by Anthology
"Actually, it'll be no use on the trip. I got her fixed so when I take off, the cord down at the base will come unplugged and--"
"Well, Polly must be ready by now." Orville gave up. Polly was right. Harold was insane.
Orville tried to turn on the ladder so that he could climb back down. His foot slipped. He spread his arms to keep from falling through the hole and knocked over the pile of bread.
"Watch out!" Harold yelped.
"I'm all right." Orville felt a slight tingle.
"Yes, but you--" Harold's voice trailed off with dismay. The light in his hand had gone out, but Orville didn't think of what this meant at the time.
There was light coming through the door below and Orville climbed down. Darn! He pulled out his handkerchief and tried to brush the dust off his lapels. He'd have to change suits, and that meant changing his socks and tie, and he was supposed to meet those people about that deal on Maplehurst Extension at nine. Well, he'd be late. He leaned out of the door.
"Orville!" shouted Harold. "Come back! Don't step out there!"
* * * * *
A lot of fog was blowing down past the nose of the ship. Orville wondered where it came from. He stuck his foot out, reaching for the ladder. He heard Harold scrambling down from above and he wanted to get away from that madman. He reached farther. Harold grabbed his arm.
Then the fog cleared away and Orville swayed dizzily, gaping at where he had almost stepped. They had been going through a cloud. Now he looked down at dazzling clouds in the bright October sun and between them he saw the streets of Parkville, very neat, just like the map hanging in the office.
He dropped back inside and lay weakly on the floor. He grabbed one of the pipes and shakily clung to it.
"What happened?" he stammered.
"Hit the main switch." Harold was reaching out for the door handle. He banged the door shut with a concussion that burst inside Orville's head. "We took off."
* * * * *
It was dark in there, at first; then Orville saw a dim violet light that filled the inside of the ship.
He followed Harold up the ladder into the nose of the ship and sank to the floor. Harold was twiddling with some knobs mounted on the dashboard of the junked car.
"Boy!" Orville pulled out his handkerchief again and swabbed his forehead. He tried to wipe the grime from his hands. "And I've never even been in an airplane!"
"Me either." Harold pounded on the dashboard. A meter didn't seem to be working. "There ... guess I can open her up a little."
"Hey, wait! Take me back!"
Harold moved a knob an eighth of a turn. He switched on the scope and waited for it to warm up. He took off his glasses and wiped them, squinting at Orville with that one bad eye.
"Turn it around and take me back!"
"But I can't, Orville." Harold put on the glasses and looked into the scope. "It's working!"
"I demand it! You've made me late for the office as it is!"
"Sure looks different from the map," Harold said. "Must be the East Coast. There's Florida sticking out there."
He snapped off the scope and sat opposite Orville. He opened the thermos and poured coffee into the cap.
"Been so busy, didn't have my breakfast." He held out the cap to Orville. "I take mine without sugar."
Orville shook his head. "Do I understand--"
"Ugh! It's hot!" Harold put down the coffee and rummaged in some brown paper bags. "Should be some glazed doughnuts.... Shoot! Bet I left them in the kitchen!"
* * * * *
Orville faced him firmly. "You've shown me it'll fly. I believe you. Now I give you one more chance--take me back!"
"But I can't!" Harold protested.
"There are laws about this sort of thing, my friend. This is abduction. Kidnapping. You know what the penalty is for that?"
"Well, gee, I didn't mean to take you along, Orville. You hit that switch--"
"It's criminal negligence, leaving a switch out there like that where it could be hit by accident!"
"Had to put it there so I could reach up from below and work it."
Orville balled his fists and stood squarely. Funny--it was no trouble at all, standing and walking around. If he hadn't seen those clouds, and the landscape sinking away, he'd swear the two of them were still in Harold's back yard.
"Do you take me back," he said, "or do I have to break every--"
"But I can't!" Harold grasped his wrist pleadingly. "I got her set up in a sequence. If I tried to change the sequence now, why--" He shuddered. "I haven't got any idea what might happen!"
Orville sat back down.
"I'm sorry." The weak way Harold said it made Orville feel worse than ever.
"Me! Trapped up here in this thing with you!" Orville said bitterly. "You can't even drive a car! You're just about the worst driver I know!"
"I know," Harold admitted. "But this is safer than a car. Besides, out where we're going, there'll be no traffic problem." He gave his inane giggle. "Far as I know, there's no one else at all!"
"And the neighborhood back there. Probably all blown to pieces. Polly. The house. My car! I got complete coverage on it, but who ever heard of a car wrecked by a spaceship? When we get back, if my insurance doesn't cover it, I'll sue you!"
"There's nothing hurt at all," Harold said. "Unless someone had his hand on the ship when we took off. I'd planned to have 'em stand back."
* * * * *
Orville closed his eyes. Something was crossing and crisscrossing inside him like two rings tossed back and forth by jugglers. It was not painful, but it was disturbing. Something must be going wrong. He didn't trust Harold's mechanical ability. In the past ten years, Harold had been fired from a couple of filling station jobs because of blunders, once for leaving the plug out of a crank case, and once for botching up a flat tire repair.
"Running kind of rough, isn't she?" Orville said. "What makes this little--" He circled his hands sickly in front of his stomach.
Harold closed his eyes and made similar circles. "Oh, that's this counter-grav of mine. You see, the gravitation of the Earth--"
"Can't you do anything about it?" Orville was in no mood to listen to one of Harold's lectures.
"I could move her over so we couldn't feel it, but it would be shaking the ship then. Might tear it apart."
"Won't it tear us apart?"
"I don't think so. We got more give to us than the ship has." Harold was able to drink the coffee now. "No, I don't think I've done a bad job on this. First time a machine is built, you're bound to run into a few bugs. But this is working, so far, even better than I expected."
"Yeah," Orville had to admit, "it ain't bad--for a guy with no mechanical ability whatever."
II
Harold had opened the ship up a little more, and according to him, they were now moving eighteen thousand miles per hour or so, approximately. Orville had tried to drink some water from a milk bottle, but the sight of the water, bouncing in rhythm to the invisible circles in his stomach, had given him nausea.
Harold knelt on the floor, smoothing out a soiled sheet of paper. In the center was a small circle, labeled in Harold's sloppy handwriting "Earth." An arrow showed the direction of the Earth's motion around the Sun. Outside this was a larger circle labeled "Orbit of Moon." A spiral reached out from the Earth to intersect the Moon's orbit.
"Had the darnedest time drawing this," Harold said. "Got it out of an astronomy book. Let's Look at the Stars by someone. Thirty-five cents. Let's see now."
He wet the point of the pencil and made a mark. He scratched his head and erased the mark and made another.
"Harold, another thing," said Orville. "I weigh around one ninety-five. Won't that take a lot of extra gas?"
"Nope. Doesn't matter if you weigh a ton. According to my counter-grav principle--"
"Won't it get stuffy in here with two of us?"
"Why, I have some oxygen. That welding place in back of the garage where I work--got a tank off them.
Had to pay cash, but I can turn in the empty when we get back."
"You sure one tank'll be enough?"
"Well--" Harold flushed guiltily. "You won't say anything about this? I took along several extra tanks, just to make sure. I wasn't stealing. You see, I figure I might make some money out of this thing."
"Say!" Orville hadn't thought of this angle before. "You really could."
"And there should be plenty of food. Let me see now." He fished in his pocket and brought out a piece of brown wrapping paper. "I'll run over the list and make sure I didn't forget something." He glanced up sharply. "Relax! Make yourself to home. And the little boy's room is down there." He squinted at the paper. "Water. There's plenty. Six family-size cans pork and beans. Charged 'em." He ran through the list, mumbling, then looked up brightly. "Yep. Looks all right. Nope, there's one thing I forgot. Stickum plaster! Doggone. Never go anywhere without my first aid kit. Never know what's liable to happen."
"Y'know, Harold," Orville said, "I'm beginning to see some possibilities in this trip. First man on the Moon. Think of the fuss they made over Lindy and Wrong-way Corrigan. The guys who climbed Mount Everest. Why, that was nothing!"
"Course, I'm not doing this for fame. Or money, either."
"Then why are you doing it?"
Harold stared vaguely toward where the Moon would be if they could see it. "I guess ... because it's there."
"Huh! Well, don't forget I'm in on it, too."
* * * * *
Some time later, when the Moon first appeared on the scope, about the size of a basketball, Harold indulged in a mild spree. He opened some pineapple juice. Orville did not feel like drinking any. In fact, he felt ill.
"Space sickness," Harold said. "Lot of bread is good for that. Stuff yourself with it. Just think--back there on Earth, they're going about their business and no one knows that we're out here heading for the Moon. Just think--if I'd call them on the radio and report making first contact with the Moon--"
"Harold, one thing. How're you going to get her down?"
"Naval observatory would be the people to call, I guess. They'd notify the President and they'd interrupt the TV programs--I thought of putting a radio in here, but I'd already gone way over my budget."
"How do you plan to land her?"
"And wouldn't those guys at the Atomic Energy Commission have red faces! You know, I wrote them, asking to use some of their energy and--darn these government bureaus!--they never even had the courtesy to answer my letter!"
"Listen--"
"And the birds at the college! When I took that navigation chart to the astronomy department to see if they'd check it for me, they blew up! Acted like I had no business flying to the Moon. Acted like they owned the thing. Bunch of smart-alecs! With their double-talk! Knew less than I did when I went there."
He looked at his watch. "I'm going to have a snack and then I'll get some sleep. That's one good thing about having you along. Now I can sleep and not have to worry."
As Harold sawed at the top of a can of beans with the can-opener. Orville closed his eyes. Instantly, he saw the ship, heading for the Moon, and then there was a blinding flash. He opened his eyes. Harold was digging into the can with a spoon, munching away.
"Just brought one." Harold waved the spoon. "But I'm not poison. Better have some of these beans. They'll stick to your ribs."
Orville crawled to the door leading to the other compartment, flung it open and leaned there a while. He sat up, rubbing his eyes. Harold was wiping the spoon on a piece of brown paper.
"Last call!" Harold giggled and pushed the can to Orville. Orville pushed it away and closed his eyes and sat, holding his middle. When he opened them, Harold was sleeping.
Orville crawled over and shook him. "How soon do you want me to wake you up?"
Harold sat up. "Oh, my gosh! I forgot! Why, don't let me sleep more than four hours."
* * * * *
He went to sleep again. Orville sat back. He could see it. Harold, watching the Moon grow bigger and bigger on that scope, until they were right on it, then turning with a surprised look: Oh, my gosh! I forgot something! Then he'd give that giggle and there'd be that crash....
Orville's watch said two hours, but he wasn't sure. Maybe he'd slept and the hand had gone clear around. He kept seeing that flash. Some amateur astronomer, looking at the Moon right then, might see it. He'd be a bungler, like Harold, and it wouldn't be much of a telescope. He was always seeing flashes in the thing, from cars or lightning bugs or from the kitchen door, because his wife was there yelling at him, just like Rosie yelling at Harold. For they always married women like Rosie, or they made women turn that way. Polly, now, she nagged all the time, but that was different!
Orville drank some water and ate some bread, and when he swallowed, he felt that circular bump-bump grab the bread and chop away at it, just like Polly feeding stale bread into the meat chopper to make stuffing.
I have no business being out here, he moaned.
Here he was riding to the Moon with a tinkering idiot who couldn't fix a kitchen faucet or locate a blown fuse in the basement. Streams of moisture were trickling down the wall. The metal felt cold, like the window of the car on a day when you needed the heater and defroster. Was something going wrong?
Maybe they were out of oxygen. He listened to Harold snoring. Once Harold took a quick breath, and strangled, and turned his head restlessly. His glasses were slipping off.
Orville looked at his watch. He couldn't believe that just five minutes had gone by since he'd looked at it last. He could hear Harold's two-dollar watch ticking away, almost as loud as his own. His was gaining on Harold's and then they were ticking together so that the combined pounding sent echoes through the ship. He tried to crawl.
He couldn't move.
"Harold!" The ticking of the watches drowned out his voice. "We're in trouble! We're out of oxygen! Help!"
It was like a bad dream. Then something woke him: Harold, stumbling across his legs, turning on the scope and waiting, breathing hard, for it to come to life.
Harold saw that he was awake. "You went to sleep! You shoulda woke me. It's been six hours!"
Orville said nothing.
"We may be clear past the Moon by now," Harold grumbled.
* * * * *
Orville turned his face to the wall. He heard the hiss as Harold ran in fresh oxygen. "Shoot! Better go down and hook up a new tank." Harold clanked around in the other end of the ship and came back.
"How far out are we?" asked Orville.
"Not far. I'm cutting down the speed some."
"Uh ... how do you plan to take her down?"
"That's an interesting point, now. Let's see...."
"Wouldn't it be better if we just flew up close, not too close, and then headed for home? Of course, there's that problem back there, too."
"Don't you want the beans? I'll eat 'em then."
"But I'd feel better crashing on the Earth, somehow, than on the Moon--"
"Who says we're going to crash? There are several ways to set her down. Head first, tail first, but I guess I'll lay her in sideways. It'll be easier to crawl outside."
"What?"
"Sure." Harold was munching beans. Then he rummaged in the supplies and brought out a jar of peaches. He drank off some of the juice. "Rosie never gets enough sugar in these to suit me." The peaches slid off the spoon. He dug in with his fingers and brought out a slice. "Point of the whole thing. Explore. Look around." He tilted the jar to his mouth and let slices fall into his mouth. "Pick up some samples of rocks and things."
"You can get rocks right around home."
"But these are different. These weigh only a quarter as much as the rocks on Earth. Or is it a sixth?"
"In that case--" Orville started gathering up empty bags and cans and putting them into a soup carton.
"What're you doing?"
"Cleaning the place up a little. We can get rid of some of this trash."
"Don't throw tho
se out! I paid a deposit on them." Harold pulled out the empty milk bottles and put them back in the case.
III
Harold had said the landing would be as gentle as laying a baby in its cradle. It wasn't exactly.
He said: "There!"
"Are we down?"
Harold nodded. Orville let go of the railing he'd been hanging onto. Harold unplugged something.
The ship went dark and started rolling. It was a slow, drunken roll and as noisy as an oil drum going down the court house steps. There was a final hard blow; then the ship rocked and lay still.
Orville sat up. He could hear Harold scrambling about, and then a flashlight came on.
"What happened?"
"Must have landed on the side of a mountain. Rolled down when I turned off our counter-grav. Shoot!" Harold held up something. "Broke a lens in my glasses. There's another trip to the eye-doctor's."
Orville rescued a couple of bottles that were spilling water. Everything else seemed to be all right. The ship lay on its side now and Harold was crawling through the hole leading to the other compartment. When Orville got through, Harold was hauling something from the other end of the ship.
"What we waiting for?" Orville put his hand on the handle of the outer door. "Last one out is a--"
"Wait a minute! You gotta wear this thing." Harold was laying out a spacesuit. He explained how it worked. He didn't object a great deal when Orville volunteered to go out first.
"We can take turns." Harold helped Orville slide his feet into the thing and pull it on. It fitted Orville rather tightly in places, but it seemed to be all right.
"Be careful now." Harold squinted at him through the one lens of his glasses. "Don't tear her on a rock or anything. You'd pop like a kid's balloon."
"Wait a minute!"
Harold paused, holding the helmet.
"I can't go through with it," Orville said. "I was planning a mean trick on you. I was going to be the first man."
"What difference does that make? We're both in on it together." Harold clapped the helmet down on Orville's shoulders. He tightened some clamps and leaned close and said something which Orville could not hear. Then Orville saw that he wanted to shake hands, so Orville shook his hand.