He attempted the signature cocky James Stark smile and said, “I dunno, Z, you’re really hot. I’m pretty sure I’m actually attracted to you.”
I wanted to roll my eyes at him and conk him on his thick head, but I figured that would be counterproductive. Instead, I said, “You’re mistaking physical attraction for something a lot deeper, and that something is what I have with Stark.”
“It’s hard to understand.”
I nodded and laughed softly. “I know, right? Here, maybe this will help. Think about Kevin. You know he and the Aphrodite from your world were in love.”
“Yeah. I just saw her in Nyx’s Realm. They’re still in love.”
“Right. And you’ve seen this Aphrodite. Are they the same people?”
“No. I mean, they’re similar, but our Aphrodite didn’t have friends like this one does, and she’s obviously with that big Warrior.”
“Darius,” I said.
“Yeah, him. And in this world, she is different—more confident. She’s nice to Kev and all, but she’s not—” his words broke off as he got it. “Oh. She’s a completely different person and that person is not in love with him.”
“Yeah, and while she feels something for him because in another world they were lovers and together—”
He finished before I could. “In this world their relationship isn’t the same because even though they’re versions of the same people, they aren’t actually the same.”
“Now you’re getting it.” I squeezed his hand. “In the presence of Nyx, I want to tell you what I wish for you. I wish that you will find your love—someone who makes your heart fill with joy just by looking at her—someone who you don’t just want to be your best for, but who you are your best for. Someone who makes you laugh—a lot. Someone you’ll grow old with and share a long, happy life with. And that someone is not me. Not in this world. Not in this lifetime.”
He stared into my eyes as tears tracked down his face. “I don’t know why this makes me so emotional. It’s not like me at all.”
“It should make you emotional. This is insanely difficult—not to mention we have a bunch of terrifying end-of-the-world stuff going on around us. But, James, what we don’t have going on is a secret love affair. That’s not us.”
“What you’re saying makes sense to my mind. I just need it to make sense to my heart.” Then, carefully, he lifted my hand and pressed it to his lips before saying, “You’re a wise High Priestess. I’m glad I came to this world and got to know you.”
I smiled at him and suddenly felt a lot lighter. “Me too.”
“If you don’t mind, I’d like to stay here and talk with Nyx for a little while,” he said.
“I don’t mind at all. And you know what, James Stark? In any world you’ll always be one of the good guys.”
21
Other Stark
James didn’t leave Nyx’s Temple until he felt completely calm. He’d really not known Zoey was going to be there—not that he would’ve avoided the temple had he known. He totally would’ve gone in but been prepared to face her. Talking with her there had changed everything. She’d looked so young, but sounded mature and wise, and he’d felt so drawn to her that it had made him dizzy with desire.
He’d had lovers—lots of them, actually. He and Neferet had been lovers, though James didn’t like to think about that. Having sex with Neferet had been hot and rough. There had been nothing intimate about it. It’d been like she had an itch that anyone could scratch—and that anyone had, temporarily, been him. In spite of her preternatural beauty, James had been relieved when Neferet had turned her attention to other vampyres.
But that one kiss with Zoey in the press box at TU in the midst of insanity and chaos had shaken his world. So, he’d tried again—desperately seeking a repeat, and this world’s Stark could go to hell and be ready to move out of his way.
It hadn’t been the same, and not just because Zoey hadn’t done much participating. That thing he’d felt at the stadium wasn’t entirely gone. His stomach still flipped around when he saw her, but there had been no electricity—no gut-deep zap that made him want to pull her into his arms and crush her body against his and tell her Warrior to get lost.
It was confusing.
Sitting on the floor of Nyx’s Temple before her offering table, James decided that maybe he didn’t need to figure out the whys and what-ifs. Maybe he just needed to accept that this girl he’d traveled to a different world to find wasn’t meant to be with him—and as soon as that thought came to James’s mind, he suddenly felt better—freer—calmer and not as desperate and filled with nerves as he’d been since the day not so long ago that he’d taken a stand against Neferet.
James stood and touched the base of Nyx’s statue. “You know I’m sorry. I’ve said it over and over again. I’ve shown you in my actions too. I guess now Zoey is right. I need to learn to forgive myself and let go—of my anger and disappointment and also of that fantasy I’ve been building up in my mind about Zoey. I think I’m ready. Maybe that’s why I had to come all the way over here—to learn to forgive and to let go. I’m going to do it. I promise. Blessed be, my Goddess. Blessed be.”
Feeling better, James left Nyx’s Temple and sprinted to the rear entrance of the school. He ducked his head against what was now cold, constant rain and rushed inside where he had to put on the brakes and lunge to the side to stop from knocking some kid over.
“Holy shitballs! Watch yourself. And back the hell off—you’re like a wet cat getting rain everywhere. Jesus, my hair!”
James backed against the closed door, wiping rain and hair from his eyes to see a very disgruntled vampyre glaring at him and brushing drops of rain from her clothes with one hand and patting her hair with the other. It took him a second to recognize her because she had her mass of hair pulled back in a spectacularly long ponytail—and he got sidetracked by her short, black biker’s boots, her skin-hugging black leggings, and her oversized black sweatshirt that proclaimed wild feminist in bold white letters across her large, perky boobs.
“Hey, genius. My eyes are up here.”
James lifted his gaze to meet her big, dark eyes and blinked in surprise. “Ice Cream Shoes?”
“You don’t have to call me that, James. I mean, you can if you want, but it’s really more of a this-world joke than a your-world thing.”
“Sorry, Kacie. I was distracted.”
“I know. By my large, gorgeous breasts.”
“Well, maybe. Partially. But it’s raining pretty hard, and I got it in my eyes—not to mention my hair was totally messing with my vision. I did almost run over you because I couldn’t see.”
She pursed her lips and studied him closely which, for some reason, made him want to fidget. “I’m not sure whether I should be insulted or glad you’re not a boob creeper-stalker.”
“I’m definitely not a boob creeper-stalker. Though I do appreciate breasts.” He closed his mouth then to keep anything else stupid from coming out.
She let out one Ha! of amusement and shook her head slightly. “Good to know. I suppose you’re going to be in the big Council Meeting in half an hour?”
“I suppose I am, since I came from another world to be here,” he said. “Will you be there?”
“Yep. I’m the fire and water stand-in until Shaunee and Shaylin get here. Do you have a Shaunee and Shaylin in your world?”
He was surprised by the question, and then equally surprised that he couldn’t answer it. “Uh, I don’t actually know. I doubt if we have a Shaylin. She’s a red vampyre, right?”
“Like me—yep.”
“Well, I don’t think we have any female red vamps yet.”
Kacie nodded. “Yeah, that’s what I heard. And it’s a damn shame. Your red fledglings and vamps need a High Priestess of their own. What about Shaunee? Any beautiful women of color who have fire affinities in your Tulsa?”
He shrugged. “Shaunee might be a fledgling. I know she’s not a High Priestess because Neferet got rid of all of them who wouldn’t step down. I’d know if she had been one of those.”
“Your world sounds like it sucks for women.”
“I’m afraid my world sucks for more than just women, but I want to change that,” he said.
“Good to hear. What are you doing right now?”
“Nothing much. I guess I was going to go back to my room and wait for thirty minutes to pass.”
“Boring,” she said. “Come with me. I’m going to the dining hall to get something to eat before the meeting. The professors’ dining hall. You know what that means, right?” She watched him expectantly and when he just moved his shoulders and looked confused she sighed dramatically. “James, it means the food is fucking epic. Come on.”
She started walking down the wide hall, and when he just stood there staring, she glanced back at him. “Unless you prefer sitting in your room and moping over Zoey. Your choice.”
What the hell is wrong with me? She’s super hot, and I’m starving.
He hurried to catch up with her. “I’m not moping over anyone.”
She glanced at him and snorted. “Not now, you’re not.”
They wound their way through the large school. It was weird. It was basically laid out like his House of Night, but this one was somehow lighter—brighter—happier.
As if she were reading his mind, Kacie said, “So? Is this like your House of Night?”
Instead of answering right away he asked a question of his own. “Your affinities are for water and fire, right? Can you also read minds?”
“No. You don’t need to panic about that, James. Anyone would be curious about the differences between two mirror worlds—if there are any. Oh, and besides an affinity for water and fire, I also sometimes know stuff.”
“Stuff?”
She twirled the end of her ponytail. “Yeah. You know. Like at the park. The affinity is new—like my tattoos. I don’t have it all figured out yet. So, what about your House of Night?”
“This one is nicer.” After he said the words he realized how true they were.
“You mean your HoN is crappy and rundown?”
“No, I mean it’s gloomy compared to this one.” He paused as a fledgling and a human teenager walked past them. The fledgling waved at Kacie and then gave him a confused look. The human just kept talking like it was completely normal for a human kid to be friends with a fledgling and be hanging out at a House of Night.
“Stop gawking at the kid,” Kacie told him. “I’m assuming humans and fledglings don’t mix in your world?”
“No. Some of the Resistance members were human, and the vamp Resistance helped to get humans out of the battle area, but they definitely don’t hang out at the House of Night.”
“That’s probably one of the reasons your place is gloomy. When you go back, you should change that. Z and her High Priestesses have been working really hard to desegregate the US. I don’t think anyone believed it would work—or even thought it was a good idea at first. But they were wrong. It’s true that education and familiarity fight racism. Once human kids hang around for a while, they get that we’re all basically more similar than different.” She snorted again and added, “Their parents are a different story, but old people tend to be a pain in the ass like that.” Kacie stopped at a gleaming wooden door that had a golden sign that read Professors’ Dining Hall. She pushed it open, and he followed her to a small booth.
A fledgling who was wearing a uniform with Nyx’s golden chariot pulling a trail of shining silver stars over her breast pocket, which identified her as a fifth former, or junior, came to take their order, but she just stood there staring at James.
“Alison, close your mouth,” Kacie said.
“Sorry!” The fledgling blushed bright red. “He just, uh, looks like—”
“Yeah, we know. I’m sure Zoey is gonna explain that pretty soon, but until she does, how about we don’t make James feel like a hideous beast. ’Kay?”
“Okay. Yeah. Sure.”
“Great! I’ll take two Caesar salads—no croutons—extra dressing on the side, and one of those black bean veggie burritos. Oh, and that Moroccan mint ice tea you guys only have up here. What do you want?” Kacie said to James.
I want to get to know you better, popped into his mind and he had to mentally shake himself before he answered. “I’ll just take a burger and some fries. And a beer. Please.”
“Add a green salad to that because he ordered nothing that’s healthy—and a carafe of blood.” Kacie glanced at him. “Warm or cold?”
“Um, warm.”
“Warm. And we have a Council Meeting in thirty, so, we gotta hurry.”
“I’ll get it right out,” the fledgling hurried away, but not before shooting James a couple looks over her shoulder.
“Sorry about the gawking. I should’ve thought about that before bringing you up here.”
“It’s fine. I can’t blame her.”
“No,” Kacie said. “It’s rude. But I don’t blame her either. I’ll have to remind Stevie Rae to remind Zoey to make some kinda announcement about you.”
The fledgling was back with their drinks and the carafe of blood, and James thanked her, which only made her stare more at him.
“Here,” Kacie said after the fledgling left. “Drink the blood before the beer.”
“Are you always this bossy?” he asked as he did what she told him to do.
“Are you always this compliant?” she shot back.
He laughed and almost choked on the blood. “You know, you look too young to be a High Priestess, but you definitely act like one.”
“Yeah, well, my internal age has never accurately been reflected by how I look.”
James laughed. “Really, Ice Cream Shoes?”
Kacie didn’t crack a smile—not even a small one. “That nickname is about fashion—not about me being a kid. It would be stupid of you to underestimate me—especially right after you admitted that I act like a High Priestess. Thank you, by the way, for that compliment. I’m not one. Yet. But I will be. Soon.” She paused as Alison returned to place two huge salads in front of her and gave a smaller one to James. “Thanks,” she told the fledgling before she started squeezing lemons and adding extra dressing.
“Do you always eat this much salad?” James asked as he picked at his assortment of field greens.
“Yep. I was a vegetarian before I was Marked. I’m still kinda uncomfortable with the whole blood-drinking thing, even though it does taste ridiculously good.”
He smiled at her. “You’re not what you seem.”
“Once you get to know me, you won’t say that. The truth is I’m pretty much exactly what I seem. I don’t like lies. I don’t like to pretend to be anything but who I am.” She took a big bite of her salad and then spoke around it. “Oh, and I also don’t like school. Thankfully that was cut short by my dying and then coming back as—wha-bam!—a fully Changed red vamp. So now the classes I take are mostly just spellwork and such. You know, with other newly Changed vamps, which is cool.” She chewed for a while as she watched him, and then added, “But you seem really sad to be a Warrior, and I think that’s for real and not just what you seem. Don’t let it make you sad.”
“It?” he asked.
“Zoey. Even though it doesn’t seem like she and Stark play stupid jealousy games, you gotta know that whatever might be going on between you and Z, they’re seriously together. As in forever. She’s not your girl over here.”
Her words surprised him, but the more James talked with Kacie, the more he realized that she didn’t need to read minds—she knew her own well enough that she was a good observer of others. “I know that, and there’s absolutely nothing going on between Zoey and me.” Then he tried to lighten the mood
by saying, “Apparently, it makes me douchey to say that Z is anyone’s girl except her own.”
“Of course it does,” Kacie said, waving her fork for emphasis. “I’m speaking metaphorically.”
The rest of their food came, and they ate silently, though James didn’t think it was an awkward silence. Kacie was easy to be around—even though he had a hard time predicting what she might say next. He looked up from dunking his fry in ketchup to see her watching him.
“What?”
She shrugged. “I was just thinking that you look like a guy who hasn’t had fun in a long time.”
He wasn’t sure why that bothered him so much, but it did—so his response was more abrupt than he intended.
“Yeah, war is a real buzzkill.”
But his tone didn’t put her off at all. “I heard about that. How you were on the wrong side—then you figured it out, blah, blah.”
He stared at her. “Blah, blah?”
“Yeah. You’re on the right side now, and still—zero fun. So, blah, blah with all that self-indulgent angst.” She reached over and snagged one of his fries. “I’m not trying to be mean. I’m just being real with you and telling you what I see. Let me know if I’m wrong.”
James took a bite of his burger and chewed while he thought about his answer. Finally, he decided to be real too. “I was just talking to Nyx about that. Well, not about me having fun, exactly.”
“But about you forgiving yourself and moving on?”
“Actually, yes. Exactly that.”
“How’s it going for you?”
“From what you’re telling me, not very well,” he said—though he did smile at her.
She grinned back for a second before shoving the fry in her mouth and saying, “You can start by not giving a shit about what other people think of you. Just be you. Fuck ’em if they don’t like it or if they want to keep judging you for past mistakes.”
“Is that what you do?”
“Me? Hell no. I’m a sucker for peer pressure. I would jump off a bridge if everyone else did.” Then she snatched another one of his fries and added, “JK.”
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