by C. J. Birch
Lauren stirred, turning onto her side. Should she wake her or leave her on the couch? It was probably better to wake her. She’d worked a double today and had another shift tomorrow, so the last thing she’d want in that situation was to sleep on some shitty couch.
Hayley reached for the remote, still clutched in Lauren’s hand. But Lauren snuggled it close between her breasts, and Hayley decided not to press her luck. Kalini’s words came back to her at that moment. The words “why not” mixed with the success of the evening and the allure of Lauren asleep on the couch. She brushed the back of her fingers along Lauren’s cheek. Her skin was soft and warm.
Lauren jerked awake, apparently confused for a moment about where she was. She looked over at the movie and then up at Hayley, hovering over her.
“Sorry,” Hayley said. “Did you want to sleep on the couch?”
Lauren sat up, bringing the warmth of slumber with her, close enough they were sharing the same air. Her eyes drifted down to Hayley’s lips and stayed there.
Before Hayley could conjure the sensible adult she knew was lurking behind those three glasses of wine, Lauren reached up and cupped her face, pulling Hayley’s lips to hers. Lauren parted her lips, inviting Hayley in.
And in that second Hayley understood what they meant when everything disappeared. It was like the world stopped to watch that kiss. But not only the world, the planets and the stars. Hayley lost all sense of self as she melted deeper into Lauren.
Hands reached up and circled her neck, bringing her in closer, and it still wasn’t enough. Her mind soared with Lauren, the heat radiating from her body, the faint smell of cucumber from her shampoo, the soft moan escaping and floating up between them.
Lauren sucked Hayley’s bottom lip into her mouth, and she felt it like a jolt. Wetness soaked her thong. Energy was building. Tiny tendrils of pleasure threaded through every inch of her. She couldn’t get enough of Lauren’s taste, smell, every tiny thing that made Lauren Lauren.
When Lauren’s hand began sliding Hayley’s dress up her thigh, Hayley pulled back. The look of surprise and regret on Lauren’s face pulled her back even farther.
“I…”
Lauren sat up, her chest heaving. “I’m sorry.”
Hayley tried so hard not to stare at the cleavage poking above her tank top, she really did, but it was like her eyes were riveted to Lauren’s breasts.
Lauren stood, and Hayley’s eyes followed. “I’m…going to go to bed.” And with that, she rushed out of the room.
Hayley leaned her head back against the couch. “What the fuck was that?”
Chapter Seventeen
Lauren woke to the sound of Hayley in the shower. She lay listening to the water running, imagined it cascading down Hayley’s skin. She pulled a pillow over her face and groaned, wondering how she could so easily picture Hayley naked and surprised by how great that image made her feel.
“What does this mean?” she mumbled into her pillow. She shook that thought off. “Why does it need to mean anything?” She was definitely attracted to Hayley. Like, throw down her gloves, rip her clothes off, shove her onto the bed attracted.
Ramiro had been teasing her about it for a week now, but she’d never actually considered the possibility. Had he seen something she’d failed to spot? Obviously, or he wouldn’t have been teasing her.
She’d only ever been with Ben. They’d met in grade ten and started dating. When she got pregnant the summer after she started university, they’d gotten married. Even after she miscarried, they stayed married. For ten years. After the first two, it was obvious they weren’t going to make it. They shouldn’t have gotten married in the first place. But she’d been young and stupid and hadn’t realized that she’d mistaken fondness for love. Ben was funny, classically handsome, and kind.
When she heard her friends talk about how bad sex was, she just assumed that’s what sex was like for women. It wasn’t until she was older, and those friends had moved on from one-night stands to real relationships, that the story changed. She’d never experienced what Vic and Neal had. The way Vic talked about Neal, you’d think the two could keep an entire block powered.
The water stopped and the curtain opened, and Lauren felt a tingle all the way down to her toes. That kiss had opened the floodgates to something Lauren hadn’t realized she’d been missing her whole life. Lust. Her body had a very good idea of what it wanted to do at that moment. It wanted to throw back the covers, rip open the bathroom door, and push—hopefully still naked—Hayley against the bathroom wall and finish what they’d started on the couch last night.
Her mind had other ideas. Her mind was always the sensible one, and for the last thirty-five years it had been doing the driving. Maybe it was time to switch drivers.
* * *
Lauren dropped onto a bench beside Pete with an air of expectation. She hadn’t seen him since he quit over two months ago. It felt like an amputation of sorts. She’d been with him every day for at least eight years, and then he didn’t exist in her life anymore.
“Being a man of leisure suits you,” she said. “Haven’t seen you this glowy since that time you had a threesome with those twins.”
Pete preened, patting his cheeks. “Well, thanks for the reminder of good times.” His expression turned appraising. “Thankless servitude doesn’t agree with you.”
“Aren’t you the flatterer.”
“How many doubles have you worked this week?”
Lauren held up five fingers like a badge of honour. “Vic’s kids had the flu this week, and Neal’s boss won’t give him time off.”
“You’re such a pushover.”
Lauren looked out at Nathan Phillips Square. The crowd was minimal this time of year. City workers stood in galoshes scraping leaves from the drained fountain. In a couple weeks they would fill it back up with water, which would freeze and become a skating rink flanked by the sixties kitsch of New City Hall and the Romanesque beauty of Old City Hall. Lauren hated the touristy feel of the place. She preferred the Bentway, a rink that ran like a frozen river underneath the Gardiner Expressway. But this was Pete’s favourite place to get street meat.
“I can’t understand why you love this place so much.”
Pete handed her a chicken sausage with mustard and ketchup. “It’s a good place to people-watch.” He picked up his Italian sausage with sauerkraut and pickles and took a huge bite. “Plus, the food is top-notch.” A portion of pickle dropped to the ground. Two pigeons dived for it. The one half-dead covered in a strip of gravy came away with the prize.
Lauren eyed the growing crowd of sky rats, as her dad liked to call them. A semicircle of pigeons were prancing and pecking in front of their bench, vying for any scraps like stray dogs with wings. The cooing filling the gaps of conversation.
“I’m not even going to ask what’s new with you because I know what you’re going to say: nothing.”
“Not true. I’ve been up to lots of things.”
“Sign up for Bake or Die this year?”
Ever since trying one of her miniature gin-and-tonic cakes, shaped like a cocktail glass, he’d been urging her to sign up for one of the most hard-core baking contests in the country. It lasted three days, two rounds each day, and tested bakers with the most extreme challenges. One year, the contestants had to create a four-tiered cake that couldn’t touch the table or ground. The prize was bragging rights and a hundred grand. The catch? The entry fee was a thousand dollars. That was a lot of money to waste on a whim.
“I kissed someone.” She hadn’t meant to blurt it out, but it was the only thing she could think of to distract Pete. Up until she’d sat down, she wasn’t even sure if she was going to mention it. But she needed to talk to someone about it, and Pete was the best person.
Pete threw his hands up. “What is this, the sixth grade? I mean, I know it’s been a while…but give me something better than that.”
“It was a woman. I kissed a woman.”
Pete’s teeth too
k over his face in the biggest grin Lauren had ever seen him make. “Well, that is a horse of a different colour. You’ve been holding out on a brother.” Pete folded his hands under his chin and batted his eyelashes at her. “Soooo, what’s her name?”
“Hayley.”
“The Smurf who replaced me? Damn. Didn’t see that coming.” Off Lauren’s stunned look he said, “I still talk to Theo and Ramiro. They keep me up to date. Isn’t she also living with you now?”
“Only temporarily, until she finds a place.”
“Wow, I leave for two months, and suddenly it’s like Days of our Lives.”
“My life is hardly like Days of our Lives.”
“Maybe not the twenty-first century Days of our Lives. Probably more like the 1950s version, but still. This is a whole new world for you.” He picked up a plastic knife and began crooning the Disney song, soft at first, but two girls on an adjacent bench turned around to watch, and he ramped it up. Lauren buried her face in her hands. She’d forgotten what a showboat Pete could be. He jumped up on the bench, his sausage forgotten for the time being, and really began belting, his voice echoing throughout the square.
There was only a smattering of applause when he finished. This was probably one of the least strange things most people would see that day.
“So, are you going to kiss her again?” He picked up his sausage from the end of the bench just as a brave pigeon hopped onto the edge, eyeing the meat.
She was saved from answering by a round of applause for a skateboarder who’d misjudged and landed in the dregs of the leaf-infested fountain. One of the city workers pointed to the sign next to the man, which warned that wading was prohibited.
Pete stuffed the last of his lunch into his mouth. “You didn’t answer my question.”
“No. I’m not going to kiss her again. It was a one-time thing.” Although she’d like to kiss her again, it wasn’t practical. “We work together, and at least for the time being, we’re roommates.”
Pete wiped his mouth. “The air must be getting kind of stale in that bubble of yours.”
“What does that mean?”
He grabbed both Lauren’s arms and shook her a little. “Aren’t you tired of watching other people live their lives? All you do is work. As far as I know, I’m the only person you hang out with, besides Vic occasionally, and we haven’t seen each other in over two months.”
A couple months ago, she would’ve thought Pete was being ridiculous. Her life was great. She had her dad, a job she liked enough, and good people she worked with. Her life was almost stress free. What else did she need? But since Hayley had started working at the diner, things had started to change. She hadn’t even noticed it at first, but looking back, she envied the lives of her coworkers, and it had started with Hayley.
Lauren had overheard Hayley and Theo discussing their weekend plans, and for the first time the idea of going out sounded fun.
“I’m not even going to ask the last time you got laid, because I don’t want to know. But I want you to think about it.”
“Not everyone’s life is about getting laid.”
“True, but most people’s lives include a little fun, and getting laid is fun.” He waved Lauren’s next comment away. “That’s all I’m going to say about it. Think about rejoining the real world.”
Later that night, Lauren sat on the roof people-watching. She was wrapped in a colourful quilt Greta had left behind, trying to recall when exactly she’d stopped living her life. It was as if at some point she’d climbed into that glass ball Pete had mentioned and become an observer instead of a participant. But she couldn’t figure out when. Perhaps it had been a slow transition. She’d stopped dating after Ben. The payout wasn’t worth the gut-wrenching pain she’d gone through. She’d stopped going out as much when she became manager. But was that an excuse she could use? After Greta died she’d pretty much given up on going out at all. It was easier to stay curled up on her roof looking down at other people enjoying their lives.
When had easy become the goal?
* * *
Almost twenty-four hours had passed since their kiss. Hayley found herself reliving it throughout moments of the day. She hadn’t been scheduled to work today, but Theo had called and asked that she take his evening shift. It had done a good job of keeping her thoughts off her mind-blowing kiss with Lauren. Almost. She’d burned some guy’s burger because she was trying to recall how high Lauren’s hand had travelled up her thigh before she’d stopped her. The rest of the day she dwelled on why she had.
Hayley hadn’t seen Lauren all day, and the longer she went without seeing her, the more nervous she got. Would it be awkward? Hayley sighed. Of course it would be awkward. She wasn’t surprised to see Lauren out when she got off work. She was probably avoiding her.
And this was why Hayley had stopped Lauren. Even if Lauren wasn’t straight, the complications of why it would never work were mounting.
The door swung open, banging against the wall as a burst of air followed Lauren into the apartment. She had a colourful quilt wrapped around her shoulders and ratty slippers on her feet.
She pointed to the ceiling. “I’ve been on the roof…It’s a good place to think.”
Hayley stood rooted, letting her gaze rove over Lauren like she hadn’t seen her in weeks. All the daydreams she’d had that day couldn’t compare to the real thing. Even with her windblown hair, lack of makeup, and general dishevelment, Lauren was beautiful. Hayley’s decision to distance herself was warring with the sight of Lauren.
Lauren focused on Hayley’s hair, which she’d shoved into a quick ponytail. “I still can’t get over your hair.”
Hayley skimmed her hairline with her hand. “The blue was starting to fade. I thought it was time for a change.” She stopped herself short of asking if it looked okay. That sounded too needy. Part of her really did want to know if Lauren liked it, but she’d never lived her life caring what people thought of her, and she wasn’t about to start now.
“Mission accomplished.” Lauren took a step forward. “It looks…” She was about to twirl a strand between her fingers, but Hayley took a step back, panicking.
Hayley hated that things were now awkward between them. “I…” She stood frozen, undecided whether she should mention the kiss. Lauren’s light-brown eyes searched her face, mirroring the indecision Hayley felt.
“It’s okay,” said Lauren. “We don’t have to talk about it. I mean, unless you want to.”
“I don’t.” A whole chunk of Hayley’s past was fighting with her common sense. After Violet, she’d vowed never to date straight girls again. She didn’t need to be someone’s experiment; the fallout was too harsh. Violet was just the last in a long line of bad ideas. Hayley liked Lauren, and for that reason she wanted to keep things friendly.
Lauren’s whole demeanour sagged, and Hayley rushed to reassure her. “It’s not that I didn’t like it. I did. It’s just…”
“You don’t want it to be awkward.”
“Right.”
“Because we work together.”
“And live together—temporarily, of course.”
Lauren touched Hayley’s arm. “It’s already awkward.”
Hayley sighed. She was much better at hiding the mess in the closet. Lauren’s attempt to bring everything out in the open to show how unorganized life and relationships could get wasn’t something she could deal with. “It doesn’t have to be awkward.” She shrugged and took a step back. “It happened. No big deal. We’re friends, right?” Hayley stuck her hand out, holding it toward Lauren until she took it and smiled.
“Sure, we’re friends.”
Hayley let go of the warm hand and took another step back. “I’m…I’m going to go read for a bit.” She turned and fled to her bedroom and threw herself on her bed. What a disaster. Could this day get any worse?
She heard a chime and checked her phone. A text from her sister Hannah: Roll out the red carpet and get the Doritos ready. I’m coming fo
r a visit.
Shit. And the day just got so much worse.
Chapter Eighteen
Hannah’s voice carried through the kitchen window without much effort. Her sister had always been a loud talker. She wasn’t even addressing Hayley, she was ordering herbal tea, but Hayley couldn’t miss it. She finished prepping the tomatoes and wiped her hands on a towel.
“Is it okay if I take a few minutes, Ramiro? My sister’s here for a visit.”
He shooed her away with the flick of his hand. “We’re not busy.” He poked his head up and looked through the window. “She the one that looks like she’s having a litter?”
Hayley grinned. “The one ordering tea at the top of her lungs? Yeah. That’s her.”
“She’s cute.” He moved his spatula in the general direction of Hayley. “What happened?”
“Very funny.”
As soon as Hayley poked her head out, Hannah squealed. It was also the same moment Lauren entered the diner. Hayley’s attention was immediately engaged, and she stumbled coming around the corner of the counter. Her face heated. Why couldn’t she react like a normal human being for once? Scratch that. Why did she have to react like a teenager? Why couldn’t she pull her shit together like an adult? Like Hannah, who had gotten her shit together the second she turned ten.
Hannah pushed herself up off her stool and practically crashed into Hayley. “Your hair is a fairly normal colour. My God, how long has it been since you’ve had hair that wasn’t the colour you’d find in a box of Froot Loops?” Hayley’s face heated, because, of course, the whole diner had heard that remark. “It looks really good.” Hannah pulled Hayley’s black beanie off her head to inspect it further. “Fuck, it’s good to see you.” She pulled Hayley in for another hug and whispered in her ear. “The hair change wouldn’t happen to have anything to do with the woman standing behind me, would it?”