“Surely not. These people come to us to be cured and are grateful for our potions and unguents.”
“And so they are, Mairi. They don’t understand. And they fear what they don’t understand, so they call it magic. I haven’t heard it called witchcraft yet, and so long as the Clan Chieftains protect us, it won’t be. Correct me if I’m wrong, but dragon shape-shifters live long, long lives. They don’t know that you are a shape-shifter, and you will live a long life. That will be one more reason to suspect you,” Flora said.
I hadn’t thought of that. I hope the fact that the Braemuir protects us will be enough. I can’t take a risk with Seamus. I hope that Braemuir will agree to train Seamus as a dragon-shifter. When he is older, he will need a man’s influence and a man’s perspective on life. That’s something I can’t give him.
* * * *
When Seamus was three years old, Mairi had a visit from the Clan Chieftain. He came alone, and she invited him in.
“Mairi. Seamus is three and growing fast. He needs a man’s influence in his life. You know the customs. If a woman is left a widow, it’s up to me to see to her welfare by finding a suitable husband for her. There are three candidates in the settlement, all good men who have lost their wives to illness or in childbirth. I would be failing in my duty if I didn’t try to pair you with one of them, for the boy’s sake as well as your own.”
Mairi had dreaded this day. She knew that Flora would have wed MacTavish already if she hadn’t wanted to stay and look after her. Braemuir was correct in his assessment. Seamus needed a man in his life. Mairi didn’t. She’d repeated those words to Hamish, “my mate until death.” She meant to live by them. She didn’t want to offend Braemuir, so the next few minutes were going to be difficult.
“My lord, you are so very kind. I don’t want to offend you, but I cannot accept another for my husband. Hamish and I vowed that we were mates until death. I intend to keep that vow. I’m skilled in healing and the use of herbs. I learned that from Flora. I can use that knowledge to support myself and my son,” Mairi said.
“Yes, Mairi, I’d expected you to say something like that. I beg you to think carefully. It’s no life for a woman living on her own. What will you do when the boy becomes a man and wants a family of his own?” Braemuir asked kindly.
“I shall do what many a mother has done before me. I shall watch his family grow and mind my grandchildren when I’m needed. There is another consideration, my lord. The people here are simple folk and fear what they don’t understand. I assist Flora at the childbirths. I wouldn’t want it said that she and I have neglected the woman so that I could later marry her man,” Mairi said. “I’m safe with your protection, but I wouldn’t want to cause any problems for you, or myself,” she added.
“I can see that you have thought about this. I expected something along those lines. I have a suggestion to make for the boy. He can come to the Caisteal and get his education along with the young ones there. He will be taught how to manage his shape-shifting when the time comes. He will be instructed in estate management, so that he can either remain here and take his place among my household or go elsewhere and earn his bread. What do you say to that, Mairi?”
“My lord, once again I am indebted to you. I will gladly accept what you offer,” Mairi said, much moved.
“Think carefully, Mairi. You are still a young, lusty woman. Can you face the rest of your life without the physical expression of love?”
“It won’t be easy, but I made a vow which I shall keep.”
“I honour you for your decision, Mairi,” Braemuir said, and he raised her hand to his lips as he rose to go.
Flora came hurrying in when Braemuir left.
“What is it? What did he want? Is anything wrong?” The questions came tumbling out of her mouth, and she stood wringing her hands the picture of worry.
“There’s nothing wrong, Flora. Braemuir came to offer me a husband, that’s all,” Mairi said, smiling and taking her hands. “Come and sit down and hear all about it.”
“Who is it going to be?” Flora asked.
“I won’t take another man to husband, Flora. I promised Hamish I’d be his mate until I died, and I will. That brings me to something I need to say. I know that you and MacTavish want to marry, but you feel you can’t leave me. You must seize this chance of happiness. You aren’t a shape-shifter, so you will have a normal number of years to live. So has he. I will be here long after you have gone. I want you to be happy. I know he can make you so. I have this house and Seamus. I can earn sufficient to maintain both of us through the healing. Besides, Seamus is to be accepted in Braemuir’s household, and there he will be trained in estate management. “
Flora listened to it all and tried to protest, but Mairi had made up her mind. In the end Flora gave in, and Mairi hugged her.
“Go and tell MacTavish the news. He’ll be a happy man at last,” she suggested.
* * * *
The wedding of Flora to MacTavish was a wild affair. Braemuir had the feast at the Caisteal, and trestle tables were laden with food and drink and the pipers played wild reels. There was sword dancing, too, with the swirling plaids and the wild cries. As the night drew in, Mairi was not the only one to notice that MacTavish and his new wife had slipped away. She supposed they’d wanted to avoid the ribald comments and was glad they were together somewhere. She knew that they wouldn’t be in MacTavish’s house, in case any of the revellers decided to go and disturb them. She went slowly home, Seamus was heavy in her arms. He slept soundly, and she inhaled the scent of baby and fresh air that he exuded.
Well, that’s Flora settled and Seamus’s future, too. Now what of me? I shall live a long life. I told Braemuir that I wouldn’t miss the love-making, but is that true? It was hard seeing all the couples tonight, dancing together, the significant looks, the hand on the knee, and the promise of delights to come. I shall never know that again. I shall miss it. I miss my Hamish so dreadfully. I could take a lover I suppose if I were discreet, but no man can measure up to him. I don’t want to betray his memory or tarnish the feelings of love and pleasure he gave to me by sharing with another. Hamish! Why did you have to die? Why did you leave me alone?
She reached home and laid the wee man in his bed, and covered him lightly. She undressed and went to her own bed. She lay down and closed her eyes. She could almost believe that Hamish was there with her. She could feel the touch of his hand, his sweet, warm breath on her face. She opened her eyes and she was alone. Tears of self-pity gathered in her eyes, but she wiped them away.
No, I won’t cry anymore. I only had a short time with my lover, but I did have that. Had we waited I wouldn’t now have my wee man. He’s the living image of Hamish. His father lives in him, and I must be glad for what I have. She sighed. Her breasts ached for his touch, so she gently rubbed them herself. She closed her eyes and pretended it was Hamish. She tweaked and pulled at her nipples as he’d always done to arouse her, and to her astonishment she felt the moisture gather in her pussy. She continued to tweak and nip, and the blood ran hot in her veins. She arched her back, and then one hand crept between her pussy folds, now slick with her own juices. Tentatively she rubbed and she closed her eyes in ecstasy. The feelings were delightful. She found a rhythm of rubbing and pressing as he’d done. She discovered that the feelings were even more delicious if she continued to tweak her breasts. She felt the climax building and building. She began to rub faster, but that didn’t work so she slowed down and again the climax approached. This time she resisted the urge to rush, and then she was rewarded by the slow but inexorable wave of pleasure that took her body to the heights. She turned her head into the pillow and muffled the deep moans of pleasure as her limbs twitched in the final throes of her orgasm. She needed Hamish inside her now, but he wasn’t here. She was in bed alone, but the delicious aftermath of her self-stimulation made her incapable of movement or coherent thought. It’s not him, but it is satisfying and better than nothing. I’d better get used t
o it as it’s all I shall have from now on. She slipped gratefully into sleep.
Chapter Nine
As the years passed Mairi grew accustomed to her life. Seamus grew tall and strong. Many nights he slept at the Caisteal among the other younglings who were there to be trained in various capacities. He came home to tell her of all he’d done, and the day he told her he could shape-shift into a dragon was the proudest of her life.
“Mother, come outside. Come now. I have something I want you to see,” he said almost dancing in his eagerness to get her out into the open. Once there she stood and looked at him.
“Well, and what was so urgent it couldn’t wait until I finished mending your clothes, my son?”
“Watch, Mother,” he said.” You’d better stand well back, and don’t move.”
Suddenly there was a large dragon in front of her. He was dark jade green in colour, though the tip of each sparkling scale was lighter. He shone in the afternoon sun. He raised his head and roared. A small belch of flame came out of his mouth and singed the grass. If a dragon could look shame-faced, he did. He changed quickly back to his human-form.
“Sorry, Mother. I wasn’t expecting that to happen. I singed your grass.”
“Never mind, son. I’m proud to see you have the ability your father had. You will be taught by the elders of the Clan, and soon you will have mastered all your abilities,” his mother said soothingly as she hugged him. After this memorable day, Seamus advanced rapidly and was growing into a fine young man. It brought tears into her eyes as she watched him. The way he walked, the way he held his head, and his shy laugh all reminded her of her lost man. He was given a place and rooms of his own in the Caisteal. Mairi was often asked to help with preparing food for a special meal or simply advising on the correct herbs to gather for some potion or other. She lived there, seeing one old lord give way to another. When they did so, the lord and his lady removed to one of the houses that had been used by all the generations so as to allow the new Braemuir to rule in their turn. It was coming up to the summer solstice and the new Braemuir had no wife. It was a worrying time for them all.
He’d been besotted by Ciarda at first, and all had feared what life would be like under her rule. The black dragon, Oidhche, was always a threat on the horizon. He never faced Braemuir in dragon-form, as beautiful as his name, Solus, meaning sun. Braemuir came upon his mate and claimed her. Eilidh had not been reared amongst the dragon lords. She had no shape-shifting powers until she mated with Braemuir. When that was known, Mairi wondered if anyone would ask her why she couldn’t shape-shift. She needn’t have worried. They were all so thankful that their new lady was such a pleasant and delightful person that nothing else seemed to cross their minds. All was not plain sailing however, and one day Mairi was at home, when Eilidh came to visit her.
“Come away in, my dear. What can I do for you?” Mairi asked. Plainly Eilidh was upset.
“I am with child, and the man is to wed another now. What am I to do? If I bear this child, I will be cast out and shunned. No man will want another’s leavings when there are many maidens still unwed. I’m so afraid. I don’t want to be escorted to the edge of the settlement and whipped away if I try to return. And what about my babe? What sort of life can he expect? I won’t let him starve to death. It would be better to end it now. Men take their pleasure, if girls are foolish enough to let them, but men don’t get cast out. They’ve no visible signs of their foolishness. No man wants a wanton for a wife or another man’s babe to rear. A man would have to be lost in love indeed to put up with the whispers and the pointing fingers. I have no man so lost in love with me. My mother was right. She said, ‘Some men will woo with honeyed words. When they’ve taken their pleasure, you’re left with the consequences.’” Poor Eilidh could say no more, and Mairi couldn’t deny the truth of what she said. This was not the first young girl who’d come to see her is such straits, and she wouldn’t be the last. She gave Eilidh the potion she wanted and watched her walk away. What a world where the sins of men were visited upon the women. Would it ever change?
Hardly had she closed the door than there was an impatient pounding on it.
“Mairi. Mairi. Open this door at once,” he shouted.
Recognising the voice, she opened the door but none too willingly. He was furious, and she wondered why, but you didn’t refuse Braemuir, especially in such a mood.
“Where is she?” Icy calm had replaced his ire. She was even more afraid of him like that.
“She’s gone,” Mairi replied.
“If you value your life, you will tell me all! Now,” he roared.
“You men! She took a potion from me and went to the shore to take it. The sea will wash away the effects.”
“What potion would that be?” he asked, dangerously calm.
“She is with child, and would be rid of it and her own life.”
Mairi shrank away from Braemuir, afraid he would strike her. Instead he turned on his heel. She scuttled back into the cottage and closed the door. She had a feeling it wasn’t over yet.
* * * *
Braemuir was able to save his Eilidh. Mairi found out that she’d been right. It wasn’t over. He came to see her again, and the interview wasn’t a pleasant one. Braemuir was hostile.
“How many of those potions have you dispensed in the past?”
“About a dozen, over the years,” she said defensively.
“You will give all you have to me now. You will never, ever make another one of those.”
Mairi lost her temper. She’d had enough. It was time someone spoke out, and it seemed that it was to be her.
“What of the women who need those potions, on account of the men who abandon them?” she asked belligerently. “It’s easy for you to say ‘no more potions.’ What of them?”
“You will inform me, at once, if any woman comes to you for such a potion. I will make sure she isn’t cast out. She will be cared for, and her child will be accepted into my Clan. We aren’t barbarians to be killing children.”
Mairi couldn’t believe what she was hearing. She hadn’t expected to hear such a promise. She knew this Braemuir well enough to know that he would keep his word. He’d an eye for the women, like all his forebears, but he’d been reared as Braemuir and the Clan Chieftain was responsible for the welfare of all his people. If Eilidh had told Mairi he was the father, she could have told the girl that many a man would gladly wed a girl pregnant by Braemuir. Mairi had assumed that Eilidh was carrying another man’s child. If the child was Braemuir’s, he’d see to it that the family of the man who took the child and his mother in wouldn’t want for anything, and having a shape-shifter in the family was looked on as an honour not a disgrace.
* * * *
Mairi became a trusted member of the Braemuir household. When his sister Muireall married Ness and suffered a miscarriage, Mairi was asked to go and help her. She went willingly. Muireall had always been a favourite of hers. For her part, Muireall wanted no one other than Mairi, who foiled a plot to supplant Ness, and then stayed to look after Ness’s younglings. Ness was grateful to her.
“I know a little about your history. Know that you have a home here, a safe refuge, and no one will question you or threaten you under Ness’s protection,” Ness said to her, and he held to that even in the face of severe provocation.
For Muireall it had been all too simple to conceive the first time. After the cause of all the miscarriages was discovered, many women conceived. Only Ness’s lady didn’t conceive, so she spoke to Mairi.
“Is there any reason for my not conceiving? Could it have to do with the miscarriage?”
“Bless you. No, child. You are healthy and strong. Those herbs would have no permanent effect.” Mairi chuckled. “I suspect it has more to do with his lordship than the herbs.” Muireall looked at her. She plainly didn’t understand.
“These dragon lords have more abilities than you know. They can make sure they impregnate you, or not, as the case may be.”
<
br /> “Do you mean to tell me that Ness, Ness is making sure I don’t conceive?”
“Oh, yes, Muireall. He’s afraid for you.”
“What is he afraid of?”
“He held you and cared for you when you lost the child. He worries it will happen again, so he makes sure there is no child to lose.”
“Men! They are just a set of weak-kneed, lily-livered children. Just wait until I get hold of him.” Mairi saw that Muireall was beside herself with rage. "How dare he decide for me, and without asking me what I felt or needed?”
“He’s Ness. You’re his wife and owe him obedience.”
Muireall made a rude noise. Mairi chuckled.
“There’s more than one way to skin a cat. If you go and confront him, there will be arguments and he will continue to do what he wants, or doesn’t want. He’s a stubborn and proud man.”
“Then how on earth am I going to get pregnant?”
Mairi told her. She was present when Muireall put the plan into action.
“Are you preventing my conceiving, my lord Ness?” Muireall asked.
“Um, er, I…”
“I can see that I was right. You have prevented it. You didn’t ask me what I wanted. You just did it. That’s not the sort of marriage I want. Good night, my lord Ness.”
“Mairi, make me a bed up in the guest chamber please.”
Mairi glanced at Ness, but she went out to do her lady’s bidding. She knew that eventually Ness would give in. No man liked to be banned from his wife’s bed. She was correct, but Ness, although he must have suspected who had given his wife advice, didn’t bear a grudge, much to Mairi’s relief.
Mairi seemed to have found her niche. Living in this household is peaceful and I’m safe at last, and happy enough, but have I found peace? I have physical peace perhaps, but never mental. Ah, Hamish, how I miss you and how good it would be to grow old together.
For Auld Lang Syne [Cairngorm Dragons 4] (Siren Publishing Classic) Page 6