his pen to his desk. “Yeah.” And then she would go. And then he could stop feeling these odd things he always felt around her.
That was good.
Very good.
Very good for both of them.
She made a few marks on the résumés, and he remained in his seat, not really sure if he should stay or go. Luckily, Bella’s little voice tumbled from the baby monitor.
He bounced off his seat. “I’ll get her.”
Claire rose, too. “I’ll help. I think it’s time for the diaper lesson.”
A laugh bubbled up, but he stopped it before it could escape. Even when she was mad at him, she could be funny. And he liked that—a lot more than he cared to admit. But she’d had a rough childhood, and she deserved a good life with a nice guy. He didn’t fit that bill. So he had to stop responding to her. Stop laughing. Stop telling her things. In fact, maybe it was time to let her go. He knew a lot about caring for Bella and he wasn’t an idiot. Now that he was comfortable with the baby, he could figure out a lot of the rest of it himself. And she’d chosen the best candidates for his nanny. He’d interviewed people before. Surely, he could hire his own nanny.
They walked up the stairs and entered the nursery to find Bella sitting up, her face tearstained, her lips turned down in an angry pout.
“Oh, sweetie,” Claire said, lifting Bella from the crib. “You’re all right.”
Bella nuzzled into Claire’s neck, and clung to her, causing Matt’s heart to somersault. For as much as he wished he could let Claire leave so he could stop having these “feelings” about her, Bella needed her.
Still, he had to get Bella beyond this. She was his child to raise and he would step up.
He walked over, took Bella from Claire. “Hey—” He almost said kid, but wondered if the reason Bella was so slow to bond with him was his direct manner with her. So he said, “Sweetie,” as Claire did. “How about if Daddy changes your pants this time?”
She sniffed and turned to Claire, reaching for her, but Claire stepped back as if she understood Matt’s intention to spend more time with Bella and speed up the bonding process. “I’m right here. But Daddy’s going to change you.”
Bella yelped. Matt just kept going. He walked to the bed and set Bella down.
Claire said, “We should have ordered a changing table.”
He peeked back. “What’s that?”
“It looks like a chest of drawers for a baby but the top is made in such a way that you can change her on it. It’s higher so changing her is easier.”
“Sounds like we should order one when we get back downstairs.”
She nodded.
Remembering more of the things he’d seen Claire do, Matt tickled Bella’s tummy. “So did you have a good nap?”
She yelped again.
“Not much of a happy riser, are you?”
He unsnapped the crotch of her pajamas, undid her diaper and froze. “Damn.”
Standing behind him, her lips pressed together to keep from smiling, Claire only raised her eyebrows when he peeked at her.
“Can you get me a diaper?”
“Yes. I was going to get one before you asked, but decided it was important for you to realize lesson one of diaper changing. Get the clean diaper before you take off the dirty one.”
Once again, he had to stifle a laugh. He turned his attention to Bella. “While we wait for the diaper, anything you want to talk about?”
She giggled.
“You know, once you get past that grumpy, first-waking-up stage, you’re actually a very happy kid.”
Claire handed him the clean diaper. “It’s taking less and less time for her to respond to you.”
He slid the diaper beneath her and pulled the sides together.
Leaning over his shoulder, Claire said, “You should wipe her bottom with one of these cloths,” she offered him a container of baby wipes and he took one. “As you clean her, check to make sure her bottom’s not red.”
“What do I do if it’s red?”
She showed him some creams and ointments in the diaper bag and explained about diaper rash. They pronounced her bottom fine and she took the used wipe from him, tossed it in the trash and turned his attention back to the diaper.
“Attach the strips tighter this time. That prevents accidents, but it’s also more comfortable for her not to have
her diaper sliding around every time she moves.”
He pulled the tabs tighter. “Got it.”
Finished, he snapped her sleeper and lifted her from the bed. “Playtime?”
Claire nodded and headed for the door. “First, though, we’ll order the changing table.” She paused and smiled at him. His heart did the weird thing again, part squeeze, part roll. He loved it when she smiled. But he also knew they were bad for each other and she hadn’t meant anything by the smile, except her intention to get along with him while she taught him.
“And a few toys. Things that require a little more of her attention than the bear and the rattles. Things that can actually keep her busy or give you something to do while you play with her.”
“Okay.”
In only a few minutes on the internet they’d found and ordered the changing table and some interesting toys.
“I like the cone,” he said, referring to the toy with the multicolored rings that fit on a cone. “It’s simple, but I can see how it will keep her busy.”
“And showing her how to play with the rings will give you something to do with her.”
Holding Bella, who chewed on her rattle, Matt rose from his seat behind the desk. He didn’t get two steps away before his phone rang.
He stopped and Claire stepped forward to get Bella. “I’ll take her.”
He reached for the phone. “Thanks. I don’t get a lot of calls here so this has to be important.”
Claire took Bella to the rug in front of the sofa, sat her on the floor and lowered herself beside her. After a few seconds of peekaboo, she crawled to the left of the sofa, hiding from the baby, only to pop out every few seconds and say, “Boo.”
There was a voice on the other end of the line, “Mr. Patterson? Are you there?”
Realizing he’d been so preoccupied with Claire that he hadn’t even said hello, Matt responded, “Um, sorry. I’m here.”
“It’s Rafe from Hansen’s Department Store. The baby carrier you ordered doesn’t come in that shade of pink. We can order one, but we already have it in blue or green.”
“I want the pink,” he said absently, watching Claire play with Bella. She was a natural with kids and her game reminded him of hot summer days spent at Cedric’s
beach house, when he and his siblings played hide-and-seek. Though his mother had never joined in, he could see Claire joining her children. He could see her climbing sand mounds at the beach or peeking out from behind trees in the lush yard behind his house. His house. This estate.
“Also some of the toys will have to be ordered.”
He shook his head, bringing himself back to the present. “That’s fine.”
“Great. We’ll deliver what we have in stock this afternoon. And the rest we should have by Thursday.”
“Thanks.”
But when he hung up the phone, he didn’t go over to Bella. Instead, he walked to the front of the desk and sat on the edge. He knew he was supposed to be watching Claire to get the gist of how to play with Bella, but he couldn’t stop picturing her with lots of kids. Playing, but always with a mother’s eye on them.
And he suddenly realized why he couldn’t stop watching her. The picture appealed to him. Her, with kids, and a house that would be a real home. He wouldn’t be an interloper being passed off as someone’s son. He’d be Daddy.
A squeak erupted from his throat. Now, what was he doing? Trying to make up for his past with a woman he hardly knew...and wanting kids?
That was just wrong.
Bella’s giggling brought him back to the present. Claire crawled over to her and tickled her tummy. Then she scooped her up with her as she rose.
“You’re such a funny little girl.”
Bella squealed with delight.
“You love to play.”
She cuddled Bella to her and the baby nestled in. Just about to turn away before he started spinning odd fantasies again, Matt stopped himself.
Maybe he wasn’t so much envisioning himself with a family, but Claire. After their discussions today, he’d be an idiot not to realize this was a woman who longed for a family.
He frowned, watching her.
Maybe that’s what drew him? They hadn’t known each other long enough to really like each other. Yet he couldn’t deny being drawn to her. So did he want a family...or did he simply want help with Bella? Real help. Not just a nanny to care for his baby, but someone to love her in ways Matt wasn’t sure he could?
CHAPTER NINE
WITH his new questions about Claire confusing him, Matt spent Wednesday trying to avoid her. But how could he when caring for Bella together put them in the same room all the time? When she finally went to bed, he got a few minutes of peace and quiet, but when he entered his bedroom, he could smell her. Her scent wasn’t just in the bathroom anymore. No. It was everywhere.
Thursday morning, Bella seemed to have learned that spitting out her food could be entertaining, so Matt found himself stationed by the high chair, wiping spit food off the tray, putting himself directly in line with Claire’s scent.
After breakfast, they rolled a ball back and forth for an hour, keeping Claire’s scent around him and emphasizing the fact that they didn’t talk.
They couldn’t. Every time they talked, they got to know each other. And when he got to know her, he liked her. But when they didn’t talk, he thought about her. Wondered how a little girl got along without a mom when she had a distant dad. Wondered why she wasn’t bitter, as he was about his family. Wondered how she’d stayed so sweet.
Though he needed to learn everything he could while he had Claire with him, by Thursday afternoon he knew there had to be a better way to handle this. They had to find something to do while they cared for the baby. Something that would occupy their minds enough that he could stop thinking.
He wanted twenty minutes of not thinking. Not about his family, not about Bella and especially not his unwanted attraction to Claire.
He pushed himself away from the desk. “You know what? I think we should spend the rest of the afternoon cooking dinner.”
Claire glanced over. “Cooking dinner?”
“Yeah. I’m getting a little tired of takeout. But we also have to spend time with the baby. So I thought we could put her in the high chair and chitchat with her as we put a roast in the oven.”
She walked the baby over to him. “That’s a great idea. We’ll get dinner, but you’ll also learn how to multitask with a baby.”
“How is that different from regular multitasking?”
“No matter what you’re doing, if Bella needs tending to, she becomes the priority. This is a great way to start seeing that.”
Matt shook his head, unable to stop the laugh that escaped. “Seriously? You think I’m that stupid?”
He expected her to have some kind of funny comeback. Instead, she froze. “You laughed.”
“What you said was either insulting or funny. I chose funny.”
“Okay...” She bit her lip. “It’s just that—” She stopped again.
“What?”
“When we met you never laughed. You smiled a bit, but sort of craftily like you were trying to figure me out. Then you started ‘kind of’ laughing. But not really laughing, more like chuckling. You just really laughed. A genuine laugh. As if you’re happy.”
He headed for the door. “I’m not happy.” He stopped, raked his fingers through his hair, as that damned confusion overwhelmed him again. Technically, he was happy. He liked who he was and what he did. “That’s not to say I’m unhappy. Things are working out with Bella.” He stopped again. What the hell was going on with him? Why did he feel he had to explain himself to her? He strode to the door. “Could we please drop it?”
She raced after him. “Why? I think it’s cute. You like Bella. Or maybe you like the idea of being a dad.” She smiled dreamily. “It’s cute.”
He walked out of the office and toward the kitchen. “It’s not cute. I’m confused.” Realizing he was talking
to her again, admitting things he shouldn’t, he stopped abruptly and she almost plowed into his back. “Could we just forget it?”
“Okay. Sure. I’m certainly not trying to talk about personal things. But I think Bella makes you happy. That’s all I want to say. You don’t have to answer, explain or refute it. It’s just an observation.”
But as they worked together seasoning the roast, peeling potatoes, preparing vegetables to make a salad when the roast was done, she continued to wear that ridiculously dreamy smile. A smile that said she was thrilled all this was working out for Bella.
Bella sat in her high chair, cheerfully banging a rattle on the tray. Claire chopped veggies, dreamily thinking thoughts Matt was absolutely positive he didn’t want to know. And he organized everything, getting rid of his pent-up energy and doing what needed to be done. Like the man of the house.
Damn. There he went again. Thinking about things, his life, in ways that were foreign. He wasn’t a family man. He didn’t want a family.
But he had one.
And he had to admit that with Bella settling in and him growing accustomed to her he did feel...happy.
All these years he’d thought his successes and toys made had him happy. But the new feeling bubbling through him told him they only made him feel successful.
Claire or Bella or maybe Claire and Bella made him happy.
And it scared the snot out of him.
The buzzer for the gate rang and he walked to the intercom. The screen above the row of buttons showed a truck with the Hansen’s Department Store logo on the door.
“Yes.”
“I have a delivery for Matt Patterson.”
“Gate is opening. Come to the front entrance.”
Without looking at Claire, he said, “I’ll take care of this,” and left the room.
* * *
After lighting the burner under the potatoes to cook them for mashed potatoes, Claire fell to the chair near the high chair. “Your daddy is the first person I’ve ever met who didn’t want to be happy.”