“Um…” I glanced at my mother, whether for support or permission, I don’t know, but she gave me a little nod and placed a reassuring hand on my arm. “I, uh… he uh, taught me how to make a shield in my mind.”
“Tell me about it, please.” He didn’t fool me with that “please.” This was a command.
I felt a bit silly saying it out loud. “Well, I put up a golden dome surrounding me. It’s a dome that no bad things can cross...it keeps me safe.”
“How do you put it up?”
“I just imagine it.”
“Do you have it up now?”
“Not really, I’m not concentrating on it, anyway. I suppose I imagine it’s always there for me.” I paused, took a chance, and put forth an embarrassing confession. “It makes me feel safer.”
“Do you think you can teach this to one of my patients?”
“No, I couldn’t.”
“Finn, if you can teach this to my patients it may give them their life back. These things speak to them, Finn, and they never let up. Imagine living with that dark nightmare day and night, always hearing its voice whispering hatred, hunger, and fear to you—telling you to do horrible things.”
I attempted to swallow that enormous lump of imagery and gaped at him. He was hitting me right in the guilt. Admittedly, it was an easy target.
My wall of self-preservation started to crumble, until a new lance of fear flashed through me and made me jump. My ability to differentiate between Spring’s reactions and my own was improving— this one undeniably came from Spring.
No way, Finn! You can’t get close to those gnarly things. They will totally eat us both!
It had been a mistake to let her watch Valley Girl, but I had to agree with her assessment on this one. Still, the growing weight of my guilt was crushing my fear.
And Anderson hadn’t finished. “Finn, the victims of this affliction can be any age, race, or sex. One of my patients battling this is an eight year old girl.”
Aw, crap! That was totally unfair. My shoulders drooped toward surrender.
This is totally non-righteous, dude! If you’re going mess with these bogus things, put me back in a tree.
Being an engineer at heart, Spring’s existence ran counter to my nature. With my safety ducky to buoy me up, I’d been floating in a river of denial. She was just part of my overactive imagination. It was one of those delicate, baseless bubbles of belief that you couldn’t examine—lest it pop. It popped.
Spring, would you seriously want to go back to living in a tree? Can you even do that?
Not before you take me dancing. But, you can’t do that if we’re black slime food.
Anderson took my silence for continued resistance rather than my desire to think about anything else. “Finn, can you imagine what something like that would do to an eight year old girl? My patient, Holly has been plagued by this her entire life. Can you let that continue?”
Crap. My defenses crumbled, and I hung my head and muttered, “No.”
Sure you can! She’s not from your seed, and you don’t know her.
Spring, I can’t stand by and let this happen. It’s a little girl! I can’t have this on my conscience, too, especially after what I did to Jen and Dad.
Nightmares from my childhood ran loose stalking other people. I was so hosed. Some days it just didn’t pay to get out of bed. Then, there were days that made even being born seem like a bad idea. This was rapidly becoming one of those.
My mother leaned forward and stared intently at the doctor. “Dr. Anderson, I haven’t okayed this yet. I won’t allow my son to be put in any kind of danger or made the subject of some psychological experiment.”
“Mrs. Morgenstern, I understand your concern. I’ll be with Finn the entire time, and if things get out of hand or become too emotionally charged, I’ll stop the session.”
“And you’re going to give my husband a clean bill of health and allow him to come home with us.”
Anderson stared at her, eyes widened in consternation. He opened his mouth a couple times before he shut it, swallowed, and said, “Very well. I’ll release your husband into your custody, but you’re to be with him at all times and agree to weekly sessions here with me. If he harms anyone, I’ll be the one responsible. On top of any harm he may cause, I will be sued, and my reputation will be irreparably harmed.”
“I understand, Doctor. You have my word there will be no more incidents.”
That bargain made it impossible for me to back out now.
Spring didn’t agree. Finn, we can just run away and join a traveling dance troupe. Images of flying bodies in leotards in sync to pounding music flashed through my mind.
She’d wanted to do that even before this added excuse. Sorry, Spring, but I’m stuck.
I pursed my lips and let out a deep breath. “Okay, I’ll see what I can do.”
Despite the core of myself that knew without a doubt that I wasn’t in Kansas anymore, I’d spent a lot of time recently worrying that I was insane. What I had just agreed to— trying to help mental patients protect themselves from what amounted to demonic possession by teaching them a shamanic meditation technique— seemed to support a different conclusion: the world was insane.
Living my life for the last few weeks made that possibility much more likely. If it were just me that was insane, I was taking a lot of people with me.
When Jen and Gregg began cutting down my tree, Spring’s tree, they were the first to enter my Bizarro World. After the battle, which everyone had lost, I returned from the hospital and my brain-damaged friends, with their unhealthy curiosity, gave me no choice but to bring them along. They obviously wanted to be insane, too.
Now, the whole mess of us skipped arm-in-arm through Oz, to the loony bin.
At least the company was good.
AD—After Daniel
After being freaked out by Daniel and making my bargain with the devilish doctor, we talked about the shadows for a while. About the only new thing I learned from him was that the shadows didn’t seem to control the patients. Instead, they constantly whispered to them, made them paranoid, and suggested they do nasty things. The ultimate bad influence, if you will.
When we were done, my mom led me to see Dad. Unlike the doctor’s door, this one stood closed. We knocked and waited. When there was no answer, Mom opened the door and peeked in. I couldn’t see into the room from where I stood, but the set of my mother’s jaw told me that everything wasn’t what she wanted it to be.
“Finn, just stay here for a minute. I’m going to go talk to your father and give him the good news. I’ll be right back, and then you can come in.” She closed the door again.
I tried to swallow my anxiety and waited in the hallway, leaning back against the wainscoting. Waiting was hard, and I was just about to knock on the door when my mom reappeared.
“Okay, Finn, he’s decent now.”
I went in. My dad was sitting in a generously upholstered reading chair in front of the window. The soft daylight streamed in from its view of the grounds. The room was as tastefully decorated as the rest of the facility, but I had eyes only for him.
A thick layer of stubble, wrinkles, and fatigue covered Dad’s face. All the color had drained out of him, and his eyes were fixed on a point on the floor in front of him.
I approached him slowly and said in a soft voice, “Hi, Dad.”
After a pause, he tried to smile. His face stretched in a smile-like way, but there was no mirth in his eyes. “Hello, Finn.” Even his tone was dead, flat and lacked the essence of him.
I put my hand on his shoulder and crouched next to him. “Dad, are you alright? You look terrible.”
“I’m sorry, Son, but being here has really hit me hard.”
“Don’t worry, we’re busting you outta here tomorrow.”
His grin finally reached his eyes and brought a little humanity back into them. “It’s not just that, Finn, but your biological mother spent her last months in this facility.”
I rocked
back in shock. “She was here?”
“In this building, yes, but it wasn’t this nice back then.”
Bogus!
I had to agree with her. The woman I thought of as my mom, the one who’d adopted me and taken care of me, came up behind him and put her hands on his shoulders and squeezed. Her expression was sad and tired, too. I suppose she felt helpless in the face of the history here. I know I did.
There was one thing I could do, though. “Dad, can I give you a boost?”
He nodded without enthusiasm, so I dove in. From the start, I felt his life processes shutting down, so I started fanning the flames as fast as I could. I fell into the action more easily this time, and soon had my first responses from him. I pushed my energy into him and soon his own flames were burning brightly. Spring pulled me back before I was satisfied, but I listened to her.
Once back in the real world, I sat in the seat across from him. As before, the difference provided me with immense, but tired, gratification. While his face was still thinner than normal, his cheeks were flushed, and his movements held a ready energy that he had lacked before.
I smiled tentatively, and he returned it. This time, though, his expression was genuine and warm. Thank goodness.
“You are like a shot of light for me, Finn. I can’t believe how good I feel now. This last day everything has seemed so overwhelming and sad…” He petered off.
“And now?”
“Now it just seems more manageable. Thank you, Finn.”
It felt as if a massive weight had been lifted off of me, too. “Any time, Dad, any time.”
Are you seriously going to do this every day for the rest of his life?
I watched my dad, the man I’d loved and idolized since before I could remember. Memories of him carrying me, hugging me, helping me, and supporting me sprang to life: The moment he had pronounced me a man after I suffered silently through the most miserable camping trip of my life; the day he sat cross-legged opposite me in the sacred space we had created, and taught me to keep the monsters at bay.
He patted my mom’s hands where they still rested on his shoulders. Her relief showed through her smile as well. My dad stood up and grabbed her in a big hug.
“I’m sorry, Helen. I know I’ve been worrying you.”
She squeezed her eyes shut as tears leaked onto his shoulder.
Yes, Spring. It’s worth it.
We headed home without Dad one more time. With luck, I would survive the meeting with a shadow-ridden patient Anderson was scheduling and would get to enjoy having my family back together.
What Dreams May Come
I don’t know how the dream started, but I remember running through the cemetery in terror, dashing through shadowed tombstones. The dark serpent crashed behind me as it wove through the undergrowth. It was enormous and hungry. Suddenly, in a horror-show moment, something caught my legs and I fell next to a towering stone statue. In an instant, the snake was around me.
The head loomed over me and drew back into a strike position. The thunderous roar of an avalanche filled my ears and I couldn’t stop it. I screamed for help, for mercy, but neither was to be found. There was no compassion in the shadowed eyes of the snake. The head came at me with such speed that I barely had time to register it. The gaping mouth of the snake, fangs extended for the kill, was the last thing I saw before pain seared my chest. I writhed in agony as the fire flowed through my limbs. The snake’s head blurred and struck again, and again and…
I woke up with a shout. I sat straight up, shudders traveling from my spine to my body in the silently flickering shadows of the black and white movie on television. The mostly blue-and-gray reflections of its images dancing on the walls brought me vividly back to the front room of Erik’s house. Fear spilled through me in a cold wave, and I jumped for the lamp by the couch. I just about cried when the old CFL took a couple seconds to flicker on. The light was dull and weak and made me feel like I had just woken into another nightmare.
Spring’s warm presence cut through my incipient panic attack and the light from the lamp grew steadily brighter as if it responded to her as well. Finn, what’s wrong?
Oh god, Spring. I don’t know. I just had a dream. A really bad one. Did you see it?
No, I never see any of your dreams.
I searched around the family room again. No giant snakes or gun-toting maniacs. Still shaking, I took some deep breaths to slow the staccato beating of my heart. Gradually, it stopped pounding in my ears and was replaced by the soothing, ever-changing beat of the black stick lying warmly against my chest.
I’ve seen people wake from nightmares in the movies. Are they common for people?
I responded, No, not like this, not for normal people. I need to get my mind off it.
I think sleeping is overrated. I prefer winter’s death. There are no nightmares or dreams, it’s just calm and peaceful.
I thought about some of my nighttime rendezvous with Spring. Some dreams make it all worth it.
I picked up the remote, brought up the sound, and clicked through the TV channels (avoiding Animal Planet!). Lacking a suitable dance movie for Spring, I settled for a brainless sitcom and quickly fell back into a dreamless sleep.
The First to Fall
The next morning, at the ungodly hour of eight o’clock, the phone cruelly wrenched me from my comfortable dream world. Immediately I assumed something had happened to my dad, which gave my heart a little jump-start. I hopped out of bed in alarm, still dressed in yesterday’s clothes, and hurried to the kitchen.
“Mom, who called? Is Dad okay?”
“He’s fine, sweetie.” She had turned on the little kitchen television and was switching through the channels. “That was Mary. She wanted me to watch this morning’s news.” She found the local channel she wanted and sat down on one of the kitchen barstools.
The announcer relayed the weather report and then aired some special on the County Fair.
We watched for a while. “Wow, Mom, I can see why you wanted to watch this. That’s some pig.”
“Oh, shush, Finn. It’s not on yet.”
“What are we waiting to see?”
“It’s coming up… Here we go.” She upped the volume when the Special Report screen showed. The picture switched to a stylish brunette, with a smile bigger than her head, who oozed sincerity at the screen.
“Thank you, Charles. This is Katie Kane bringing you breaking news on what is being called the ‘Giant Serpent of Newark, Ohio.’ As you are probably aware, there have been several reports of a giant snake moving through the city late last night. In all three cases, citizens of Newark have reported a snake of unbelievable proportions.
“Reports of the sightings were greeted with skepticism by the police and animal control authorities, but now, those skeptics are going to have to question their beliefs. Early this morning, the body of young Newark resident, Chester Keating, was found in the Cedar Hill Cemetery. The coroner’s office has yet to make an official statement as to the cause of death, but our sources indicate that Mr. Keating died from multiple venomous snakebites. Other sources within the hospital have claimed that the bite size indicates the snake could range from eighteen to twenty-five feet in length. At this point, Channel 33 has not officially confirmed these rumors, but we will report more on this terrifying development as information becomes available.”
At this point, there were three quick interviews with the people claiming to have seen a ginormous serpent in different locations in the city. Depending on the person, it was between one and four feet across and ranged from ten to fifty feet long. No one had gotten a clear look at it, but all were convinced they knew what they had seen.
I tried to wrap my mind around this information, as my mom lowered the volume.
“Holy crap! Chester’s dead? I mean, the guy was a turd, but he didn’t deserve to die like that.”
Yes, he did. That boy came from a bad seed. Remember when he helped Erik beat you up?
Of cour
se!
My mom didn’t share Spring’s feelings and didn’t even stir at my less-than-sparkly language. She looked just as shocked as I felt. A twenty-five-foot killer snake in Ohio was an absurd thought. It just wasn’t possible. The biggest snake I had ever seen here was only about four feet long—about three feet too long if you ask me.
My dream sprang into my head, and I shuddered. Nightmares weren’t supposed to come true, although recently, they were getting into the disturbing habit of doing so.
My mom and I didn’t say much as we pulled ourselves together and got ready to leave for the hospital.
Once I was back upstairs, I paused in my search for a new outfit. Spring, I don’t remember getting up and going to bed last night.
Spring laughed. I took us to bed, dude. You fell asleep, and I watched the television for a while before I got tired, too.
You can do that?
Delight chimed in her mental voice, Yes, it took a little getting used to. It was harder than just standing and jumping around, but once you get the hang of it, walking isn’t that hard. Your body knows how to walk; I just had to point it.
That gave my brain gristle to chew on as I dressed.
On our way over, I also chewed on the idea that somehow Erik was using the snake whistle to turn into, or summon, a giant snake. It left an unpalatable taste on many levels.
When we reached Shady Oaks, my dad didn’t look too healthy, so I charged him up. After I finished, he nearly glowed with health, and I felt like a wrung out towel, damp and wrinkly. My arms and legs weighed a ton apiece, and my stomach ached with hunger. A trip to the candy machine and four Snickers bars later, I felt reasonably recovered. I stayed for an hour in his room, and the conversation eventually came around to the snake and poor Chester.
My dad grimaced and shook his head. “I don’t know what to think, Helen. How can it be anything but an elaborate hoax?”
She considered that for a moment. “You think someone made a stuffed snake and paraded it around town last night? I suppose it seems slightly more likely than an actual twenty-five-foot snake, but it doesn’t explain the poor boy who was attacked.”
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