I took the entrance stairs and felt the soreness in my body from the past days of pleasure and adventure.
As soon as I got through the door I heard my mom though and I had to go back down.
“Olivia, come in here,” she said.
It was the music room. I retraced my steps and found her inside.
This, of all rooms, I hated to be inside with her.
“Sit,” she said, moving down onto the couch and leaning over the arm.
She’d let her hair down. She was ready to relax.
“So,” she said. “What’d you think?”
“About?” I asked.
I didn’t want to sit down.
“Brian Givens.” She said shortly as if I were some dolt. “He seems a nice fit for you, doesn’t he? Sensitive, but strong. Handsome but smart?”
“Mom,” I said. “I didn’t ask you to do th-”
“I know,” she said, reaching over and taking my hand.
“Brian’s great but I’m not looking to marry anyone,” I openly lied.
All I wanted now was to get back up to my room.
“Are you sure? You know your father and I met when we were about your age.”
“I know,” I said, trying hard not to ball my hands into fists.
“Roberta said you visited her today.”
“I did,” I said, feeling anxious.
“That was nice. You know your father and I appreciate little things like that.”
“Right,” I said, avoiding her gaze.
“Have I upset you?” She asked, bothered.
“A little bit,” I said.
“Olivia?” She acted surprised, hurt.
“You brought some people over to try and set me up? You didn’t even warn me. Didn’t even ask me. You made me play which is something you never want me to do, something I would love to do more of if it didn’t bother you but it does. You didn’t even ask me about my trip. You didn’t even call me once while I was gone. It’s like you don’t even care about me mom. You just show up and expect me to do whatever it is you want me to do. What I want, my feelings? These are things you don’t even think about, don’t even consider.” I could feel myself shaking, I was so instantly mad. I’d almost forgotten.
“Well,” my mom huffed, sitting up. Now she was the one avoiding my gaze. “Sweetie, I- You’re right, I apologize. I guess I just feel like you’re so grown up already, like you already have everything figured out.”
“Well, I’ve kind of been treated this way for my entire adolescence,” I said, overstepping my bounds.
“Olivia,” my mom said, wiping her face in her hands like she was tired and I was needlessly frustrating her. “We’ve both had a long day. You’re not usually like this. Maybe we can sleep on this conversation and pick it up tomorrow.”
“Right,” I said bitterly. That meant: I do not accept your words. You’re tired. This isn’t you.
Every time I tried to tell her my feelings she did crap like this. That’s why I stopped trying but my life had changed now. Avery had changed me. I had a reason to try.
“Thank you,” she said, reaching up and taking my hand to stop me from leaving.
“For what?” I asked.
“Mr. and Mrs. Givens were very impressed.” She raised an eyebrow and I felt my stomach turn.
“I’m tired Mom,” I said. I felt it though, that statement of mine was not about the day or the time or the morning I had or how my emotions had already been drained for the day. That statement was about my situation as the daughter of Judge Holbrook, the daughter of her.
“Sleep, sweetie. I have some paper-work in the morning. I should sleep too.”
She wanted me to agree with her. Instead I just walked away and left.
I was sick of appeasing her, lightening her load, taking away her stress.
I went to the kitchen and pulled out a chilled bottle of wine. I grabbed some cheese and prosciutto incase Avery was still hungry.
Once I went up there I knew I probably wouldn’t leave the room.
I took the stairs slowly knowing my mom and dad were probably still outback being all cozy and smug about how their daughter was special and attracting such wonderful men.
Everything they thought of me was rude. Everything they thought of me was misplaced pride, misdirected accomplishment. They felt so responsible for how I was. But I did this. I got myself here. I’m the one who had to study harder and practice longer and try my best every single day until two weeks ago when I met Avery Lockhart and realized that was all just fucking stupid of me to do.
I took in a large breath right outside my bedroom door.
I needed her.
My chest filled up again just knowing I was this close to touching her.
I brought my knuckle up to the door and lightly knocked. “It’s me,” I said.
I heard a rustle of movement and then the lock on the door coming loose as I twisted the knob with the help of her hand.
“Finally!” She opened the door enough for me to get in and then closed it again, looking at what I’d brought with me. “Niiiice. Wine and food. How did you know I was hungry?”
I felt her hands at my elbows. “You’re always hungry,” I teased, moving all the way in and pushing her to hold the things in my hands so I could turn back and lock the door.
“Yeah, well, you’ve been keeping me busy.”
She took the wine and food and turned to set it down on the bed. “So, all’s well? No one suspects?”
“No one suspects…” I said sadly. “My mom actually had the gall to ask me how I felt about Brian.”
I felt Avery tug my hand to lead me down to sit on the bed.
“She thought she could just surprise me with a blind date and then dish with me about the opposite sex. I’m genuinely mortified. Of all the things I expected to come home to...” My voice trailed off.
“Well, that sounds like a load of fun. I have no idea why you’re not dying of happiness now that she has one more thing planned out in your life.”
I picked the wine bottle up off the bed and moved to stand by my nightstand, pulling the corkscrew out and uncorking the wine. I had a crystal glass in the bottom drawer. I began to fill it and tried my best not to spill.
“So, I have a question.”
Avery just let the statement hang in the air until I was looking at her again.
“When exactly did you steal my shirt?”
She pulled it out from behind her back and held it up to the side.
Another secret I kept and forgot about.
“Oh,” I said, bringing the wine to my lips and drinking it while looking away. “You weren’t supposed to know about that,” I breathed once I’d drank enough to flood my brain with relief.
She already had me smiling.
“I see,” she said, calculating.
She leaned forward, moving her hand onto my leg and giving me one of those sexy half smiles.
“I think it’s cute. And I think you should keep it… And wear it for me.”
“Yeah? You want me to wear it?” I teased, looking down at her lovingly, lowering the glass so it’d hang near her face incase she’d want to take a sip. Just because I was a wine-o didn’t mean I needed her to be.
I moved a little closer feeling her soft fingers smooth behind the backs of my knees, exciting me instantly.
“Yes,” she said, taking the glass from me and tipping it up. She swallowed a big gulp of wine and then handed it back. “I want you to wear that and nothing else.”
“Yeah, I got that,” I teased, drunk eyes, love-drunk. I knew what she meant. I always knew.
There was a strange feeling I had. A worry. I moved to sit next to her and turned my knees in and took her hand.
“Did you at least tell your dad you’re okay?” She’d hurt her hand and we hadn’t talked about it. I stared down at it and wished I could’ve stopped it.
Her smile slipped away and she shifted, taking one of her hands away.
; “No,” she said coldly.
“You’re technically a teenager Avery. He could put out an Amber Alert. People do that.”
“He won’t.” She was clenching and unclenching her fist. “That would mean he cared.”
I didn’t like the thoughts in her head. I wanted to pull them out one-by-one and play with them, turn them around, make them shine.
“I care,” I said, affected. I rose my hand up and pulled the curtain of her hair away so that I could see her.
“Yeah.” Her breath hitched and she leaned into my hand like she needed my touch to be okay, like she’d been waiting for me patiently. I wanted to love her. I wanted her to know that she was everything to me, really, everything.
“You’re one of the only ones but that’s okay. You’re all I really need.”
I took the glass from her hand, chugged the rest down and set it back on the stand.
“So,” I said, searching her with shaky eyes. “What can I do for you?”
“I don't know,” she said, shrugging. “Can we just hang out? Do anything but think about tomorrow and what I’m going to do about my dad?”
She managed a weak smile. “Or you could feed me more wine and seduce me.”
A smile rose on my cheeks. The first thing sounded great and the second sounded delicious.
I lowered my knees down to the carpet and made my butt relax back on my heels as I leaned forward and slowly began to untie Avery’s shoes with my hands, taking them off one at a time.
“I take it you’re going for option two?” Her eyebrows rose and she leaned back to watch me.
“I just want you to be comfortable,” I said, staring up at her as I pulled her socks off one-by-one. “We should watch something,” I urged. “You could use a distraction.”
“Ooookay,” she wiggled her feet in my hands and pushed herself up on the bed. “What do you want to watch?”
“Anything,” I said. “I have Netflix and stuff. I’m normal,” I tried to feel convinced that it was true. I didn’t need her thinking I was some strange girl who only liked certain obscure things. That wasn’t me. I liked everything, well, most things.
“Let’s watch something funny. I don’t care what as long as there are no gross scenes.”
“What do you mean by gross?” I asked, standing back up and moving over to the bureau so I could open it up and get the control.
“I don’t know. Just not any of those gross, stupid comedies they keep putting out. Oh!” She waved her hands in the air in front of her. “I saw Bringing Up Baby in your entertainment center. Can we watch that?”
“Sure,” I said, semi-surprised by her choice.
I knelt down and found the movie. I pushed the disc into the console and pressed start.
“Hold on,” I said, dropping the control onto the bed as I pulled Avery’s rejected shirt up into my hands and stepped into the closet to change.
In the closet, I threw my dress off and switched into her shirt. I noticed my box of journals on the ground a bit askew. She probably looked inside…
I squatted down and covered the journals up, tucking them back and away.
If Avery wanted to read those she could. I was going to marry her, after all. It’s only right she knows my secrets before she says yes.
I walked back out to the room and shut the light off on my way. As I crawled up the bed to join her all I could feel was joy. I didn’t think we'd be together tonight but here we were. I was so content I could just scream it.
It felt great to have her at home, great to be able to lay with her and just relax like this in a place where I felt safe. I only hoped she did as well. I crawled up next to her and let out a contented sigh.
Chapter Seven
Avery
She came out of the closet in my shirt and I nearly choked on the wine I’d just taken a sip of. “Yes, you look just as hot in that as I thought you would.”
She made me feel like a lecher, always wanting her. She got into the bed with me and I pulled her into me, squeezing her with my arm. “Mmm, you’re perfect,” I said, indulging in the way she felt against me.
She picked up the control and hit play once it reached the start menu. The opening credits played and she turned to look at me, distracting me from the movie. “What? Do I have something weird on my face or are you just happy to see me.”
“I like you,” she said. “I’d rather just watch you,” she tucked her head back onto my shoulder and turned her eyes to the screen.
“I could act this entire movie for you, if you want.” I nudged her chin with my knuckle. “I used to watch it with my grandma. It’s how I fell in love with acting.”
“Did your grandma act too?”
“Yeah, but she just did bit parts in movies and stuff. Like chorus line scenes. She danced and sang. She introduced me to a lot of movies. No one knows that about me.” I smiled, glad that we shared a secret world.
It seemed like that with us both. So much of who we were existed below veneers of an image. What we projected was only a shade. What we were was a series of complex layers, each composed of a multitude of quiet thoughts and heavy feelings.
“Well, she sounds amazing,” Olivia said.
“She was amazing.” I brought her hand up to my lips and kissed the palm. “You would have loved each other,” I murmured against her skin.
“You’re probably right,” she said, hugging me tighter and breathing me in. “So, did you read my journals?” She asked, changing the subject. “I know you found them.”
My free hand flew to my face. I wanted to hide. I pulled two of my fingers apart and looked at her through them. “No, but I thought about it really hard.” I closed my fingers again and continued to hide.
“You don’t have to be embarrassed,” she laughed, pulling my hand away from my face. “You can read them. I just don’t know how interesting it’ll actually be. You probably won’t even get through one page before wanting to leave me.”
“That could never, ever happen. I’d be fascinated to read what goes on in your head. I love solving mysteries and you are definitely one of those sometimes but in the best way.”
I played with the hand that was still in mine. “Listen, you can read mine too if you want.” I demurred, looking away. “It’s got a lot of stuff about you in the last part. But now that I’ve thought about it I kind of want you to read how I felt and how I got to feel the way I do about you.”
It was an evolution that I’d only charted the beginning of since most of it happened when we were at the lodge. I hadn’t written much since I fell for her. There were a lot of things about Ben in there though. I was nervous for her to read those.
“Okay,” she laughed. “Well, now I HAVE to read it,” she said.
“Just don’t freak out if you read some kind of explicit parts about Ben.”
She would know the whole truth of my relationship with him if she read those passages. I wasn’t sure if she would see me the same after but I wouldn’t go into this relationship without being as open as I could manage. This was a step to get there.
“My journals are a mess,” she said. “Poetry… Math problems.. Quotes. Rants. It’s like being dropped into my mind and having to try and figure out where the hell I was when I wrote it. Even I can’t understand some of those things and I wrote them… I get mad at myself about that a lot. I always think I’ll be smart enough to figure out what I was thinking or what I meant.”
“That’s cool though! It’ll just show me how you think when you’re trying to put things down on paper. Mine have really crappy embarrassing drawings in them that I beg you to laugh at. Otherwise, I’d know you just felt bad because they’re so bad.”
We both turned back to the movie for awhile but I couldn’t concentrate when she was so close to me and I had the chance to interact with her.
“Is there anything you’ve always wanted to know about me but just never asked for whatever reason?”
I wanted to know how she saw me and what she thoug
ht about in her moments of uncertainty.
“It’s hard to know what to ask,” Olivia said. “I want to know everything. What your days were like. What you thought about. Who you dreamed to be. What you thought in the shower all alone.”
“You know the last one.” I smiled.
“No, before me,” she butt in.
“Oh!” My mind was forever in the gutter.
“I was very boring before you. I probably only thought about getting through every day and what test I had. The normal stuff.”
“Yeah but… What were your fantasies like?”
“Like sexual? Or general life fantasies?” My brows knit.
“Before you, and even while I was with Natalie, I always had a very active fantasy life. Recurring dreams. Familiar scenes.” She paused a moment and took my hand. I felt her mouth on my fingers again, her soft tongue trying to scrape my soft skin. “I had this one dream all the time. I was in a jungle on vacation but lost or abandoned or something. I was alone. There was always this girl. Always the same… Woman.” She decided softly. “She’d just walk up to me and stare like she knew what I thought, what I wanted, what I needed. Anyway,” she swallowed thirstily. “She’d always start to undress me… It wasn’t just my clothes though. She’d undress me with her eyes… All of me.... And then she’d touch me everywhere. Slowly but- forcefully. Always hot.... I want to know things like that,” she said, her mouth sucking lightly on my finger before she opened it again to make herself breathe.
I was a mess. That habit she had of sucking on my fingers at random times was going to probably cause me to burst into flames. “Babe, I do-n’t know if I can answer you if you keep doing that.” I shuddered and tried to compose myself. I’d been listening to her dream but it only made my lust worse.
“I just want to know if you had fantasies before. I wanna know what excited you, what calmed you down, what you thought of in that head that wasn't all doom and gloom and sadness.”
She held my fingers against her lips again but didn’t put them in her mouth. I could breathe for a moment.
“I didn’t have many dreams that were good but sometimes I used to lay in bed and think about being completely taken by someone. It was always different. Guy… Girl. It didn’t matter. As long as they were inside me. Not just physically but my soul. I always daydreamed about becoming one with someone, them taking me and flipping me inside out.” I blushed and shrugged. “And I guess there were the odd times in the shower where I would fantasize about things. I always had a thing for horseback riding gear. You know the tight pants and high black boots… And the crop.”
Paper Dolls [Book Two] Page 6