by Kylie Chan
Kwan Yin nodded silently.
He sipped his tea. ‘You certainly have my permission to try your best to pull Leo out. Go for it. If you can persuade him out of Hell, I’d be very happy indeed.’
‘I wasn’t expecting this to be so easy after all the bureaucracy we’ve had to go through,’ I said.
The Emperor smiled slightly. ‘We thought we would be able to fix this without the intervention of a mortal such as yourself. It makes us look very, very bad to have to call you in on this. The Celestial should be able to handle this type of thing.’
‘Leo’s very stubborn when he wants to be,’ I said.
The Emperor raised his teacup to me. ‘That he is. And thoroughly Worthy. I am looking forward to seeing him take his place here among the Immortals.’
‘He’s black and gay, Ah Ting,’ Bai Hu said.
We all stared at Bai Hu with astonishment, even the Jade Emperor.
‘I’m just saying,’ Bai Hu said with a shrug. ‘He’d be the first.’
I turned back to the Jade Emperor. ‘He’d be the first gay Immortal? Is it allowed? I know the tradition …’
‘Humankind is very fond of rules,’ the Jade Emperor said. ‘Very fond of putting things into little boxes and sticking labels on them. Yang is masculine; yin is feminine. Therefore all males must be yang and be attracted to females. Despite the fact that the universe is obviously not built that way, humans insist on creating their little boxes and pushing things into them even when it’s quite plain that they don’t fit.’ He poured more tea. ‘The nature of the Tao is the true nature of all. If a man is attracted to other men and that is his nature, then how can he pursue the Tao without pursuing that nature? Ridiculous.’
‘So it’s not an issue?’ I said.
‘Of course not,’ the Emperor said. ‘There are plenty of gay Immortals, there always have been. The minute you stick a label on something it loses its true nature and you move further away from the Tao, which is nameless.’
‘But he’s black,’ Bai Hu said.
‘I have the sudden urge to rap you sharply across the nose, cat,’ the Emperor said.
‘He’s not Eastern, I meant,’ Bai Hu said. ‘It’s not the colour, it’s the location. I mean, we’ve had Westerners gain Immortality here before …’ His voice trailed off. He raised his hands in defeat. ‘Okay. I just made my own point. Shutting up now.’
‘You aren’t just a sexist pig, you’re a racist one as well,’ I said with wonder.
‘The hell I am,’ the Tiger said. ‘He doesn’t belong to this Corner of the World. He should be Raised to Immortality in the United States, his home. He should reside on his own Celestial Plane.’
‘What about me?’ I said.
‘You too. If you were to gain Immortality, you should do it in the South, where you belong, and live in the Southern Celestial Plane.’
‘What about me?’ Simone said.
The Tiger opened his mouth and closed it again.
‘Oh, very well,’ the Emperor said. ‘But this is strictly for your ears only, you are not to share it with anyone. The Elder of the Southern Shen and I have been in contact for about ten years. We’re arranging a conference in a neutral territory, probably Antarctica. As soon as we contact the Western, African and North and South American Shen we’ll start making arrangements. We’ll probably do it when Ah Wu’s back and he can do the security in conjunction with each group’s people. We’ll thrash out a reciprocal agreement.’
‘Not North, South, East and West Shen?’ I said.
‘No, the Eastern and Western thing is just for convenience,’ the Jade Emperor said. ‘Actually, each continent has its own Shen, divided by the ocean or desert. So there aren’t actually any Northern Shen, unless you count Ah Wu who is the essence of the North itself.’ He shrugged. ‘Hardly anybody lives up there anyway — people there fit into their own region. So basically it will be a meeting of Shen from the six continents, and when we get together we’ll probably start formal naming and reciprocal diplomatic arrangements.’
‘What, Shen UN?’ I said.
The Jade Emperor made a soft sound of amusement. ‘Yes. Now that travelling between the Corners is becoming common, we need to deal with the matter of mortals attaining Immortality in a Centre outside their own. If they choose to reside in a different Celestial Plane, the option to do so should be open to them. Leo is a classic example of this; he is in the first hundred or so black people who have been through our Hell, and the first to gain Immortality in our Centre. Until now, we have had very little contact with other Celestials. The time has come that we should make an arrangement for free movement between the Planes.’
‘The demons are moving as well,’ I said. ‘Look at these stone things.’
‘Precisely,’ the Emperor said with feeling. ‘Mixing Western mystical stones with Eastern demons. And the biotech that One Two Two was experimenting with …’ He glared at the Tiger. ‘Absolutely not acceptable.’
‘I don’t do anything like that,’ the Tiger said. ‘My kids are just studying them. Just having a look. Working out what makes them tick.’
‘As long as that’s all it is,’ the Jade Emperor said. ‘Supervise your scientists closely. Interfere with the demons’ true nature and Er Lang will land on you so hard you’ll think your nose is your tail.’
Bai Hu saluted. ‘Celestial Majesty. I agree with you anyway.’
‘Jade and Gold,’ I said.
‘Ah.’ The Emperor leaned back. ‘Do you know why they are bound into servitude?’
‘No,’ I said. ‘They’re both obviously embarrassed about it, and I haven’t pushed the point.’
‘They deserved it,’ the Tiger said. ‘They should have spent the time in Hell.’
‘I didn’t see you charging out of the West to defend the honour of the Qing,’ the Emperor said.
‘You issued the goddamn edict telling us not to interfere yourself, Ah Ting,’ the Tiger said.
The Jade Emperor thumped his hand on the table. ‘That is the third time you have called me that, Bai Hu. Call me Ah Ting again and I will have you executed! I gained this appointment through cultivation and merit and that story is a lie! You are walking a very fine line!’
The Tiger grinned and saluted.
The Jade Emperor turned back to us, serene again. ‘In 1843, a young man by the name of Robert Fortune sneaked into China. He wanted to free our nation from the scourge of the opium trade. You know about that?’
Both Simone and I nodded.
The Jade Emperor continued. ‘The opium trade was purely because of the tea. Young Robert thought that if he could grow tea in a territory of the British Empire, then the traders would no longer need to sell the opium in China to pay for the tea.’
‘He stole the tea,’ I said. ‘There was a show on the History Channel a while ago.’
‘I saw that too, it was very good,’ the Jade Emperor said. ‘Anyway, he travelled the tea plantations looking for owners who would be patriotic enough to help end this destructive trade. He was aided by a young woman who was both powerful and naïve.’
‘Not Jade,’ Simone said.
‘Yes. Jade took the young man to a plantation owned by a Shen. You might say the Shen had inherited the plantation when his demon master was destroyed. The Shen, being just as naïve as the young lady, provided Mr Fortune with seeds, plants and tame demons to cultivate them in the British Imperial Territory of India.’
‘Demon master?’ Simone said. ‘Gold was bound to a demon?’
‘He lost a bet and was bound into the demon’s servitude,’ the Emperor said. ‘The demon was destroyed, Gold was freed and he escaped with the deeds to a tea plantation the demon owned. He gave Robert Fortune the tea — directly in defiance of an edict issued by me that no Celestial was to interfere in human affairs during that time of conflict.’
‘The economy collapsed when the tea trade dried up,’ I said. ‘And opium addicts with no supply filled the streets. It caused the Boxer Rebellio
n.’ I inhaled sharply as I understood. ‘The Boxers worshipped John. They believed that Xuan Wu made them invincible. Gold helped cause the Rebellion. The civil war afterwards brought down the freaking Qing dynasty.’
‘And led to a century of turmoil that our nation could barely afford,’ the Jade Emperor said. ‘If we had retained control of the tea trade, it is possible we could have salvaged minor economic independence. As it was, we were at the mercy of the rest of the world. The West and Japan both moved in and carved us up. When they left, there was civil war again. You know the story.’
‘Gold did this,’ Simone said. ‘He gave Robert Fortune the tea.’
‘And Jade helped him,’ the Emperor said. ‘I knew what I was doing when I issued that order. They should have known better than to defy me; I work only for the best interests of my human subjects.’
I straightened. ‘Right. I understand now. They’ve been in servitude, what? Nearly a hundred years?’
‘Not nearly long enough,’ the Tiger said.
‘Ah Bai’s right,’ I said. ‘Leave them in my service until they have completely atoned.’
The Jade Emperor gazed at me with wonder. I glanced at Simone, she had the same look on her face.
‘What?’
‘You are so much like Ah Wu sometimes, it’s uncanny. Are you sure you’re not his Serpent?’ the Emperor said.
I sighed. ‘I have no idea what I am, Celestial Majesty.’ I looked up at him, full of hope. ‘Could you have a look at me? You might know what I am.’
‘What if she is his Serpent?’ Simone said. ‘If he comes back and they rejoin?’
‘Then she’d probably disappear completely into him. You’d lose her, and gain his yang side.’ The Emperor smiled at his tea. ‘Not an ideal situation for those who love you, I think, Lady Emma, whatever your feelings on the matter.’
Simone glanced sharply at me.
I shook my head and looked down. ‘I want it, Simone. I want to be part of him, to join with him. I want it more than anything in the world.’ I sighed and looked into her eyes. ‘I want to be his Serpent.’
‘You aren’t,’ Bai Hu said. ‘We’ve seen it. The Serpent shows up occasionally, wreaks havoc with the weather and then disappears again.’
‘That’s true, it’s highly unlikely,’ the Jade Emperor said. He sipped his tea. ‘Even I don’t know what you are. I have never seen anything like you before.’
‘I thought you knew all,’ I said with humour.
‘I know all in the Eastern Plane. Something about you is not part of this Plane and therefore beyond my knowledge,’ he said. ‘Maybe it is part of your Western or Southern heritage. When Ah Wu returns and we have our conference we can find out more.’
Simone leaned over the table and whispered, ‘Please don’t be Daddy’s Serpent. I couldn’t bear to lose you when he returns.’
‘I’ll try not to be, Simone. That’s all I can promise.’
‘Are we finished?’ the Jade Emperor said.
‘Thanks, Celestial Majesty,’ I said. ‘I appreciate your time.’
He waved it down. ‘Not a problem, Emma. I nearly came down to see you anyway; I was sick to death of hearing about Leo.’
The Jade Emperor rose and we did as well. Simone hesitated, then went to him and embraced him. She kissed him on the cheek.
‘Thanks for everything,’ she said.
He smiled up at her; she was about five centimetres taller than him. ‘You’re welcome, sweetheart. Thanks for showing me your Celestial Form, it’s spectacular. Now.’ He put his arm around her waist and glanced from her to me. ‘I’d like to give you two some little gifts I have for you, but I want to do it with all the Imperial bullshit in front of everybody. Do you mind?’
‘Do you have to?’ Simone whined.
He squeezed her around the waist. ‘Oh, come on, make an old man happy.’
‘Promise you won’t make me take serpent form,’ I said.
‘Cross my heart. I never wanted to force you into serpent form; I just wanted you to show them that defiance is the right path to take when it is with good reason. But Simone,’ he looked up at her, ‘it would be a good idea to take the full version of your True Form. Scare any potential suitors half to death. Pull in all the yin you can, wrap it around you. Make your eyes huge and black, your hair as well if you can. Be as scary as possible. Make them think twice about doing anything stupid to make me give them your hand. Carry Seven Stars, the blade bare. Have you tried to load it with energy?’
‘I’m not game.’
‘Don’t worry about it then. Just take your biggest, scariest Celestial Form.’
‘Good idea,’ I said. ‘Do it, Simone.’
‘What are you going to give us though?’ Simone asked.
‘Just a couple of little things,’ the Emperor said. He squeezed her again. ‘You’ll do it for me?’
She shrugged. ‘Okay.’
CHAPTER 7
General Qin announced us again. ‘Bodhisattva Kwan Yin. Lord Bai Hu of the West. Princess Simone. Lady Emma Donahoe.’
Why does he keep doing us in the wrong order? Simone said. You have precedence over Uncle Bai.
I raised my hand to hush her and we walked down the carpet again. Even more Celestials had turned up. The hall was nearly full.
We did the obeisance thing at the base of the dais, and this time the Emperor quickly told us to rise.
We stood and waited.
Er Lang raised a scroll and read from it, sounding unhappy. This time he was in human form, appearing as a normal, good-looking young Chinese warrior. His third eye was closed and undetectable. ‘Lady Emma Donahoe, step forward.’
I moved to the base of the steps that led up to the throne.
The Jade Emperor rose from the throne and raised one hand. ‘Approach, Lady Emma.’
I bowed slightly, then climbed the stairs to the top. A young woman in a floating pink robe appeared behind the Emperor holding a black and silver cloisonné casket. The casket was about thirty centimetres long.
At the top of the stairs I fell to one knee and saluted again.
You are very good at this, the Emperor said.
I winked at him on the way back up.
He gestured for me to stand beside him and face the hall, and I did. The raised faces of hundreds of Celestials shone below me. Simone watched from the bottom of the dais, her own expression full of pride.
‘Lady Emma Donahoe is the Chosen of the Supreme Lord of the Dark Northern Heavens,’ the Emperor said loudly.
Everybody in the hall went completely still and silent. The Emperor’s voice echoed through the vast space.
‘The Dark Lord appointed Lady Emma to be Regent. She has been kept on probation; her performance has been monitored.’
He nodded and the young woman approached with the casket. He opened the lid to reveal a black jade ruyi — a thirty-centimetre long ornamental sceptre shaped like an archer’s bow, with a cloud design on one end and a set of pa kua symbols on the other. Twining snakes adorned the centre of the rod. Its flattened body had a central knob on the underside to hold it when it sat on the desk. ‘Ruyi’ meant ‘as one wills’. It was a symbolic representation of the holder’s will and a fung shui method of gaining positive outcomes to decisions. Most of the Celestials in the hall held them as indicators of rank.
The Jade Emperor carefully lifted the ruyi out of the box and turned to me. He spoke loudly and firmly as he held the sceptre out. ‘This ruyi represents the Dark Lord’s dominion. Lady Emma is no longer on probation; we confirm her rank and station as Regent of the Dark Northern Heavens, Ruler of the Celestial Mountain of Wudang, and Acting First Heavenly General.’
I froze. First Heavenly General? I didn’t have time for that! Simone had exams coming up, and the students needed to be organised after the end-of-year holiday trips home. And it was tax time soon.
Only in name, don’t panic, Emma, the Emperor said. Er Lang can handle it.
I breathed a quiet sigh of re
lief, took the sceptre with both hands and bowed.
Turn to face them holding the ruyi, he said, then switched to out loud. ‘We confirm Lady Emma Donahoe as Regent of the Dark Northern Heavens. Obey her as you obey the Dark Lord.’
Everybody in the hall, even Simone, silently fell to one knee and saluted me; except for Kwan Yin who just nodded.
I turned to the Jade Emperor, knelt on one knee and saluted him as First Heavenly General with the ruyi resting in the crook of my left elbow. I sneaked a look at Er Lang; he was glowering at me. Uh-oh.
‘Dismissed,’ the Emperor said.
I saluted him again, rose, and walked down the stairs to stand next to Simone.
Simone was called up next, and another box was pulled out.
‘Princess Simone is given Celestial Endorsement,’ the Emperor said. He pulled a jade tablet out of the box and presented it to her. ‘She may call upon the Celestial any time.’
Simone bowed and returned to stand next to me. The Jade Emperor returned to his throne.
Er Lang read from the scroll. ‘Princess Simone is ordered to take Celestial Form.’
‘Move back, Emma,’ Simone said softly. ‘This is going to be big.’
She was right. It was huge. Her robes didn’t appear as fabric at all; they were holes in reality, with stars sparkling inside them. She wore the universe as clothing. Her immensely long black hair didn’t make it to the floor; it floated in a Celestial breeze. Clouds of yin moved in and out of the strands of her hair, filling the air with sleet that hissed as it hit the floor around her. Her enormous black eyes shone in her expressionless forbidding face. She summoned Seven Stars and held the bare dark blade in front of her. The sword had seven indentations, each centring on a hole that went right through the blade.
A commotion erupted to our left among the Celestials. A young man in human form wearing blue and silver armour stormed out of the crowd onto the carpet and planted himself next to me facing the Jade Emperor. I recognised him: the Dragon Prince that Simone had mentioned. He was one of Qing Long’s sons, about number five or six.
‘I demand the right to challenge for Princess Simone’s hand,’ the dragon said. ‘As her father is not sentient and present, you are able to grant her hand.’