by Raina Wilde
“Claire, ” Christy said, half endeared and half entertained by Graham's persistent good manners. He always insisted on referring to her as Ms. Piscatella because they 'hadn't been introduced'. “Yeah, I think so. She's very good to me. ”
“Seems like it, ” Graham agreed. “I'm glad you have her. ”
“Me too, ” she admitted. “Without her I guess I'd still be stuck back at home. ” Home, of course, was Pastor Robinson's house. She guessed it wasn't really 'home' any more. The thought was pretty sobering. “You'd like her, I think. I don't know how people are going to treat you after all of this, but… you know. If you ever need anything. . . ”
“I'll bear it in mind. ”
Talking about the time when Christy left didn't feel particularly cheerful any longer, though. Graham's smile had shrunk a little, and Christy herself felt the chill in the air more now. Instead, she stepped a little closer to Graham, letting their arms brush against one another briefly, and sighed, trying not to let the smile on her face grow broad enough to be obvious. She shouldn't care so much about their physical contact. “It's a really nice night. ”
“It is, ” Graham agreed, and opened his mouth to add something else – but what he was about to say, Christy would never find out. Instead, they were interrupted with a shout from a few meters behind them, and Christy recognized the owner of that voice immediately. It made her blood run cold, and her arms and legs stiffen.
Pastor Robinson. Her father.
“I can't believe either of you, ” he called from a distance. Graham's face was already stern and displeased, and he stepped forward to stand slightly in front of Christy. Truth be told, however, Christy didn't feel it offered any protection. Pastor Robinson could still yell, and that was what she was most afraid of. “Walking around, unashamed of your sin. Disgusting!”
“Alright, ” said Graham. Christy was so relieved that he was taking control that she could have held his hand – but something told her this wasn't the best idea. “You've said your piece. For your daughter's sake, I think it's best you head home. ”
“And leave you to corrupt her? ” snarled the pastor. “I love my daughter more than that. I love God more than that. ”
“I think both your daughter and God would prefer that you leave that judgment to Him. ”
The pastor pointed at Graham, seeming to ignore Christy for now. He seemed so angry. In fact, he was angrier than Christy had ever seen him. Why was he angrier with Graham than he was with Christy herself? That didn't make any sense. “Don't pretend to know what He wants. All you care about is chasing your lust – at the expense of my little girl's soul. ”
Was that it? Was he really afraid for his child's immortal soul?
Christy hadn't felt any softness towards her father in over a week, but she couldn't help but feel a twitch now. Christy wasn't sure how she felt about her religion now; she felt that reassessing her relationship with God would be a large part of her healing after all of this. What she did know, however, was how seriously her father took all of this. If he thought this behavior would send Christy to Hell, then he must be terrified.
For a second, she saw not a hateful and angry old man, but a father trying to protect his child. It hurt to see him that way – to know that she was causing that fear.
“Nobody is hurting anybody's soul, ” Graham insisted, voice dry. “Two adults are making a choice they're legally entitled to make. That's all. ”
Pastor Robinson shook his head, eyes dark. “That's not all, Graham Sullivan. That's my daughter. I could stand by and let you corrupt yourself and your dead marriage if that's what your dark heart is set on, but you can keep your hands off my Christy. ”
“That's enough, ” said Graham. Christy had never heard him speak like that. It contained none of her father's venom, but he certainly sounded intimidating. There was a force in his tone that Christy doubted she could produce herself, as though he was projecting something new with his voice. It was alarming. Honestly, Christy didn't know how to feel about it.
Part of her didn't want Graham to speak to her father like that. But how could she say so when Graham was actively defending her?
In the absence of Christy's desire to stop him, Graham continued. “Christy doesn't want to talk about this with you, and you know that. Seems like she's told you more than once now. I don't want to hear it either. We understand your view. Both of us get that. I think now's the time you walk away and let us continue on with our evening, just as we're allowing you to continue on with yours. ”
Pastor Robinson looked about as taken aback by Graham's serious voice as Christy was. Eyebrows raised, he took one step backwards, and shook his head. “I'll walk away. I'm not trying to cause violence; I'm not like you. But you lay a finger on my child and know you've condemned her to burn. Let that sit on your conscience. ”
“Alright, ” said Graham, his eyes fixed on the pastor. “Thank you. ”
Christy watched her father back away. Somehow, though her father hadn't even met her eyes, this conversation was more powerful than any other they had had before. Somehow, she could see a part of Pastor Robinson that went beyond their current argument, and reminded Christy that he may have failed as a husband, but he had not specifically failed as a father.
She swallowed, finding it difficult to progress. As much as she had wanted to spend the rest of the evening with Graham, she now didn't want to be anywhere near any other person. She wanted to be alone – so when Graham reached to take her shoulder, Christy moved away.
“No, ” she said, voice hollow. “I'm sorry. I don't – I don't know. ”
“Christy, ” said Graham, a new weight in his voice that Christy didn't recognize. “I know it's difficult, but I promise you there's no sense in anything he's saying. ”
She shook her head, running a hand through her hair. “No, he's… he's right. I mean… really, Graham. Selling myself? ”
“Christy. . . ”
Christy shook her head, refusing to be comforted by Graham's concerned eyes and his gentle tone. Her father had known her for her entire life, and while he was certainly approaching this situation the wrong way, well… maybe Christy really was doing a wrong thing here. She had jumped into the idea out of anger and hatred, and no good decisions were made in a mood like that. She swallowed, reaching into her purse with a new hollowness in her heart.
Graham seemed to know what she was doing before Christy did herself.
“Christy, don't. . . ”
But it was almost already happening. Christy knew what she was meant to do to earn her money tonight, and in this moment she felt she'd rather die than follow through. She lifted the check out of her pocket, and staring numbly at it, ripped it in half.
“Thank you for your kindness, ” she said, voice low and heavy. She couldn't look Graham in the eyes. “I appreciate your patience and your generosity, but I can't do this any more. I'm sorry. ”
To his credit, Graham didn't follow after her. Christy could only hear him calling her name over and over. He sounded concerned more than angry, and that hurt Christy too – but surely she had to prioritize her father's fear over Graham Sullivan's?
Surely, there was some sense in that?
Chapter Ten
The long weekend after Christy walked away had not been the happiest or easiest days of Graham's life. That much, he could tell you offhand.
Georgia had tried to cheer him up, but it was hard for her to do so when Graham categorically refused to talk about the problem that was plaguing him. He knew it was foolish; just like the rest of the town, he knew that his sister would have heard about his winning bid on the pastor's daughter already. Frankly, he had suspicions that she had known about how lonely he was for many years now, even before he had really known it himself.
She was clever in that way. Unfortunately, cleverness couldn't really help him in his current state. Nor could hard work, though he had tried his best to throw himself into farm duties and allow his brain to be distracte
d.
It might have worked – but the problem wasn't in his brain. It was in his heart.
The truth was that things had gotten a lot deeper than Graham had been expecting. When he'd first started feeling that primal desire for Christy Robinson, it had been weak enough that he had been able to completely ignore it. After that, the attraction had grown overpowering, finally culminating in his bid. Beyond that peak, however, things had softened considerably. Meeting Christy in person for dinner had turned her back into a real person instead of just a sexual object, and he really liked the person he found.
Frankly, he had been enjoying her company just as much as he expected to enjoy the sex. . . albeit in a different way, and he certainly wouldn't say no to consummating their relationship now. To think he had slowed Christy down when they were making out in the car, insisting that they wait until such a time as it could be made special.
Maybe if they had just devoured each other then, things might be totally different now. They'd never know, but the potential haunted him – just like he was haunted by the numerous different endings to their confrontation with Pastor Robinson that Graham had spent a long time imagining. It was hard not to when he saw Christy heading in and out of church, hovering there in his truck and begging himself not to make the mistake of following her.
Christy could do what she wanted. She was a grown woman, and if she wished to return to church and repent for a sin she hadn't committed, then that was her choice – but that didn't mean Graham enjoyed seeing her hurting this way. In fact, allowing it to continue made him feel like he really was committing some kind of sin himself.
Failing to respect another adult's right to make a choice was a bad precedent to set, and Graham wouldn't try to deny that. But surely trying to intervene and release Christy from this self-punishing cycle was the lesser of two evils?
This was why Graham found himself sitting outside the church right now, truck switched on for the AC so he didn't die in the heat. He and Christy had never been anything official, and it certainly hadn't lasted for very long, but Graham still owed it to the kid to make sure she knew that there was nothing wrong with her. That she had nothing to repent for. That Graham wouldn't hold it against her for changing her mind.
Of course he was disappointed, but then, the idea of sleeping with Christy had never really sunk in for him in the first place. He had been lucky to spend even 30 minutes with a girl like that.
Church wasn't officially in session, so there wasn't a huge crowd of people for Graham's eyes to sift through. As such, as soon as the heavy church door began to open, he knew that only Christy could be behind it, and he was already slipping out of the truck to speak to her.
“Christy!”
Even just the sound of his voice seemed to alarm the young woman, which did make him feel guilty. Now, his and Pastor Robinson's roles had been reversed, and he was the one accosting people as they transferred between buildings – but this, he was confident, was at least for a good reason. As such, he persisted through that guilt.
“Please just give me two minutes of your time. I'm not here to try to change your mind. There's just something I have to say. ”
For a few moments, Christy wouldn't even look at him. She seemed almost afraid, eyes darting off in a thousand different directions – but eventually, they flicked back to Graham. Thankfully, she didn't seem to consider Graham a threat. “Okay, ” she said, after a long pause. Her voice sounded hollow and raw, as if she'd been crying. “Go ahead. ”
Frankly, Graham had been expecting more of a fight, especially after seeing how Christy had reacted to the pastor. The kid was really broken, huh? “Listen, I just… I wanted you to know there's nothing wrong with you. Coming to church like this – I mean. Of course you can feel whatever you feel, Christy, but you have nothing to apologize for, to your father or to God or to anybody. You haven't done anything bad. ”
Christy swallowed. She seemed to be blinking faster than she should be, and Graham could only hope he wasn't going to make her cry. “Okay. Is that all? ”
“No, ” he said, speaking quickly. He could tell he was losing her, and that soon she'd start walking away again. This time, she wouldn't stop. Graham hadn't been intending on letting the conversation go this far, but now that he was here in front of her and she looked so frail? Well – the truth just had to come out. “No. What I wanted to say to you was… you know. The agreement we had. It's… it's gone so far beyond that now. I care about you, Christy. It isn't about the sex. ”
“Mr. Sullivan. . . ”
“Christy, please. These past few days I've missed you; I've been so worried about you. Don't you think it got to be more than just… preparing for that one moment? Don't you think it would have been more than that even if we had? ”
Christy shook her head, not so much disagreeing as leaving the conversation. She took a few steps backwards, eyes darting away again. “Please just leave me alone, okay? I made a mistake with all this. ”
“I don't think you did, ” Graham insisted, but Christy was still moving away – still shaking her head.
“I changed my mind, ” Christy said. “I shouldn't have done any of this. I just wanted to punish him for something he did while he was… you know. Everything was wrong for him too. He was hurting; he was struggling. He's only human, and I did all this to punish him. I went too far. ”
“I understand that, but you can't punish yourself in the process, Christy. We were doing so well, and-”
“Please just leave me alone. I'm done with this; I made up my mind. ”
After that, he couldn't resist it any more. Graham just had to stand there and watch her leave, scurrying away into her truck as though she were afraid Graham was going to climb in with her. Instead, he just sighed, eyes cast down to the ground. Well, nobody could say he hadn't tried. It just… hadn't worked out.
All the same, he didn't feel good as he climbed back into his own truck, exhaling as he gripped the steering wheel with both hands. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Christy drive away in the direction of Ms. Piscatella's house. Well – at least she was still staying there and not with the pastor. Even so, Graham had failed himself. Worse than that, though? He'd failed Christy. Who knew how long it would take her to get back into that mindset of loving herself, and ignoring what her over-traditional, hellfire-threatening father thought?
Chapter Eleven
It was difficult for Claire to understand. Christy knew that, and it only made her more grateful that her friend was persevering and still continuing to care for her despite that confusion. Unfortunately, however, it meant she did feel pretty lonely. While Claire respected her decision, she didn't really seem to agree with it – and while her father certainly agreed with it, he absolutely did not understand its implications.
Christy felt like she had nobody who understood both sides. She had nobody who really understood the position she was in, who could help her to come to a final and frank decision about this.
She needed that, right now. She felt like she was going crazy.
No matter how much she tried to repent, she still couldn't stop thinking about Graham. No matter how much she tried to tell herself that loving Graham wouldn't be wrong, she still saw her father in the back of his mind telling her that she'd tried to sell her virginity to him, and that things were forever tainted between them – and the combination of those two sharp edges meant that there was no obvious way for her to lean.
As always, however, when help finally came, it came from a direction she had not been anticipating.
Everything she did was numb these days. Both in her personal life and her private life, every action and every gesture felt empty, and she had to concentrate extra hard to prevent herself from drifting off – so when she finally heard somebody calling her name in the grocery store as she was returning her crates for the day, it seemed like the stranger had been calling for a good half-minute.
“I'm sorry, ” she said, shaking her head. She didn't thi
nk she recognized the woman she saw speaking to her, but there was something awfully familiar about her complexion and the color of her hair. “I'm miles away right now. Can I help you? ”
“Not with work, ” said the stranger. She had a kind face, and although trying to work out whether she had met her before – or where she had met her before – was driving Christy crazy, she still implicitly felt she could trust her. As such, she was happy to hear her out. “It's actually something more personal. If that's alright? ”
As trustworthy as the woman seemed, Christy knew that her personal life was a contentious issue in town right now. She couldn't help but wince – but thankfully, the woman waved a hand at her and shook her head.
“No, no, ” she said. “Don't worry. I'm not going to berate you, or… you know. Pump you for information. I just hoped we could go for coffee somewhere, maybe. Talk a little. I'd rather not elaborate any more than that just yet. ”
She glanced sideways at some customers who had fallen suspiciously quiet in the aisle beside them. Christy smiled sheepishly, scratching the back of her neck as the two old gossips gave up and walked away, muttering quietly. “Sure. Sorry. That's kind of, um… that happens in my life right now. ”
“I can imagine, ” she said, voice dry. “Actually, my salon is just across the street. We're closed for the day now. Maybe we could just step in there…? ”
As soon as she said 'salon', something clicked in Christy's head. There was a reason she looked so familiar, though Christy didn't think she knew her. This had to be Graham's sister. Had he put her on the case now that he'd failed? This was the last thing Christy needed.
“Ah – listen, maybe if. . . ”
“He didn't ask me to do this, ” she said, cutting through Christy's panic to reassure her. She hadn't even turned around to look at her. Graham had mentioned offhand that his sister was very intuitive, but this was… well. Impressive. “In fact, I think he'd be horrified if he knew I'd gone anywhere near you. ”