Burn It Down

by Jess Anastasi

  “Okay, well, let us know if there’s anything else we can do for you,” he said, trailing Jared out into the main office, where luckily Hallie was on the phone and not likely to overhear them. Not that anything he said would be worth overhearing, but he wanted Jared to himself for just one more minute, as stupid as that was. “We’re just a phone call away.”

  Fifteen minutes ago he would have risked asking if they could at least exchange numbers, maybe go out for a beer sometime. But with Jared practically turning to ice and giving him the brush-off, there was no way he wanted to put himself out there now, only to get stomped down.

  “Thanks,” Jared replied distractedly as they reached the doorway. “It was nice meeting you.”

  Jared turned and held out his hand. Troy got the feeling it was more out of automatic politeness, but as soon as their palms pressed together, Jared lifted his head to meet his eyes once again.

  As he held on to Jared’s hand for just a moment longer than necessary, some of that spark kindled to life in his eyes again, and he seemed to suck in a short breath. He pulled back, though, shooting out a quick farewell and then hurrying down the few steps to the ground and heading for the trail leading to the lake… presumably where he’d left his own vehicle since he’d been riding around in the ranger SUV all morning.

  Troy clenched his jaw over a curse and debated whether to call after Jared to offer him a ride, but he got the distinct feeling he’d only get a refusal. And he hadn’t been lying. He had a shit-ton of work to get through, not even counting whatever call-outs he was likely to get over the day and his plan to go pick up all those empty beer bottles.

  He shook his head at himself as he turned and headed back into the rangers’ office instead of standing there watching Jared walk away like he really wanted to. Whatever this morning had been, whatever thing that’d leaped to life inside him at meeting Jared, it was probably a one-off. Chances were he’d never see Jared again anyway. Or if he did—since Everness was such a tiny town—it’d only be in passing, and they likely wouldn’t have much reason to talk.

  Pity, his mind insisted. Because for the first time since Jeanie had walked out on him, meeting Jared had made him acutely aware of how alone he was feeling.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  AFTER DETOURING to the campground and hastily gathering all the empty beer bottles to put in the trash while avoiding Aaron’s dad, Jared made his way back to his truck determinedly not looking for a certain park ranger as he walked.

  He also very deliberately didn’t examine why he went and picked up the empties, beyond the simplicity of it being his responsibility to prevent fires and the fact Troy clearly had enough work on his plate without adding garbage collection to the list.

  He knew he’d left the guy confused when he pulled the hot-and-cold act, then hightailed it outta there like his ass was on fire. But he also didn’t think Troy would want him to reel out the old it’s-not-you-it’s-me routine, no matter how true it might have been.

  Spending the morning with Troy had been like a vacation from reality. The guy was intense but sweet in a grumbly kind of way that did lots of good gooey things to Jared’s insides. He’d been avoiding the broad-shouldered, big-muscles thing recently, mostly preferring guys his own size, if not an outright twink when the mood struck him. But Troy was different. Those muscles hadn’t been earned in a gym, and they weren’t for vanity’s sake. That body had been cut and honed by the unrelenting Texas outdoors, by necessity and respect for his role in keeping people safe within the national forest.

  If he were at any other point in his life, if not for all the complicated shit he had going on, then he would have jumped all that in a second flat, despite Troy’s apparent uncertainty and probable innocence when it came to all things gay.

  The phone call had been like getting yanked back into reality at a million miles an hour. It wasn’t unlike the other half-dozen calls he’d gotten every day for the last week. He’d learned pretty quickly to stop answering them, knowing he’d hear nothing more on the other end of the line than silence and maybe a hitched breath or two.

  At first he’d put it down to a persistent wrong number, or one of those stupid automated telemarketer machines malfunctioning. Except on the third day he’d thought maybe he’d caught a sharp intake of breath when he’d gotten annoyed about it and—not really thinking anyone was actually on the other end of the line—had let loose a string of very inventive and graphic ways the constant calling could go to hell.

  The realization had left him more than a little unsettled, and when he’d gone back through his call log and checked, it’d been obvious the calls were coming around the same time every day, almost in a pattern. It’d gotten to the point he dreaded hearing his phone ring, but considering his profession, he didn’t exactly have the option of simply turning it off. Even leaving it on silent risked him missing an important call, especially when he was away from the station while on duty.

  The fact that spending time with Troy had made him forget about the impending phone call was amazing enough in itself. But then the call had come and reminded him he was going to have to do something about it, because the whole thing was getting downright creepy, even if he was still holding on to the hope it was just a mix-up, a malfunction, or some stupid prank.

  He hadn’t answered any of the calls in the past two days and even tried googling the number to see if he could get a name to go with it, but that’d proven fruitless.

  Since yesterday, he’d started debating the idea of bringing it up with his new friend, Jake Perez, one of the town’s deputies. A few months ago, he’d gotten caught up in a hostage situation with Jake, along with his boyfriend, Danny, and two other guys, Gabe—an FBI agent—and Matt, whom he’d kept in contact with even though they lived in San Francisco. Maybe now was a good time to finally take them up on the offer of spending a weekend on the west coast.

  He shook his head at the impromptu holiday plans. Now was the worst possible time to ask for vacation days with the hot weather dragging on and the risk of fire mounting every day. Not only did he know for sure the station chief would deny him, he’d also never ask, because if something big did go down while he was gone, his absence could mean the difference between life and death for someone.

  Leaving the park, he checked in with the chief to let him know he was taking a detour, before heading home to shower off the sweat and lake water from his unplanned dip. When he walked into the house, however, he was surprised to find not only Tate, home from his volunteer job at the local retirement home teaching art classes, but his younger brother also wasn’t alone.

  “Del!” he exclaimed as his adopted brother jumped up from the couch to hug-tackle him. “What are you doing here? Don’t tell me something went down out here that requires the Crisis Negotiation Unit?”

  “Nah, nothing that exciting ever happens in Ever-ass, Texas.” Del sent him a shit-eating grin as he stepped back.

  “You are, of course, discounting the fact that Jared saved people’s lives in the middle of a hostage situation last year,” Tate put in from where he was sitting on the couch with a can of soda.

  “When are you going to stop bringing that up?” he asked in a long-suffering voice. Neither of the people shot that day had been critical… well, Gabe had been serious, but not circling the drain or anything. He’d saved other people from much more dire circumstances over his years with the EFD, but because this story had made national news headlines, Tate seemed intent on reminding him of it every five minutes.

  “Aw, come on.” Del ruffled his hair before he could shove him back. “Let little Tatey-boy have his hero worship. Not his fault his life is so dull.”

  “Shut up, brother-cousin!” Tate launched himself off the couch and tackled Del into the armchair, leaving them both laughing and trying to one-up each other. The brother-cousin thing had been a running joke between them all since they’d been teens, whenever they wanted to make Del out to be some redneck hick, which he very definitely was
n’t. His mom had been from Alabama, and though he’d only been four when his parents died, he’d kept some of her speech patterns. Del had the thickest accent out of them all, the slow drawling twang even more pronounced when he was tired or drunk.

  Jared grabbed Tate by the collar and hauled him back as the low table wedged between the armchair and couch shifted, making the lamp on top of it rattle alarmingly.

  “Down, boys!” he taunted, gently tossing Tate back onto the couch. “Seriously, though, what’s going on, Del?”

  Del shrugged as he pushed a flop of light brown hair off his forehead. “Unexpectedly got a few weeks off. The CNU have loaned me out to some kind of special taskforce being put together. I’m between assignments, you could say.”

  Del was obviously trying to downplay it, but he could see in his brother’s eyes—it was a big deal. “That sounds great. What kind of taskforce?”

  “Haven’t got all the deets yet, but something to do with combating home-grown terrorist groups.”

  “Like those neo-Nazi assholes?” Tate asked, retrieving his soda from where he’d left it on the coffee table.

  “Something like that. Apparently they’ve pulled together some of their top Texas Rangers from across the spec-ops groups: me and Sienna Carr from CNU, a couple of guys from the Ranger Reconnaissance teams, plus bomb squad and the SRT—special response team.”

  Tate had straightened on the couch, staring at Del with obvious admiration. “If they picked you, that makes you the best of the best, right?”

  Del rubbed the back of his neck, a light tinge of red coloring his cheeks at the obvious praise. Del wasn’t one to seek attention; he was the kind of guy who went above and beyond but simply considered it doing his job.

  “Dunno about that. What I do know is it’s being run by Grayson Decker.”

  “Gray Decker!” Tate practically bounced off the couch. Not that Jared could blame him. Gray Decker had become somewhat of an unofficial Texas celebrity after his picture had been snapped rescuing two cute little twin girls in matching dresses and blond pigtails from a school shooting. The picture had gone viral, and Decker had become the poster boy for the Texas Ranger SWAT teams. “They should make movies about him. He looks so hot in his SWAT uniform.”

  Del threw a cushion at Tate. “That’s my boss you’re talking about, asswipe. I’ve met him once or twice before, and I just can’t see him that way. He’s not my type.”

  Tate caught the pillow and fell sideways on the couch with a huff. “How can he not be your type? He’s everyone’s type.”

  Del stood up and gently pulled the cushion back. “Does this mean you’re out now?”

  Tate slowly sat up, passing a wary glance between the two of them. “I haven’t told Mom and Dad, and I’m not planning to anytime soon. Not after—”

  Tate sent Jared an apologetic frown, so he sat down and dropped an arm around his younger brother, pulling him in for a quick hug.

  “We’re not going to hold it against you if you don’t tell Mom and Dad. Del never officially did.”

  “I still don’t think they’ve figured it out either,” Del put in. “The few times I’ve talked to them in the last couple of years, Mom still tells me all about Penny Talbot, like she’s just waiting for us to announce our engagement.”

  Penny Talbot had lived across the street from them and gotten a hopeless crush on Del when she was fifteen that she never quite seemed to get over, even when Del had made out with one of the guys from the swim team in front of everyone at the after-prom party senior year.

  “Thanks, guys,” Jared taunted in exasperation as he snatched the cushion from Del. “I’ll just wear all the gay disappointment by myself.”

  He batted Del in the head with the pillow, almost sending him toppling off the coffee table.

  “I’m sorry, Jared,” Tate said in a small voice. “I’ll tell them if it’ll make it easier—”

  “No!” He yanked Tate in closer and tighter for a second before letting him go. “I was kidding. You come out the way that’s right for you, and don’t let anyone else make you feel like you owe them anything. Don’t let them take any part of you, no matter how small, or even if we’re talking about Mom and Dad.”

  “You’ve got us,” Del added, clasping a hand on Tate’s knee. “And we’re awesome. So screw everyone else.”

  Tate laughed, though the sound had a sniffle to it. “Thanks, guys.”

  “And now as much as I’d love to spend the afternoon slacking off with you two, I’m still on duty and need to get back to the firehouse.”

  “Why did you come home?” Tate asked with a slight frown as Jared got to his feet.

  “Spent the morning out at the Sam Houston National Forest checking their fire management requirements. Not only am I sweaty as hell, but I took an unplanned swim in the lake to help a couple of kids who got in trouble when their johnboat started sinking.”

  “You just can’t help it, can you?” Del said with a shake of his head and mock disappointment.

  “Help what?” he asked in confusion.

  “Being a big damn hero.”

  He crossed his arms and glared at Del. “Like you can talk, Mr. Texas Ranger. Anyway, it’s not like I pulled it all off by myself. A park ranger arrived in time to help me get the kids from the water.”

  “Park ranger, huh?” Tate muttered around a sip of soda. “Was it a hot park ranger? Someone sexy enough to draw you out of your self-imposed sex-exile? Sexile?”

  “You have a one-track mind.” He turned his glare onto his youngest brother. Unfortunately, he couldn’t do anything about the fidgeting that was sure to give him away.

  “What do you expect? I’m eighteen and horny as hell. All the decent gay men in this town are either taken, way too deep in the closet, or related to me.” Tate looked him up and down before grinning. “It was a hot park ranger, wasn’t it?”

  “Shut up,” he muttered. “I’m going to take a shower.”

  He left Tate and Del laughing their asses off at him, but as he reached his bedroom door, Del caught up with him.

  “Jared, wait up a sec.”

  He turned to lean against the doorjamb as Del stopped in front of him.

  “Tate might have a point.”

  He opened his mouth to tell Del exactly where he could shove that comment, but his brother held a hand up to stop him.

  “Maybe not a serious point. But come on, how long are you going to keep punishing yourself over Kevin?”

  He pushed off from the doorway and stalked into his room. “I’m not punishing myself. I’m being sensibly cautious.”

  “And that involves you being alone forever?” Del followed him in and stood in the middle of the room with his arms crossed. “You stop living your life on account of that asshole and he still wins.”

  The statement hit a little too close to the truth, even though he wanted to deny it, and left him stinging. “It’s not about winning. And considering he’s out of my life for good and I don’t plan on ever speaking to him again, this conversation is pointless.”

  Del stared at him long enough to leave him squirming. Obviously his brother wasn’t taking anything he said at face value.

  “It’s not pointless if it’s still affecting you. Do you still have nightmares?”

  He turned to his closet and yanked out a clean EFD uniform far harder than necessary. “Del, we’ve been over this. I saw a therapist. I’m getting on with my life. Sorry if I’m doing that too slowly for you.”

  Del stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. “It’s not about that, and you know it. I love you, and as long as you’re happy, then so am I. Just wanted to make sure you weren’t missing the opportunity of a hot park ranger because of your piece-of-shit ex-boyfriend.”

  “He probably wasn’t even gay, and he’s even busier with work than I am. Not exactly great relationship material on either end.”

  Del let him go but grinned as he stepped back. “I think the gay man doth protest too much.”


  “Whatever, you moron. Go help Tate figure out his shit. He can’t spend the rest of his life working volunteer hours painting with a bunch of old people.”

  “Challenge accepted.” Del sent him a sarcastic salute and left the room, hollering for Tate as he went.

  Jared sighed as he went into the bathroom and got the shower running to heat up the water. So maybe he was on the outs with his parents, but Del and Tate had tried to fill the hole, being there for him in ways most brothers weren’t. It probably helped none of them were straight—Del didn’t like labels so hadn’t settled on an identifier for himself, though he knew Del had dated both men, women, and a nonbinary person for a while. He wasn’t sure where Tate was at, other than he was obviously attracted to men. Not that it really mattered. Their sexuality didn’t define them; it was simply a part of who they were, like Del’s light brown hair or Tate’s artistic ability.

  When the water finally warmed up, he adjusted the temperature, then stepped under the spray, trying to get back on an even keel since Del bringing up Kevin had thrown him.

  Was Del right? He’d thought he was being sensibly cautious, protecting his heart, wanting to ensure the next relationship he entered was the complete opposite to what he’d had with Kevin. But was he still letting the guy control his life choices, even though he’d vowed the day he’d walked out of their apartment he’d never let Kevin have any power over him again?

  Unbidden, his thoughts took him back to the moment earlier that day when he’d been sitting on the counter in the kitchen with Troy brushing against his side, holding the ice pack to his bruised cheek. The way Troy’s gaze had dropped to his mouth as his eyes had darkened sent a shudder through him. For a split second there, he’d had to fight the temptation of pulling Troy between his open thighs to press their hips together so he could kiss the hell out of him until they both forgot how to breathe. Only the uncertainty he’d sensed from Troy had stayed his actions, his scarred heart too terrified of being mortally wounded again by someone not completely out and comfortable with who they were.