by Kylie Chan
‘What’s a Snake Mother?’
‘Uh …’ I hesitated. ‘Right now I don’t think knowing about them is a good idea.’
He nodded and ran his hand down the side of my neck, a surprisingly pleasant feeling.
‘You are dry and warm and soft,’ he said. ‘Nothing like I expected.’
‘Thank you,’ I said. ‘Serpents are healers. When someone is injured and I can help, I will take this form to heal them.’
‘You healed my leg,’ he said with wonder.
‘That I did,’ I said. ‘I would not have changed otherwise.’
He dropped his hand and grinned. ‘I think we need to get back to work now; they’ll be waiting for me upstairs.’
I changed back to human form. ‘You are one of the bravest humans I have ever seen, Chang. I saw what that took. You’re right, let’s head back to the office. Sit, could you take over his weapons training? He needs a lot of work.’
‘I’ll work out a schedule, ma’am,’ Sit said. He nodded to Chang. ‘You are very brave. I’ll be in touch with you about lessons.’
‘I want to learn with Lady Emma,’ Chang said.
‘You were just injured in a lesson with me, which means I’m not good enough to teach you,’ I said. ‘You need a better teacher, one who can control your impatience.’
His face fell. ‘Once again I’ve ruined it for myself with my own impatience.’
I turned to go and he stopped me. ‘Ma’am?’
I turned back. ‘Yes?’
‘You are going to leave the sword on the floor in the middle of the room? That blade is evil, it drank blood!’
‘It’s not evil, it’s just yin,’ I said. ‘And it will find its own way home, don’t worry about it.’
He shrugged. ‘If you say so.’
‘Thanks for the help, Sit,’ I said.
‘Not a problem at all, ma’am, he is a remarkable human. What do you have him doing?’
‘He’s my new secretary.’
‘But he’s a man.’
‘Oh, Sit, you disappoint me.’
Sit shook his head. ‘I disappoint myself sometimes, ma’am. My apologies, Chang. I’ll see you later.’ He disappeared.
Chang started with shock. ‘He is an Immortal?’
‘That he is; most of the Masters are,’ I said. I went out to the lobby and pressed the button for the lift. ‘Let’s go.’
Michael was waiting outside my office when we returned, in his work suit. Chang stopped when he saw him and glanced at me.
‘This is Michael,’ I said. ‘He’s part of the family and free to come and go as he pleases. He will occasionally take the form of a bloody great tiger as well; just ignore that.’
Michael nodded to me. ‘Can we talk, ma’am?’
‘Come on in, Michael.’
Chang gingerly took his seat behind the desk and started flipping through paperwork.
‘Round up anything you have questions on and we’ll go through them when I’m done with Michael,’ I said. ‘Also, contact Master Meredith Liu — her number’s in the Academy phone directory — and ask her to check with the Courts of the tenth level of Hell about how long it’ll be before we get the stones and the Black Lion returned. We need them as quickly as possible if we’re to raid this nest before I see Nu Wa.’
Chang’s mouth dropped open and his eyes went wide.
‘Chang, get a piece of paper, write it down,’ I said, and he scrabbled around the desk, then picked up a pencil and notebook.
I repeated the instructions for him and he shook his head. ‘Nu Wa — tenth level of Hell — are you serious, ma’am?’
‘Normal day in New Wudang, my friend,’ Michael said with amusement. ‘Hang around long enough and things will get really weird.’
Chang stared at him for a moment, then grinned broadly. ‘This was definitely the right decision.’
‘Way to go blowing up all preconceptions about what a secretary should be,’ Michael said with admiration as he closed my office door behind him. ‘He’s just an ordinary human though; you sure he’ll be able to do it?’
I shrugged. ‘He’s smart as anything and has some Shaolin. He’ll be great.’
Michael frowned as he sat. ‘Does he know the risk?’
I hesitated for a moment, then sobered. ‘No. I’ll talk to him. I just got caught up in settling him in; I didn’t make that clear.’
‘Does he know about you?’
‘He knows I’m a snake.’
‘And the other stuff?’
‘What did you want to see me about, Michael?’
He leaned back. ‘Apparently, you’ve ordered me to go to Celestial High. I’m twenty-four years old, I have a Master’s degree, I have a full-time job and I’m not going back to high school.’
‘Okay,’ I said. ‘I didn’t order it, I just gave permission, but your choice. No problem at all.’
‘Thanks,’ he said, and rose. ‘What was I supposed to be studying at CH anyway? Year Twelve math?’
‘Poison administration and clearance, advanced Shen energy manipulation, up to level seventy-five demon binding and taming,’ I said. ‘Stuff you’d get from a senior class here anyway, so it’s much the same whether you go there or here.’
‘Why there then?’
‘They asked.’
‘Yeah, I got an über-formal email from them. Sound like a stuffy bunch of old-fashioned teachers — just what I don’t need.’
‘You’ve never been up there?’
‘I don’t need to repeat high school.’
‘Tell you what,’ I said, and rose to open the door for him. ‘Go up and say hello to Lord Hong for me. After that, the decision is yours.’
He saluted me, ‘Ma’am,’ and went out.
‘Any word from Court Ten?’ I asked Chang.
‘You didn’t tell me it was Judge Pao!’ Chang said, raising his hands. ‘He’s a legend. He’s real! He’s really down there!’
‘He’s a royal pain in the ass,’ I said. ‘Never met anybody quite so inflexible in my entire life. So any word?’
‘The Lion will be back by dinnertime today. The stones will be back in three days, on Thursday. What happened to them?’
‘Nothing much. Call my house, tell Monica that Leo will be home for dinner. Invite Michael, his number’s there too. Family reunion. Clear my appointments for Thursday, I’m going demon hunting. Contact the following Masters — write this down.’
He raised the pencil he was already holding.
‘Meredith Liu — you already talked to her. Her husband, Liu Cheng Rong —’
‘Wait, wait,’ he said. ‘Wait. Immortals are married? They’re supposed to be celibate and have no emotional attachments.’
‘Don’t confuse bodhisattvas with Immortals, particularly Raised Immortals. Immortals can succumb to the pleasures of the Earthly as much as anybody. Their nature once they’re Raised depends entirely upon the way they were Raised — and there’s a number of different ways of going about it. This doesn’t include nature Shen like Xuan Tian, who are a class unto themselves. It’s extremely complicated, and I’ll give you a full explanation later, but right now I need you to contact them for me. Both Lius, the Blue Dragon, the White Tiger; not the Red Phoenix, she has enough on her plate …’
‘These gods are real?’
‘You acknowledge the Xuan Wu is real and are surprised at the existence of the other three? Also Na Zha — no, don’t bother with Na Zha; I don’t care how good a demon killer he is, he’s too much trouble. Monkey King … nah. Similar. Contact General Ma, Vanguard of the Thirty-Six, ask him how busy the Thirty-Six are right now and if they can spare any of the generals. You getting this?’
‘All those gods are real?’
‘Chang.’ I leaned on the door. ‘I’ve yet to find a mythological creature that isn’t real.’
‘I’m not real,’ the White Tiger said from the other doorway.
‘I wish you weren’t,’ I said, and gestured towards my office.
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‘Who is this, ma’am?’ Chang said. ‘Does he have free passage as well?’
‘This is Michael’s father, the White Tiger of the West.’
‘Emperor to you, human,’ the Tiger said, his tawny eyes focused on Chang. ‘Don’t get in my way.’
‘He’s a devil!’ Chang said, pointing at the Tiger. ‘He eats unborn children and brings bad luck!’
The Tiger leaned on Chang’s desk and grinned maliciously. ‘You bet your pasty human ass I do. So stay out of my way.’
‘Ignore him, Chang, he’s really a big pussycat.’ I gestured with my head. ‘In here, pussycat.’
‘I eat humans like him for breakfast,’ the Tiger growled as he followed me into my office, closing the door behind him. He spread his arms wide as I sat at my desk. ‘You love me.’
‘Of course I do,’ I said, checking my email. Chang had missed a few, but overall it was a good job. ‘I even give you a cat toy at Christmas.’
He sat in a visitors’ chair. ‘I solved the problem! I got it wrong — the harness wasn’t for demon horses. I’m going to carry you. Me and the other two cats.’
I turned to see him. ‘What other two cats?’
‘Michael and Leo. We’ll take turns carrying you.’
‘Michael’s not Immortal; he can’t survive in a vacuum. Hell, I’m not even sure Leo and Simone can.’
‘They can! And I’ve checked Michael, he’s good.’ He leaned on my desk. ‘So when’s the Lion back? We can head out as soon as he returns. The sooner the better.’
‘He’s back this evening,’ I said.
He slapped the table. ‘Tomorrow morning then, first thing. By nightfall tomorrow, you’ll be talking to Nu Wa.’ He leaned back and put his hands behind his head. ‘Fixed.’
‘The stones will be back soon and we need to move on the Geek as quickly as possible.’
‘When are they back?’
‘Three days. Thursday.’
‘See? It works out perfectly. Tomorrow, Nu Wa; day after, regroup and prepare; Thursday, Geek; Friday, come to the palace and lounge beside the pool with me. I’ll throw a celebration dinner: Geek gone; Emma able to walk the Celestial on two legs.’
‘I’ll talk to Michael and Leo about it over dinner. I’m not sure this is a good time to be rushing off when we’re so close to finding the Geek’s nest.’
He waved one hand dismissively. ‘It’s a perfect time; you have nothing to do for the next two days otherwise. I’ll come and share dinner with you; thanks for the invite. See you at seven at your little flat.’
‘It’s not that little,’ I said, protesting, but he’d already disappeared.
Chang tapped on the door.
‘Enter,’ I said, still checking the emails.
He came in and put a mug of Ceylon tea on the desk in front of me, then a bundle of papers. ‘You said to bring these in when the Tiger had gone.’
‘How did you know he’d gone?’
‘I didn’t. The tea was an excuse to check.’
I sipped it. ‘How did you know how I like it?’
‘Lok told me.’
I nodded. ‘Let’s go through these papers.’
CHAPTER 23
I opened the front door of the apartment to find Michael standing there with a young human girl, a slim Chinese, in her early twenties.
‘What’s going on?’ I said.
‘This is Clarissa. I think it’s about time she learned the truth,’ Michael said. ‘I’m going on a dangerous trek tomorrow and it’s only right that she’s aware of the whole deal.’
‘Are you sure?’ I said.
He nodded grimly and gestured for her to enter.
I held my hand out to her. ‘Hi, Clarissa, I’m Emma.’
She shook my hand, her face full of delight, and spoke with a charming American accent. ‘Nice to finally meet you.’
‘You’re American too?’ I said as I closed the door behind them.
She nodded. ‘I work in the same place as Michael.’
Simone came down the hall and stopped when she saw them. ‘Oh,’ she said. ‘I wondered why you used the front door.’ She nodded to Clarissa. ‘Hi, I’m Simone, Michael’s … sort of … cousin. But not really.’
‘Does Michael normally use the servants’ entrance?’ Clarissa said with a laugh.
‘Uh, yeah. That’s part of the explanation,’ Michael said. He rubbed the back of his head. ‘Come on through and meet the family.’
‘I’ve been wanting to meet you all for a while,’ Clarissa said. ‘Michael’s made up this whole mysterious business about his family, you know? Totally unnecessary.’ She turned to me. ‘Are you his aunt or something?’
‘I’m not a blood relative; it’s very complicated,’ I said. ‘Come into the dining room and we’ll talk about tomorrow.’
Michael shook his head. ‘I want to explain everything,’ he said. ‘All of it.’ He turned to Clarissa. ‘They haven’t had any priming; this is the family straight up, the way they come. Right, Emma?’
‘Michael never told us you were coming,’ I said. ‘Michael, are you sure this is a good idea?’
‘This is starting to sound very interesting,’ Clarissa said, smiling. ‘I can’t begin to imagine what the big secret is.’
‘This is a very bad idea, Michael,’ Simone said, her voice mild. She shrugged. ‘Your dad and Leo are in the dining room already.’
‘I get to meet your mysterious father too; this gets better all the time,’ Clarissa said.
Michael took her arm and guided her towards the dining room; Simone and I followed. As we went in Bai Hu was shouting at Leo, who was glaring at him.
‘You are worse than useless against anything that attacks you unless you get yourself trained again, man! Have a sword or a polearm or something made and get some training! Your lion form is very pretty, but fucking useless if a big demon attacks.’ He saw us and waved for us to sit. ‘Get this damn lion some training, Emma; he’s fucking useless as a guard with the damage that’s been done to his memory.’
Leo raised his hands. ‘I’m getting some training, so leave it already!’
‘Well, it’s about time,’ the Tiger growled, then broke into a huge boyish grin when he saw Clarissa. ‘And who’s this lovely one?’
‘This is my girlfriend,’ Michael said stiffly. ‘Clarissa, this is my father.’
The Tiger rose and held his hand out to her. ‘Barry Hu. Lovely to meet you.’
‘Clarissa,’ she said, smiling. ‘You don’t look old enough to be Michael’s father.’
The Tiger sat and waved one hand airily. ‘They all say that. I was young and stupid when we had Michael.’ He gestured for her to sit. ‘So take a seat and tell us all about yourself.’
She sat next to him, wide-eyed and enraptured. ‘I work with Michael. We went to Harvard together, and took up cadetships at the financial house at the same time.’
The Tiger changed his appearance so that he was older and less attractive, but she didn’t seem to notice. ‘How much has he told you about us?’
‘Nothing,’ Michael said, obviously unhappy. ‘But since we’re going on a dangerous trek tomorrow, I thought it only fair that she knows everything.’
‘That’s not really necessary —’ the Tiger began.
‘Everything,’ Michael said firmly. ‘The whole thing. You, Leo, Emma, Simone, everything.’
The Tiger put one hand on the table. ‘Usually we wait until they’ve said yes to a marriage proposal.’
‘I want her to know before it gets too serious.’
‘What is the big secret anyway?’ Clarissa said, looking around at us, delighted. ‘All of you are spies or something?’
‘Why does everybody always assume that?’ I said.
‘Because spies deal in secrets as much as we do,’ the Tiger said.
‘Not spies then? Aliens?’ she said, amused.
‘I wish we were,’ I said, leaning my chin on my hand. ‘It would be easier to explain.’
&n
bsp; ‘Try gods,’ Michael said.
‘Gods?’ she repeated, still amused and playing along with the joke.
‘Actually, Michael’s father is a god,’ Simone said. ‘My father is too. Michael and I are demi-gods. Leo is a Taoist Immortal.’
‘No, that doesn’t work, he’s black,’ she said. ‘Taoist Immortals are definitely Chinese. Try again.’
‘It’s the twenty-first century and people are travelling around,’ Leo said. ‘So even though I was originally American, technically speaking I’m a Taoist Immortal.’ He shook his head. ‘Damn, that really does sound strange, doesn’t it?’
‘What about you, Emma?’ she said, turning her attention to me. ‘You sound Australian. You’re a … a … what are they called? Binyip?’
‘Bunyip!’ Simone said, delighted. ‘Thanks, Clarissa, that clears everything up for me.’
‘So let me get this straight,’ Clarissa said. She pointed at Bai Hu. ‘God.’ She gestured around the table. ‘Demi-gods, Taoist Immortal, Bunyip. Is that right? So …’ She leaned on the table and smiled at Michael. ‘What’s the big trek tomorrow? Going to Bunyipland to take some tourist shots?’
‘Visiting the goddess Nu Wa in Heaven,’ he said.
She clapped her hands. ‘Wonderful! Can I come?’
‘Told you this was a bad idea,’ Simone said.
‘What can we do to prove to you that we’re everything we say we are?’ Michael said.
‘Oh, I don’t know, something really impressive,’ she said. ‘Change into gods and fly through the heavens?’
‘A hundred says that if we change she’ll be a screamer,’ the Tiger said.
‘I’m not taking that bet, I happen to agree with you,’ I said.
‘That is so rude!’ Simone said.
‘Michael, we should call this off now and just have dinner normally,’ I said. ‘Anything we do to prove all of this to Clarissa will freak her out completely, and you’ll probably lose her.’
‘I’m right here,’ Clarissa said pointedly.
‘Sorry,’ I said. ‘But I don’t want to risk what you and Michael have together.’
‘She can take it,’ Michael said.
‘You’re drug dealers!’ Clarissa said, eyes wide. ‘You’re criminals!’ She rose and put her hands on the table. ‘I don’t believe this of you, Michael!’