by Jolene Perry
“Wow. When I don’t see you for so long, I forget how amazing it is to be with you.” He kisses up my neck
Why do I feel so tense suddenly? “Chase, wait.” I push on his chest and he sits up.
“What? I don’t have a lot of time here, Princess.” He continues to unbutton the buttons on my uniform shirt. I can’t believe there are any left to undo. His lips meet mine again.
They feel hungry, greedy, and not in a way that makes me feel good. When did Chase stop making me feel good?
“Chase.” I take his arms with my hands. “I haven’t seen you. Don’t you want to talk a little? Ask me how things are? You know, converse?”
He doesn’t even attempt to hold in his sigh. He leans back. “What do you want to talk about, Addison?” His face is unreadable.
“I don’t know.” But for some reason this special relationship we’ve had, doesn’t seem so special anymore. And I missed an afternoon with a friend just so I could sit in my room feeling crappy with Chase. So much for perfect.
“How much more time do you think we have?” he asks.
“Before what?” What’s he getting at?
“Before your dad…”
“He doesn’t come in here, Chase. Ever.” This feels so awkward. Why does it feel awkward? I snatch up my bag and pull out my hand sanitizer.
Chase smirks and shakes his head, but I’m not going to stop washing my hands just because he’s here.
“I gotta run in a minute, Princess.” A corner of his mouth turns down in apology.
Wait. “Already?” It seems so short. The nice thing about meeting in the Hamptons is that I can usually stay over. Uncle Mac has unknowingly provided an alibi more than once. “You just got here.”
“Yeah. I have a thing with my dad this afternoon, and Caitlyn’s dad wants to go over some business stuff, and it’s just…busy.”
“Right, you’re in town.” This is when I don’t want to feel too needy, but I can’t help myself. And I open my mouth to ask about Caitlyn, but I can’t. “Will you make it down for my birthday?”
“We’ll see.” He looks away from my face, toward the window.
I’ve learned that ‘we’ll see’ is Chase-speak for ‘probably not’.
“Can you help me get out of here without your dad seeing?” He runs his hand across my cheek. “You are so beautiful, Addison.” He kisses me again, sliding his hands down my front and then grabbing my hips. What is it with him and the grabbing?
His hand’s on my bare knee and then up my thigh under my skirt.
I scoot away. “I thought you had to go.”
“I do, unless…” But he trails off, kissing across my chest to the edges of my bra.
“Were you really going to tell me that you can only stay here if we’re going to have sex? Are you kidding?” I push him off.
“Shhh.” He glances to the door.
I stand. “I’ll help you get out of here.” There’s no way he could mistake the irritation in my voice.
“Thanks.” He stands but seems completely normal and relaxed.
Okay, he’s either stupid, or ignoring my irritation. Maybe both.
I check the clock. Chase spent a few minutes here. And then ditched me when I said we weren’t going to have sex. This has to be one of those red-flag moments, but as I look over my shoulder at his smiling face, I’m not sure how to give him up.
“What will you tell your dad if he sees us?” He kisses my cheek and brushes his hand over my hair.
I can feel myself softening under each soft touch.
“Still paranoid, are you?” I don’t know how to be around him right now. When was the last time we saw one another and didn’t have sex? I’m not sure.
“A little.”
“I’ll tell him I wasn’t feeling good and called around until I found someone to pick me up from school.” I shrug. It’s plausible.
“That’ll work?”
I start buttoning my shirt. “I don’t think it’ll be a problem. Really, Chase, would it be that horrible to be seen with me?”
Please say no, please say you want to take me out, take me to dinner. No one would think it was weird. Our families are friends. Please.
“In this situation?” He looks around.
I open my mouth to argue that he’s dressed and I’m dressed but decide against it.
We walk up the hallway, Dad’s still on the phone in his room. I can barely hear his voice carry.
We stand in front of the elevator. “It was nice to see you.”
“Nice to see you.” He kisses my cheek.
“Really?” I raise an eyebrow. “That’s it?”
His mouth meets mine, but it’s not like it was when we were headed inside—he’s pulling away, not pushing toward. There’s a huge difference. I go from feeling like a queen to feeling like dirt in about fifteen minutes. Why would something so simple do that to me? Maybe I am a high-maintenance pain.
“You’re amazing, Princess.” He steps backward into the elevator and disappears behind the sliding doors.
Now what? Is it him that’s different? Me? What do I do with this? I’ve done so much for him and now… Now I feel like total crap. I’m all hollowed out and empty. Another feeling I don’t want to think about. Or have.
I step back in the house and my thoughts are interrupted by Dad’s voice. And like I normally do, I stop to listen.
“But they’re still in Seattle, is that right?” A pause. “And then they’ll be in Maine when Senator Michaels was told it would be Jersey? And then headed my direction you think?” Another pause. “Well thinking isn’t good enough! We need more specifics before they start moving!”
I suck in a breath. That I might have been able to hear from my room.
“I’ve got Senator Michaels flying this way any day and wondering why the hell we can’t pinpoint a future location yet! And he’s refusing to do anything about the situation while everyone’s still near Seattle. Landon’s a rare talent, and I will not have him squeezing out of this! One of your jobs is to make sure a shield doesn’t end up with another talent. I’m still trying to figure out how this happened in the first place—especially since I know Senator Michaels gave your office a heads-up on the situation.”
What’s going on? This seems pretty drastic for recruitment for Dad’s firm, but who knows. You’d think he’d use words like “skilled” or “educated” instead of “talented”, but Dad’s always been big on trusting his gut. Maybe that’s what this is about.
“I need pictures. I need people. I need ideas. Look, we all know I have a handle on at least one, maybe two, I can’t tell with the second yet… The least you can do is to keep up with something so major that I can pick it up from here so we’re ready when they arrive!”
Wow. Whatever’s going on must be serious.
“How many of the other Middlemen have you contacted? Because if we don’t have locations from the Insighters, someone’s not doing their job.”
Right. Senator Michaels does this with Dad. This is business I’d guess he never does at work—too many people at his office to overhear. I rarely understand any of it, but maybe one day it’ll all click, and I will. There’s shadow people and his Middlemen and it all sounds so stealthy and like little boys who never gave up their secret code rings.
“I want results by tomorrow. If you can’t handle it, I will.”
Silence. That’s a sure sign that it’s time for me to run for my room. My door closes just as I hear Dad walk through the living room. That was way too close. At least it gives me something other than Chase to think about—even though I don’t have the slightest idea what’s going on.
TEN
Dean
I drop my pack as I come in from school and sit to sketch something other than Addie. I told Katy I was busy and don’t want to explain I’m somehow not busy anymore. Hopefully she’s spending more time with Jesse. Keep her occupied.
Why am I surprised Addie cancelled? I shouldn’t be. Of course she’d ca
ll and cancel. But I was surprised last night, and it sucks this afternoon because we were supposed to be together. Instead she’s doing something with someone else, and I shouldn’t care.
I flip through the sketches I did of her yesterday, and now she’s all I want to draw. I flip to the one where I colored her eyes.
“Wow, Dean. She’s amazing.” Jeannette peers over my shoulder.
I jump in my chair. “You can’t sneak up on me like that.”
“I came in the front door. It’s not my fault you didn’t hear me,” she teases. Jeannette reaches out her hand as I walk to the kitchen, and I hand her the book because she always wants to see my new stuff. She looks at the drawing more carefully.
The kitchen feels smaller than normal and like it has less air.
And then the question comes that I know is coming. “Who is she?”
“No one.” I try to look really concentrated while buttering toast.
“Really?” She looks from me and then back to the picture. When her eyes try to meet mine again, I’m looking at the picture. “Yeah, no ones have a nasty habit of turning into someones pretty quickly.”
I take a bite of my toast and dig in the fridge for something to drink. It’s better than facing the idea that Addie is definitely someone. As impossible as it may seem, she’s heading there swiftly—at least on my end.
My toast is dry and nothing sounds good to drink. Jeannette gives me back my book, but I don’t want it anymore. I have two chapters left in The Great Gatsby, and it needs to be read by tomorrow. The phone rings and I jump again. I’ve got to get a hold of myself, I’m acting like a girl. Jeannette looks at me as she picks it up.
Okay. The Great Gatsby. I’m good. Deep breaths.
“Dean, it’s for you.” She walks toward me with the phone. “I’m guessing someone with blue eyes?” she whispers.
I take a deep breath in. “Hello?”
“Dean.” Addison breathes out. Like my name as a sigh, but a nice one.
“Yep.”
“I’m glad I caught you at home.” But then she doesn’t elaborate.
“Did your afternoon not go as planned?” I’m an ass for really hoping that it didn’t.
“Planned?” She pauses for a moment. “I guess but… Whatever. Can we have a redo, tomorrow?”
“Uh…” I don’t want her to think I’m too anxious. Though, I have no idea why not. Wouldn’t it be better if she knew I wanted to see her? Actually, that’s putting myself way out there. Best not.
“I’m sorry.” She sighs. “I shouldn’t have bothered you.”
“No, no. Tomorrow’s great. Do you want to come my direction, or should I head yours?” So much for playing it cool.
“How do you know I don’t live up the street? You know, just past the corner?” I love the tease in her voice.
“Which main road can you see out your window right now?”
“I’d rather not answer.”
“That’s what I thought.” I can feel my smile spreading. “Whatever you want, Addie.”
“Hmmm, I like the sound of that.” She laughs her tinkling laugh.
“Great. So I’ve started something now, haven’t I?” I tease.
“Nah. How about we just meet at Starbucks again? Try for a second time? And I promise to be there but I don’t get out of school until almost three, and I’ll need to change out of my uniform first.”
“Wait. You wear a uniform to school?” It’s both kinda hot and intimidating.
She sighs. “One of the perks of the view I have out my window. Can we not talk about that?”
“Sorry.” And I’m a bit surprised by her again, because isn’t she the kind of girl who’s supposed to be showing off her location and school and designer labels?
“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be snippy, I just…” I hear her sniff. Is she crying? Trying not to cry?
“I’m guessing your day wasn’t at all as planned. Sorry, Addie.” But if it was because of the guy, am I really sorry? Probably not.
“See you tomorrow.” And her end clicks.
What is this we’ve started? That we’re starting? I’m sorta going crazy wanting to sit with her and make her feel better. I barely know the girl. If I put all the time we’ve spent together in one place, it wouldn’t be much. A few hours? So, what’s the draw? Something I can’t explain? Or an attraction from a talent we both share that neither of us can explain?
“Katy! Great to see you!” Jeannette’s voice pulls me out of my Addie-stupor.
“Hey, Jeannette!” Katy’s voice is exuberant, as always.
“Dean,” Jeannette starts. “Katy’s here.”
“I’m right here, practically in the same room.” Our apartment is so small that nothing happens in here without everyone knowing about it. Nothing. It’s made more than one awkward moment.
“Thought you were busy today?” Katy sits in the chair next to me.
“Fell through.” I pull my feet up to sit cross-legged. There may be only room enough for three chairs in here, but they’re all big chairs.
“With the hot girl again?”
“This one?” Jeannette holds up the picture.
“Whoa, Dean. That’s amazing.” Katy’s wide eyes go from the sketch to my face.
“Can both of you leave it alone?” Something in the tone of my voice changes their wide eyes and wide smiles.
“Sorry.” Jeannette hands over my book and walks the two steps back into the kitchen.
“So, is it a really real something? Or Dean after another hot girl something?” Katy leans toward me.
“I…” But how do I explain this?
“Wow, Dean. Nice.” Katy’s hand rubs my arm.
“I didn’t answer.” How do girls do this?
“The look on your face was answer enough, weirdo.” She holds out her hand for the book. “How many did you do of her?”
“I wanted to work on our stuff but…” But I couldn’t because she’s the only damn thing I see.
“This is like a first for you, isn’t it?”
“I’ve drawn you,” I point out.
“Not like this.” She shakes her head.
The blue eyes jump off the page at me again. If I can tell anyone, I can tell Katy. She sees through me anyway. “No. Not like this.”
“Well, I don’t want to super-stalk Jesse, even though he swears he doesn’t mind, so you have to come with me.” She puts her hands together in pleading and gives me one of her famous begging, puppy-eyed faces.
“I have to finish.” I hold up The Great Gatsby.
“Oh bullshit.” She takes my book. “You’re almost done. You’re coming with me. I need moral support.” She drops the book in her chair as she stands up. I wonder how she manages to wear three shirts and show little bits of all of them.
I let her drag me up.
“And you do, too,” she says.
“Do what?” I ask.
“Need moral support.” She pulls me to the door.
“Real men don’t need moral support,” I say, which earns me a slap to the gut.
“Will you be back in time for dinner?” Jeannette asks as she rummages in the fridge.
“No!” Katy and I reply in unison. She’s had enough meals here to know she’s definitely doing me a favor.
ELEVEN
Addison
I can’t stop tapping my stupid foot. Why-oh-why did I get excited about Chase wanting to see me? And why wasn’t it enough? And how didn’t I see it? I can feel myself start to panic again and my cheeks heating up. I’m not going to cry over Chase. I take a breath. Nothing bad has happened between us.
Yet.
That little voice in my head is really starting to get annoying. All that deep thinking. Thinking like, Why doesn’t he try harder to spend time with me? Why doesn’t he come over to see my parents so we can see each other? Why wasn’t he more shocked when I got arrested? Or more disappointed on the times I didn’t make it? Why does Caitlyn come up? Would it be that crazy to take
me to dinner while he’s in town? Why do I keep thinking about deep brown eyes?
I’m at our Starbucks earlier than I think I’ll make it. Our Starbucks. Okay, I need to cut that out. Dean isn’t here yet. I take the corner table. Someone’s left a newspaper here so I flip through, looking for something interesting. Whoa, stop. Chase’s face. Next to Caitlyn’s. Under an engagement announcement.
It washes through me over and over. Pushing nothing but awfulness through me. I’ve never felt so dirty and horrible and completely run into the ground my whole life. I’m a horrible person. I’m stupid, stupid, stupid for believing him. The whole time part of me knowing that we weren’t going anywhere. And the whole time wishing for it so bad. And then there’s that last part of me who always knew he was too good. That I’d never measure up next to someone like him.
“You’re shaking.” Dean sits across from me. His eyebrows are pulled together under his dark hair.
I slide the paper toward him. My mouth opens a few times, but I know if I say anything, I’ll start to cry and I really, really don’t want to cry. I can feel my lip tremble so I suck it into my mouth and hope that Dean doesn’t need me to tell him what’s going on.
He doesn’t need to know which announcement it is. The fact that everyone on the damn stupid page is getting married should be enough. No wonder Chase was in such a hurry yesterday. He needed to get back to his fiancé. How could I be so stupid?
“I—” I start. I take another breath in. “I should have come to see you yesterday instead.” I make a weak attempt at a smile, but I’m sure it comes out pathetic.
“Sorry.” He reaches out to touch my hand with his. Sorry. I feel it from him again.
I don’t know if it makes things better or worse. “Okay, this really isn’t fair to you. I’ll head for home and see you at our next class.” I start to stand up.
“Hey, Addie. I don’t mind. You want a distraction?” His voice is smooth and low. Comforting.
“Anything.” I let our eyes meet and neither of us speaks for a moment. It’s like his eyes send these tingles through me, weaving their way around and drawing me to him. Did anything Chase ever do make me feel this? I don’t think so. Maybe just in the beginning. Is that what this is between Dean and I? A beginning?