Dave’s face took on his familiar shit-eating grin. “This is the naked girl, green hair, big boobs you kept going on about? The one that jumped your bones every night?”
“Yep, her.” I pushed the vivid memories away. “But, I don’t want to go there. This stick”‑ I picked it up and showed them‑ “interacted with my dreamstone.”
“Your amethyst?”
I nodded to Jeff. Everyone here knew about it. They all played in my game at one time or another. “It turns out a shaman gave it to my dad, and he gave it to my mom. When I touch it and the dreamstone at the same time, I get visions of Illyria.”
Dave interrupted before I could add that it hadn’t seemed to affect our friend Jim at all. “Illyria. The crystal gives you visions of our gaming world?”
I told them what happened to Jen.
“I have no idea what the crystal showed her, but a few days later, she escaped from the hospital and came to cut down my oak tree. Gregg saw her get the chainsaw and followed her. When he got here, the tree was thrashing around, trying to eat Jen. He couldn’t pull her out, so he grabbed the saw and kept cutting.
“When I came home, Spring was fighting back, and the oak was smacking Gregg around while Spring was sucking Jen into the tree. I jumped in and pulled Jen out, but somehow Spring tapped into me, sucked me dry, hopped out of the tree, and went after Gregg.”
“Oh, come on,” said Dave. “She’s a vampire, too?”
“No, she didn’t drink my blood, you idjit, she just tapped my energy or something. Anyway, she left me helpless on the ground, but when my dad tried to help, I instinctively sucked what I needed from him. It didn’t matter. In the end, the oak fell, and Spring died.”
My voice hitched at the memory of her bloody, broken body fading away in my arms. I cleared my throat. “Sort of. At the last minute, she moved in with me. I became her surrogate tree. Everyone else was unconscious. Jen was okay, so I tried to help my dad, but I broke him somehow. Now he can’t live without me juicing him up with power from the stick, which is also keeping Spring alive inside of me.”
Dave’s eyebrows snapped up. “Wait, go back. You have a sexy, naked, green woman living inside of you now?”
I scowled at him. “She doesn’t have a body now, but her spirit is living in me.”
“So, what about all the blood?” Jeff asked.
“That came from the tree. Somehow Spring used my blood to supercharge the oak.”
“So she is a vampire...” said Dave.
“No, she’s not!”
Alan broke his silence. “How did she manage to get hundreds of gallons of your blood without killing you?”
“She said she grew it and something about my blood being powerful. Anyway, that’s what happened.” I grabbed another slice.
There was another moment of silence while my friends exchanged glances, and then Dave nodded and chewed on his lip. “Okay, so what really happened?”
I sighed. I had to admit, it was a big hunk of Twilight Zone pie to swallow. I sat back, took a bite of pizza, and said around it, “Fine, if you don’t believe me, then you come up with something that explains everything better. What was that thing we dug up? How did I heal so fast after being severely beaten? What beat up Jen and Gregg? What put my dad in a coma and knocked me out? What filled my backyard with gallons of blood?” I gestured toward the glass door leading to the back. “Go on. You can still smell it rotting.”
Alan and Jeff, who hadn’t seen the damage yet, peered out the sliding glass door at the dark stains that permeated my old oak.
Dave opened his mouth to speak, but shut it. Finally, he held up empty hands and said, “I got nothing.”
Jeff said, “Huh.” Alan nodded, looking far away.
I tried, unsuccessfully, to snap my finger. “Oh, wait! There’s more! Erik Parmely has been stalking me ever since he got tossed out of school. Dave, remember, he was there in the parking lot of the school during finals?”
Dave nodded.
“Well, he saw the whole mess with the battle of the oak and decided I was a demon-worshiping, virgin-sacrificing, baby-eating witch. Remember the threat letter at the hospital? That was his. After I got home, he jumped me and shot me.”
Dave slapped his hands on the table. “Oh, come on! You’re just making this shit up!”
I pointed at him and said, “Wait right there.” I ran up to my room and pulled Erik’s gun out from where I had stashed it under my winter clothes. I left the bullets and clip behind, making sure the chamber was empty. I bounced back downstairs and tossed it down on the table. “Ha! There, that’s his gun, and this is where he shot me.” I rolled up my sleeve and showed them the fading oval scar where the bullet had pierced my bicep. No one paid attention to my arm. They were too busy cringing.
Dave snapped his eyes to me in a flash. “Holy crap, Finn! Don’t throw a fracking gun around! It might be loaded.”
I rolled my eyes. “Relax, I took out the bullets.”
“I don’t give a crap what you think you did. Don’t do it!”
“Okay, okay! I won’t throw it around anymore. But look, here’s where Erik hit me.”
Dave examined my arm. “That’s not a bullet hole! It looks more like a…I don’t know what, but it’s too small and too healed.”
“It’s a small caliber gun, and Spring heals me quickly with the heart.”
Jeff picked up the gun and Alan snatched up another slice of pie.
“Why didn’t you call the cops? That guy sounds like he’s totally crazy,” Jeff asked.
My smile dropped. “I’ve been thinking about it, but I don’t have any proof, and I don’t want to put my mom through any more grief. She’s been through enough.”
Alan swallowed his latest mouthful. “Well, if it’s registered to Erik, then maybe they’ll believe he shot you.”
I nodded. I guess I didn’t have to tell the cops that Erik’s shot actually hit me. Then I remembered why I didn’t report it in the first place and shook my head. “No, I just don’t want to do that to my mom.”
Jeff grabbed a piece of pizza for himself. My eyes were glued to it as he brought the second-to-last slice to his mouth.
“You’re being stupid, Finn,” said Alan. “The guy’s obviously crazy. What’s to stop him from coming after you again?”
I frowned. “I don’t know. I was just hoping he’d give up. He’s pretty scared of me now.”
Meanwhile, Dave’s grin had just grown even wider, and his eyes lit up with mischief—usually a bad sign.
“So, Finn, what’s it like doing it with a dryad? Do you have to watch out for splinters?”
The others laughed.
Encouraged, Dave added, “Did she give you a woody?”
I rolled my eyes in despair. There is a protocol in good-natured ribbing, after all.
Spring stirred inside of me as she woke up. She didn’t say anything, though.
Jeff tapped his chin. “So, a dryad, huh? Hmmm, now that she lives in your head, how does it feel? You said you could hear her. Can you see her or touch her? That would be great, because then you guys could have sex while you were sitting in English class.”
Alan agreed. “The mind boggles.”
I was right there with them—that did sound good. I loved reading, but I hated English classes, and I had disliked my English teachers without exception. I prayed that my last one, Ms. Kramer, didn’t flunk me. But, as for brain-sex, alas, I had to say, “Well, unfortunately—really, really unfortunately—it doesn’t quite work that way. I don’t hear her so much as I feel her thinking. At first, it seemed that I was just thinking weird things to myself. Now, it’s clearer to me that it’s her when she has something to say.”
“So, if she’s thinking and using part of your brain, then what about the functions that part of your brain used to perform? The whole idea that we only use ten percent of our brain is an urban myth. We use it and need it all. I don’t see how you could support two minds with one brain.” Alan, contrary to
the evidence of the empty pizza box, was paying attention.
Dave jumped in. “What he’s asking is: do you feel stupider now, or…?” He waggled his eyebrows. “Is there something… some dangly, noncritical system that’s not currently functioning?”
Jeff peered thoughtfully at the top of our fridge. “Hmm. If Finn were stupider, would he even know it? I mean, the dumber you are, the less self-aware you are. Maybe he just doesn’t realize that he’s an idiot now.”
“I don’t think he could be an idiot without us knowing,” said Alan. “That would mean his IQ was less than twenty-five. His hamster would be smarter. No, I think he would have to be at least a moron, because imbeciles tend to use only single-syllable words.”
I scowled at them. “Gee, thanks, guys.”
“Depending on how much processing power it takes to be a dryad, he might only be mildly retarded. He used to be pretty clever, after all.”
Jeff eyebrow’s rose in an ah-hah moment.
“Maybe she doesn’t use his brain at all. Maybe she uses magic to think with.”
Whatever. I was smarter than him when I was a tree.
Spring! Don't be mean...
At that moment, I was saved by the bell. Specifically, the doorbell. “Maybe that’s Gregg.”
I ran to open the door and came face-to-face with Detective Hunter.
Really Good Friends...
Detective Victoria Hunter was as beautiful as always. Her Indian heritage showed clearly in her high cheekbones and jet-black hair, now pulled tightly into an elaborate bun. Her crisp uniform tried, but failed, to hide her long, lean body and arresting curves. Get it? Arresting curves? I crack myself up.
I tried to hide my nervousness behind my smile. I was hyper-aware there was a gun sitting on the kitchen table at the end of the hall behind me.
“Uh, Detective Hunter... hi.” I hoped she wouldn’t notice my extra nerves, because she always had this effect on me.
She sported a disturbing lack of a smile. “Hello, Finn, is your mother home?”
I suddenly remembered that she had good reason to be mad at me because of our last interview. I told her a complete B.S. story about what happened in our backyard, which got so many people hurt and gallons of blood dumped everywhere, and she knew it. When she left, she had been unhappy, but unable to prove anything different.
I tried to appear innocent. “Uh, no. She’s still at the hospital with my dad.”
The regret on her face seemed sincere. “Oh, I’m sorry to hear he’s still there.”
“Yeah, they’re taking him to a mental hospital this afternoon.”
Crap! Why did I tell her that?
Because, you totally babble around healthy hot girls when you should be seducing the pants off of them.
Spring, please! You are not helping.
Like chill out, boyfriend. I’m just sayin’.
Well, don’t.
Whatever! An image of a hand flick and a flip of her hair as she turned away popped into my mind. What the hell was going on with her?
The detective’s concern for my father pinched her face. “What happened to him?” Victoria had known my dad for a long time and was fond of him, though I didn’t know the details.
I squirmed. I had no idea how much I should tell her. “Well, he’s, uh, out of his coma and they just want to, uh, watch him for a while.”
She raised one elegant, razor-sharp eyebrow and frowned. “I hope it’s nothing serious.”
“No, uh, well, I don’t know. Maybe you should talk to my mom about it.”
“I will.” She paused and examined me for a moment.
Oh, god! She knows!
Like, how could she know about the gun, Finn?
“I wanted to talk to you, too. May I come in?”
“Uh, sure.” I tried desperately not to look back into the kitchen. I backed away from the door, and she followed me inside. Then, I just stood, gaping nervously at her.
She gave me a delicate frown. “Are you all right, Finn? You seem distracted.”
I nodded and squeaked, “Uh, no. I mean, I’m fine.”
She walked past me and down the hall to the kitchen. “Do you have guests?”
I scampered after her and almost ran into her as she paused at the entrance to the kitchen. I stopped in horror. Oh, god. She’s looking at the gun. I’m going to jail.
Hit her in the head while she’s not looking and run away!
Victoria eyed the teenagers arrayed in front of her. She had their complete attention. “Hello, gentlemen.”
I slid past her, noticed the distinct lack of a gun on the table, and just about peed my pants in relief.
Dave waved his hand at her. “Hi, I’m David!”
I introduced everyone. After polite, impersonal hellos, she turned to me. “Sorry, Finn, I didn’t mean to interrupt, but I do need to talk to you.”
I swallowed hard. “Okay, no problem.”
When I did nothing but stand shifting and eyeing her nervously, she added, “Alone?”
“Oh, right! Guys, can you give us some privacy?”
Dave nodded with the others. “No problemo, Mighty Finn. We’ll just go out back for a while.”
With perfect timing, the door from the garage opened up, and my mom walked in.
While the good detective and my mom swapped familiar greetings, I flicked a panicked look to my friends.
Dave winked and said, “Hey, Finn, maybe we should just head out. We can talk game later.”
“Uh, okay.”
He rounded everyone up. “Come on, guys. Let’s go.” Then, he grabbed the empty pizza box, and with little ceremony, my friends marched out. When Dave passed me, he waggled his nearly invisible blond eyebrows and waved the gun at me from under the box.
My heart stopped. I had no idea if either woman behind us could see it. All the blood in my body drained to my feet, and I nearly fainted. I glared at him, half in relief, and half in annoyance. What was he, stupid?
He smirked, hid the gun, and marched out the door.
Like, Davey is so totally cool!
Spring, please stop that.
What?
You know what!
Whatever.
After everyone had left and Spring had gone off to sulk, I was back at the kitchen table, sitting across from Detective Hunter while my mother poured her some coffee. Mom talked over her shoulder, sounding more exhausted by the minute. “So what can we do for you, Detective?”
“Well, Mrs. Morgenstern—”
“Helen, please.”
Victoria bobbed her head once. “Okay, Helen. We’ve got another problem. A teacher at the high school reported a gun missing two weeks ago, and then someone called her and told her that they had seen Finn take it.”
“What? No! I didn’t take it!”
Hunter rounded on me. “Relax, Finn. I don’t believe you did, but do you know who might have?”
I was anxious to get the scrutiny off of me. “Erik Parmely.”
“Did you see him take it?”
Oops. “Uh, no.”
She lowered her brows. “So, why do you think Erik might have taken it?”
I tried not to shuffle my feet and fidget under her stare. “Oh…well, it just… seems like the kind of thing he would do?”
She answered the question mark I inadvertently put at the end of my statement. “I don’t know, Finn. Is that why you accused him of stealing a gun?”
I dropped my gaze, trying to look abashed rather than scared. “Yeah, I guess so.”
My mom set a cup and saucer in front of the detective and sat down. “Who said Finn was the one that took it?”
“Ms. Kramer reported the stolen gun and said that her phone informant didn’t give a name.”
I jolted up in my chair and exclaimed, “Kramer carried a gun?” The image of her carrying that little pistol chilled me. I’m glad I hadn’t pissed her off more than I already did.
That earned me everyone’s complete attention. Heat rose
in my cheeks. “Sorry, but Ms. Kramer was packing heat?”
Hunter twined her fingers together and leaned forward. “I never said what type of gun, Finn. It could have been a shotgun. Why do you think she carried it around?”
I gaped at her. Oh, god. Oh, god. Oh, god. She’s going to find the clip and the bullets in my room, and I’m going to jail. My panic supercharged my brain. “Uh, I don’t know…I just assumed since someone said I took it, it must have been somewhere public?”
My mom rescued me. “Victoria, can you tell us where and when was the gun taken?”
“She reported it missing from the high school on Wednesday, May twenty-seventh, at five thirty in the evening.”
“I can’t believe that law ever passed,” said my mom. She was talking about the law allowing teachers to carry concealed weapons in school, which passed several years ago.
Hunter grimaced. “It’ll stay that way till some teacher accidentally shoots a student.”
Shock replaced my relief at losing the detective’s focus. That was during finals. Sheesh! The Battleaxe carried a gun to school? Oh, crap! I already thought she was scary!
Spring didn’t see the problem. Like, that totally makes sense to me. She’s, like, totally a small woman and some of the high school boys are way bigger and way stronger than her. Like, I’d want a gun, too, ya know?
Spring, that’s not…
Victoria’s voice finally penetrated my brain. “…Finn? Can you tell me your movements on that day?”
“Uh, yeah, I had a morning final and an afternoon final, and then Dave gave me a ride home. Hey, he can vouch for me!”
“Is there a break between the finals?”
“Yeah, but I stayed in the science lab the whole time because Erik…Erik! He was there Wednesday, in the parking lot. Dave can back me up! I knew he took it!”
My triumph died when I saw Hunter’s quirked eyebrow.
“I mean, er, he might have taken it. He wasn’t supposed to be in school at all…” Damn, she’s more intimidating than Kramer (my senior English teacher).
That is because you think she’s a total hottie and are intimidated by powerful, beautiful women with large breasts who—
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