That pissed me off. I’d never had this hard of a time dismissing old, irrelevant feelings and memories. Enraged, I yelled curses at Daniel, reached deep into him, ripped his soul from his body and devoured it.
Wow, what a rush! I’d never been able to do that before. I’d always had to kill my victims before I could feed. That’s going to save a lot of mess!
Daniel fell limp onto the floor, broken and dead. Holly screamed and dropped to the floor next to Daniel’s body. Then I realized that when I had fed on Daniel, I had instinctively fed him directly to the Hunger. All of him, even the part of him that was me. It all disappeared into that infinite black void. It made me sick. I told myself I felt that way because I had succumbed to my base nature and lost the chance at even more power, but a part of me mourned the loss. I had killed Daniel for nothing.
Meanwhile, Holly lay over Daniel and continued to sob. I hated seeing her that way. I didn’t have to be cruel. If I killed her quickly, at least it would end her torment. Suddenly, my feelings for her nearly overwhelmed me. She should be out of this nightmare. She deserved a chance at happiness. What the hell was happening to me?
I talked myself up. Come on Finn, there’s as much left with her as you just lost. You just have to reach out more carefully this time. You are nobody’s slave.
I worked up my courage, set aside my weakness, and reached for Holly. I touched her aura with a tendril. It was such an abomination to see that oozing blackness against her pure, untarnished aura that my heart quailed. Even worse, her sweet taste drove the Hunger crazy with lust! It called for her soul, and it would never be satisfied. I tried to steel myself to do what I had to do. I reached for Holly again, and she looked at me with tears in her eyes and said, “I love you, Finn, even if the black thing makes you do bad things!”
Now I was crying, too, and my guilt over killing Daniel overwhelmed me. How could I do that? I was such a lying honky bastard! Taking what I wanted no matter what the cost! I wouldn’t do it! I wouldn’t. If I could have, I would have fed myself to the blackness right then and there, but the stuff I was made of was indigestible. I fell to my knees in utter defeat. The Hunger, momentarily thwarted, howled, and clawed at me from the inside. I could not resist it for long, but I’d never be able to bear this guilt! And now, I was just being a sniveling white-ass honky! I was such a drama queen. Even my little sister had bigger balls than me.
Gregg?
I owed it to him to stop. He died saving me. I would not be like this! I denied the blackness within me and pushed. Suddenly I was separate from the freezing grip of the shadow, and warmth and light flooded me once more. I could feel the blackness within me and I took my chance to keep it away forever.
Instinctively, I tried to pull the necessary power in from the caduceus, but I couldn’t access it. The shadow had blocked it. Without that, I didn’t have a chance in hell of breaking free, let alone trapping the horrible thing. I thrashed around desperately looking for some salvation. Suddenly, Spring was there carrying a golden thread of power.
Take it quickly!
I didn’t know where it came from, but I pulled on it with all my might. In response, power flooded into me, and I used it to make a cage surrounding the black shadow. This time I took care not to allow any holes in my barrier.
When the cage snapped into place, the shadow went crazy trying to break out, and it took all I had to contain it. When it found it couldn’t escape, it made threats and pleas. I didn’t listen.
With the shadow locked away, the full might of the caduceus was available to me. I pulled in more power and reinforced its prison. I needed to bind it the way Jen had shown me to bind Gregg’s spirit. I attempted to attach a golden thread of power from the caduceus to the cage, but as soon as I let go, it disappeared. It wouldn’t stick! Of course not, I realized. The shadow wasn’t alive. It didn’t have a soul. There was nothing I could bind the thread to.
I started to panic. If I couldn’t get the cage to maintain itself, I would have to consciously hold the cage in place forever. If I were momentarily distracted or fell asleep, it would unravel, and I would be under the shadow’s control again.
I had no idea what to do about it. I would not willingly go back to being that abomination’s bitch!
I was kneeling there wracking my brains for a solution when Holly tugged on my sleeve. She had to do it several times, calling my name, before it registered.
I looked down at her small, vulnerable face and didn’t see what she was offering in her hand at first.
She said, “Here, Finn, take this! You need it. Please take it.”
It took me moment to see what she was offering. There was a bulge in her aura. She was extending it to me. How she managed that was a mystery. Automatically, I refused, but then I realized that I had no other choice. I didn’t know how I would take her gift and still maintain control of the shadow’s prison, so I called in help.
Spring! Here take this for a moment. I handed her the key piece of the cage. It was like asking someone to put their finger on a string while you knotted it. I said to Holly, “Sorry if this hurts.”
I grabbed her yellow-green aura and sliced it off quickly as I had with mine when Daniel had grabbed it. I winced at Holly’s yell, but I didn’t drop that precious piece of her.
I took that small piece of Holly and wove it into the cage. Once done, I asked Spring to let go of the thread, and I bound it into place with Holly’s soul. When I finished, I gingerly took my will off it and watched anxiously to see if the whole construct would unravel. It didn’t. It stayed nice and tight, while pulling on a constant supply of power from the caduceus. I mentally breathed a cautioussighof relief. I started to ask Spring if she would watch it for a little while to make sure it stayed secure.
Of course. Take care of the little girl.
Sharing your mind with someone rocks!
I turned my attention back to Holly and Daniel. I Listened for life in Daniel. He was silent and cold, and there was no residual soul hovering around him. He was dead and gone. Grief welled up within me, and I wept freely, thinking about what I had done. I destroyed everything I touched.
As the guilt threatened to overwhelm me, I still remembered what it felt like to be free of both compassion and guilt. Part of me mourned the loss of that indifference, but playing sock puppet to that thing again was unthinkable. I was free, and now I had to deal with the consequences of my actions.
When I looked back to the moment I was freed, I knew it was Gregg who had saved me. I looked for his cocoon, but the bundle containing his soul was gone. Gregg was gone. I’d lost him completely. I cried, feeling my heart break again.
I wasn’t alone in my grief. Holly was there beside me offering me comfort. She was only a little girl and just beginning her life, but she understood my anguish and said, “It’s okay, Finn. He’s with God.”
For a moment, I didn’t know if she was talking about Daniel or Gregg. I decided it didn’t matter. This brave little girl was trying to comfort me! I blinked back my tears, took a deep breath, and asked, “Why do you think so?”
“Because, Daniel and I both know that God sent you to rescue us.”
I grabbed Holly up in a giant hug that lasted a long, long time. It calmed me and eased my pain. So, of course, I got the hiccups again. Sheesh, sometimes it sucks to be me.
After a while, I felt a gentle hand fall upon my shoulder. I gazed into Dr. Anderson’s cold stare. He handed me a large cup of water.
His thoughtfulness surprised me. I waited for the next hic, took a deep breath, and then downed the water. I waited for a moment for that sort of weird backwards burp feeling. When it showed up, I was sure the water had done its trick.
Anderson’s voice was calm and soothing when he said, “I can feel that the shadow’s gone. Do we need to keep our eyes peeled for it taking someone else?”
I shook my head, “No, Doc. It’s in here.” I pointed to my head. “It’s under lock and key in the hardest safe in the universe.”
Anderson actually slightly smiled at that, but that alien expression on his face didn’t last long—too hostile of an environment I supposed.
Tom and another orderly nudged me aside as they picked up Daniel’s body to take back to his room. I watched them go with a crushing weight on my heart. Holly grabbed my hand and stood beside me. Her forgiveness and understanding were all that kept me from collapsing.
I noticed, for the first time, that no one else was in sight. I’d never seen it this empty, even at night. I put two and two together.
“You set this up, didn’t you?” I said to Anderson. “You placed these two lambs out here to be slaughtered.”
“It was actually Jen’s idea, but, yes, it was ultimately my decision.” Only a slight compression of his lips betrayed any emotion.
That stopped my buildup of righteous mad. I said, “Jen?”
“Yes. She called me when you headed this way. We evacuated all the other patients to keep them safe from you.”
“But, how did? Oh.…” I didn’t have to finish the question. They had been following me the whole time. It never occurred to me to look in my rear view mirror. I would have thought I would have noticed.
Spring laughed and said, You got it, monkey boy! You were outfoxed by an oak.
What? How?
I could practically feel her jump up and down in pride. I have my feminine wiles… I used mental jujitsu on you. Any time you were going down a path that might lead to the memory of me, I redirected you with a new thought. Any time you decided to eat someone, I gave you a reason not to. The same went for noticing your friends following you or remembering Gregg.
Spring, what happened to him? How did he break free?
Well, I had no idea if that shadow bastard would want to eat him, so I buried him away in your subconscious. That seemed a pretty safe place, so I stayed there, too.
What happened to him? Why is he gone?
I could hear the uncertainty in her voice. I was desperate, looking for any way to get us free when I noticed the thread of power keeping Gregg safe. It then occurred to me that, somehow, after the shadow had taken you, and covered your soul with black gook, your morals didn’t hold. It made me wonder if it was your soul that carried those morals. I decided to take a chance. I released Gregg to see if his presence would bring you back to your normal guilt-ridden, tenderhearted nature. And it worked! I kept hold of the thread of power, thinking I might be able to do something with it, but because my plan worked, I didn’t need it, so I gave it back to you.
Grief over the loss of Gregg hit me afresh. I realized that what Spring did saved me, and probably countless others, but it hurt. I didn’t want that hurt spilling onto Spring. I distracted myself and asked Spring, When did you get so smart?
Hello? I’m thinking with your brain! And of course I’m amazing. I can’t believe you could forget that.
I told her earnestly, I’ll never forget that again. Then, I remembered what she had said about my friends.
How did you know about my friends following me? How could you see them when I wasn’t looking?
Are you kidding? Any moron would know that your friends would not abandon you! I guess that means you must be an idiot—or is that an imbecile?
Gee, thanks…
I’m in the book, baby, look me up under “the smart one.”
When did you get so snarky?
Hey, what else is there to do back here while you call all the shots?
Uh, yeah, makes sense, I guess…
Dave, Jen, Jeff, and Jim walked into the common room from the front hall and completely derailed my train of thought.
Immediately, I choked up again. I really had no clue what I could say that might make things right.
It turns out I didn’t have to. Dave did all the talking for me, God bless his narcissistic little (violet) soul.
When we caught each other up, I tried to explain how it felt under the influence of the shadow. I told them how the thought of hurting Holly had pushed me over the edge and broken me free, Dave started laughing.
“What?”
“Finn, you’re the only person I know who can defeat a ravenous beast from the dark nether-hells with your own guilt!”
I looked at him sourly as everyone else laughed at me. But, I couldn’t stay mad him. Soon, I found myself laughing as well.
It was only later that I thought about Gregg again. I had lost all of him forever and now I had no choice but to mourn. I looked deep within myself where he had been, only to find that little bit of Holly I had bound to the shadow’s golden cage. Even from within its cage, I could feel its hunger, its hatred, and its rage. I shuddered with the knowledge that it was inside of me. I wondered what extended contact with that cage would do to that piece of Holly—or to me.
Il Saia
The only person in the world who might know anything that could help me with the shadow was Il Saia, currently wandering around in Jen’s body. I saw her standing a bit away from the others, looking uncomfortable, so I went to see if she could help me.
As I closed in on Jen’s body, I knew the mind that was using her body was not Jen, but I had a hard time thinking of her as Il Saia. That felt too much like inviting her to stay. I walked up and said, “Il Saia, I need your help with some things. Can we go somewhere more quiet to talk?”
She nodded her head and, after checking with the good Doc, we retreated down the hall to his office. I told my friends I’d be back shortly.
Before I could bring up my concerns, she said, “Finn, it’s time to remove me and do what you can to bring back Jen.”
“Now?”
“Do you want to see her again?”
I nodded, but I started to panic at the thought of losing Il Saia’s knowledge. I said, “I need you to help me with something first.”
“What is that?”
I explained to her what I had done with the shadow. She listened with a mixture of surprise and concern.
“Finn, that is truly a remarkable feat. I thought you had only managed to throw it out of you, but you must know that what you have done is very dangerous.”
“I know, but what else was I supposed to do? This thing is not going to be happy in a cow like the others!”
She nodded thoughtfully. “This is true.”
“So what can I do?”
“Perhaps, you could pass it on to another person—”
I shuddered at the thought. “No! I couldn’t do that to anyone.”
“Finn, if it is riding another person, it will not be as powerful as it was when it rode you. Perhaps you could find one of the gentle race to take it from you. They would be ideal, though I have not seen any around here.”
“The gentle race. They’re real?” I asked in astonishment. I could see, by the way she looked at me that this comment didn’t make much sense to her. I tried to explain to her about the images and ideas I got out of the crystal and how we used them for our gaming.
Now it was her turn to be astonished. “So, that is all my people are now…a game for young children.”
“Well, we didn’t know it was real…”
She held up her hand to stop me. “It is of no consequence. Time devours all things.”
I closed my mouth and stuck my brain in reverse to get back to what was important. I said, “I know the gentle people lived in the north-lands, but I don’t really know who they were or why I would ask one to take the shadow from me.”
Il Saia searched through Jen’s memory for the words. “They are our cousins. I don’t know what you call them today in your strange tongue, but you will know them when I describe them. They are one of the four faces of humanity. They are the closest in appearance to us, but they have a much heavier brow and no chin. They are terrifically strong and have thick bodies. Perhaps now they also have your people’s slug white coloration as well?”
I didn’t process that last comment till later as a new and stunning understanding dawned.
“Are you talkin
g about Neanderthals?”
With that name to hang the concept on, Il Saia was able to pull out Jen’s memories of the Neanderthals.
Her shock was evident as she collapsed ungracefully into one of the doc’s chairs. “They’re all dead?”
I hated to see pain on Jen’s face, regardless of who was looking out of her eyes. I tried to keep my voice gentle as I told her, “They went extinct a long time ago.”
She sat looking out on some far vista of memory for a moment. She spoke softly to herself. “They are all gone. All the other faces of humanity…”
Sorrow weighed down her face. She closed her eyes and murmured, “Kaawen, I'm sorry... I thought...”
“Kaawen was your aide wasn't she? What—”
“How can you stand to be so alone?”
I didn’t know what to say to that. “The other faces of humanity? Can you tell me about them? Who were they, when did they live? Please, just give me a little more time and information!”
Her look hardened, and she shook her head and said, “It is no longer important. I am more ready than ever to leave your tragic world. I can scarcely see how I can carry the burden of our sins another moment. Let us begin.”
I tried to wade through the enormity of what had just been revealed. “Wait! You never answered me. Why would a Neanderthal be the one to carry a shadow?”
“They are, or were, separated from the Source. They cannot feel its ebbs or flows and indeed, the flows of the Source will turn away and slow when they are near. I was certain that they would be the ones to thrive after… never mind. The shadows need access to the Source to consume life. Because of this, they’d be particularly impotent if they were attached to one of the gentle people.”
“Oh.” My little burgeoning hope died. I flopped down in a chair across from Il Saia. Right now, I was too engrossed with my own problems.
Jen’s eyes found mine and Il Saia said with Jen’s mouth, “If they are gone, then find someone with a very dim… aura. If the shadow rides them, it will be much less powerful and dangerous than it would be if it were to capture you again.”
The Shadow's Touch Page 27