God, why did his opinion have to matter so goddamn much? I’d always been okay with who I was, where I came from, and what I wanted out of life. Hadn’t I?
Or, did the fact that all I’d wanted was to get out of Barton Creek, any way I could, mean that he was right?
I walked back outside and sat in the chair Edge had been sitting in earlier and thought about the other things he’d said. He could’ve flat out refused to let me talk to anyone, but he didn’t. What he’d been trying to tell me was that he had enough respect for me to do what I’d asked even though he was against it. I’d been too busy thinking only of myself to realize it.
When I went to find him to apologize, I saw him just inside the back door with a woman who had to be Casper. Neither heard me, so I stood and watched as they embraced. Instead of pulling away, he rested his forehead against hers like he’d done with me a couple of times. They were talking too quietly for me to hear what about, and neither was making a move to break away from the other. I couldn’t move without them noticing or hearing me, so instead of trying to sneak off, like I wanted to do more than anything, I cleared my throat.
Casper was the first to break the embrace. Edge motioned for me to come closer.
“Rebel, meet Casper.”
“Nice to meet you.”
She didn’t shake my outstretched hand, in fact, she looked at me with complete disinterest.
“Where’s everyone else?” I asked Edge.
“A few minutes out. Why don’t we wait in here?” He motioned toward the computer room, and with his hand on the small of Casper’s back, he led her inside, expecting me to follow, I guess. Part of me wanted to walk the other way.
She leaned against the desk and tucked her hair back on one side, revealing that beneath the long, dark, almost-black locks, the side of her head was shaved.
She had on a leather jacket but shrugged it off. Underneath, she wore what looked more like a camisole than a top. I inwardly smiled, thinking it was exactly the kind of thing I’d wear. One of her buff arms was covered in lightly colored but elaborate tattoos. Her other arm was bare. She wasn’t as tall as me, but I wouldn’t call her short either. She was compact. Every visible muscle was toned, giving me no reason to think what was beneath her clothes was any different.
Edge’s cell rang and he excused himself. “Be nice,” he muttered as he walked past me and closed the door behind him.
Without that comment, I might have been. Now? No way in hell. “Did you fuck him?”
The disinterested look on Casper’s face left, and she looked me in the eye, maybe for the first time. “I don’t like swearing.”
Wait. What did she just say? “Excuse me?”
“Stop with the swearing, or I’ll walk out of here.”
“Answer my question.”
“That isn’t any of your fucking business.”
“I thought you didn’t like swearing.”
“I don’t like it when other people do it.”
We stood in silence until I couldn’t stand it any longer. “I’m not the kind of person who can sit back and do nothing while my fate is in someone else’s hands.”
“Then get out of the fucking way and let us do our jobs.”
“To you, it’s a job. To me, it’s my life.”
She raised her chin and glared at me.
“I didn’t kill Possum—”
“I’m aware.” She looked down at her perfectly manicured fingernails.
“And, my understanding is that whether I killed him or not, doesn’t matter. The fact that I got him arrested for attempted rape is what set everything in motion.”
She continued glaring at me but didn’t speak.
“Someone threatened me today. Or delivered a threat. They told me that one way or another I’d pay for Possum’s death. I can’t live the rest of my life looking over my shoulder. I have to find out who these people are.”
I could hear voices on the other side of the door; the rest of the team must’ve arrived.
She stood and put her hand on the knob.
“Wait.”
She didn’t turn around, but she didn’t walk out either.
“I’m not very good at letting people help me. Not that that’s what you’re doing, but I’m used to no one taking care of me but me.”
“You have the best guy there is in the world looking out for you. Accept it. Appreciate it. Don’t fuck it up.”
“What happened between the two of you?”
“Ask him.”
Instead of us walking out, Edge came back in with Decker and two other men. “Rebel, this is Grinder and Rile.”
“We’re on limited time,” said Decker. “Tell us what happened today.”
I told them about the man bumping into me in the dining hall and saying I’d pay for Possum’s death, and that he found me outside later and threatened that if I told anyone what he’d said, I wouldn’t be the only one who got hurt. “He made it clear he meant Tee-Tee.”
“Anything else?” Edge asked.
I nodded. “He said a name. Lynch wanted me to know that I’d pay one way or another.”
I watched as Edge looked between the three men and one other woman in the room. “Anything else you want to ask?”
After no one spoke up, they all walked out.
I stayed where I was, eyes closed, arms folded. I could hear Edge in the kitchen after the others left. Part of me wished he would’ve left with them.
I couldn’t get the image out of my head of him and Casper embracing when they didn’t know I was looking. If I went out and faced him now, I knew that instead of keeping my mouth shut like I should, I’d do the same thing to him that I did to Casper and ask if he’d fucked her.
But did I really need to ask? The embrace I saw sure made it appear that way. Maybe he had women on circulation. One in. One out. I happened to be in now, but soon I’d be out, just like Casper.
I hated feeling jealous as much as I hated self-pity.
I rolled my shoulders and stood. Just because I had to leave this room, didn’t mean I had to talk to Edge. I walked out, stormed past him, and stalked down the hall and into his bedroom. Once there, I went into the closet and grabbed the clothes Shadow had given me. I took them into the guest room, threw them on the bed, and went back for more. This time, I grabbed the photos I’d put on his bookshelves. Next, I’d get the boxes that contained the rest of my possessions.
When I got to the bedroom door, Edge stood in the threshold, barring my exit. “What are you doing?”
“I don’t like staying in here. It creeps me out.”
He raised his brow. “Creeps you out? Never heard that one before.”
“Please get out of my way.”
When he reached for me, I wrenched away and, in the process, dropped my framed photos. The glass of two of the four shattered on the wood floor.
My stupid eyes filled with tears when I bent down to pick them up, and he pushed my hands away.
“Let me do this. I don’t want you to cut yourself.”
“They’re mine.”
He sat back on his haunches. “I know they are. I’m just trying to help you.”
“But…” Fuck. Goddammit. If I said another word, I wouldn’t be able to stop from crying.
Edge grasped my wrists and pulled me up and away from the broken glass. Once I was on my feet, he picked me up and carried me out to the family room.
He set me on the sofa and then sat next to me. “What’s going on, Rebel?”
I looked up at the ceiling, trying to keep my tears from sliding down my cheeks. When I failed, he reached out and brushed them away.
“Tell me why you’re upset.”
“Why didn’t you tell me Casper was your girlfriend?”
His eyebrows rose. “What’s this, then?”
“I saw you embracing her.”
This time he nodded. “I see. So you assumed she was my…girlfriend?”
“Lover? Does that define your relationshi
p more accurately?”
“Is that why you wanted to meet her? You’re jealous?”
“Wrong. I’m annoyed. You lied to me.”
“When did I lie?”
I repeated his words verbatim. “What you said earlier, ‘Rebel, about my treating other women the way I’m treating you tonight: I haven’t. Not ever.’”
“Do you want to know the true nature of my relationship with Casper?”
I tried to get up, but he pinned me to the sofa by putting an arm on each side of me. “Hell, no.”
“You’d rather continue believing falsehoods so you have a reason to stay angry with me?”
“I’m not interested in a play-by-play. Thanks, but no thanks.”
“I want you to wait here while I clean up the glass.”
“I can do it myself.”
He took a deep breath. “Rebel, I said to wait here.”
I was furious with him, but when he used that tone of voice, I couldn’t help but fall into line. I hated it as much as I loved it.
When he came back, he was carrying my photos along with a couple of other frames I didn’t recognize.
“What are you doing?” I asked when I saw him removing his own photos and replacing them with mine.
“I’ll get new ones another day.”
“You don’t have to do that.”
“I want you to be able to look at the photos of the people whose memory brings you peace.”
My eyes filled with tears again. “Why do you have to be so sweet?”
He looked up at me, smiled, and handed me one of the photos he’d removed. “There was a time in my life when looking at these was the only way I could find my own peace.”
I pointed to the young boy. “This looks like you.”
“’Tis me.” He pointed to the older boy. “That’s my brother, Lennox. And those two people are my mum and dad.”
Each of them looked perfect. And happy. Perfectly happy. “You have a lovely family.”
“I did, at one time. No longer.”
“What do you mean?”
Edge pushed up the sleeve of his shirt and turned his arm over. He pointed to the tattoo I’d noticed the first night I met him. “Annaliese and Arlo are my parents, and this,” he pointed to the date, “is the day we lost them.”
I gasped and covered my mouth with my hand. “I’m so sorry. I thought…”
He looked into my eyes. “I almost died then too. Poor Lennox. He lost his parents and immediately became one.”
I reached out and cupped his cheek with my palm. “I don’t know what to say.”
He covered my hand with his. “I was in hospital for several weeks. Lennox gave up going to university to become my guardian. Not just that. He rarely left my side.”
“You were all he had.”
“And vice versa.” He rubbed his finger over the image. “He was here a few days ago but is in Boston now, hopefully a soon-to-be-happily-married man.”
I smiled. “Yeah?”
“Yes.” He smiled too, but it left quickly. “It’s one year today since Casper lost her husband.”
I closed my eyes.
“I knew it would be a difficult day for her. I even suggested we shouldn’t send her in. She wanted it. Told me that as long as she was working, she’d keep her mind off of what happened.”
“And because of me—”
Edge put his fingertips on my lips. “Don’t. Nothing about this is your fault, Rebel.”
“What happened to him?”
“He was an agent too. An op went south, and he got caught in the crossfire.”
“Like you did.” I put my hand on his arm.
“I was a luckier bloke.”
“I wish I could tell her how sorry I am.”
“You’ll have a chance when this is all over.” He rolled his shoulders, and I knew he had more to say; I dreaded whatever it was. “I’d like to propose something to you.”
Here it came. “What?”
“If there’s something you’re feeling uncertain about, just ask me. I told you I’d never lie to you, Rebel, and I meant it.”
“I’m sorry I was such a bitch…to both of you.”
“I know how you can make it up to me.”
“Yeah? Does it involve me on—”
“Make me one of those cakes.”
24
Edge
“Tomorrow,” I added, picking Rebel up and carrying her into my bedroom. There was no way in hell I’d let her sleep anywhere but with me.
“Why do you always carry me? I can walk.”
“I told you I like feeling you in my arms.”
She sighed and rested her head on my shoulder. If someone had told me earlier that’s what she’d do, I would’ve called them a bloody liar.
“My clothes are in the other room.”
“You won’t be needing clothes.”
“I won’t?” she asked in a voice very unlike any I’d heard from her to this point. “Why won’t I?”
I laughed at her playfulness, but the truth was, it warmed my heart. “This way, little Rebel.” I motioned with my head toward the bath.
I recognized the chime of her mobile before she did.
“What’s that?”
“A text from Tee-Tee,” I answered, picking it up and handing it to her.
“How do you know it’s from her?”
“I programmed it.”
“Yeah? Did you program a particular chime for you?”
“Maybe.”
“What is it?”
“You’ll have to wait until I ring you to find out.”
Rebel smiled and then read Tee-Tee’s text. “It says she expects me to be back at work tomorrow morning.” She typed something on the screen with her finger.
“What was your response?”
“That I’d see her early, but not bright.”
I cocked my head.
“You know, before dawn.”
Every so often, Rebel gave me the gift of seeing her the way she was when she was younger. It wasn’t often that she was playful or silly.
Whether it had anything to do with me or not, I took part of the credit. If she didn’t feel comfortable around me, truly didn’t trust me, she’d never let me see that side of her.
When I woke sometime in the middle of the night, Rebel wasn’t in bed next to me; she was sitting by the window. It was still dark, but she’d lit a single candle. Her shadow fell on the wall, an outline of her perfect shape. I watched her body rise and fall with a heavy sigh as she fingered the brocade fabric of the cushion on which she sat.
I watched as her eyes closed and she raised her chin. It looked almost as though she was speaking, but silently. Again, I wished I could crawl inside her brain, know what was behind the sighs, where her pain rested, and why. I longed to tell her she could leave behind her lonely nights and empty days—I’d fill them with happy memories to replace the sad.
Before I uttered promises I wasn’t sure I could keep, I had to know in my heart I was making them for the right reasons. As long as she had no choice but to be with me, I wouldn’t know for certain. Once she was free to get on with the rest of her life, then we’d see if we fit as well as I believed we did at this moment.
Rebel shuddered and pulled the throw she’d taken from the bed over her shoulders, and then looked behind her, and our eyes met.
“Hi,” she murmured.
“Can’t sleep?”
She shook her head.
“You look cold. Come back and let me get you warm.”
“I can’t.”
“Why ever not?” The violet-tinged silver rays of the moon shone on her, and in that still, quiet moment, I felt as though she was already saying goodbye. It nearly broke my heart to think it was forever.
“You’re a good man, Edge. Both Tee-Tee and Casper said so. They also both warned me not to fuck things up with you.”
I raised a brow, finding it surprising that either woman would express such a sentimen
t.
“The thing is, I will fuck it up.”
“Not if you don’t want to.”
She shook her head. “I know myself. I always push away first.”
“What if I don’t let you?”
“You won’t be able to stop me.”
“Rebel.” I reached my hand out to her. “Come back to bed.”
To my relief, she did as I asked. I wrapped her in my arms, hoping that when this was all over, she would still be here.
“When are you leaving?” she whispered.
I’d been dreading the question and was surprised she hadn’t asked before now. “Tomorrow night.”
“I’m scared,” she whispered.
“You have nothing to be afraid of. Casper and I will do our jobs, and then you’ll be free of all this.” That’s what I told her; however, inside I was scared too.
Since Sunday was the only day the dining hall was closed, with the exception of branding and calving season when there were times it was open all day and night for several days straight, I let Rebel sleep in.
I’d gotten up around eight to get a workout in. Periodically, I’d take a break and check on her, opening and closing the door as quietly as I could.
At noon, I received a text from Grinder asking when I wanted him to send Kick over. I hadn’t yet told Rebel she wouldn’t be staying here alone while I was gone, and I wasn’t sure how she would react.
I still wasn’t thrilled about Kick being on her detail. The only explanation I could muster was that I wouldn’t trust anyone with her safety more than myself. Jealousy might play a role in it too, but that was harder to admit.
As much as I hated doing it, I had to wake her. When I opened the door, though, she was resting on her elbows.
“Good afternoon, sweetness.”
“Hi. I’ve been thinking about getting out of bed.”
I smiled. “What have you come up with?”
“I won’t if you crawl in next to me.”
“Would that I could, but there’s someone I need to introduce you to.”
Edged (The Invincibles Book 2) Page 12