by C. A. Mason
“What the hell do you know about it?” she asked, her tone clipped. “Have you been raped?”
“Lana—”
“I’m getting out of here.” She crossed the room, stopping in front of me with her hand out. “I’m going upstairs to pack so we can get the hell out of this godforsaken town. I’m sick of it already. Keys, please.”
I handed over the keys, as anxious to be rid of her as she was to be gone. I waited for her to leave before I crossed the room, anxious to make up for the mistake I’d clearly made. I reached out to grab Maura, but she stepped back, raising her hands. “Angel, I—”
“What the hell were you thinking bringing that woman here?” Her eyes were wide and brimming with tears. “And to share the most traumatic experience of my life with a total stranger? What gives you that right?”
Shit. I was in even deeper than I thought. “Baby, I’m sorry. I know you work with rape victims. I thought you could help her.”
Maura gestured to our surroundings. “In case you haven’t noticed, this isn’t a rape crisis center. This is my home, and you ambushed me. Did you even think to ask me how I would feel about this before you made the decision for me?”
“No, I obviously should have.” I tried to reach for her, but she crossed the room to retrieve her purse.
“Yeah, you should have.” She took her keys from her purse before walking into the kitchen to get her stainless steel coffee mug. “You don’t get to decide things for me. Especially not something of this magnitude. You brought that woman into my home, and she tore me down.” Maura took a shaky breath. “Don’t you think I feel bad enough for what happened to you and the role I played in it? Do you think I need your ex-girlfriend to remind me that I ruined your life?”
“Sweetheart, that’s not why I brought her here, and you have nothing to feel guilty about. I keep telling you that. You did what you thought was right. I probably would have done the same thing in your position. And Lana’s not my girlfriend. You are.”
“I don’t want someone in my life who arbitrarily makes decisions for me without considering my feelings. I got enough of that from my father. I’m a grown woman. I don’t need a man who thinks he can dictate to me and control me.”
“Baby, come on. That’s not what I’m trying to do.” I could see her slipping away, and I was desperate to hold on, to erase the past few minutes from her memory. “I love you, Maura. I need you.”
She gripped her purse in one hand and her coffee mug in another. “When you love someone, you’re courteous and respectful. What you did here this morning was neither.”
It scared me that she was so calm, so guarded. I’d prefer a scene like the one in the hotel, where she was screaming and swearing at me. That kind of anger would peak and fizzle out, but this slowly simmering resentment terrified me because I feared it may be lasting.
“I said I’m sorry about that. What can I do to make it up to you?” Grovelling was foreign to me, but I would do it to keep Maura in my life. I’d fucked up, and I had to figure out how to make things right. I couldn’t lose her. I wouldn’t lose her. “Tell me and I’ll do it.”
“I have to go to work.” She made her way to the door.
“I won’t be here when you get back.” I flinched when she whirled around, looking intent on killing me. Maybe calm and collected was better. “I… uh… have to head back to New York for a few days. George is going to the police today. If they have enough to charge Ben, his arraignment should be in a few days. I’ll be back for that.”
“You don’t have to bother. I’m sure your hired gun will give you a full report.”
“Don’t do this.” When her features remained frozen in anger, I whispered, “Fuck. Why do I keep screwing things up with you?”
“Maybe it just wasn’t mean to be, Blaise.”
When she used my alias with such disdain, I knew she was not-so-subtly reminding me of my lies and deceit. “How can you say that? You’re my life. My future. My fucking destiny.” It had been a long time since I’d been so vulnerable—probably since the night I’d proposed to her. “You can’t just walk away from that. I won’t let you!”
“Where do we go from here?” Her anger finally receded as her face twisted in anguish. “As your girlfriend so aptly pointed out, I ruined your life. You are the way you are because of what I did to you.”
“What the hell does that mean?” I asked, throwing up my hands. “What’s wrong with the way I am?” Aside from being a dumb-ass who sometimes acted before he thought about the consequences.
“You’re broken. So am I.” Her voice was shaky, and she drew a deep breath. “You don’t go through what we’ve been through and come out of it whole. I don’t think that’s possible. We both have scars, deep scars that probably won’t ever heal.”
“Being with you makes me feel whole again. It’s the only thing that does.”
“But what happened this morning reminded me that I can’t forget.”
“Forget what?”
“What happened, what I did to you. This is the start of another ugly chapter in our story, Blaise. We were foolish to think we could get through it unscathed.”
“Last night you told me you loved me. You said you wanted to be with me forever. What the fuck? You changed your mind overnight?”
“I changed my mind in a few minutes,” she said, her posture softening as the fight seemed to seep from her body. “Not because of what Lana said, but because of what I felt. She said those things, and I felt like someone had knocked the wind out of me. It was so painful to hear the truth from her lips.”
“Ignore what she said. She doesn’t matter.” I’d tried to be a good friend to Lana, and she’d repaid me by ruining my chances with the only woman who’d ever meant anything to me? I was so done with her.
“Maybe not,” Maura said quietly. “But what she said matters to me, because I happen to share her opinion.” She reached for the door handle.
Red hot panic swept through me. “Don’t go. Fuck. Don’t go. We need to talk about this. We need to work this out.”
“We can’t, Blaise. I’m so sorry.”
***
I needed my punching bag, but since that wasn’t available, I’d settle for giving Lana a tongue-lashing. Throwing the door open, I stalked into the master bedroom, where she was carefully folding a long, sheer nightgown.
“What the fuck was that about?” I demanded, planting my hands on my hips to prevent me from grabbing her and shaking some sense into her.
“What?” She shrugged. “I did what you asked me to do. I went down there and met your girlfriend. It’s not my fault we didn’t see eye to eye.”
“You fucking attacked her. You made her feel like shit because she did what she thought was right. She was brave enough and strong enough to face the man she believed attacked her, which is a hell of a lot more than I can say for you.” That was a low blow, but I was so far beyond angry.
She faced me, a small smile on her full lips. “I really had you convinced, didn’t I? I should consider acting classes. Daddy always said he thought they’d be a waste of time, but I think it’s obvious I have a real talent for owning a role.”
I felt the air seep from my lungs. “What are you talking about?”
“I played the poor rape victim to a tee, didn’t I?” She laughed. “Come on, you were so convinced; you thought you could talk your whore into taking me to one of her pathetic group therapy sessions where they all whine about how they were ravaged by some savage beast.”
“You fucking bitch!” I stalked away from her, afraid of being too close. I’d never, ever put my hands on a woman in anger, but no one had ever betrayed my trust this way. “You lied about being raped?”
“I had to get your attention somehow,” she said nonchalantly, zipping her cosmetics bag and setting it in her suitcase. “You have that whole hero thing going on, like you think you can single-handedly save the world. I figured if I could tug at your heartstrings and get you alone for a few
days, you’d realize we could have a really great thing together.” She sighed. “But when I saw the way you looked at her, I knew I was wasting my time. I’m done with you.”
“You’re done with me?” I felt heat roiling in my belly, but I forced myself to ignore it. “I am so fucking done with you. Get your shit and get the hell out of here.”
“Gladly.” She zipped her suitcase, set it on the floor, and extracted the handle. “I trust you won’t mention this unfortunate incident to Daddy.” She wrinkled her nose. “You know he has to watch his blood pressure.”
“Get out!” I shouted, pointing at the door. “Now.”
***
My plan was going off without a hitch. Maura’s ex was being arraigned today, which meant the police had to admit they’d arrested the wrong man the first time around. I should be celebrating, but the victory felt hollow. I felt hollow, gutted.
I hadn’t spoken to Maura in three days. I’d called and texted her numerous times, but she was ignoring me. I suspected I would see her in court, but if not, I planned to stop by her apartment after the arraignment. If she thought I would give up without a fight, she was sorely mistaken.
I was sitting on a bench outside the courtroom, trying to collect myself and hoping to catch a glimpse of Maura as she entered.
Eric sat next to me instead. “Hey, Blaise, long time no see. How’ve you been?”
“I’ve been better.” I was seriously tempted to tell him I was miserable because his daughter and I were having problems, and I didn’t know why.
“Sorry to hear that,” he said, shooting me a sidelong glance. “Anything I can do to help?”
“I love her.” I hadn’t expected to say that; it just slipped out. “I want to be with her, more than anything, but she’s so caught up in the past, she refuses to look to the future. I don’t know how the hell to convince her.”
Eric sighed as he watched several people walk into the courtroom. “This has been difficult for her, son. It’s brought up a lot of bad memories. I was so sure we had the right guy. I can’t believe Ben did this to her. I liked that kid. I trusted him. I didn’t think he was dangerous. Now that Cooper, he was a powder-keg ready to blow.”
“What makes you think that?” I asked, trying to sound indifferent.
“I heard the way he blew up at the guys on his crew when he was working on my pool house. He had a short temper. Not the kind of guy I wanted my daughter mixed up with.”
I couldn’t deny Eric was right. I had a short fuse, and I’d routinely mixed it up with the guys on my crew.
“I knew she had a thing for him.” Eric ran his hands down his thighs to cup his knees. “She was always out there sunbathing, trying to catch his attention.”
“Is that right?”
“I thought it was just harmless flirting, until I saw the way she looked at him when she thought no one was looking. That was when I realized it was serious.”
“So you knew they were seeing each other?” I asked, trying to hide my surprise. I thought we’d hid our relationship pretty well. Apparently Eric was smarter than I’d given him credit for.
“Sure. No way he would have turned down Maura. She’s beautiful, smart…” With a gusty sigh, he said, “She could have had any guy she wanted, but apparently she wanted him.”
“Huh.” I couldn’t say anything more without giving myself away, so I remained silent, hoping he would continue.
“When I found out what happened to her, I was furious. I knew it had to be Cooper. He was a raging lunatic half the time. He knew she was too damn good for him. When I found out they’d fought because he was jealous, it made perfect sense to me that he would have gone after her, determined to get the last word.”
Seeing it from Eric’s perspective, I understood how he jumped to that conclusion.
“If she had been determined to break up with him and he was equally determined to hold on to her… well, he struck me as the type who wouldn’t want anyone else to have her if he couldn’t.”
I rubbed my forehead, closing my eyes. He was right. I didn’t want anyone else to have Maura, but I would never resort to violence to keep her from having a life without me. “At least the right man is finally in custody.”
“Yeah, but I think Maura is struggling with some guilt over what happened to her ex-boyfriend. Last we heard, he was on the run. He’d been accused of some other crimes at the time. I guess Maura’s case fit some profile. Then it turned out he was innocent for those crimes, so they let him go for time served. He was supposed to be on parole but never checked in with his parole officer. He just disappeared. No one’s seen or heard from him since.”
“I can’t blame him for running. It doesn’t sound like he had the best of luck with the justice system.”
Eric chuckled. “No, I guess I can’t blame him for running either. But Maura blames herself for what happened to him. If you get the sense she’s shutting down right now, I think it has a lot to do with that. Not to mention the fact she has another trial facing her. She’s a strong girl, but I don’t know how much one person can be expected to endure.”
“I want to be there for her,” I said, trying to keep my frustration in check, “but she won’t let me.”
“Don’t give up on her, son.” Eric slapped me on the back before he stood. “She’s worth fighting for.”
I waited a few more minutes, hoping for some time alone with Maura before the proceedings started, but when I couldn’t stall any longer, I made my way inside. I was surprised to find her already sitting with her mother and brother. Her father was walking toward their bench. I tried to catch her eye, but she stared straight ahead, her hands clenched tightly in her lap.
I sat on the opposite side of the courtroom and stared at the back of the head of the man I wanted to throttle more than anything. He turned to glance at Maura a few times, and I turned to see the color drain from her face. I wanted to jump over the barrier and tell him if he valued his life, he’d keep his eyes off her.
George slipped in beside me. “Did I miss anything?”
“No. I didn’t expect you to come.”
“I wanted to. I guess it’s the cop in me. I like to see these things through.” He smiled, looking satisfied. “This is just a formality though. They have more than enough to proceed with this case.”
“They better,” I warned. “If that scumbag winds up back on the streets, I won’t be responsible for what I do to him.”
George chuckled softly. “I’m gonna pretend I didn’t hear that.” His eyes drifted to Maura and her family. “That’s the victim, huh? Wow, she’s a beauty, ain’t she?”
“Yeah.” I crossed my arms, trying to contain my irritation. I should be sitting with her and holding her hand, not staring at her from across a crowded courtroom and hoping she’d spare me a glance.
I listened to the lawyers go at it for nearly an hour before the judge handed down his ruling. That piece of shit would stand trial for what he did to Maura. Mission accomplished. Or at least the first part of the mission was accomplished. I knew it would be a long and bloody road to justice.
Chapter Nine
After several minutes of knocking on Maura’s door, it was painfully obvious she had no intention of answering. I knew she’d returned home after court because her car was in the lot.
I considered my options. I owned the building. I could make up some excuse and ask the building manager to open the door for me, but strong-arm tactics would only alienate her more.
“Maura, baby, please. Open the door. I need to talk to you.” When she didn’t respond, my voice became firmer. “You know how stubborn I can be. I’m not leaving until I see you, even if I have to—”
“What do you want?” Maura stood in the doorway looking utterly destroyed. She transferred her suffering to me with one prolonged glance. She was wearing old gray track pants and a white tank, sans bra. Her hair was in a messy ponytail and her face scrubbed bare. As she rubbed a hand over her cheek to wipe away tears, I noticed
how swollen her eyes were. She’d been crying a long time.
“Can I come in?” I whispered, sticking my hands in my pockets. “Please.”
“Why?” Her voice cracked on the single word. “Why would you want to see me?”
I frowned at her phrasing. “What are you talking about? I love you, angel. I—”
She walked away before I could finish, leaving the door open, presumably for me to follow. I didn’t wait for a formal invitation before stepping inside and closing the door.
She was sitting on the couch, clutching a cushion against her stomach. “I did this. I set this whole thing in motion.”
“What?” I claimed the seat beside her, careful to leave a few inches in case she felt the urge to flee. “What are you talking about?”
“That night…” She sobbed, making it difficult to get words out. “When you saw us in the bar…”
“What about it?” I asked, tentatively touching her back.
“I lied to you about what was going on between me and Ben.”
I felt dread fill my throat like bile, choking me. I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear this. I told myself nothing she could say or do would change the way I felt about her, but if she admitted she’d been cheating on me with that loser… I didn’t know how I’d react.
“You lied to me? Explain.”
She couldn’t even look me in the eye. “He came on to me that night. When you saw him grab my ass, I told you it was harmless, but it wasn’t. He was telling me how hard I made him. He was showing me as he told me how much he wanted to fuck me.” She covered her mouth with her hand. “He said he could do things to me, things that would make you seem like a pussy. He said if I wanted a man to dominate me, he could be that guy. That’s when you showed up.”