Cam Booker scared her, plain and simple. It was why she avoided men like Cam and why David had been so incredibly right for her. And how had she honored David’s memory? By sticking her tongue down Cam Booker’s throat.
“Oh God,” she muttered, shaking her head.
The man was sex on a stick. A very, very big stick. She blushed thinking of how he’d felt against her. But more importantly, of how he made her feel.
Exhilarated.
Sexy.
Desirable.
She’d never felt any of those things before. It confused and scared the crap out of her, which, for a woman her age, was kind of embarrassing.
Up until that kiss, she’d thought she was one of those girls, the frozen ones, the ones who felt nothing. It was why and how she’d survived Vegas. No man had ever turned her head or made her want a relationship. And the few times she’d given in and had sex, she’d been more curious than anything, and left feeling like nothing had changed. Sex was okay.
Just okay.
It was why she and David had gotten on so well. He didn’t require sex to be with her. He loved her in spite of it, and for that, she was grateful. The physical side of their relationship was infrequent, and while she did make an effort to be responsive and to make David feel loved, on some level, it was forced. And that was probably why David was so patient with her. Blue knew most men wouldn’t put up with that.
But Cam… Holy hell, Cam Booker was another story altogether. He probably had sex every single night. With someone different.
“You look like you’re going to puke.”
She was in the kitchen, sitting at the island petting Giselle, when Cash walked in. Not like she was constantly checking the clock or anything, but it was just after eight and already getting dark outside.
“You know where I live, Blue. Come around eight.”
She ignored the voice in her head. “Where have you been?” Blue slid off her stool.
“I went for a run.”
Right. He was sweaty and dressed in a T-shirt and shorts.
“How far did you go?” This was good. Small talk would take her mind off things.
“Around the lake.”
“That’s a good hike.”
“I needed to think and clear my head.”
Blue thought back to this afternoon. Her brother had spent a lot of time on his cell.
“Who were you talking to this afternoon?”
Cash sidestepped her question. He walked to the fridge and helped himself to a Gatorade. “I can see why any sane person would love it here.” He raised an eyebrow questioningly. “You planning on staying?”
Surprised at his question, she frowned. “Of course I am. Why would I leave?”
Cash downed the bottle of Gatorade and set it on the counter. “Why indeed,” he replied lightly.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
Her brother walked toward her and stopped a few inches away. “It means you need a purpose in life. A reason to get up every morning. I don’t see that here for you. You’re not the committee type of gal. You’re not in a relationship, and before you look at me like I’m being an asshole, it’s been almost two years since your husband passed away.”
“I’m not talking about David with you.” Insulted, she glared at her brother.
Cash was silent for a few moments, and when he spoke, his voice was gentle. “I know you loved him, Blue. You wouldn’t have gotten hitched if you didn’t. But I also know the love you felt for your husband wasn’t the kind of love most folks marry for.”
She looked away because, as usual, her brother was right.
“I’m worried about you. How are you not going crazy?”
“I have a job.”
“Working a couple of days a week in some funky boutique is not a job. That’s you looking to fill time.” He sighed. “Bluebell, you’re twenty-nine years old. You live in a house big enough for three families, and yet you’re here alone.” He looked at her pointedly. “With a cat.”
“If this is the talk that’s supposed to make me feel better, no offense, but you suck at it.”
His eyes darkened. “Blue, I want you to be happy. God knows you deserve it after everything you’ve gone through.”
“I am happy.” Her lies, they were becoming easier.
“No, you’re not.” But her brother wasn’t buying them. “You used to have passion. You loved dancing. Expressing yourself through music. Did that just die?”
Her answer was a shrug.
“You love kids. I saw you with that little girl today. You were born to be a mother.”
Her eyes shot up, and her voice broke. “A replacement for Adelaide?”
“That’s not what I meant.” Cash swore and shook his head. “I’m screwing this up.” He sighed heavily. “Bluebell, I just…”
“When the hell did this conversation veer left? Jesus, Cash. All I did was ask you where you’d been. We could have stopped at your run, said good night and see you in the morning. What gives you the right to go after me like this? You were released a year ago, and all I’ve gotten was a few voicemails and one card. And now think you have the right to come here and tell me how pathetic my life is?”
“Yeah. That’s what family does. They tell the truth.” He was angry, she could see that, but Blue was angry too. “I came here because I thought you’d made a life for yourself and I wanted to see you happy. You have everything anyone could want right here in this house, in this town. And yet your life is empty. When I look in your eyes, all I see is the echo of a past you won’t leave behind. A ghost of who you used to be.”
Anger pushed her forward, and it was all she could do not to throat punch her own brother. “I left all that behind when Mom kicked me out, and I never looked back.”
“Did you? Because from I can tell, you’re standing still. Going through the motions. And that’s a fucking shame.”
“You have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“What’s up with you and Cam Booker?”
That was completely out of left field. “What does Cam have to do with this?”
“It’s obvious to anyone with eyes in their head. You like him. He likes you.”
She’d never been able to lie to her brother, and she turned away because she didn’t want him to see the truth.
“Again, what does that have to do with anything?”
“Everything.” Cash swore. “Nothing.” Her brother stood beside her, and she saw the worry. “Our parents did a number on us. We’re both fucked up, kid. Ain’t no getting around that. But you have a chance to grab something you’ve never had before. You and Booker have a connection, and it would be a damn shame if you didn’t at least explore what exactly that connection is. What are you so afraid of? Why are you living this cardboard cut-out life? Don’t you want more? Don’t you deserve more?”
“Don’t you?”
“Yeah. And maybe one day, I’ll have it. But you…” He swore and looked away. “You’ve closed yourself off from it. From the idea of it even, and I’m worried about you. You’ve got to figure out what’s holding you back.” He paused. “Is it Adelaide?”
“I don’t want to talk about her.”
“Okay. Fair enough.” Cash folded her into his arms, and she closed her eyes, welcoming his strength and love. For a few moments, the two Bodine siblings took from each other, that simple act of human touch alleviating some of their pain and, for Blue, some of the guilt.
Cash kissed the top of her head and pulled away. “I’m leaving tomorrow. I have some business to take care of.”
“I don’t want you to,” she said in a rush, tearing herself from his hug.
Her brother sighed and ran his hands through the tangle of hair at his nape. “I have to go.”
Blue’s eyes narrowed. “Where have you been since you got out of prison, Cash? You always avoid the question when I ask. Or gave me puffball answers that tell me nothing.”
A muscle tightened across his
jaw, and his lips thinned. “I’m righting some wrongs, and that’s all you need to know.”
She worried the edge of her shirt and tried to keep her cool. “Please tell me you’re not getting mixed up in anything illegal.” Her brother was ex-military, and before he’d been imprisoned for aggravated assault, he’d had ties to Horde, a biker outfit loosely affiliated with Reaper, a much larger, more dangerous outlaw club.
Cash shook his head. “No. I’m good. But you’ve got to trust me on this. I’ll be back. Couple of weeks tops.” He gave her one last smile and disappeared through the patio doors that led outside. He’d set up shop in the apartment over the garage and no doubt was on his way up.
Blue looked at her cat and sighed. “Is he right, Giselle Am I just standing still?” The cat stretched and, with a bored meow, jumped off the chair and headed to the larger, more comfortable sectional in the family room. Blue stared after the animal for a few seconds and then, before she could change her mind, ran upstairs. It was eight thirty, and she needed a shower.
Twenty minutes later, she was heading down a dark country road, her trusty old Honda pointed toward town. Blue didn’t think about her actions or what they meant. She was tired of thinking. Tired of overanalyzing everything. Tired of making decisions based on all that overanalyzing. For once, she wanted to go with her gut and see where this went.
The moon was just starting to peek out when she pulled up in front of Cam’s house. Soft light fell from the large bay window, and as she exited her car, she inhaled the scent of freshly cut grass. A wind chime tinkled from Mrs. Eddy’s porch, and Blue tugged nervously on her sweater. Her stomach fluttered. Or roiled. Or something. And she felt a bit light-headed.
She wasn’t sure how long she stood there, leaning against her car, staring up at Cam’s house. But when a shadow passed in front of the window, she jumped and looked around guiltily. She felt like a weirdo stalker lady, and, looking a hell of a lot more confident than she felt, Blue moved up the walkway until she stood in front of the door.
She didn’t knock, but then she didn’t have time to.
The door opened, and Cam stood there, feet bare, in faded jeans and a plain black T-shirt. His hair was damp, as if he were just out of the shower, and when she met his gaze, her insides jumped along with her already fast beating heart.
“You’re late,” he said, voice low and husky.
“I know,” she replied, so softly, she wasn’t sure he heard.
Without breaking eye contact, he moved out of the way. There was no turning back now. And maybe she was okay with that. Maybe it was time to move on and start living a little, or at least try and see.
Blue slowly exhaled and stepped past him.
13
Cam had done nothing but think about Blue and the kiss they’d shared all afternoon. Hell, he’d been on a different planet and couldn’t say shit when Nash told him to get his head out of the clouds. Even Tawny told him he was acting weird, and she was just a little kid.
He’d obsessed about every inch of the woman, and now that she stood in front of him, he wanted to grab her close and not let go. But she was skittish, and he needed to take his time or he’d scare her.
Blue’s hair was pulled back in a loose bun, and her makeup-free skin glowed. She was dressed simply: jeans, a pale pink blouse, and cream-colored sweater. He liked her like this. She was more real. Attainable. “You want a drink?” he asked, watching her closely.
“No.” She licked her bottom lip, a nervous gesture that tugged at his heartstrings—just a little—but tug it did. “I’m not actually sure this is a good idea.” The words fell out of her mouth so quickly, she seemed out of breath after she’d spoken them.
“Having a drink? Or being here with me.”
“Both.” She paused and looked around. “Where’s Tawny?”
“She was in bed and asleep by seven. Today tuckered her out. She didn’t even want to continue with our book.”
Her head shot up at that, and a ghost of a smile played on her lips. “You read to her?”
Cam liked that he’d surprised her. “I do. My mom used to read to me every night, so I figured it couldn’t hurt.”
“What book are you reading?”
“I don’t know if I should say.” He flashed a smile, watching her warm up to him. “I don’t want you judging me.”
She laughed and slid out of her sweater. “How could anyone judge you for reading to a child?”
Cam walked over to the small end table beside the sofa and grabbed up a paperback. He looked at it for a few seconds and then, with a shrug, handed it over. The cover featured a busty redhead, arms entwined around a swashbuckling, bearded giant of a man. He was bare-chested and she may as well have been.
She gave him a look before turning it over and reading the back. When she was done, she looked up at him. “You’re reading Tawny a book called Pirate’s Treasure?”
“Mrs. Eddy left it here, and Tawny liked the girl on the cover.”
Blue glanced at the cover again. “So, let me get this straight. You’re reading this clearly inappropriate book to a five-year-old because she likes the cover.”
“No.” Cam flashed a grin. “I’m reading it to Tawny because she thinks the woman on the cover is a princess.”
Cam knew what Blue was thinking. How in hell could a little girl look at a picture of a woman with ruby-red lips, eyes that shouted sex, and breasts nearly busting out of her green velour dress and think she looked anything like a Disney princess?
“It’s her ring,” he said, pointing to the book.
“Her what?” Blue’s eyes crinkled as she studied the cover once more. “It’s big and on the gaudy side.”
“Tawny thinks it’s magical, and I didn’t want to tell her she was wrong.”
“You’d rather read a romance novel to her instead.”
Cam moved closer. “I’ve changed a few things.”
“Have you,” Blue murmured, a smile toying with the edges of her mouth.
“First off, he’s not a pirate but a prince, and she’s obviously a princess.”
“Uh-huh.”
“And instead of kidnapping her, the prince invited the princess out for a boat ride.”
“Really?” Blue’s eyes widened. “Around the world?”
“Nah.” Cam moved closer still. “Just a month or so in the Caribbean.”
“And her family didn’t miss her?”
“Her family is in heaven, which is why the bad prince is in the picture. He’s trying to steal her fortune by stealing her V card and forcing her to marry him.” Cam’s grin widened. “I don’t mention the V card. But that’s why this guy here…” Cam reached over Blue’s shoulder and tapped the novel. “Is keeping her safe. Turns out he’s an old family friend.”
“How convenient.”
“He’s on the run from the law.”
“Sounds about right.”
“And while he’s protecting her, they’re having all kinds of adventures.” He leaned in, so close he could feel her warmth. “Like finding a map and treasure and a flea-bitten dog.”
“The story sounds intriguing.”
“It is.”
“Are there any parts you skip?” she asked lightly.
“Yes,” Cam murmured, watching her closely. “The spicy ones.” He winked. “Tawny’s a bit young for that, don’t you think?”
“How spicy?”
“Do you want me to read to you?”
She laughed and handed him back the book, though her laughter died when their eyes met. God, she was beautiful.
“You feel a movie?” he asked.
“A movie?”
Cam scooped up the remote and turned on the large flat screen. He handed Blue the remote. “I’ll make popcorn.”
“You’re going to let me pick the movie.” She flashed a devilish smile. She was already perusing the choices as he grabbed a large pot, a bag of kernels, and the oil from under the counter.
“Just don’t with the
Fifty Shades. I don’t think I can take it.”
“I thought you liked the romance and the sex and the chick-flick thing.”
He poured oil in the pot and nodded. “Oh, I do.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
He heated up the pot and turned to Blue, keeping as straight a face as he could. “I’ve already seen them.”
Her mouth fell open.
“All of them,” he added for good measure.
“You’ve watched all three of the Fifty Shades movies?” He could tell she didn’t believe him. He added the kernels to the sizzling oil and put the lid on.
“With my mom.”
“You’ve watched all three Fifty Shades movies with your mother?” Again, her mouth hung open.
“You don’t want to know.” He wasn’t lying about that. But it had been under protest and extreme duress, and only because he’d been laid up with a broken leg at his parents’ place.
“Oh, but I do.”
He shrugged. “My mother and her girlfriends decided to have a girl’s night and watch all of them while I was high as a kite on pain meds with my leg elevated on her sofa.”
Fifty Shades one.
Fifty Shades two.
Fifty Shades three.
Cam. His mother. Her girlfriends. And all that sex. The only thing more cringe-worthy than watching a guy go down on a girl in front of your mother is listening to said mother and her pals laugh about. Hell, they even critiqued it. Cam sure as hell didn’t need to know his mom preferred what she called “a different approach in the bedroom.” Something she called the “bop and go.” What the hell? He’d zoned out after that, downing more pain meds than he probably should have.
He got busy with their snack while Blue checked out their options, and by the time he joined her with a big bowl of dill-salted popcorn, she’d settled on the sofa. He glanced up at the television and grinned.
“I knew you were my kind of girl,” he growled, pressing a quick kiss to her cheek. Seriously. Any movie with Bruce Willis in it was okay in his books. She was a keeper.
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