by C. A. Mason
Her eyes were brimming with tears. “What are you talking about?” She knew exactly what I was talking about, but she didn’t want to acknowledge it any more than I did.
“I’m sure he’s done this before, sweetheart.” My hand grazed her cheek. “He was able to hurt you because they didn’t have the courage to speak out.” I pulled her into my chest as her tears fell. I didn’t want to hurt her any more than she’d already been hurt, but I couldn’t stand the thought of that bastard victimizing more innocent women.
“I can’t do it,” she said, shaking her head. “I just can’t. I’m not strong enough. I’m not brave enough. If I were called to testify, I know I’d fall apart.”
I thought of Maura’s testimony. She really was one of the strongest women I’d ever known. Not only had she gotten up on the witness stand and stared down the man she believed had attacked her, she had faced me again, years later, holding her ground and refusing to back down until she uncovered the truth.
“You’re a lot stronger than you think, Lana. Just please tell me you’ll think about it.”
“I will.”
“Okay, now let me see about fixing us something to eat.”
She reached for my hand as I got up. “Do you think we could go somewhere? I’m going stir-crazy here, but I don’t feel safe walking or even driving around this city, knowing he could be anywhere.” When I hesitated, she said, “I know how busy you are. I wouldn’t ask if—”
“I was tending to some business in New Hampshire when you called me.” As I worked through the logistics in my mind, I realized it may be the perfect solution. I wanted to see Maura again, to be close so I could protect her, and returning with Lana would allow me to do that. “I have a place there with two bedrooms. You’re welcome to stay in one for as long as you want.”
Lana frowned. “I didn’t know you had a place in New Hampshire. Since when?”
“It was a recent acquisition.” I hoped she would sense I didn’t want to talk about it. “So what do you say? Should I make a call and ask them to gas up the jet?”
She smiled for the first since I’d arrived. “That sounds great. Thanks, Blaise, for being such a good friend. I don’t know how I would have gotten through these past few days without you.”
“I’m just glad I was able to be here for you.” I would have given anything to have been able to hold Maura after her attack, kiss her forehead, wrap my arm around her and promise I’d never let anyone hurt her again. I couldn’t change the past, but I was pretty good at dictating my future, and I wanted Maura to be a part of it.
***
My limo pulled up to the curb just as Maura stepped out of the apartment building. She literally took my breath away. She was wearing a tight, low-cut black wrap dress with black stilettos, and her hair fell in soft, full waves around her shoulders.
“Give me a minute, Lana. I see someone I need to talk to.” I was out of the limo before she could respond. Nothing she could have said would have stopped me anyway. Talking to Maura, touching her, was as vital as my next breath.
Maura turned at the sound of my footsteps. “Ma-Blaise, I didn’t know you were back in town.”
“I just got in from the airport.”
She wasn’t smiling, but at least she didn’t seem as hostile as the last time I’d seen her. Given how starved I was for a sign she hadn’t written me off, I’d take it.
“How’s your friend?” she asked, clutching her black handbag.
“She’s still having a hard time.” I inclined my head toward the limo. “I brought her back with me. She wasn’t ready to be alone just yet.”
Her eyes darted to the car, but since the windows were tinted, she couldn’t see inside. “It’s never easy. No matter how much time passes, you never get over it, never stop looking over your shoulder. You just figure out how to take it one day at a time and live a somewhat normal life.” She slipped her purse over her shoulder. “I volunteer as a counselor at a rape crisis center. That’s what I try to tell the women I work with—one hour at a time, especially in the beginning.”
I knew about Maura’s work with the rape crisis center. It had come up in the background check I’d run on her before she accepted our offer to plan the anniversary party. That she’d not only sought justice for herself but was also trying to help women who’d suffered similar trauma only made me respect her more.
“You look beautiful.” I scanned her from head to toe, unabashedly zeroing in on the cleavage accentuated by her low neckline. “Do you have to work tonight?”
“No.” She shook her head slowly. “I have a date.”
“A date?” God help me, I had been going out of my mind, unable to get her out of my head, and I had to survive the next few hours with the knowledge that someone else was touching her? If this was karma, I must have been vicious in a previous life to deserve this kind of punishment. “With who?”
“Josh.”
I looked around the parking lot, expecting to see someone waiting on her. “Where is he? He didn’t pick you up?”
“No, he works downtown. We’re going to a restaurant not far from his office for dinner. I figured it would be easier to meet him there.”
I wanted to tell her she deserved to be treated like a princess, that she shouldn’t settle for less, but I bit my tongue. After our last exchange, I should just be grateful she was still talking to me.
I remained silent for as long as I could, but when she turned away, I said, “I hate that you’re going to be with someone else tonight.” When she didn’t turn around but didn’t continue walking either, I stepped closer and aligned my front to her back. Whispering in her ear, I said, “Can’t you see that you belong with me?”
“No.”
“Yes, you do.” I placed my hands on her upper arms, breathing in her scent and wishing I could lose myself in her again as the night slipped away. “You’ve always been mine.” A shudder ripped through her before I closed my arms around her. “Even when I wasn’t here, a part of you always belonged to me.”
“No.”
A smile crept across my face. She was trying to fight it, but it was only a matter of time before she gave in to what she felt for me.
“You hated yourself because a part of you still loved me even though you thought I may have been capable of unthinkable acts,” I said.
“Why are you doing this?” She tipped her head back on my shoulder. “Why are you torturing me this way?”
“You’re the one who’s torturing me, angel. You’re going out with another man. I’m going to spend the next few hours thinking of nothing else.” I skimmed my hand over her hips in a way that any onlooker would view as predatory. “I’m going to wonder if he’s making you laugh.” My words were barely audible, little more than a hushed whisper. “If he’s charming you, making you fall a little deeper. I’m going to wonder if you’re dancing with him, if you’ll let him kiss you goodnight. That, my love, is the definition of torture.” If she were anyone else, I would have issued a command and expected her to obey, but with her, I wasn’t above begging. “Don’t go, Maura, please.”
“I have to. He’s waiting for me.”
“I’ve been waiting for you a hell of a lot longer.”
She turned in my arms before her eyes locked on something over my shoulder. “It looks like someone is waiting for you.”
Judging by the look on Maura’s face, I wasn’t the only one who was jealous. “She’s just a friend. You need to believe that.”
Her lips twisted into a cynical smile. “Your ex-lover is staying with you. The same ex-lover who made no secret of the fact she wanted to hook up with you not too long ago.”
I reached for her hands. “Come on, you know she’s been through hell. Sex is the last thing on her mind right now.”
“But reconnecting with you is clearly at the forefront of her mind.” Her gaze traveled to Lana as she raised an eyebrow. “The way she’s looking at us right now… she looks pretty territorial.”
I didn’t even spare a glance over my shoulder. “It’s not how she feels about me that matters. It’s how I feel about you.”
“How do you—no, forget it. I don’t want to know.” She raised her hand. “I did a lot of soul-searching while you were gone. I’m sorry for the way I reacted when you told me you were leaving. I’m ashamed of myself.”
“You don’t have to apologize—”
“Please, just let me finish.” Her eyes drifted to the buttons on my shirt. “I don’t like who I am when I’m around you.”
“What?” My heart stuttered as I tried to determine whether she was lying. We’d always brought out the best in each other, even when jealousy was eating us alive and we were making each other crazy.
“I’ve worked hard to become someone I like, someone I’m proud of.” She shook her head. “It wasn’t easy. It took a lot of therapy for me to find my way, but I have. I don’t want to sacrifice that for anyone or anything.”
She was sending me a clear message. She didn’t think taking a chance on me was worth the risk.
My hands fell to my sides. “You’ve never been afraid to take chances. That’s one of the reasons I fell in love with you. Don’t play it safe now, not with our future at stake.”
“You’re asking me to say what you want to hear, but you’re not listening to how I feel,” she said, frustration seeping into her voice. “You’re used to controlling everything and everyone, but you can’t control me. You can’t make me want things I don’t just because that’s what makes you happy.”
“You can’t tell me you don’t want me,” I said, clenching my teeth. “You can’t say those words and claim it’s the truth.”
“I have to go.”
Desperate for more time to prove my point, I said, “Will you text me when you get home tonight?”
“Why?” she asked, looking wary.
“My investigator called. There have been some new developments. I’d like to fill you in.”
With a heavy sigh, she said, “Depends what time I get home. I can’t make any promises.”
I watched her walk away, wishing I could say or do something to stop her in her tracks. I love you. Marry me. Those words would get her attention, but I couldn’t be sure they would get the kind of attention I was seeking. So I let her walk away and prayed she’d come back to me.
Chapter Six
“You haven’t put your phone down all night,” Lana said, glancing at me.
I was supposed to be watching a chick flick with her, to help her take her mind off her problems, but the only thing I could think about was Maura being out with someone else. Every once in a while, I got up and wandered to the only window overlooking the parking lot to look for her car. I wondered where the hell she was. It was past eleven, and with every minute that crept past, the ball of fear in my gut expanded. What if that Josh guy was man enough to make her forget me?
“Sorry,” I muttered, reaching for a handful of beer nuts. I was losing my mind over this woman. Again. “I’ve got a lot on my mind.”
“So I’ve noticed. Does it have anything to do with that girl you were talking to earlier?”
It has everything to do with her. “I’d rather not get into it, if you don’t mind.”
“Come on, Blaise,” she said, nudging my knee with hers. “You know everything there is to know about me, but you’re never willing to share anything about yourself. If you’re having a problem, maybe I could help.”
It felt wrong to talk to Lana about other women. As Maura loved to point out, we had been lovers, and even though I’d always viewed it as a casual relationship, Lana had never felt the same way. “I appreciate the offer, but—”
“You’re going to clam up like you always do.” She rolled her eyes. “It’s not healthy to keep everything bottled up. I’m afraid you’re just going to explode one day.”
I felt dangerously close to exploding right then. I gripped my phone tighter in my fist. Why the hell hadn’t she texted me yet? I was tempted to go outside and wait for her, but I didn’t want to scare her or cross the line she’d drawn to keep me at a safe distance. “I’m fine. Don’t worry about me. You have enough on your plate without concerning yourself with my problems.”
“That’s what friends do,” she reminded me. “Look out for each other. You’re always looking out for everyone else, but when you need some help, you won’t let anyone in. It’s maddening.”
A corner of my mouth tipped up as I tugged on a lock of her hair. “Thanks, hon. It’s nice to know someone cares.”
Lana was cover-girl gorgeous, and I knew many men who would gladly trade places with me, but sitting next to Lana did nothing for me. Which proved how far gone I was. My phone beeped, nearly making me choke on a peanut. I glanced at the screen and jumped up when I saw the message. If you’re still up, you can come down now. I’m home.
“Um, there’s something I need to take care of. I have my key. I’ll lock the door when I leave. Don’t wait up for me.”
“You’re going to see her, aren’t you?”
I kissed the top of Lana’s head. “Enjoy the rest of your movie and try to get some sleep.”
When I got into the hallway, I punched the button on the elevator repeatedly and rehearsed what I wanted to say to Maura. It seemed like it had been weeks since I’d seen or held her. Time dragged on when we weren’t together, and my life in New York was starting to seem pretty empty without her.
I knocked on her door, tapping my foot impatiently as I waited for her to answer. I had to play it cool, but I had no idea how I would pull it off. Not knowing where I stood with her had me inching closer and closer to insanity.
“Hey, Blaise,” she said, finally opening the door and standing partially behind it. “Sorry it took me so long to answer. I was just changing. Come in.”
My jaw nearly dropped when I saw what she was wearing: black cotton tap pants and a matching tank top without a bra. Perfectly acceptable bedtime attire, but not conducive to a conversation where I hoped to be able to string three words together.
“I wasn’t sure you were coming,” she said, closing and locking the door. “You didn’t text me back.”
“Sorry, I guess I should have.” I pocketed my phone. “How was your date?”
She smiled. “It was good. Josh is a nice guy. I like him.”
I followed her into the kitchen as I forced myself to unclench my fists. “How much do you like him?”
Maura reached into the fridge for a bottle of wine. “I wasn’t able to drink at dinner tonight since I was driving. I could really use a glass of vino to unwind. Care to join me?”
“Sure.”
She reached into a drawer for a corkscrew. If she was testing my patience, I was about to fail miserably.
“You didn’t answer my question,” I said, reaching for the bottle of wine. I worked the corkscrew in as I asked, “How much do you like him?”
“A lot.”
“For fuck’s sakes, Maura, would you stop being so evasive? You’re making me crazy.”
She was obviously trying to suppress a smile when she said, “I didn’t think you’d care what I did with Josh. You know, since your gorgeous roomie—”
“You thought wrong,” I said between clenched teeth. She was just messing with me, but I was in no mood to indulge her. “Lana and I are just friends. Nothing more. Can you say the same about this Josh character?”
With a dramatic sigh, she propped her elbows on the counter and watched me pour wine into the two glasses she’d set out. “Unfortunately.”
My head snapped up, prompting me to spill wine on the counter. I muttered a curse as she giggled.
“Let me clean that up.” She reached for a paper towel to mop up the mess I made.
“Unfortunately… what? You can say you two are just friends?”
“Mmm hmm.” She nodded as she reached for her glass. “I went out with him tonight because I wanted to see if there were any sparks. I thought maybe I didn’t give him a fair c
hance last time, you know, because of you.”
“And?”
“There were no sparks.” She wrinkled her nose. “Not even a flicker. There were a lot of awkward pauses in the conversation, if you know what I mean?”
She seemed more relaxed than I’d seen her in a long time. It was a nice change.
“Yeah. I hate dates like that.”
She leaned back against the counter. “So how was your night? What did you do?”
“I thought about you.” I was done trying to hide my feelings for her, not that I’d done a great job of it so far.
Maura rolled her eyes. “Given the company you’re keeping, I find that hard to believe.”
I caught her eye before I said, “Angel, this is you and me. What we have is incomparable.”
“I can’t deny that.” She bit her bottom lip. “I’ve done a lot of thinking since you left. I’m still trying to wrap my head around the fact that you’re… him.” She smiled softly. “My first love. It’s crazy.”
“It is kind of crazy. I never thought we’d end up back here, but now that we have, I can’t help but think it’s fate.” I took a sip of my wine, forgoing the toast. I wasn’t certain yet that we had anything to celebrate, but the vibe I got from her was definitely positive. Forgiveness might be on the night’s agenda.
When she looked at me over the rim of her wineglass, I couldn’t help but ask, “Are you still questioning whether I may have been involved in your attack?”
“No, I know now that you had nothing to do with that. I just wish I’d figured it out sooner.”
“Would that have changed things?” I asked.
“Of course it would have. I never would have let you rot in prison for a crime you didn’t commit!”
I smiled at the conviction in her voice. She believed in me again, and it felt amazing. “Good to know.” I sipped the wine slowly. It was one of her favorites, and while it wasn’t the most expensive bottle in my wine cellar, it had always been one of my favorites because it reminded me of her.