by Amanda Black
She was angry. She was confused and upset and unsure of her own shifting emotions, but that didn’t make him any less attractive to her. She wanted to kiss his bruises and hold him for hours. Then she wanted to throttle him.
Ethan cleared his throat nervously. “Well, first off, let me start by saying that I wasn’t getting regular updates on you. Nobody even knew where I was until last week when Eric showed up out of nowhere and punched my lights out.”
Good, Lily felt like saying, but held her tongue. She couldn’t allow herself to say it when she knew that she didn’t mean it. She didn’t think that violence was the way to solve things and she hated to think of him swollen and in pain. But she also knew Eric well enough by then to know that he must have been very scared, worried, and hurt to have done that to his own brother. It didn’t exactly excuse it in her eyes, but she could certainly understand it.
“And where were you?”
Ethan watched her mouth form the words as she spoke and felt a pang of desire in his stomach. When he realized that she had actually asked him a question, he shook his head quickly and fought to regain his composure.
“Uh… holed up in a hotel room in New York.” He brushed his hands roughly over his face and hissed when he bumped the sore flesh. “Ouch. Anyway, I sort of cut myself off from everyone. I wasn’t even taking their calls.”
“How could you do that to them?” she gasped. “They care so much about you!”
“I know that—now,” he sighed. “There is a lot of backstory between me and my family that you don’t know, and I’ve just begun to see how much time I’ve truly lost with them. But luckily, it seems like their love outweighs their frustration with me.”
That was another thing that Lily could certainly understand.
“Am I ever going to hear any of this backstory?” she asked, her curiosity piqued.
He smiled gently. “Actually, I’d love to tell you anything you’d like to know about me. And there’s even more that I want to learn about you.” He looked into her eyes and took a deep breath. “Will you allow me the chance to get to know you, Lily? To really get to know you?”
“What… um… what did you have in mind?” she whispered.
“Well,” he swallowed roughly, “I was thinking that we might… go out? For starters, that is.”
“You want to take me on a date?” she asked, her head swimming with a mixture of apprehension and elation. “Like… a real date?”
“Well… more than one, if you’ll let me.” He started to fidget a bit and she could have sworn she saw a hint of a blush tinting his cheeks. “I’m sorry, I’m terrible at this, I know. It’s just that I’ve never really done this before.”
“What, dated?”
“Yeah. I don’t think I’ve ever even asked anyone out before.” He definitely blushed that time. “I went from being a shy kid to a snobbish adult stuck in a miserable relationship for years, and it was like all of those things just… happened to me. Does that make sense? Like I was sort of being led about, never making my own choices in life.”
“I guess I get it,” she said after thinking about it for a while. “But it also sounds like you allowed it to happen to you.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, you didn’t have to be stuck with her. Once you found out what she was really like, you didn’t have to stay with her as long as you did. It sounds like you just… sat back and took what was handed to you, without ever bothering to search for anything better.” She looked him in the eye again, suddenly worried she had misspoke. “I’m sure that’s oversimplifying your situation, I hope that doesn’t offend you. I know that I don’t have all of the details yet.”
“No… I’m not offended,” he said slowly, a bit rattled that she had hit the nail on the head so easily. “That’s actually pretty accurate. I guess I just never thought that anything better was really out there. I figured it would all just be more of the same.” He met her gaze again before adding, “I’ve never had a reason to want to make a choice before.”
Lily gulped so loudly that he could hear it. “But you do now?” she barely squeaked out.
His eyes began to smolder, becoming a bright, scorching jade before he answered her. “I do now.”
She felt like she was drowning in those eyes, about to go under and not really caring anymore.
“Lily, may I please take you to dinner tomorrow night?”
The breath in her lungs whooshed out, making her feel instantly lightheaded. She was balanced on the edge of a cliff, wobbling back and forth. It was there in the distance, she could just see it out of reach. Surrender. All she had to do was let go.
Lily closed her eyes and jumped.
“Yes.”
“Really?” he smiled, and it was brighter than the sun. “Thank you, Lily. Thank you so much. I know I haven’t given you any reasons to give me a chance.” He leaned forward without thinking and placed his hand on her knee.
They both froze.
Both pairs of eyes stared at his hand as if it might start talking.
Lily braced herself against the onslaught of emotions—fear, resentment, need, lust—coursing through her body as his fingers rested on her knee. Her emotions were all battling each other for dominance, and none of them were winning.
Their skin wasn’t even touching—she was still wearing her scrub pants, but she would swear on a stack of bibles that she could feel the electric current passing between them once again. It was scary… but familiar. It instantly reminded her of so many heated encounters that had taken place in that very apartment.
And judging from the panicked look on Ethan’s face, he too was remembering them all.
“I should go,” he blurted out, standing up quickly. Lily forced herself not to whimper at the instant coldness she felt at the loss of his touch.
“So soon?” she said, still a bit dazed from the unexpected contact. She stood up slowly and followed him to the door, trying desperately to clear her mind of all the cobwebs.
“Yes,” he nodded curtly. “I think it’s for the best.”
“But I thought we were going to talk? You still haven’t given me much of an explanation.”
“I know,” he sighed, his hand resting on the doorknob. He kept his back to her, never looking back at her as he spoke. “It’s coming, I promise. I was just hoping that we could discuss it all over dinner tomorrow.”
“Ethan… what’s wrong?” She could see a shudder pass through his body when she said his name.
“Nothing,” he gritted out between his teeth.
“I don’t think I believe you,” she huffed. “If this is how things are going to be already, then perhaps we should just forget it.” It killed her to say that out loud, but having him near her wouldn’t mean anything if she was always worried that he was ready to bolt for the door at the first sign of discomfort.
She wondered how she would ever be able to trust someone who had always chosen flight over fight. He was going to need to fight for this if he wanted her to take him seriously.
“No, please!” he gasped, finally turning to face her completely. He didn’t move any closer, but he made eye contact. “Lily… please.”
“Then tell me what’s wrong.”
He looked uncomfortable and embarrassed, and it was the oddest thing she’d ever seen. Ethan always owned any room he was in, and his self-confidence practically oozed out of his pores. She had never seen this vulnerable side of him before, and if someone had asked her about it three months ago, she would have sworn that it didn’t exist. Even when she first met him and he seemed so broken, he still had a carefully constructed wall around him. She could tell that he desperately wanted something to hide behind as he stood there under her scrutiny.
“Lily…” he begged one last time, but when she crossed her arms and arched an eyebrow, he knew it was now or never. He exhaled loudly, visibly defeated. “I’m sorry to end the night so abruptly. I had really only hoped that you would hear me out long enough to
agree to go to dinner. I knew that was a long shot in itself, so I wasn’t really prepared to… stay longer.”
“What do you mean?” she asked. “What does it matter if we talk tonight or tomorrow?”
“I wasn’t…” he took a deep breath. “I wasn’t ready for this.” At the hurt look on her face he was quick to clarify, “Not this, as in you and me.” He gestured back and forth between them with his hand. “I’ve dreamt of nothing more than that for longer than you’ll ever know.”
Lily suddenly wondered how gravity actually worked. She knew she was still standing in there in front of him, but her heart was soaring somewhere up in the clouds.
“I meant that I wasn’t ready for how intense this would feel, being back here again. Being this close to you again. I want to give you time to get used to the idea of us… but if I don’t get the fuck out of here right now I’m going to do something we’ll both regret.”
“Why would we regret it?” she whispered breathlessly, her mind flashing to vivid images of his sweaty flesh as it covered hers in the darkness.
He groaned at her words, closing his eyes briefly to strengthen his resolve. “Because,” he answered honestly, “I think that you would be angry with yourself for not waiting until you got some more answers out of me.”
“And you?” she pressed, choosing to ignore how right he was. “What would you regret?”
“That’s easy. I would hate myself for not making you believe how much you mean to me first. I spent way too fucking long allowing you to think that you were nothing but a warm body to me. It’s not true… and I need to make you believe it.”
She knew then that her heart had returned to her body, because it was suddenly beating so loudly that she was surprised he couldn’t hear it across the room. “Okay… so tomorrow night, then?” she said, knowing that if he didn’t leave soon she couldn’t be held responsible for what she did to him.
“Yes,” he smiled knowingly. “Is it alright if I call you tomorrow to set up a time? I need to make a few arrangements.”
“Call me?” she mumbled. The thought seemed so absurd to her. They had shared so much together and yet had never even spoken on the phone. “Yeah, sure. Call me tomorrow.”
“I need your number,” he said nonchalantly, as if he asked beautiful women for their numbers everyday, as if the mere thought of her giving him her number didn’t make him want to cry from happiness.
“Oh!” she said, wanting to smack herself in the forehead. “That might help, huh? Let me see your phone.” She held out her hand, slowly walking forward until she was standing right in front of him.
Ethan pulled his cell from his pocket and dropped it in her open hand, careful to avoid making contact again. As he watched her quickly enter the number he’d been obsessing over all day, he took a deep breath, tasting her as he inhaled. Fire shot through his veins, traveling along his body rapidly until it settled into his fingertips, making them itch to touch her.
“There,” she smiled, holding the phone back out to him. “All programmed.”
“Thank you.” This time he allowed his fingers to slightly brush against hers as he took it back from her, watching for her reaction.
Lily gasped quietly and froze, staring up at him with heavy-lidded eyes. “Um… I think you should probably go now… Ethan.” Her voice dropped to a husky whisper when she said his name, causing his aching erection to twitch.
He nodded, knowing that it was her way of telling him that she wanted him just as badly, but that she was allowing him to set the pace. Taking her cue, he opened the door quickly and stepped into the hallway, as if being on the other side of the wall might actually weaken his desire enough that he wouldn’t still want to attack her.
It didn’t.
“Until tomorrow, then. Goodnight… Lily.”
She slowly closed the door, never breaking eye contact with him as the opening became smaller and smaller. He made no move toward the stairs for as long as he could still see her, and right before the door clicked shut he shot her a wink and licked his lips.
The loud whimper he could hear through the wall as he walked away had him chuckling to himself all the way to his car. It certainly hadn’t helped the epic state of arousal he was in, but just knowing that Lily obviously still wanted him and was willing to give him a chance was enough to make him feel lighter than he had in… well, years. She’d always had a way of making him feel alive when no one else could, but now she was giving him something really worth living for.
* * *
Ethan made the lonely drive back to the edge of town, where his parents were probably waiting up as though he was a teenager. They were eager to learn how his first attempt at wooing had gone. They had been so full of support for him over the last week, and it made him feel even more foolish that he’d waited so long to turn to them.
When he first arrived back home with Eric, scrawny and bruised, everyone had different reactions. Maggie had damn near ripped him a new asshole before tearing up and hugging him, whispering that she would have kicked him in the nuts and punched him if she had found him. Emma was as hyper as a humming bird, asking him thirty questions a second and bouncing up and down until she had her answers. Brandon simply stood back and reeled her in when she got out of control, which Ethan would be eternally grateful for. Barbara just cried and hugged him, begging him to please come home if things ever got that bad again. Richard was unsurprisingly the most stoic of the group, simply putting his arm around Ethan’s shoulders and patting him on the back, mumbling a quiet “welcome home, son” as he wiped at a suspicious drop of moisture in the corner of his eye.
None of them judged him for his lifestyle or his addiction; they were simply hurt he hadn’t had the faith to trust in them. They were also thrilled with his hopes for him and Lily, none of them chastising him for the fact that he’d been secretly seeing her when she was still engaged. Perhaps if they hadn’t already known her as well as they did, they might have frowned on it a bit, but while he’d been gone they had all formed close attachments to her. Apparently his entire family had a better idea of just how unhappy she’d been in her previous life than he did.
It seemed that actually talking about things helped you to understand quite a bit about people.
After his siblings returned to their homes in Chicago, his mother made it her personal mission to fatten him back up. She’d been cooking the most heart-stopping, stick-to-your-ribs meals all week, and he’d already gained five pounds. He was still a bit on the thinner side compared to how he’d looked before, but his cheekbones had some flesh around them now and his eyes no longer looked empty. Although he knew that last part had much more to do with the love and support of his family than any food he ate.
As Ethan pulled the car into the driveway, he wasn’t surprised to see a light on inside. Just as he’d suspected, Richard and Barbara were both sitting in the kitchen, casually playing a game of cards. When he walked into the room his mother’s face lit up.
“Oh, Ethan, dear! You’re back early.”
“I was just going to say that you’re up late,” he returned.
“Nonsense, it’s not even ten o’clock yet.”
“Yes, but aren’t you both usually up in bed by now, watching TV?”
“Don’t be silly. We sit up playing cards all the time.”
“Alright, Mom. If you say so,” he rolled his eyes. His father at least had the decency to look sheepish, knowing their ruse hadn’t worked. Ethan looked back and forth at their expectant faces and decided to go easy on them. “Would you like to hear how my evening went?”
“Only if you care to share, sweetheart,” Barbara answered, and he nearly laughed out loud. If she moved any closer to the edge of her seat, she’d fall off.
“She was a bit hesitant at first, but she’s agreed to let me take her to dinner tomorrow night.”
“Oh, that’s wonderful!” his mother gasped, jumping up to hug him tightly. “I’m so proud of you for refusing to give up. Wher
e are you going to take her?”
“I have no idea,” he blushed. “I was so worried about getting her to say yes that I didn’t plan that far ahead. What the hell is there to do in Aledo?”
“Hmm…” she paused in thought. “Well, not a lot, honestly. There are some casual things to do with someone you are already dating, but nothing for making great first impressions. You’ll probably need to take her into the Quad Cities for dinner—there are some nice restaurants in Moline and Davenport.”
“Thanks. I’ll look into it,” he smiled, leaning down to give her a hug.
Barbara kissed his cheek as she pulled away and sighed loudly. “I’m just so happy for you. Things are going to be different now, I can feel it.” And without another word, she turned and went up to bed.
Once she had left the room, Richard walked up to him and stared him down. “So… you spoke with Lily. Is that all that happened?”
Ethan turned beet red before answering, “Not that it’s any of your business, but yes, that’s all that happened.”
“Good for you, son,” he smiled, clapping him on the shoulder. “I’m glad you listened to me. I know that you two have unbelievable… chemistry together, but she’ll never be able to take you seriously right now if you’re always trying to get in her pants.”
“Dad!”
“What? Just because it’s your old man talking doesn’t make it any less true.”
They shared an awkward goodnight after that, and Ethan went up to his bedroom. He sat up sketching a few different ideas for a new painting for a while before he decided to call it a night. As he climbed into bed, a thought struck him that made him jump back out and grab his phone.
Scrolling through his contact list, his breath caught when he found it—Lily’s number. He finally had the woman of his dreams only the press of a button away. As much as he wanted to call her and hear her voice before bed, he figured she would probably be asleep already. He also knew that hearing her voice at that moment would get his hormones going all over again, so he decided to just send a quick text message. That way she could see it when she woke up in the morning.