I don’t respond, just let out a sigh and push myself to my feet. “Maybe I should go,” I say, hesitantly.
“Wait,” he says sliding off the edge of the bed and walking towards me. “Don’t go. I just… Luke’s right. We have a lot of shit to sort out.”
“We do,” I agree. “But not now. I can see that you’re not ready. This conversation is only going to end with me getting hurt again and I’m not sure that I can handle that.”
“Babe,” he says as he reaches out and takes my hand. I look down at them and realize my heart is already breaking. He hasn’t denied that he’s not ready. He pulls on my hand and I fall into him before he wraps me up in his warm arms.
I bury my face into his chest and breathe him in. A few weeks ago, he had said those words that I still repeat in my mind every single day. ‘You will be.’ It gives me hope, but the way he hasn’t said a word about us is beginning to tear that hope down.
He holds me close and rubs his hand up and down my back. “I’m sorry,” he murmurs. “I’m not there yet.” I nod my head into his chest. I knew it was coming but it doesn’t make it sting any less. “Are you ok?” he asks after I’ve been quiet for a little too long.
I nod again, scared that my voice will come out broken if I was to speak. I take a few slow breaths and get myself under control. I consider pulling out of his arms to ask my next question, but I don’t want to see the look on his face when he answers.
“Where are you disappearing to every few days?” I mumble into his shirt, making his back stiffen. “If you’re seeing someone, you should just tell me already. Like a band-aid.”
He lets out a sigh. “I’m not seeing anyone,” he finally tells me.
At that, I find the balls to pull back and really look at him. “Then where are you going?”
He looks away as though he’s ashamed of himself. “I’ve been going to therapy,” he tells me.
My mouth practically pops open. “Are you serious?” I question. The Jace I know doesn’t get help, he doesn’t discuss his problems, and he sure as hell doesn’t admit to seeing a therapist.
He nods his head as he leans back against the hospital bed. “Yeah, babe. You told me it was time I forgive myself, so that what I’ve been trying to do.”
I remain where I am but I don’t dare take my eyes off him. “And… how’s it going?”
He groans before reaching forward and pulling me into him again. “Don’t make me talk about it,” he begs. “I fucking hate it.”
I nod my head and get lost inside my own head for a moment. “What about the other thing?” I ask as the curiosity gets to be too much.
“You mean the blackouts?” he questions.
I nod my head into his strong chest. “Yeah,” I say quietly.
I listen to the steady beat of his heart as I wait for his reply. I become anxious as the blackouts is his main reason for us not being together. He doesn’t trust himself after what happened with his father, and I get that, but if there was some way the blackouts would stop, then there’s a chance that this man could be mine.
“I’ve been seeing a doctor who confirmed it’s PTSD. So, when I blackout, my mind takes me back to being in a war zone, which is why I attacked my dad,” he finally tells me. “The doctor put me on some medication, and so far, I haven’t blacked out in over a month, but I don’t trust it yet.”
“What?” I gasp as I look up at him and search his eyes. For once, I see hope shining back at me. “What does this mean?”
“It means,” he says as he raises his hand to run the back of his knuckles down the side of my face before he slowly leans in and gently presses his lips to mine. “That I’m finally coming home to you.”
I latch onto his lips that hover just above mine and kiss him with all I’ve got. His hand wraps back around my waist and he holds me as tight as he can while emotions take over both of us.
After a moment, he pulls back and rests his forehead against mine as we both catch our breath. “You’re coming home,” I say, repeating his earlier words and trying them out for myself.
“Yeah, babe,” he says. “I’m just not quite there yet.”
With that, I close my eyes and just stand here, being in the moment with him until the time starts to pass. “I better go,” I tell him. “I left the store wide open.”
“Ok, babe,” he murmurs before pressing his lips against mine just one more time. “Do you want me to walk you out.”
“No,” I smile. “I’ll be alright, and besides, you need to be there for Luke after I kick his ass.”
“Alright,” he laughs as he laces his fingers through mine and walks me towards the door. “I’ll see you later, ok?”
I nod as I look up at him. “Don’t take too long,” I tell him.
“Wouldn’t dream of it.”
A smile breaks across my face and I make my escape out of the room before I make a fool out of myself. though, I manage to give Luke the look of absolute death as I pass him. “You watch your back, Luke Hayes,” I tell him. “I’m coming for you.”
“I don’t doubt it,” he says.
I stop by Lexi’s side and give her a quick kiss on the cheek. “I’m sorry,” she tells me. “I couldn’t stop him.”
“It’s ok,” I say. “Jace and I needed that more than you could know.”
“So… is it all good then? You don’t look like he just tore you apart again.”
“Trust me, if it was all good, I’d be underneath him right now screaming his name, but it’s on the way to being all good.”
“Thank god,” she says.
“Tell me about it,” I smile before narrowing my eyes at Luke once again. “I have to go, but tomorrow night, you’re ditching your douchebag boyfriend and were having a girls’ night. I’m in the mood for celebrating.”
“You’re on,” she says. “I’ll call the girls.”
With that, I double check my car keys and phone are in my pocket and I walk out the doors of the hospital while narrowly avoiding getting a parking ticket.
I get back into my car in an extremely different mood than the last time I was in here. I mean, Jace just turned my whole world upside down and put it back into place in the space of ten minutes. He made my heart beat again and gave me hope for the future that I’ve been dreaming about for the past two years, and I swear, I could explode with happiness right now.
With a smile on my face and love in my heart, I get back to my store and put all those emotions into my designs.
Chapter 20
Jace
How the hell did my day go from cooking someone else’s dinner, to getting stitches in the ER, to feeling on top of the fucking world?
I watch that perfect ass as Cami slips out the door and I groan as I resist going after her.
I couldn’t believe it when she walked through the door. I think I was in shock, or maybe I’d just lost a bit too much blood, but either way, she walked in here looking like she’s just lost the most precious thing to her and all I could do was stare. It took me a few moments to pull my shit together and realize that my girl was standing before me in tears.
I hate those fucking tears. It’s like they exist only to torture me. I had no choice. I had to go to her, and when I did, it felt so fucking right. Every day I go through life knowing I’m missing something and it only ever goes away when I’m with her.
Knowing that those tears were there and she was such a mess because of my so called best friend had me nearly in a fit of rage. I mean, how could he do that to my girl? I get it though, he wanted us to talk, but surely, there must have been a better way.
If she hadn’t been such a mess, I’m sure I would have stormed right out there and put the fucker in his place, and even though the conversation between us went well, I still want to hate on him. He’s always been an opportunist and usually it’s a great thing, but right then, I’ve never hated it more.
I mean, if he wanted us to talk so badly, he could have dragged me over to her place kicking and scr
eaming before locking us in her apartment. He didn’t have to scare her.
The door closes behind Cami and I watch through the little window as she eyes off Luke and says a quick hello to Lexi. As she passes by them Luke cringes and pushes himself to his feet. He walks down to the room and barges his way through the door.
“How’d it go?” he questions, but I don’t have the patience for his questions right now.
I still can’t believe he did that to her. I mean, she was a fucking mess thinking that something had happened to me, though, I have to be honest, I hated seeing her like that, but I loved the fact that she raced all the way down here just to make sure I was alright, even after the hell I’ve put her through over the past two years. It just goes to show how deep her love runs for me.
I rear back and let my fist fly. It cracks across his jaw and has him falling back into the wall. “What’s your fucking problem?” I demand. “How could you do that to her?”
“Shit,” he groans as he rubs his hand across his jaw. “I had to,” he tells me. “How else was I going to get her here?”
“There are a million other options. You didn’t need to scare her like that.”
“Yeah,” Lexi says from the doorway. “That was a dick move.”
“Whose side are you on here?” Luke asks her as she makes her way into the room. “Didn’t you see how fucking happy she looked when she walked out of here? I did that.”
“No,” I argue. “I did that.”
Lexi cuts in between us and quickly looks over Luke’s jaw before turning to me. “So, how did it go?” she questions. “You didn’t push her away?”
“No, I didn’t,” I confirm.
“So….,” Lex says slowly. “You guys are together?”
“Nope,” I say, popping the ‘p’.
“Then what the fuck went down in here?” Luke questions. “I looked through the fucking window at one stage and it sure looked like you two were getting together.”
I narrow my eyes on the fucker, still hating on him, but it doesn’t last long as the exact moment he’s referring to comes to the forefront of my mind, in fact, I don’t think it’s ever left my mind. Having her lips on mine with her body pressed up against me… fuck. There’s no doubt about it. I will need her every day for the rest of my life.
She’s my woman and I can’t wait to claim her as my own.
There’s a knock on the door before the nurse from earlier sticks her head in. “Oh,” she says in surprise. “I didn’t realize you were still here. Did you get stitched up?” she questions as she walks further into the room.
I try to remember her name but it doesn’t come to me until she walks a little closer and I see it on her nametag. Ahh, Gigi. That’s it. “Yeah,” I tell her as I hold my hand up and wave it around. “All fixed. Thanks for your help.”
“No problem,” she says before cringing. “Now, I don’t want to sound like a cow, but if you’re finished, I’m going to have to boot you out of here. There was a major accident on the highway and we’re going to need every room available.”
“Oh,” I say with wide eyes as I remember that Cami had just gotten in her car and would have been on the highway. “Of course. We’ll get out of here now,” I tell Gigi.
She thanks me and we duck out of the room. A moment later, I look over to Lexi. “Can you call Cami,” I ask her. “She would have been on the highway going back to her store.”
Lexi’s eyes widen before she rips her phone out of her pocket and I find myself holding my breath. I listen as Lexi waits for Cami to answer her phone and strain as I try to hear her on the other side.
Not a moment later, Lexi is chatting away and from the relief in her voice and the way they launch into some bullshit conversation has me finally breathing again.
We get out to the parking lot and Luke tosses me the keys to his truck. “I’m going to take Lexi out for dinner. Make sure your mess is cleaned out of my kitchen,” he orders.
I resist rolling my eyes but I accept his keys anyway. I mean, I’m not one for tagging along on their date and I wouldn’t mind getting my ass home. Besides, I know Luke sounds like he’s playing nice right now, but the dude does not like a messy house, and to be honest, I don’t really feel comfortable with leaving my blood for someone else to clean up.
I say a quick goodbye and congratulate Lexi on putting up with Luke to make it to an anniversary before climbing up into his truck and getting it started. I make my way back to Luke’s place with Cami on my mind, though, I shouldn’t be surprised. She’s been on my mind for the last two years.
I can’t help but feel like a fucking king. I mean, nothing in this world has ever been better than the moment I told her that I was coming home to her. I watched her whole world change before my very eyes. She went from being broken and hurting to having this unbelievable hope and joy shining right through her eyes.
In that moment, I could see right down to her soul and I knew that she would wait for me until the end of time. She won’t have to though. I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel and I can’t fucking wait.
She deserves so much more than me and I so desperately hope she doesn’t figure that out in the near future because I’m going to marry her. I’m going to give her every damn thing she has ever wanted.
If she asks for a dog, it’s hers. If she wants a trip to Mexico, consider it done. If she wants a whole tribe of kids so she has models on hand for her designs, then we’ll start pumping them out.
Any tiny thing she could ever dream of will be hers.
For two years straight, I have wanted nothing more than to give her the world and it’s finally in my grasp. But before I can do that, I have to earn her forgiveness. I’ve done nothing but hurt her over the past two years. I’ve broken her, I’ve pushed her away, I’ve made her flee the fucking country.
Surely, she must have trust issues when it comes to me. I wouldn’t blame her if she couldn’t believe a word I said for the rest of our lives, but I’ll do whatever I have to do to prove to her that she can trust me. Never again will I hurt her and never again will she feel the sting from me pushing her away.
I need to make it up to her and I’ll do whatever it takes.
I pull up beside my truck at Luke’s place and open the door, though I forget the security code for the alarm and grin as it goes off. I turn towards his security camera and wave, and sure enough, a few moments later the alarm turns off and I receive a text message from Luke calling me a dickhead.
I head on in and place the keys to his truck on the dining table before scooping my own up and sliding them into my pocket. I walk into his kitchen and have a look at the mess I’ve created before groaning at the state of it. It’s pretty fucking bad. There’s blood everywhere. Lex was right, it looks like a fucking massacre went down in here.
Just like most people, I absolutely hate cleaning, but seeing as though it’s Luke and Lexi’s anniversary, I decide I better do a good fucking job. Besides, I’ve spent the majority of my life being Luke’s wingman, and I’m sure on his anniversary he’s going to want to get home and take his woman straight to bed rather than clean up after me.
With a sigh, I search for his cleaning products and get started scrubbing the kitchen. I throw out all the food that was left out or half cooked before deciding it looks pretty damn good. I grab a piece of paper and write him and Lexi a note.
‘Happy fucking anniversary!’
With that, I double check I got everything and get my ass out of there. I’m fucking tired. It’s been a day filled to the brim with all sorts of crap. There was work this morning, helping Lexi, cutting my hand, and of course, Cami.
I get myself home and walk straight into my kitchen to find some painkillers. My hand is fucking killing me after scrubbing Luke’s kitchen. I probably should have slowed down, but all I wanted to do was get home.
I throw back the little pills and crash down into the couch with my feet up. I flick on ESPN and try to watch the game, but I just can
’t focus. I have a plan to put in place to win back the girl I’m desperately in love with.
I pull out my phone and start trying to come up with some ideas to blow her mind, but even that can’t hold my attention. I’m not ready to be with her just yet. I know I haven’t blacked out in over a month, but I don’t completely trust the medication. What if me not blacking out actually has nothing to do with the medication? How could I ever be sure?
I used to blackout every few weeks and for me to have not blacked out over the space of a month is a big fucking deal, but I want to give it a few more weeks as I’d fucking hate myself if anything was to happen to her.
I just wish there was some way I could one hundred percent know for sure. Like a test or something like that. I could answer a few questions and it would say either, ‘No, Jace, you’re not a monster. You will not hurt your woman,’ or ‘Jace, you’re a disgrace to all of humanity. Go lock your ass up before you hurt the one thing that matters to you.’
I force myself to focus on this big plan for Cami for at least another half an hour before it gets too much for me. I know I only saw her a few hours ago, but I need to see her again. I need to hold her. I need to smell that fruity shampoo she uses. I need to touch that perfect curve of her toned waist. I just need her.
Within the blink of an eye, I’m out the door and pulling up at her place. I walk into her apartment complex, hit the button on the lift for level three, and wait like an impatient mother fucker. Watching the number on the lift slowly changing has me busting through the door to the stairwell and rushing up to her level.
I get to her door and cringe. It’s pretty late and she’s probably in bed. I don’t want to knock and wake her and I wouldn’t want to break the door down. “Hey,” a voice calls from up the hallway.
I turn at the sound and find a blonde sticking her head out her doorway and I remember the girl from when Cami first came back from her time away. I think her name is Kelly. “Um… hi,” I say.
“Are you Jace?” she questions.
I narrow my eyes on the woman, wondering how the hell she knows who I am. “Yes,” I say slowly.
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