She strolled along the beach remembering the first time her grandmother had brought her to the ocean. She was afraid of the water, but her grandmother held her hand and led her along the water’s edge until step-by-step she waded into the water. Her grandmother had shown her that most of the time the ground was just under her feet, and all she had to do was stand and she could right herself again. When the water was too deep and she struggled, her grandmother would wrap her arms around her and lift her up until she could stand on her own again.
She missed her grandmother and wished she were there now to pick her up and help her find her way. Her grandmother had always been the one person who could always make her feel better. What would she say to her now?
Kayla laughed to herself. She had no idea what her grandmother would say, but she was certain she wouldn’t approve of her sitting around feeling sorry for herself. Her grandmother never would have approved of the way she’d behaved with Jackie. Perhaps she should consider that her grandmother was wrong. Even though she was hurt, she didn’t regret being with Jackie. Jackie had opened her eyes to things she hadn’t realized she needed. Missing Jackie wasn’t something that would change anytime soon. So they had some things to work out, and maybe Jackie would end things between them. But that didn’t mean what they shared didn’t matter. Jackie did matter, and when Kayla wasn’t wallowing in self-pity, she had no doubt that she mattered to Jackie too.
It was easy to let disappointment write stories in her head about not being loved enough, not being good enough, not being wanted. Hadn’t that been what she had done with her parents? But she had been wanted. Her grandmother had always made her feel wanted, loved, and cherished. Her feelings about her parents were designed around her expectations of who they were supposed to be in her life, how they were supposed to have lived.
Kayla smiled. It was time to change her story. Her happiness was up to her. It was time to go home.
*
Jackie pushed her way out of the bar desperate to find her way out of the mess she had made with Kayla. She leaned against the cold stone of the building trying to figure out how she was ever going to make things right. The sounds from the bar intensified and then were slowly muffled as the door opened and closed when someone walked out. She groaned as footsteps approached her. She didn’t want to deal with Heather anymore.
“What’s up, Jack?” Peter said as he approached.
Jackie was relieved it was him. She could use a friend right now.
“Hey, Pete. I’m sorry to run out like that, but I don’t think I’m up for this tonight.”
“Want to tell me what’s going on?”
Jackie raked her hand across her face. “I screwed up. I screwed up big.”
Peter clasped her shoulder. “How about we go somewhere for a cup of coffee and you can tell me all about it.”
Jackie nodded. “I’d like that.”
Peter put his arm around Jackie. “Come on, there’s a Waffle House down the street.”
Kayla waited as Peter stirred sugar into his coffee. He took a sip, sighed, and put the spoon down. Once the coffee was to his liking he settled his gaze on her.
“Let’s have it. You’ve been half crazy for days. What’s the story?”
Jackie took a deep breath and told Peter everything. When she finished, Peter folded his arms across his chest and stared at her.
“Well? Are you going to say anything?” she asked.
“Do you love her?”
Jackie frowned. “Weren’t you listening? I just told you.”
“No, you didn’t. You told me you met a woman who made you realize what an ass you are. I want to know if you love her.”
“Why does it matter?”
Peter sighed. “Because I know what it’s like to be someone’s convenience, a toy they use to make themselves feel better. I don’t want you to do that to Kayla. If you love her, that’s a different story.”
Jackie thought about what Peter had told her about Calvin the night they met at his aunt’s bar. Peter loved Calvin, but Calvin had other ideas about their relationship. She saw how much that hurt Peter. She didn’t want to do that to Kayla.
“I’ve never been in love before. Kayla makes me believe things are possible that I never even dreamed. I don’t want anyone but her. I don’t know what to do without her.”
Peter smiled. “Have you told her that?”
Jackie sighed. “No.”
“I think you should. Right after you apologize for being such an ass.”
“I know. I can’t believe I left her to deal with that lunatic on her own. I have no idea what happened to him after they took him to the hospital. What if he was okay and found a way to come after her again?” She shook her head. “The bottom line is I wasn’t there when she needed me. I was just thinking about myself. I was selfish. It’s been days now. I don’t even know if she’s okay. Anything could have happened.”
“Call her.”
“I already thought of that. But by the time I got my head out of my ass it was too late—she was already gone. What am I supposed to say now? It isn’t exactly something I want to explain over the phone.”
“You did screw up.”
“Tell me something I don’t know.”
“Does she love you?”
Jackie sighed. “I don’t know. I know there’s something special between us. I know she feels that too.”
“When does she get back in town?”
“Day after tomorrow.”
“Well, I suggest you get your act together before then. If you’re serious about her, you have to start acting like it. If not, you need to figure out how to satisfy that itch some other way. She doesn’t need you jerking her feelings around like that.”
“I know. Maybe she’s better off without me.”
“All the more reason to have this shit figured out before you do talk to her. Make up your mind and stick with it.”
Jackie studied Peter. He was a good friend and the closest thing to family she had. “I’d like you to meet her. You’d like her. I don’t have any family for her to meet besides you.”
Peter smiled. “Now you’re talking.”
Chapter Eighteen
Kayla rubbed sleep from her eyes and sank into a booth at Pete’s Coffee Shop.
“Hey, Trish.”
“Good morning, sunshine.” Trish eyed her, taking in her lack of sleep and overall weariness. “Damn, how long has it been since you slept?”
Kayla grimaced. “Gee, thanks, you’re making me feel so much better. I just flew in last night and, as you mentioned, haven’t had much sleep. Someone called and woke me up before dawn.”
“Sorry.” Trish smirked. “I just thought you’d want this as soon as possible.”
Kayla stared at the file Trish tossed on the table. She opened the file and began to read, her eyes widening with each revelation.
“I don’t know what to say. I can’t believe you found her.”
Trish sat back in her chair with a smug grin. “I can’t believe you doubted me.”
Kayla smiled. “It’s not that. I know how good you are at your job, but this was a special case.”
Trish nodded. “Yeah, there was some really shady stuff there to wade through to get to the answers, but it’s all there.”
“I can see.” Kayla sighed. “I just have to figure out what to do with this now.”
“What do you mean?”
Kayla shook her head. “Nothing. The situation has changed since I asked you to do this for me, that’s all.”
“Well, that part is up to you.” Trish stood, dropping two bucks on the table as she downed the rest of her coffee. “Let me know if there’s anything else you need. I’ve gotta run.”
“Thank you, Trish, I owe you one.”
“Don’t even think of it.”
Kayla read through the file again, amazed at the story unfolding before her very eyes. How was she ever going to tell Jackie? They hadn’t even talked in the two weeks she’d
been away and she wasn’t certain Jackie would want to see her at all. This wasn’t exactly the kind of thing she could just drop in the mail and wish Jackie luck.
Kayla sighed. It wasn’t up to her to decide if Jackie needed the information or not. Jackie deserved to know what happened to her mother. She just wasn’t sure she was ready to see Jackie. She wasn’t sure her heart could take it. She missed her. She’d fallen in love, and the woman she wanted to spend her life with had walked out of her life. That wasn’t something she could get over in a couple of weeks.
Kayla forced herself to drive to Jackie’s apartment. She knew the longer she put this off the more she would just torture herself. She needed to get it over with.
She stood outside Jackie’s apartment for the longest time, unable to make herself ring the bell. Every time she reached out her hand, her eyes welled up with tears.
She cleared her throat, wiped her eyes, and tried again. She pushed the buzzer before she could chicken out.
She heard movement behind the door but no one answered. She tried again.
“Who is it?”
Kayla’s heart skipped at the sound of Jackie’s voice.
“It’s Kayla. I need to talk to you.”
The door opened with a sudden flourish that startled Kayla.
“What are you doing here?”
“Uh, I’m sorry I didn’t call first. Is this a bad time?” Kayla tried not to scan the room, afraid Jackie wasn’t alone.
Jackie seemed flustered. Her skin was unusually pale and her eyes were red.
“Are you okay?” Kayla asked.
“I’m fine. I’m sorry, come in.”
Kayla followed Jackie inside. The room was a mess. An old pizza box sat on the floor next to the sofa and the coffee table was littered with glasses and beer bottles. Jackie wore old sweats and her hair looked like she’d just woken up. And by the looks of the tangled blanket and rumpled pillow on the sofa, Kayla was pretty sure that was exactly what had happened.
“How was your trip?” Jackie asked as she crumpled up the blanket and pillow into a pile on the floor.
Kayla frowned. “It wasn’t the trip I had hoped it would be, but I think it was a good time to sort through some things.”
Jackie swallowed. She was pretty sure she was one of those things Kayla had needed to sort through. She should have called. She’d wanted to call a million times but didn’t know how to get over Kayla’s bullheadedness and her own fear.
“Yeah, I know what you mean.”
Kayla still hadn’t looked at her.
“Look, I didn’t come here to give you a hard time.” Kayla sighed. “I don’t know what’s going on between us right now, but I have something I need to talk to you about.”
Jackie was confused. What else did they have to talk about?
“A few weeks ago I told you about a friend of mine, the investigator I had look into your mother’s disappearance.”
Jackie’s heart stopped. “You found my mother?”
“Yes. I received the information this morning.”
The world was out of sync. Time and Kayla’s words seemed slowed and out of proportion. Nothing seemed to make sense. Jackie blinked several times, trying to clear her head.
“What did you find?” Jackie wasn’t sure her words came out right. Her voice seemed hollow and distant through the rushing sound of blood pulsing through her ears.
Kayla reached for Jackie’s hand. The touch was comforting and made Jackie’s heart ache for the loss of every love she had ever known.
“Maybe you should sit down.”
Jackie nodded and sat on the edge of the sofa, poised for the news she knew would change her life.
“The first thing you need to know is that your mother is alive.”
Jackie’s eyes filled with tears of relief. She could finally let go of the greatest fear of her life. The ache in her heart followed when she realized what this meant.
“Okay. That’s good.” Jackie’s words were strained as she spoke. “Is she happy?”
Kayla squeezed Jackie’s hand. “I’m afraid it isn’t that simple. I know what you’re thinking, but your mother didn’t leave either.”
Jackie was confused. “What do you mean?”
“There was an accident.”
Jackie looked ashen, and Kayla was afraid she was about to pass out.
“Sit back and lean your head back.” She pushed lightly against Jackie’s chest, guiding her back onto the sofa. She moved some of the trash littering the table. “Put your feet up a minute.” She lifted Jackie’s feet, placing them on the coffee table. She dashed into the kitchen, wetting a dishtowel before returning to Jackie.
“Are you okay?” Kayla asked as she brushed Jackie’s hair back from her forehead with the tips of her fingers and dabbed her brow with the towel.
Jackie reached for her hand, wrapping her long fingers around Kayla’s. “I’m okay. I just got a little dizzy.”
“Can I get you something?” Kayla asked, her voice laced with concern.
Jackie looked up at her, her eyes filled with questions and wonder, and something more.
“I missed you.” Jackie said in a whisper.
Kayla drew in a sharp breath. Her heart raced. This was Jackie. How had she let so much time slip between them? “I missed you too.” Kayla sat back, breaking their contact. “Do you feel like sitting up?”
Jackie nodded and raised up until she rested her elbows on her knees. Kayla settled onto the sofa next to her.
“Are you ready?”
Jackie nodded.
Kayla pulled out the file and handed it to Jackie.
Tears filled Jackie’s eyes as she stared at the pages trying to take in what she read. Her mother was alive.
She’d spent most of her life searching for the answers to what happened to her mother, haunted by fear and hurt. But now that the answers were right in front of her, she was afraid of what she would find. What if she didn’t like the answers?
Kayla sighed. “Your mother suffered a traumatic brain injury during a car accident. She didn’t come back for you because she couldn’t.”
Jackie closed her eyes and let the information sink in. She swallowed hard as the words began to filter through her consciousness. Her mother hadn’t left her after all.
“Her maiden name was Forrester? I never knew that,” Jackie croaked.
Fire scorched through her veins as she realized what had happened. Her father had hidden her mother from her. All those years he had known where she was and hadn’t told her she was alive. Jackie hated him even more for making her believe the lies about her mother and keeping her from her.
Kayla was quiet while Jackie read. The warmth of her hand on Jackie’s thigh was a comfort linking her to hope.
Jackie let the papers fall to her lap and leaned her head back against her seat. It was all laid out in front of her, the injuries, the rehabilitation her mother had gone through, and the physical and mental deficits her mother had suffered. She saw this kind of injury in her work and it took a lot of time and rehabilitation to bring someone back from that kind of devastation. She didn’t have the medical records to explain the details, but she had a pretty good idea what her mother suffered. How had she done it alone?
Jackie looked up at Kayla. “All this time and she was less than a thirty-minute drive from my home. How’s that possible?”
Kayla stroked Jackie’s hand. “I think your heart led you back to her, you just needed a little help.”
“Can I see her?”
Kayla smiled. “When you’re ready.”
Chapter Nineteen
Meadow View wasn’t too bad for an assisted living home. The happy yellow exterior was surrounded by beautiful landscaping that gave it a resort feel. Jackie sat in the car staring up at the windows as she tried to imagine what her mother’s life was like. She had imagined seeing her mother a million times, but now that she was here she couldn’t muster the courage to face her. She was terrified that her m
other wouldn’t know her or even remember her. What then? She bit her lip. She was being a coward.
Jackie followed Kayla through the french doors and scanned the room. A few residents sat watching television as she signed in at the front desk.
“Excuse me, can you tell me where I can find Jacqueline Rose Forrester,” Jackie said to a passing nurse. Jackie swallowed the lump in her throat and scolded herself for not knowing to look for her mother under her maiden name. No wonder her vain attempts to find her mother had never amounted to anything. She hadn’t even been looking for the right name. Jackie was pulled back into the present as the nurse pointed down a broad hallway that led out to a courtyard at the back of the residence.
“Ms. Rose likes to sit in the garden during the day.”
“Thank you.”
Jackie and Kayla walked along the path toward the gardens. Jackie smiled. Her mother had always loved flowers. The path led to a small fountain surrounded by zinnias, roses, and peonies. A woman sat on a bench facing the pond. A cane rested next to her and she held her left hand at an awkward angle at her side. Jackie froze. The familiar face that resembled her own seemed drawn, and the short cut hair was a stark contrast to the long locks her mother had once been so proud of.
Jackie’s heart broke and mended itself in one instance. This was her mother. She was alive.
“You go,” Kayla whispered.
“Aren’t you coming?” Jackie asked, surprised.
Kayla smiled and patted her hand. “I’ll be right here if you need me.”
Jackie swallowed against the torrent of emotions bombarding her and nodded. “Thank you.”
Jackie stepped closer until she was only a few feet away from the bench.
Her mother turned and smiled at her.
Jackie smiled back. “Hello, Rose,” Jackie said softly.
“Hello.”
Her mother’s voice was soft but stronger than Jackie expected. She waited but there was no sign that her mother recognized her. The disappointment was a sharp stab to her heart.
Her mother gestured to the seat next to her. “Would you like to sit with me?”
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