Tears flickered behind my eyes, but I blinked them away. I could cry later. Right now, Zara needed to focus on the present. And that was something I could offer her.
I pulled off the road onto a turnout that overlooked the water below. We were headed up the long sloping road toward Neverfall. I motioned for her to follow me to the guard railing and we leaned against it, looking over the vast expanse of water.
“This is Rosewood Road and it encircles the entire island. The beach down below is known as Crashing Rocks Beach. There are huge boulders just off the shore, and they make boating in this area deadly, as well as swimming.”
“Has anybody ever tried cliff diving off the bluff?” Zara pointed to a sign that read NO DIVING—DANGEROUS ROCKS AND RIP TIDES BELOW.
I nodded. “Yeah, they have. Hence the sign. There have been at least four or five deaths here. Usually some teenager who decides to ignore the warning and thinks that yes, they are immortal. Or that they can beat the odds. I think the last one was a year ago. Sandy told me about it. Made the headlines because it was one of the Bedlam Town Council member’s sons.”
“You’re on the city council, aren’t you?” Zara straightened her shoulders, leaning into the wind that swept off the ocean.
“I am, because I’m now the High Priestess of the Moonrise Coven.” The sea air braced me up, washing away the stress and worry of the day as it flowed through my hair and past my face. “I’m happy, Mother. I hope you know that. Aegis makes me happy. My work makes me happy. I’m content, for perhaps the first time in my life.”
She said nothing, but slid her hand over to find mine, and squeezed my fingers.
We returned to the car after a few moments, easing back onto the road as we headed for Neverfall Academy. The afternoon was cloudy with a hint of rain coming in. I welcomed the gloom. Sometimes, sunshine aggravated me. It made my nerves feel raw and I felt too vulnerable and exposed. I wouldn’t ever want to live like Aegis had to—constantly under the cover of night—but I wasn’t fully happy without a few gray clouds and rain showers in my life.
We reached Neverfall Academy around 3:00 p.m., and all classes seemed in session. I parked in the visitors’ parking area and slung my bag over my shoulder. Zara followed me as I dashed up the stone steps of the academy. As we entered the main hall, chimes rang and students began pouring out of the classrooms, heading toward their next class. I caught sight of a hall monitor and motioned to him.
“Can you tell me where the library is, please?”
He gave us an odd look, but said, “See the grand staircase up ahead? Take that—or you can take an elevator if you need—and then turn right as you reach the third floor. Go through the double doors and cross the overpass to Red Hawk Manor. When you enter the doors there, you’ll see a staircase going down with a hallway next to it. Follow the hall to the end and you’ll be at the library.”
“Take the stairs, cross the overpass, end of the hall in the other building. Check. Thank you,” I turned to Zara. “Do you want to take the elevator? I don’t know how tired you are.”
She shrugged. “Six of one. Why don’t we take the lift? I don’t feel like walking up two flights of stairs.” With a sigh, she added, “I need to be all right with expressing how tired this condition makes me.”
I didn’t want to ask, but finally decided that openness was best. “What are your symptoms now? How fast does this progress?”
She followed me to the elevator and, as we stepped into the car, she said, “The symptoms build up over time. Fatigue is a big one, and the feeling of being overextended. My nerves feel raw, and that feeling just increases. Irritability, confusion…they come on toward the end.”
“How did you find out?”
Zara let out a little laugh. “I went in thinking I just needed a general tonic. The doctor did some tests. After Dr. Markus told me it was Winter Syndrome, I immediately scheduled for new opinions. This was several months ago. When the first experimental treatment didn’t work, I contacted the doctor in Ohio, and decided to stop in and see you. My case is advanced. It’s one of those diseases that doesn’t present until almost the end stage. Before you ask, so you don’t have to ask, I’ve got about a month or so left before it enters the last phase. After that, it’s very quick.”
And that was it, in a nutshell. There was only one last question to ask.
“These two treatments…how long till you know if they work?”
“Oh, a few days. I should know by a week from Saturday. And again, before you ask, if they don’t work…well…I have affairs taken care of at home. I think my last days will be spent chasing after a dream I’ve always had.”
I couldn’t believe what I was about to say. “If they don’t work, you’re welcome to stay with me until…”
“No, Maddy. No, dear. I won’t put you through that. Besides, there are so many things I’ve kept on the shelf—dreams I’ve had. Goals I’ve thought about but skipped over. At least one of them, I can make come true. I wanted to sail out on the ocean, just by myself. Just me and the waves. I think that will be my farewell song.”
We were out on the walkway by now. We stopped halfway over the arch to look out over the grounds. The campus was over a thousand acres, wooded thickly through most of it. Down below, a few students were crossing the grounds, but most of them seemed to be in class. A fat raindrop splashed on my face and then another, and I welcomed the moisture. My own eyes were aching; I had blinked so furiously to keep back the tears.
I forced myself to take a deep breath, letting the air stream through to cool my lungs. After a moment, I smiled. It wasn’t fake, or plastered on. I smiled because we were here, and my mother had taken back her life that I never even realized had been stolen from her, and she was making her decisions for herself, not for anybody else.
I cleared my throat. “Come on, let’s go find out everything we can about ghost snails.”
And with that, we entered Red Hawk Manor and headed to the library.
Chapter 9
THAT EVENING, ZARA only came over for a brief while. She was packed and ready to go. “I’ve got a 5:30 flight tomorrow morning, so I’m going to take a taxi down to the airport tonight and sleep in a hotel near there. If I leave now, I’ll get there in three hours, including the time on the ferry over to Bellingham.”
“But don’t you want to stay to see Aegis again?” I glanced at the clock. It was six-thirty, and he would be up in less than three hours.
She kissed me on the cheek. “My dear, he’s a fine man. Vampire. Both, I suppose. But if I wait till he wakes up, I won’t be at the hotel until after midnight. And since I need to be at the airport by 4:00 a.m. at the latest, that gives me less than four hours of sleep. I get tired so easily now. So you tell him I said good-bye, and to take care of you.”
Now that it was time, I didn’t want her to go. “Are you sure you have to leave now?”
“Yes, Maddy. I have to be there in a couple of days so I can have time to prepare for the treatments. I hope that I helped you today, though.”
Zara had managed to find an entire chapter on ghost snails. Since the book wasn’t allowed out of the library, she had spent her time photographing every page with her phone, and sending me the files. We hadn’t even thought of finding a photocopier until after she had finished. I, on the other hand, had dredged up half a page of scribbled notes. Apparently ghost snails were extremely rare and not a lot was known about them, but I was beginning to think their rarity was a very good thing, given Sandy’s condition.
I walked her out to the curb, where her taxi was waiting. “Promise you’ll let me know. Either way.”
“I will. And promise me you’ll meet your brother.” She held my shoulders. “And tell him that…I didn’t want to give him up but I was given no choice. I was too afraid to go against my mother, and now I realize that was a mistake. But everything happens for a reason, and maybe, if I had kept him, I wouldn’t have had you. And that would be a h
orrible loss for the world.”
It was the first time my mother had ever told me she was proud of me—even in so many words—and I could barely speak.
“Now, stand up straight, Maudlin.”
I straightened my shoulders.
“Remember, you’re a Gallowglass. I’m a Gallowglass. Your grandmother is a Gallowglass, and that name means something in magical circles. Carry it proudly, even if you disagree with some of the things that have happened. I love your inn, I love your village, and Maudlin, I love you.” She kissed me on the forehead, and then backed away toward the cab. I barely had time to raise my hand before she was in it and the taillights were fading into the evening.
BY THE TIME Aegis woke, I was deep in study. I had printed out the pictures Zara had sent me and was reading the slightly blurry text, trying to understand the scientific lingo. The magical information, I had down pat. But there was a blur of science and magic in the text, and I wasn’t sure just how important the former was, so decided better safe than sorry.
“Maddy, evening, love.” Aegis entered the office, frowning as he turned on the overhead light. “You need better lighting in here. What are you reading?”
“I’m studying about ghost snails,” I murmured, still reading as I returned his kiss. I hadn’t even noticed how dark it had gotten and realized that my eyes hurt from straining over the print. “Oh, you’re up!”
“Generally, when I walk into the room, you can figure that yes, I’m up,” he said, snorting. “Where’s your mother?”
I bit my lip. “She’s gone. She had to leave.” I was trying not to stress. I had called Max earlier to ask how Sandy was. There was no change. “We need to head over to the hospital. Max asked me to take Jenna back to the house. Sandy’s been in a coma since this morning.”
Aegis slumped in a chair as I filled him in on what had gone on during the day.
“You know,” he said. “Sometimes it feels like the world spins out of control while I’m sleeping. Do you ever feel that way, or is it just something that only being a vampire does to you?”
I suppressed a snort that threatened to turn into tears. “I feel like that every freaking day of my life. Well, maybe not every day but…yeah. Can you go with me, or do you have plans?” Then I remembered—he had rehearsal. “Never mind. You’ve got the band.”
“I wish I could blow it off, but they’re depending on me to be there.”
I felt an irrational flash of anger. If he had needed me and I had a coven meeting, I would have dropped everything. No, you wouldn’t, a voice inside whispered. Not if what he needed wasn’t life-threatening. I wanted to tell my inner critic to shut the fuck up, but decided that would make me sound crazy. It didn’t make me feel any better, but I swallowed my disappointment.
“All right. I’ll head out now, then. Be sure to tell Kelson to lock up when you leave.” I grabbed my purse and headed toward the door.
“Maddy—are you all right? Are you angry?”
“No,” I said, lying through my teeth. “Text me if you’re going to be late.” And without looking back, I shut the door behind me and jogged out to my car.
THE GUARDS WAVED us in. Alex was out, so I stayed for a little while so that she wasn’t too lonely. After I left, I decided that I didn’t feel like going back home. It was close to ten-thirty, but I felt wired. It didn’t help that I had stopped by Bouncing Goats on the way home and gulped down a triple-shot latte.
I thought about calling Delia, but I didn’t feel like hearing that she hadn’t discovered anything new yet, and I knew that she would have called if she had. I had other friends, but none of them were close like Sandy, so I decided to head over to Edgewater Park. It wasn’t heavily used like Turnwheel Park, and it overlooked the shore.
Edgewater Park was long and narrow, a strip of lawn about two hundred feet wide, and a good quarter-mile long. The entire length of it was fenced in by a guardrail that ran along the cliff. There was a footpath to the shore below on both ends. The dropoff was abrupt, hence the sturdy metal railings. There were two parking lots, one on either end of the park, and I slid into an empty slot, an easy task given there weren’t many cars to begin with.
As I slung my purse over my shoulder and headed over to the guardrail to peer over the edge, it occurred to me that I probably should check my text messages. I had turned off my ringer when I left the house, angry and not wanting to talk to Aegis for a while.
Sure enough, he had texted me several times. Probably wanted to say he was sorry, I thought. I opened up his messages, ready to text back that I accepted his apology.
i can’t believe you ran off like that. i know you’re upset but don’t you think that you overreacted? you know that if it was a real emergency i’d be there in a heartbeat, but i owe the band members my attention when i say i’m going to be there.
maddy? maddy? let me know you’re all right. don’t sulk. i know you have a lot going on but please don’t think i’m trying to make things worse.
And finally:
fine. if you want to play the game, go ahead. i’ll be home around midnight and if you want to talk, i’ll be all ears. i love you.
I frowned. So he wasn’t going to apologize. Even though I knew he had nothing to apologize for, I still felt like somebody, somewhere, should say they were sorry. I headed down the footpath, using the flashlight on the end of my keychain to light my way. It was night now, and while there were reflectors to guide the way down, it was still dangerous. But the roar of the waves crashing against the shore called to me. I needed to be close to them. I needed to pour out my frustrations into the water and have it wash my anger away.
I came to the beach. All but about four feet of it was under water given the tide was high, and I stopped by one of the boulders next to the shore. The water lapped just a few feet away, the sound soothing me.
I turned my face up to the cloudy sky and closed my eyes. A light drizzle misted down and a low fog was beginning to creep in on the tide. I thought about everything that had happened. A couple days ago, everything had been fine and now, I realized that I did love my mother, and she was dying. My best friend was under attack and in a coma. And I felt like the world was sweeping the rug out from under my feet.
“I know I’m being selfish,” I said, talking to the water. “I know I shouldn’t think about how all of this affects me, but I can’t help it. And it isn’t like all I care about are my feelings. Right now, I need a bigger perspective. I feel like all I’m seeing is the world from up close and personal. If there’s some bigger plan, Arianrhod, then let me know. Give me a sign so I can at least hold onto that thought.”
Arianrhod was my goddess. She was the one our coven was pledged to. The one I had grown up worshipping. She was the goddess of the Silver Wheel, the goddess of time and fate and reincarnation. The moon and the North Star belonged to her, and she lived in a castle in the sky on a rotating island named Caer Sidi—the land of Annwn. The land of the dead.
I waited, watching the sky, listening to the water. And then, just as I was about to leave, there was a soft sound—a whoo whoo—and an owl flew by, circling over my head before it vanished into the distance.
“Thank you,” I said, breathing softly.
The owl was her symbol. That was all the sign I needed. There was a reason for everything going on. All this wasn’t just coming out of nowhere. I stood, staring out in the ocean. For a moment—just a fraction of a second—I thought I saw something glistening on the water, but then it was gone. Feeling decidedly calmer and ready to face the world again, I returned to my car, and decided to track down the band and make my peace with Aegis.
“I’M SORRY.” THOSE words were way too hard for me to say, but I had to say them. “I really didn’t expect you to cancel rehearsal just to drive over to the hospital with me. Or maybe I did, but I shouldn’t have.”
Aegis stared at his beer. He was slumped back in the chair at the Utopia—one of the local nightclubs—an
d he hadn’t smiled since I’d joined him. That I had only been here ten minutes didn’t pass my notice, but I desperately needed to feel like we were on the same side again. I needed my lover, my friend, to be an ally again.
After another moment of silence, he finally shoved his beer to the side and leaned forward, elbows on the table, resting his chin on his hands. He stared straight at me.
“Maddy, there will be times when things get tense between us. It happens to all couples. But we’ll work through them. I should have thought about how much all of this has affected you. You need my support and I acted like you ran off pissed without a good reason.” He frowned. “But I hope you really don’t believe that I don’t care. If you think I’m that shallow, we have a problem on our hands.”
I just wanted the discussion done. “No, of course I don’t believe that. But everything came swooping down at once and I guess I need…want…to be the most important thing in your life right now.” I picked up his beer and downed the rest of it. “I’ll buy you another,” I said when he eyed the empty bottle.
“No need. I’m not that thirsty. Come on, rehearsal’s over. Sid has to go home and help take care of the little one. And we need a good talk now that I’m back from the tour.” He slipped his arm around my shoulders and escorted me out the door. “You drove?”
“No, doofus, I flew. I’m a witch. Of course I drove,” I laughed, relieved to have something to joke about. I had the nasty feeling we were in for a heart-to-heart which, to be fair, wasn’t a bad thing in relationships. But right now I didn’t know how much more heart-to-heart I could take without feeling like the weight of the world was on my shoulders.
Siren's Song (Bewitching Bedlam Book 3) Page 12