by Clara Bayard
I looked down at the crescent-shaped wafers. “They’re Rose crackers.”
“Not made with roses, I hope.”
“Capital R, for the Rose family.”
“Then I really hope they’re not made with Roses,” he joked. “Is there anything you don’t know about these people?”
“I hope not. I did spend almost six months researching them. Well, I was never able to find out what Jasper Rose and Andrew Franklin talked about during their little ‘peace summit’ in 1934 because all records – letters and journals – were later destroyed, but that’s pretty much it.”
“And that,” he said, climbing into bed with a beer and a plate of cold cuts, “Is why I love you.”
“My research skills and obsessiveness?”
“No. The whole country watched that trial for the juicy secrets. You decided to find the truth, the history of those families.”
I shrugged. “Just figured there had to be more behind it than rich people behaving badly.”
“I know. But most people wouldn’t really care about that. You did.”
“I guess.”
“It’s extraordinary, Liss. Plus your article was really good. I read the whole thing.”
“You did?”
“Of course. I read everything you write.”
“You’re sweet.”
“I know.”
“Jerk.”
“Yup. Wait, you know, I was wrong.”
“About what?” I asked, chowing down.
“About what I love about you.”
“What?”
“Your tits. They’re the best. All that personality stuff is a bonus, but I’m really here for the boobs.”
I picked up a pillow and smacked him in the head with it.
“Hey, be careful! I could have spilled me beer.”
We both laughed and kept eating as we talked. For all the insanity that came with dating Joe, the drama and things we’d gone through, I lived for moments like this. Alone time when we could be ourselves completely and comfortably. His polished persona fell away and my insecurities retreated. We were just a normal couple enjoying each other’s company. In a crappy apartment or an elegant hotel, we were just Joe and Liss.
The next morning I slid out of bed without disturbing Joe and went into the bathroom. I thought about waking him to join me in the shower, but didn’t. I was still pleasantly exhausted from the night before, lips swollen from kissing and what muscles I had sore from vigorous use.
As I shampooed my snarl of long, dark hair I considered all the things we could do in New York. A tiny voice in the back of my head wondered why I wanted to leave the hotel at all. But really, I wanted to see things. Walk through Central Park and go up to the top of the Empire State Building. Check out a museum or two and find an amazing restaurant to eat in. Things I couldn’t do in my hometown or on campus. Make memories to keep me warm when Joe and I had to be apart again.
That thought was enough to spur me into action. I finished my shower, slipped into a sumptuous robe that was big even on me, and padded back into the bedroom.
I’d expected to see Joe still sleeping peacefully, but he wasn’t. He was talking on the phone, frowning.
“Why does it have to be today? Get Dex to do it.” He paused and rubbed his hand over his hair. “Fine, whatever. I hope you pick one of those goddamn assistants. Someone needs to be on top of this shit.” Another pause. “Ryan, I know. I know. But I asked for a couple of days.”
I rolled my eyes and went over to my suitcase to pick out something to wear, wanting the distraction. The band’s manager, Ryan, was a total asshole. He did a good job for them, but had been a dick to me from the moment we met. Once Joe made it clear I was there to stay he’d managed to be polite, but nothing more.
“Fine,” Joe said behind me. “Give me a few hours and I’ll call you back. No, I’m taking Liss to breakfast. You can fucking wait.”
With a grin I pulled out my clothes and went back to the bathroom. Maybe it was immature and petty, but I loved when Joe yelled at Ryan, standing up for me. When I came out again he was typing something into his phone.
“What’s up?”
Joe frowned. “Ryan needs to me to do a couple of things.”
“I figured.”
“Hey,” he replied, dropping the phone and walking over to me. “Don’t be sad, okay? We still have the morning. I’ll get this shit done quick and be all yours again.”
I smiled weakly. “Okay. Well, let’s get moving, then. You get dressed and we can go out to breakfast.”
He groaned. “I was thinking room service.”
“Not a chance. We’re in New York and we’re seeing New York.”
Joe grinned. “Fine.” He snaked an arm around my waist and kissed my neck. “Wanna help me shower?”
“No,” I said, laughing. “Go get ready. I’ll pick a place.”
He pretended to pout for a second before releasing me and strolling into the bathroom. While he was gone I pulled up a map of the neighborhood and checked out reviews of restaurants. By the time I’d decided Joe was dressed. He sat at the foot of the bed, staring at me.
“What?”
“Nothing. You’re just concentrating really hard. It’s cute.”
“Shut up, I’m just figuring out where to go.”
“I know. But you’re really trying to find the perfect place. I love that.”
“Well, I know you have very discriminating tastes in breakfast foods.”
He chuckled. “Sure do. If you’d recommended I order waffles with rap all over them we never would have ended up together.”
I laughed at that, too. But in the back of my mind I wondered where I’d be if things had gone differently. If I had taken that night off from the diner. Or if Joe, on a search for a little peace and quiet had wandered into somewhere else. I shook my head, not wanting to even think about it.
“Well, since I know french toast with a side of bacon works for you, let’s go get some.”
“Babe, I was trying to have a moment.”
“We can have it in the elevator,” I teased, and got up to head out. We were still laughing and joking with each other when we got downstairs. There was some kind of commotion happening outside, but my attention was drawn instead to the front desk. A girl around my age who looked incredibly familiar was having a very loud argument with a woman who I thought had to be her mother. The receptionist, clearly trapped in the middle of the drama, was struggling to maintain an even expression. From across the room I could see the tension in her shoulders.
“This is bullshit,” the girl yelled. “My whole career – my life – depends on this and you’ve fucked up again!”
The woman glowered. “Keep your voice down, you ungrateful brat.”
I looked up at Joe.
“Ouch,” he muttered and squeezed my hand. “Come on; let’s get out of here before someone starts throwing expensive decorations.”
I grinned and nodded. But, as we made our way outside, I couldn’t help but look back, trying to figure out why the girl looked so familiar. She was stunning, really. Short, but in a pair of killer boots that jacked her up at least five inches. Her long, deep red hair hung in smooth waves over her shoulders and down to frame her lush curves that were barely contained in a low-cut mini dress. She was a big girl, though smaller than me, and I envied her self-confidence to put so much of her shape out there. The last thing I heard before we walked out the door was her, sounding more hurt than angry.
“This showcase means everything. My one chance to get my career off the ground. If it fails we lose everything. I’ll have nothing. I’ll be nothing. I can’t just sing for a bunch of A&R reps on the corner!”
The rest was lost as I went out into the fresh air and a shitstorm of our own. Lights flashed in my face, disorienting me. A crush of voices were yelling from every direction.
“Joe, Joe! Over here! What are you doing here without your band?”
“Is Dream Defiled breaki
ng up?”
“Are you working on a solo album?”
“Over here! Who’s this girl with you?”
“How long are you in New York?”
“Do you have any comment on the rumors that you’re the father of Crystal Kane’s unborn child?”
“Joe, give us a smile!”
I flinched and stumbled backwards to the door again in the face of so many photographers. How the hell had they found us? Did they know Joe was staying there? Had someone at the hotel leaked the information? But that didn’t make any sense. Joe was getting pretty famous, but there were too many of them to have been staking out the place waiting for him to show his face.
“Are you collaborating with Julia Clark?”
That name clicked in my head and I suddenly understood. While Joe smiled and charmed the paps, I huddled in the corner of the doorway, trying not to be freaked out by the crowd. Every second the photographers continued to make a scene, more random people joined the fray to see what was going on.
I hate crowds. A lot. To distract myself I thought about the girl inside. She looked familiar because I’d spent most of my childhood looking at her face. Julia Clark. I’d heard she died or went to rehab or something, but it seemed she was alive and well, in New York. The paparazzi must have been following her as she entered the hotel, finding Joe at the same time was a lucky break for them and a nightmare for me.
“Okay, guys,” Joe called out. “That’s enough for now. Let’s give the hotel a little peace and quiet before they call the cops. I’m just in town for what my bandmate Dex would call a mini-break.” He smiled broadly for a few more pictures and then turned back to me.
Unfortunately, the photographers weren’t interested in leaving just yet. They kept peppering him with questions and shooting pictures.
Joe shrugged and took my hand, leading me back inside. A member of the hotel staff was just coming the other way, and he apologized for not clearing them out sooner. I could see the irritation hardening the line of Joe’s jaw, but he was gracious, as always, and a few minutes later we were back upstairs without further incident. I hadn’t seen Julia Clark anywhere, and wondered idly what had happened.
“So,” Joe said, slouching down into a chair. “About that room service we discussed?”
I sighed. “I guess we don’t have a choice.”
“Sorry, babe.”
“It’s fine.” It wasn’t. I knew this was part of dating Joe, and always would be. But I hated it. Every week it seemed there were more interviews, more stories, and more gossip. More fans and photographers. More demands on him. It was illogical, of course, but the craziness made me jealous. Having to share him with the whole world all the time. This weekend was supposed to be just us. Private. But now that they’d seen him, word would spread. Screaming girls and pushy paparazzi would follow him everywhere.
“I know you’re pissed.”
“I’m not,” I snapped. “I-I’m not pissed at you.”
“I know.” He stood up and walked over to me, holding my hands and pulling me close for a kiss, but I avoided it and stepped away.
“Is it always going to be like this?”
He frowned. “No. It’ll probably get worse. The new album is coming out soon. And then we go to Europe over the summer. Babe, I wish I could protect you from this but I can’t. It’s part of the package.”
I nodded glumly. “I know. And I’m so proud of how well you’re doing. And I’m excited for all of you. But…I just want to be a normal couple sometimes, you know?”
“Of course. Don’t you think I want that too?”
I looked at him. “Honestly? Sometimes I’m not sure.”
Joe crossed his arms, lean muscles flexing. His t-shirt rode up so I could see the bottom of the hawk tattoo that covered his shoulder. “Liss, talk to me. You look so sad and I don’t understand. This isn’t the first time we’ve been surprised by a bunch of those assholes.”
“I just…I don’t know. Everything was going so perfect and now it isn’t.”
“This is just a blip. We’ll sneak out the back and have the perfect day. I promise.”
“Sure, right.”
He sighed. “Babe, come on. Don’t let this get to you. Don’t you end up being the thing that ruins this trip.”
My eyes widened. “Me? Now it’s my fault?”
“No, that’s not what I meant. You just need to take this shit in stride. Get used to it and get over it. Otherwise you’ll go nuts.”
“Fuck off.” I seethed.
“Hey, don’t take this out on me. I rearranged my whole life to bring you here, to spend time with you.”
“I guess I should be grateful, huh? The amazon Joe Hawk deigns to grant me time in his presence.”
“The fuck, Liss? You know what I meant. Stop twisting everything I say!”
“No, you stop talking to me like I’m acting crazy.”
“You’re not. But I do think you’re being a little childish. Everything can’t be perfect every second. I thought we were strong enough to get through this shit together.”
“Childish, really? Fine. I guess I’ll just go pout in a corner, then.” Anger was taking me over and all I could do was get away. “Since you’re happy being a prisoner here, I’ll leave you alone. Go do whatever rock star bullshit you need to.” I stomped back over to the door and flung it open, face red and breathing hard.
“Goddamn it, Liss. Don’t just run away. Not again.”
His words stung me, but I didn’t stop.
An hour later I was starving, miserable, and ashamed of myself. Joe had called my phone a dozen times and sent me twice as many text messages. But even though my anger had faded, I didn’t answer any of his attempts to get in touch with me. At first because I wanted to punish him. Then because I was horrified at my own behavior. It had taken way too long for me to accept his love, to trust in it. But he’d never given up on us. Time after time I’d run away, emotionally and physically, and every time he’d been there. Waited for me when he could have had any girl in the world.
And here we were again.
But something in me wouldn’t let me go back. Apologize and promise to do better. A small part of me thought there must be a reason I ran from him so easily. Maybe it was the right thing to do. Some dark corner of my mind knew we were doomed. That being loved by Joe was too good to be true. One day it would end and destroy me. Maybe it was better to just stay away.
I felt like I was losing my mind. Tears threatened to spill out of my eyes and I turned a corner blindly. I’d been stumbling around the city aimlessly, barely even seeing the splendor around me.
Mortified at the idea of weeping openly on the sidewalk, I hurried into a little coffee shop, hoping they had a restroom I could use. But as I stepped inside I almost walked right into someone. A tall, lovely young woman who looked as shocked to see me as I was to see her.
“Liss? Is it really you?”
“Oh my god.” My mouth hung open as she hugged me tight for a second and then pulled back, smiling.
“What the hell are you doing in New York?”
“I…Beth, I can’t believe this!”
She laughed. “Small world.”
I just shook my head, shocked. I hadn’t talked to her for months. When I first went on tour with Joe’s band, Beth worked for them as Ryan’s assistant. Or something. It was all a little hazy. But through all the drama, she’d been there. A great friend to me. But once she’d been fired we lost touch. Honestly, I never thought I’d see her again. It seemed oddly perfect that I’d run into her again after an argument with Joe.
“You okay, girl?”
“Yeah,” I said, trying to smile. “Just a weird day.”
“Well I’m so happy to see you.”
“Me too. What have you been up to?”
She shrugged, her short bob swinging artfully. “Same old, same old. Hey, do you want to sit down, have a cup of coffee? I mean, if you have time.”
“Of course. But weren�
�t you leaving?”
“Yeah. It’s my day off. All I’ve got to do is a ton of laundry. I’d much rather catch up with you.”
I laughed and nodded. We made our way over to a small table and sat down. “So, you said this is your day off. I take that to mean you found another job. Working for a new band?”
“Just one guy, actually. Rob Greenwood.”
“The crooner? Oh, I love his music. So romantic. And he’s a cutie.”
Beth giggled and leaned in. “Yeah. He’s really great. And my new boss, Genevieve, is a sweetheart.”
“So you’re happy?”
“Yeah, I am.”
“That’s great. I uh…heard what happened.”
“When Ryan fired me?” She waved a hand dismissively. “I’m over it. And, surprisingly, he did give me a good recommendation. Honestly, getting let go was the best thing. I miss you, of course. And some of the guys. But a big rock tour isn’t for me. Too much stress. Rob plays tiny clubs and always will, I think. It’s a lot of work still, but more, I don’t know, civilized, I guess.”
“Well, I’m still sorry that all happened. I kind of wanted to ask you. About him. You know.”
She smiled. “You mean Rick? How I could have possibly slept with him?”
“Well.” I laughed. “Pretty much. He’s such an asshole. I mean, maybe he has a sweet side?”
“Not really.”
“Oh. Then…”
“This is just between us, right?”
“Of course,” I promised, even though there were probably a ton of people wondering why a smart, sweet girl like Beth would ever let that surly bastard near her.
“Look, it isn’t like I planned it. He’s hot and all, but I generally go for guys who are, you know, at least kind of nice.”
“So…”
“So, one night we were in some random hotel. I couldn’t sleep so I went down to the bar for a couple of drinks. Rick was there, alone. The place was empty so I couldn’t avoid him. We just hung out for a while. Doing shots but not really talking. There was a football game on the television and we were both just watching it. I got a little drunker than I meant to, and suddenly it struck me as hilarious that we were just sitting there silently watching the game and drinking. Like strangers. I said so, and he actually laughed. I’d never seen him crack a real smile before.