by Liz Isaacson
“Talking sounds nice,” she said.
“I asked the concierge for a quiet restaurant,” he said. “Where we could stay as long as we want. He gave me a few ideas.”
Quiet sounded nice. “Lead on, Mister Whittaker.” She grinned at him while his phone chimed.
He pulled out his phone and said, “Our ride is three minutes away.”
“Oh, so it’s not close.”
“It’s on the other side of town,” he said. “Since you had pizza for lunch, I thought we’d do something different for dinner.”
“So what kind of restaurant is it?”
“It’s called Small,” he said. “They have small plates of lots of different things. Appetizers mostly. One bites. That kind of stuff.”
Meg considered him, trying to find any hint of a joke. She couldn’t. “Sounds like a place you’d hate.”
He kneaded her closer and put his arm around her, erasing the chill from the wind. “Yeah, but it’s exactly what you’d like.”
Her entire body seemed to buzz, and she knew she was going to say a lot tonight she wouldn’t be able to take back. Starting with, “Eli, you keep saying and doing all the right things, and I’m going to fall right in love with you.”
His mouth dropped open, and thankfully, Meg didn’t have to explain anything because a black sedan pulled up to the doors and a man leapt out. “Eli Whittaker?”
Eli blinked at Meg one more time and then turned to the driver. “Yes.”
“Where to?” he asked, indicating the logo of the same name on his car.
Eli seemed to have lost his cognitive functions, because he just stood there. Meg giggled and pulled him out of the safety of the door and into the wind.
“We’re going to Small,” she said. “I guess it’s this restaurant on the other side of town.”
“I know it,” the man said, extending his hand for her to shake. “I’m your driver, Terrance, and I’ll take you wherever you want to go.” He opened the back door, and Meg ducked into the car, appreciating the scent of oranges and the black leather seats.
With Eli beside her and Terrance walking around the front of the car to get in the driver’s seat, she said, “In fact, I might already be in love with you.”
Eli choked, and Terrance opened the door, slid behind the wheel, and started the ignition. Classical music filled the car, and Meg added one more thing to her list of Things Eli Excelled At: Hiring a classy car service for a special date.
Seriously, there wasn’t much the man couldn’t do.
Except get over his first wife and see a future for himself, she thought, turning away from him and watching the lights of Boulder pass while Terrance tried to engage one of them in conversation.
Chapter Thirteen
I might already be in love with you.
The words gonged through Eli’s head on the way across town. Meg didn’t say anything else, simply cuddled into him like she truly loved him. Memories he rarely let out of the box in the back of his mind streamed through his head.
He’d held Caroline like this once. When they lived in California, before Stockton was born, and he hadn’t put a diamond on her finger yet. He’d felt just as unsettled then, as he’d known he was in love with her but he hadn’t told her yet.
Was he in love with Meg too?
He looked out his window, the darkness blurring by a mirror to his muddied thoughts. The Where To? driver pulled up the restaurant, and Eli paid him before getting out of the sedan. He extended his hand for Meg, and kept her hand in his as they made their way inside.
The atmosphere was darker, the only lamps small orange candles on the tables. It was quiet, and only a few people sat in the booths. It was perfect. He remained quiet until he and Meg were seated across from each other, and then he looked her in the eye.
She seemed expectant, like he’d suggested they could talk, and well, she wanted him to start. But she’d already begun. And ended it with “I might already be in love with you.”
He opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. The waiter appeared and he managed to order a drink just fine. So it was verbalizing his thoughts he couldn’t do.
No, not his thoughts. His feelings—which was ten times harder than he’d thought it would be. He searched that open memory box for how he’d done such hard things with Caroline, and he realized that everything with her had been comfortable. After their wedding, they’d shared everything and he didn’t worry about what she thought of him.
But that was what kept him mute now. He didn’t want to disappoint Meg. Hurt her feelings. Or have her think badly of him.
“Eli.” She placed her hands on the table in front of her, perfectly still. So calm, where he was usually the cool, collected one. “I’m wondering if you’ve thought of me as more than Stockton’s nanny.”
He scoffed, as if the question was ridiculous. “Of course I have.”
“Have you?” She cocked her head. “Since we moved to Wyoming, you haven’t had me read a single proposal. Or help with any of your work.”
“I haven’t done much work,” he said. “You know that.” His defenses were on high, and he tried to take the emotion out of his voice.
“How do you think of me?” she asked. “And you can’t use ‘nanny,’ ‘mother,’ ‘Stockton,’ or ‘friend.’”
Eli stared at her, trying to figure out what she wanted to hear so he could say it. “Meg,” he started. “I think of you as….” He couldn’t finish the sentence, not without the four words she’d said he couldn’t use.
A frown pulled at her eyebrows and she reached for her soda as soon as the waiter set it down. She took several long swallows and then met his eye again. “I wish you’d use words like ‘girlfriend,’ or ‘the woman who keeps me up at night,’ or ‘lover.’” She swallowed, her eyes bright in the soft light. Eli didn’t like that, and something twisted in his chest.
“Meg, I do think of you like that.”
She shook her head. “No, you don’t.” She picked up the menu and hid behind it. “But you should probably start. I could be your companion, Eli. Your lover. Your son’s mother, sure. But what am I to you?” She lowered the menu just enough to peer over the top of it. “I could be your new wife.” Her voice shook on the last word, and she promptly disappeared behind the laminated paper again.
Wife.
“You can’t like me just because of Stockton. Not anymore.”
“I don’t—”
“I think I’ll have the Six Sampler,” she said over him, which only added fuel to Eli’s frustrated fire. SO she could talk when she wanted, but he couldn’t?
Probably shouldn’t lie, he thought. Because he hadn’t given much thought to the actual romantic roles Meg could—and should—play in his life. He was attracted to her. He really enjoyed kissing her. But he’d never moved her into the role Caroline had played, and now Meg knew it.
They ordered, and without the menu, Meg made small talk with him. But it wasn’t the kind of small Eli had pictured when coming to this restaurant. Problem was, he couldn’t think of anything important to talk about except the elephant in the booth with them.
Dinner was short, and not as peaceful as Eli would’ve liked. They returned to the hotel and went up to the sixth floor together. He paused outside her door, so many insecurities racing through him.
He finally told himself to be brave for thirty seconds and talk to her. He faced her and took both of her hands in his. “Meg, when I think of you, I think of a beautiful, capable woman who makes my heart race.”
He swallowed, his throat so dry. “I think it might take a bit of time for me to think of you beyond Stockton, but I’d really like it if you’d give me the chance.”
A few seconds passed while she considered him. Then she smiled and said, “All right, Eli.”
A smile sprang to his face. “Yeah?”
“Yeah.” She pressed a chaste kiss to his lips. “Just as long as you start looking at me.”
Eli blinked at
her, unsure of what she meant. “I am looking at you.”
She didn’t say anything, but this time when she kissed him, it was much slower, with much more passion, and much less chaste.
Eli made lists and checked things off of them, spending long hours at his desk as he made all the arrangements for the New Year’s Eve party he was putting together at the lodge. They’d have four guests taking up their six rooms upstairs, and he wanted to provide the “party of the century” as he’d promised.
He often found himself staring at the wall in front of him as he thought about Meg. Thought about waking up next to her. Thought about sharing his deepest fears with her. Thought about leaning on her for comfort and help when he was feeling low.
She’d been right—she could be so much more to Eli than simply Stockton’s mother. Her role as Eli’s wife would be just as vital to him as Caroline had been.
About that time in his thoughts, the fear took over. As one day passed and then two, and finally three, he’d separated the reasons for his fear into two categories. One, he was still terrified of replacing Caroline. She’d been one of a kind, and Eli still felt a measure of disloyalty whenever he thought about marrying Meg.
Two, Caroline had been taken from him so suddenly and so soon. And he had a little bit of fear that Meg would be taken too.
No matter what, he’d thought long and hard about what she’d said. He didn’t want to be the guy that fell for her because she took good care of his son and was conveniently located just down the hall.
But at the moment…he was exactly that guy.
He hung his head, his checklist forgotten.
“Hey.” Graham stuck his head into the office. “The Lawson family is here, and they want the rundown for tomorrow night.”
Eli stood and smoothed down his suit before buttoning the jacket. “Thanks, Graham.” He tried to push away his troubling thoughts of Meg, but they wouldn’t go far.
Graham didn’t move out of the doorway. He looked at Eli with his older brother eyes though they stood at the same height now. “You okay?”
“I’m fine,” Eli said.
“You’ve seemed…off since you got back from Colorado.”
“Meg said….” Eli exhaled harshly. “It’s a long story. I don’t have time to tell it.” He turned back to his desk and picked up a blue folder which held the Lawson’s itinerary and all the details they’d need for the shindig tomorrow night.
Graham hadn’t budged when Eli turned around again. “I’ll be here when you’re done,” he said. “I want to hear all about what Meg said.”
Eli glared at his brother. “When did you become so nosy?”
“About the time I saw my brother wallowing in misery.”
“I’m not miserable. Or wallowing.”
“Do you know how many times you’ve sighed over the past three days?”
“I have no idea.” Eli rolled his eyes and flapped the folder. “Can you move, please?”
Graham stepped into the office, leaving the doorway open. “I’ll be right here.”
Eli said, “You do that,” wondering if Graham’s words were a threat or a promise. Didn’t matter. He needed to meet with the Lawson’s and then he could figure out how to explain his situation with Meg when he didn’t understand it himself.
The walls of Whiskey Mountain Lodge vibrated with the loud music coming through the built-in stereo surround sound speakers. The New Year’s Eve party was in full swing, with Beau playing DJ and taking requests from the guests and Eli making sure the tables stayed full of food and drinks.
The dinner, DJ, and dance party would end by nine, at which time, the guests would be moved into the basement for games or movies until the ball dropped. And, of course, there would be an endless supply of chips and guacamole, as well as caramel popcorn. Eli had never rung in a new year without his favorite snacks, and Whiskey Mountain Lodge wouldn’t be without them either.
Stockton came out of the kitchen carrying the six-pack of soda Eli had sent him to retrieve.
“Put it on the table, bud.” Eli indicated the empty spot for the diet cola. The little boy did as instructed and then snatched one of his favorite fudge-striped cookies.
“Last one,” Eli said, though he had no idea how he could police such a thing. There were bags and bags of cookies in the kitchen, and Stockton could take as many as he wanted while Eli was out here babysitting bowls of candy and bags of chips.
The guests seemed like they were having fun. Beau too. Andrew had gone down to their mother’s to spend the evening with her as she’d been feeling under the weather and didn’t want too loud of a party.
Laney and Graham had opted to stay home with Bailey, and once Stockton went to bed, Meg would join the party as Eli’s date. She hadn’t said anything else about him looking at her, and the past few days had been business as normal between them.
She took care of Stockton during the day while Eli worked. And she was on-duty tonight too, at least until the boy went to bed. Eli wanted to share a kiss with her. One that testified of what kind of year they’d have together. Problem was, he wasn’t sure what kind of kiss that would be.
Beau finished up with, “Thank you, folks! Happy New Year!” before looking at Eli. The music quieted and Beau spoke into the microphone again. “We’ll be moving downstairs for games, pool, more food, and we’ll be showing a movie in the theater room. You can cast votes for which flick you want on the board downstairs. So head on down there at your leisure and let’s keep this party going!”
Eli was glad Beau had agreed to be the voice of this party. Normally, his youngest brother wore a three-piece suit and sat behind a desk while he studied cases. As the top lawyer in Coral Canyon, he did a lot of cases through Jackson County, which kept him plenty busy—and quite stuffy.
But not tonight, and Eli gave him a thumbs-up as several people passed the DJ table in favor of the steps leading into the basement. Meg and Stockton appeared to help Eli take the snacks downstairs, and he grabbed a bowl of cheese puffs so he wouldn’t grab onto Meg and swing her around to the echo of the disco music.
Once everything was moved, and the guests were happy, with the movie playing, Meg took Stockton upstairs to put him to bed. Eli followed them for a few moments of reprieve before returning to the basement, and Beau gave his brother high-five as he zipped his leather jacket to his chin in preparation to leave.
“Careful on the bike,” Eli said. “It’s real dark out there.”
“But it hasn’t snowed for a couple of days,” Beau said. “So the roads are dry.” He grabbed his helmet from the kitchen counter and headed for the front door. Eli watched him go with a slip of envy needling him. Beau lived a fairly drama-free life. Drank coffee for breakfast. had his secretary order in lunch. Worked through dinner.
Meg appeared in the arched doorway leading into the hall. “He wants you to come say goodnight.”
Eli pushed away from the counter where he’d been standing and went to tuck his son in tight. The bathroom door was almost all the way closed, but let in a four-inch swath of light.
“Hey, bud.” Eli bent down and gave his son a hug. “You go right to sleep, okay?” He gazed down into his son’s eyes—so much like Caroline’s. He pulled in a tight breath at the memory, glad he still had this piece of her.
For the first several months after her death, Stockton had reverted in a lot of ways. He couldn’t sleep in his own bed. He’d just been potty trained and suddenly had forgotten how to use the toilet. He’d sucked his thumb for a while.
Eli had been equally as lost, but it had been Stockton who’d pulled him out of his funk, forced him to keep living, made him want to build a life for the two of them despite their loss.
Stockton wrapped his little arms around Eli’s neck. “Night, Daddy. See you next year.” He started giggling, and Eli couldn’t help laughing with him.
“Did Meggy tell you that one?” he asked.
“No, Bailey. Meggy let me text her tonight.” Stockton settle
d into his pillows.
“Well, it’s a good one.” He tucked the blanket in tight against Stockton’s side. “Love you, Stocky.”
“Love you too, Daddy.”
Eli stepped out and pulled the door closed behind him before returning to the kitchen.
“Everything go okay?” Meg asked.
“Yep.” Eli plucked a chocolate chip cookie from the store-bought bag. Meg made a face as he ate the whole thing in two bites. “What?”
“Those aren’t real, you know that, right?”
“Oh, are these cookies not up to your standard?” It had taken Eli most of the morning to buy the food for this party, as a grocery store wasn’t a place where he spent much time.
She shook her head. “Homemade only.”
“Some of us take what we can get.” He picked up another cookie and offered it to her before stuffing the whole thing in his mouth.
She laughed and swatted playfully at him. “Well, at least now I know you’re not perfect.”
That made Eli sober. “Meg.” He shook his head. “Of course I’m not perfect.”
She lifted one shoulder into a shrug, and asked, “Are we going downstairs to the party? I’ve just been listening to it behind this wall. I’d kinda like to join it.”
He smiled, though it didn’t come easily to him. She thought him to be perfect? He couldn’t live up to that. No one could. “Lead us down, sweetheart.”
Meg gave him a flirtatious smile and turned toward the steps that went into the basement. He followed her, his nerves already fraying though midnight was still three hours away.
Chapter Fourteen
Meg didn’t want to play games—not the board kind laid out on the table where two couples were currently laughing, and not the relationship kind where she kept tiptoeing around Eli.
She’d spent a long time on her knees the night before, praying and begging God to guide her when it came to her boss, Stockton’s dad, and the man she knew she loved. Eli had asked for more time to see her with different eyes, but Meg wasn’t sure he truly needed it. After all, she’d been right in front of him for four years.