Despite myself, I walked down and held out my hand to play along.
“Brian, Olivia. Olivia, Brian.”
I let my eyes fall down to our hands; soft skin touching.
It was strange, to hold someone else’s hand. Someone young, my age, who wasn’t Avery.
He was handsome, a little bit taller than me. He looked nice and clean. His handshake was kind and gentle just like his smile and his soft honest eyes.
“Brian will be going to Stanford in fall. He’ll be majoring in Medicine,” my mother explained.
I heard the door somewhere off in the distance. No doubt, it was my father finding his way inside.
“We’ve just come from the club. Mr. and Mrs. Givens wanted to come meet you.”
“Meet me?” I asked, looking up at them with a queer confused smile.
“We’d like for Brian to have a friendly face in the fall. Your mother told us all about you. She said you play piano, is that right?”
“I do, yes,” an odd breath escaped my lips.
What the hell was this? A set up? Why would she say that? She never liked me to play. This was so rude.
“Brian loves music, Olivia,” my mother said, her eyebrow raised. “I’m sure he’d love to hear you play something.”
Are you fucking kidding me…
I felt like crawling into a hole.
How dare she.
“I don’t get to play much,” I said, looking over at my mother and trying not to be a straight-up bitch and give her away.
I hated when she did this. I hated when she had me perform.
Every day could be a test. Every goddamn day.
I’d just gotten back, not even in the door two hours before…
“That’s okay,” Brian laughed nervously. “Maybe I could play for you,” he offered sweetly.
“Oh sweetie, don’t be silly, of course she’ll play. Right Olivia?” My mom was using that face. I hated that face. That face meant: you will obey. She always thought I was some drama queen.
“Wha-ah, yes- Yes, of course. You'll just have to forgive me if I’m rusty,” I prefaced. Piano was more a secret hobby now. Sort of like riding a bike but not at all. I didn’t even know my mother knew I’d been playing lately. It was possible she didn’t and was just expecting me to be fabulous at the drop of a hat.
Like a well-trained puppet, I walked light-footed all the way over to the music room. My mother’s guests silently followed behind and again I hated my life.
“Would anyone like anything to drink?” My mother asked.
I wanted wine. But no one fucking cared what I wanted, they never did, so why should I speak?
Another drink implied they’d had several before coming home. I don’t know how my mom did it but she always seemed to come off wittingly sober even under the influence of an intense amount of expensive and classy wine.
Anger welled up inside of me (all hidden); I sat down on the bench and lifted the casing up again. This time I wasn’t happy about it, I was fucking pissed. I’d trained myself to be very good at hiding my true emotions.
“Your mom tells us you just came back from a ski trip in the mountains, Olivia,” Mrs. Givens explained.
“Oh, yes,” I said. “My school goes every year. Huntington is all for extracurricular activity. They don’t much like their students to just be studious or just be athletic. They need a balance of the two. It’s what they strive for.” I made sure to look up when I spoke. I did that more with adults than people my age. I paid better attention, cared more. I was trained that way, trained to connect with those who were older and not of my age bracket. If I didn’t connect, my mother would catch it and we’d have to have a talk, usually an embarrassing one, in front of everyone that made me feel less-than and small. However, sometimes, the talks we had alone were far worse. She just didn’t understand me at all. It was stupid and horrible but I couldn’t explain and she couldn’t emote.
“Well, it sounds like a nice time,” Mrs. Givens said. “It must’ve been cozy up there in the lodge with all your good friends.”
“It was,” I said. But I hated telling her. I hated that this random woman was talking to me and asking me things that my mother would never ask.
And when she said the word friends all I could think about was Avery. Avery wasn’t a friend. Avery was everything. It hurt to see her reduced. Hurt to see myself participating in such a reduction.
But there was nothing I could do. They had me pushed into a corner. A scared little mouse; obey, obey, obey.
“Brian likes skiing,” Mrs. Givens said. “He used to be on a team and then on patrol.”
“That’s brave,” I said. Patrol could be intense. It was like being a lifeguard but in the snow and during a blizzard when you couldn’t see or even breathe, given the conditions.
I thought of Avery, that very first picture I saw.
It appeared in a flash.
My breath left me. My eyes squeezed.
“Are you alright?” Mrs. Givens asked, noticing.
“Oh,” I sighed. “Yes,” I breathed, calming. “Forgive me,” I said. “I’ve had a terrible headache for about an hour or so. I had to drive back from the mountain today. I only hope I can play.”
I only hope this ends quickly.
At the very least I got a distraction while Avery was tied up in that godawful situation with her dad.
“I’m sure you’ll be great,” Brian said. He seemed genuinely sweet. Unlike most boys my age his smile wasn’t cocky or fake. He was actually kind of adorable. Most men wouldn’t like that term though so I’d make sure to keep it to myself.
“Where do you go to school?” I asked.
“Pendleton,” he answered.
I could tell he wasn’t really happy about it and I understood.
If he had been sitting close to me right now I would’ve reached out and touched his hand.
Since I was far away I just gave him an apologetic smile.
“Any requests?” I asked, an award-winning open-mouth grin finally embracing me.
“Hotline Bling?” Brian laughed.
“I can do that,” I warned, a fun smile attacking me. I liked this kid.
“No, no,” he laughed, holding his hands up. “Really, whatever you’d like. I don’t mind. Just pretend we’re not here. Please,” he begged sweetly.
It was cute. He’d been forced into this just like me. I could tell.
“Alright then, you’ll get the skill out of me. Just remember, it’s been awhile since I’ve played.”
I set my hands down on the keys and prepared my body and feet.
Without thinking much about it I began to play Chopin’s Nocturnes in order. I figured if I never stopped playing I’d never have to actually talk.
My body loosened, my hands sped. Occasionally I would look out the window and imagine Avery standing right there outside and staring and hearing. But she wasn’t there. Despite myself, I began to daze.
I’d look down in the tough parts and try to will my fingers to obey.
It’d been a long while but I was only a little rusty.
My mom came back somewhere in the middle of my playing.
Eventually, Mr. and Mrs. Givens left the room with her and Brian came over to stand by me.
“You’re really good,” he said, right over my playing.
“I’m okay,” I corrected, looking up at him and giving a soft sort of smile.
I wondered how Avery would feel if she knew I was playing to impress some strange boy I didn’t know.
In the middle of the piece, I just stopped.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I just. My parents don’t know, but I’m seeing someone already.”
“Oh,” he said, surprised. “Hey, that’s fine. I don’t even really know why I’m here right now,” he laughed. “I’m seeing someone too.”
“Really?” I smiled, scooting over on the bench.
Brian sat down right next to me and put his hands on the keys. He began playing a v
ery ethereal and cyclical instrumental version of Hotline Bling.
“I’ll do you one better,” he whispered. “I’m seeing a boy.”
“What?” I scoffed, glee chasing me.
“Yup,” he smiled. “They wish I was straight.”
With that I began to really laugh. He made the whole ordeal entirely worth it with just a few words.
“That’s amazing Brian,” I said. “I hope he’s worthy of you.”
“Oh, he is,” he smiled cockily.
It was such a relief to know I wouldn’t be hurting someone tonight.
My phone buzzed in my dress pocket and I pulled it out.
It was Avery. She wasn’t okay.
“Shit,” I breathed.
“What is it?” Brian asked.
“My friend’s in trouble,” I said.
“Oh,” he said. “Hmm…”
“Do you think your parents would be mad if we took off?” I asked. “They were trying to set us up, right? That’s what this is?”
“Umm, ya know, I don’t think they’d be mad at all,” he smiled. “And I’d love to escape for a little while. Those four have had me out all fucking afternoon.”
“Yes,” I sighed. “You’re a godsend!”
“Come on,” he said. “I’ve got my car, I can drive.”
“I think I love you,” I joked, my eyes widening as he took my hand.
He practically dragged me out, it was hilarious.
I caught a quick glimpse of our audience. My mom and his parents looked all satisfied and smarmy like they’d just completed an intense puzzle that’d been plaguing them for years.
“Take a coat, Olivia!” My mother yelled angrily. She must’ve seen me through the crack in the door.
I could faintly hear her talking shit about my musical proficiency, and how lacking it was, to Brian’s parents but I didn’t care.
“Take a fucking coat, Olivia,” Brian teased in an authoritative feminine whisper. He sounded crazy like Norman Bates. Despite myself I thought I could kiss him. The comic relief he provided was actually shocking me back into life.
“Yes husband,” I teased, racing up the stairs to find a jacket. I didn’t want to think about it so I just pulled a plain leather one out. It went fine with my white dress. I didn’t care what I wore. I was on a date with a gay boy my parents set me up with and Avery was waiting for me so I didn’t have time to really get into fashion right now. Normal me would find the perfect thing. I hadn’t been normal me for quite some time. If I had Avery’s hoodie I’d wear that but I didn’t have it.
In my closet I found some plain black flats and jammed them on.
I ran down to join Brian and pulled his hand as I swung right by. This time I forced him around without mercy. It was payback and I liked it.
“I don’t have many friends my age,” I said, as we raced down my porch and scaled the concrete steps panting.
“That’s fine,” he laughed. “Most kids our age are dicks.”
“Really?” I laughed. I never quite thought that, I just didn’t give them my time. Up until now- I didn’t have time to give them time. For Avery though, I made time.
“Nah, I just said that so you’d think I was cool. I’m not really allowed around girls. How am I doing?” Brian joked.
“Okay, get in,” I said, playing at hating him. Of course he was allowed around girls. His parents had literally brought him to a girl.
He smiled at me and I liked it when he did. I think he was intrigued by my bossy side. Or maybe it was just this little adventure I was forcing him to have.
His car was hilarious in that it was my car, exactly mine, only differences were the little things inside. Different titles of different books hanging out of compartments. He had a few action figures, some clothes in the back, and a lot of mix CDs with handwriting that was probably his. I looked down to the right pocket in the door and noticed a small glass-blown pipe and rolled my eyes.
“Okay, where are we going?” He asked, starting it up.
I looked down at my phone and pressed the little call button by Avery’s name.
It rang two times before she picked up.
“Vi? Thank God! I just had to get the fuck out of there.”
“Hey, where are you? I’ll swing by and pick you up.” I was worried but I didn’t want her to know. I looked over at Brian and gave him a side-smile. He’d been giving me that mischievous look. It was like he was ready to do anything and I liked that about him.
“I’m at the park. Wilson park. There’s a swimming pool on the north side. That’s where I am.”
“Okay,” I breathed. “Wait there.”
I hung up the phone and repeated what she said to Brian as he sped us away.
It wasn’t a bad thing meeting Brian but I wasn’t quite sure how Avery would act with him around.
“So, tell me about this boy,” I said, turning in to face Brian.
“Oh, he’s hot,” Brian said. “Think James Dean meets Zac Efron.”
“Uh oh,” I said. “So he sings?”
“Oh yeah,” he said like it was undeniable. “My school is all-male. Like a freakin’ adolescent frat house. It’s like my parents just decided to throw me into paradise but they don’t want me to play.”
“Oh my God,” I laughed.
“That sounded bad, huh,” he sighed but he was still smiling my way.
“Not at all,” I said. “But do they know?”
“I think they do,” he said. “Things like this happen about twice a month,” he confided.
“Oy…” I imagined.
“How about you?” He wondered.
“Well,” I sighed. I guess it couldn’t hurt to be honest. “I sort of proposed to my girlfriend today.”
“SHUT UP!” He practically flipped, swerving the car out of the lane toward the curb and then back.
“What?!” I laughed, scared for my life. He’d almost slammed on the breaks while he was taking that last turn.
“YOU COULD’VE SAID YOU WERE GAY!” He yelled in frustration.
“I dunno,” I laughed. “My parents don’t even know! They have no clue. It’s sort of scary to talk about it.”
“Ugg.. I know,” he groaned. “Oh my God, how hilarious is this? We’re like perfect.”
“I know,” I sighed, pushing his shoulder with my hand.
We pulled up to the park and I could see Avery from several feet away. As we got closer it became apparent that she was stressed out.
“That’s her,” I said.
“Oh shit,” he sighed. “She’s gorgeous.”
“I know,” I said. But I was too worried about her to be happy about all that.
Even before the car was completely stopped I was jumping up and out of it.
As we were pulling up Avery had been sitting with her back to us. It looked like she had her feet in the pool but it also looked like the pool was out of commission for the winter. Like they had to drain the damn thing to keep it from freezing and cracking the foundation and making a financial burden as well as a mess.
When she heard the car she stood up.
I rushed out to see her. She seemed confused, probably because I’d come from the passenger seat of what looked to be my own fucking car.
“Are you okay?” I asked, rushing out and touching her arms. I quickly sized her up. She seemed shaken.
Chapter Five
Avery
I’d driven around until I remembered that this place was here. An old community pool that was empty. I sat on the side, dangling my feet into the empty space where water should be. Going back home right now was not an option. I didn’t want to see my dad. If I did we both might regret it.
If I couldn’t stay at Olivia’s for the night I would just have to sleep in my car or maybe I could call Skylar. I had options and I wasn’t above sleeping in cramped quarters. I coughed out a laugh at the thought of actually living in Olivia’s closet.
If she got here soon enough maybe we could get some food. I ha
dn’t even eaten the dinner Dad made and now I was starving. Fighting really made me hungry. Sex made me hungry. Anything athletic made me hungry. That was normal. What wasn’t was a Dad who abandoned his family.
I balled up my fist and punched the concrete next to me. It hurt but it felt good too. I could feel a little blood start to trickle down my hand but it was cold and I couldn’t really feel the pain. I’d forgotten my jacket.
I brought my hand up, looking at the scrapes on my knuckles. I let them bleed. I didn’t have anything to put on it anyway, not even napkins in my car. So, I pressed my fist back to the concrete and felt the granules of dirt and stone grind into the cuts. It beat thinking about dinner.
The lights over my head were dimmer than normal ones. One of them was out completely, making the side of the pool I was on the only one that was lit. It was a weird sort of fluorescent light that came off silver against the blue paint of the pool.
The headlights cut right through it, blinding me a little as a car pulled up. It had to be Olivia, it looked like her car. I blocked the light with my hand, spinning to get up. The car parked and turned off and I saw Olivia jump out of the passenger seat. Weird.
She ran up to me putting her hands on my arms and looking me over. “Are you okay?” She asked.
“I don’t know.” I pulled her in and hugged her. Finally letting all the feelings sink in. She let me collapse on her but I didn’t cry. I just let her support me. “Basically, he told me that I couldn’t possibly know that I was gay. I’m too young to know what love is and it’s his responsibility to make sure that I’m on the right path. Whatever the hell that means.”
It felt so good to hold her that I didn’t even remember that she hadn’t driven herself there, but I turned my head to kiss her cheek and saw a guy sitting on the hood of the car she’d arrived in. He was watching us, his arms crossed, a dreamy look on his face.
Paper Dolls [Book Two] Page 3