by Nancie Neal
"Amnika?" She heard Rodgistan say.
"I can't take it anymore." Amnika sobbed. "It hurts too much!" There was a small commotion. Amnika felt lifted into the air and peeked from under her hood. Mihka who had picked her up in a cradle carry stopped to tell another Natisien to go to the caves and get Rhada.
Amnika leaned her head on him. She felt him give out a long, sad sigh and she pulled her hood back over her face. She could hear the door to an insulated room open. The moment the door closed behind them, Amnika no longer felt the grief of everyone.
Mihka set her down in a chair. She pulled her hood off, knowing that Mihka couldn't feel her sadness. She leaned onto the table with her arms folded on top. Mihka sat across from her and set his large hand on her arms. She drew a deep breath and laid her head on his fingers.
At that moment, the door opened, and The Natisien who went to the caves stepped in and behind him was Rhada. He kneeled next to Amnika, and he gave her a hug.
"They were already on their way," The Natisien said, and he left. Nahaeda stepped in after him.
Amnika buried her face in her friend's neck.
"His voice isn't good now," Nahaeda said. Amnika looked up at him, and he nodded in her direction. "But, we came to help anyway. She needs some comfort."
Mihka had his duties to attend to, so he left. Nahaeda followed him out. Amnika hugged Rhada for a long time. She wasn't crying anymore, and it was nice to have her friend nearby.
Finally, she let him go and thanked Rhada for being there.
Right then Trinka walked in and closed the door behind her. She walked over and hugged Amnika. Trinka began crying again. They held onto each other for a long moment.
"I'm sorry about your parents," Rhada squeaked.
Amnika and Trinka pulled back from each other and looked at him. They didn't know what to make of it.
"Father did say my voice was bad," Rhada squeaked again. "My vocals are developing."
Amnika turned her head to laugh. She didn't want Rhada to feel bad, but Rhada tapped her on the shoulder, and she looked up at him.
"No," He said. "It is funny!" He tried yelling which made the squeak sound even funnier.
Through their tears, they began to laugh. The door opened, and Nahaeda stepped in. Feeling the grief again, Amnika stopped laughing and stared at the open door.
Her eyes met Nahaeda's, and he spoke in a quiet voice, "I will talk to Rhada for a few minutes."
Amnika nodded. Rhada and Nahaeda left the room.
After the door shut, Trinka looked at Amnika.
"What's wrong?"
"I can feel everyone's grief," Amnika sniffed. "And I can feel when someone dies. It's why I'm in here."
Trinka stared at Amnika for a while. She nodded slowly. "That must be tough," she said. "I'm so sorry."
Amnika sighed. "I don't know if I want to leave this room for a while."
The insulated rooms were, among their many uses, used for those who were grieving. Besides a kitchenette, toilet room, and a wash closet, the rooms also had a bed and a dispenser for riochi bars.
"But your bedroom is insulated," Trinka sat down next to Amnika.
"I know, but it will be hard getting to my room," Amnika said. "I guess I could really wrap myself in my cape, but the cape isn't always strong enough." Amnika leaned up against her friend. "At least I have a family to return to. I'm sorry about your parents."
Trinka sighed. "You are my family, now." She hugged Amnika.
The two friends remained silent for a long time, content to just be in each other's presence.
"You don't have to be in here." Amnika was concerned that her friend may end up feeling trapped there. "You can go out. You don't project. You can walk around and be in the sunlight."
Trinka got up and walked over to the far corner of the room. Then she slid her finger down the edge of the panel. The entire wall cleared up, and they could see outside.
"I can see the sunlight now," Trinka said. "I'd rather stay with you."
Amnika smiled. "Thanks. I needed that." She leaned her head back on the table, but she started to become restless. She was still sad, but she felt she needed a distraction. She began to work out a small amount of her internal energy. Then instead of pushing it out, she focused on moving it outside of her health-monitor suit. Then she split it and pushed it to her arms. She pushed the two bits of energy down her arms. Then she held her hand out with her forefingers somewhat apart. A silvery-blue arch jumped between her fingers, meeting in the middle. It made a quiet static sound.
Watching what was happening, Trinka gasped.
"Can you do it again?" She asked.
"It's not the first time I did it," Amnika smiled. "I can do it again."
She was happy to see that Trinka cheered up and began to draw a little more energy out. The energy burst reached the tips of her fingers. Instead of only letting it fizzle into static, she held it there for a moment. Then she made them jiggle. She couldn't hold on to it for long, and it finally fizzled out.
Trinka laughed.
Amnika checked her energy levels. She had enough.
"I'm going to try that again. That was fun."
Trinka nodded and sat closer to watch.
Amnika started the whole process again. It was a little easier this time, but it still took all her focus. She moved the two energy bursts down her arm. It reached her wrists, then her hand.
"Amnika?"
Amnika was so focused on metering the energy that she didn't hear her father open the door. It startled her that she allowed her fingers to get too close. Instead of an arc, there was a loud pop. Amnika was glad she didn't use too much energy. It would have burned her fingers, otherwise.
She turned to her father who stood at the door with an amused look on his face.
"What are you doing?" Father still wore his hood. He had his head tipped to the side. Amnika could sense curiosity mixed with the sadness.
"Cheering Trinka up?" Amnika said. She noticed that the feelings of grief weren't so overwhelming. Everyone must have left or gone into the insulated rooms.
"You were cheering yourself up, too." Trinka put her head on Amnika's.
Father nodded and gave them a sad smile. "It is time to go home," he sniffed. "It's been a long day."
The girls stood up and headed out the door. At the opening of the hangar stood Nahaeda and Rhada. Nahaeda got to his knees as they approached. Amnika quickened her pace to reach him and hugged him.
"Rhada will stay for a few days with you," Nahaeda said as he put Amnika back down. Then he stood up. "I wish I could stay with you, but I have to be with my brothers and sisters. Inersien deaths affect them too. Many Natisiens' friends died."
Amnika had never heard him sound so sad.
He turned to leave. Amnika watched him head towards the Riochi farms. Then she followed her parents.
Chapter Thirteen
Amnika walked into the project room with her hood still on. Rhada followed her in.
"Oshtron is going to be here soon?" Roniathan asked. "To build my storage bank. He said he will be here today."
Amnika looked at the box. Oshtron said he would be there then. Roniathan expected him and didn't know what happened.
"He-" She had a hard time saying it. "He passed on. He won't be here anymore.
"Passed on?" Roniathan asked.
"He's dead," Rhada whispered to keep his voice from squeaking. Amnika looked at him a little confused. They used the term "dead" for animals and plants. Sentient beings consciousness moves or "passes" on.
"Well, he's a computer." Rhada defended himself. "The body is dead. The mind is in the abyss or in the Creator's arms."
They were speaking in the Inersien dialect. Amnika remembered sometimes there's a conflict in translation. Natisiens had many more words and euphemisms for death and dying. Most do not translate in Zherosha Standard or the Inersien Dialect.
Amnika nodded. "Fair enough."
"So Oshtron ceases to exist?" Roniat
han asked.
Amnika pulled her hood over her face.
"We can wait to answer," Rhada whispered.
Amnika let go of her hood and shook her head. "No. No, it is best to do this now."
"That's correct," Rhada whispered to Roniathan. He reached over and close the door. "Oshtron no longer is here to us."
Roniathan didn't respond. Amnika lifted her hood a little to peek at the box to make sure it still processed data. She saw the display still showing the results. Relieved, she waited.
"I don't understand the abyss unless it relates to the multi-universe theory," Roniathan said.
Another long pause. The display continued to show data strings and calculations. Amnika forgot her sadness for a moment and picked it up.
Some of the algorithms were complicated and not familiar, but Amnika figured out Roniathan tried to resolve the answers to his questions with known data. She saw the inevitable follow up question before he asked.
"Will I die?" Roniathan asked.
Amnika looked over to the box. She didn't know how to answer.
"You can cease to exist," Rhada said. "So, by that, I guess you could die."
Amnika glanced back at Rhada. "Well, only if I don't back up your memories. I don't think you can traverse the abyss, but I can put your mind on data crystals. If you must be turned off, the data can be retrieved to bring you back."
"You can cease to exist, but not likely," Rhada wheezed.
Amnika looked at her friend. Rhada motioned to his throat. He couldn't talk at that moment.
"What wrong with his voice?" Roniathan asked.
Relieved to change the subject, Amnika put the display back. "Rhada's vocals are going through a transition. He's losing his young boy voice. Soon he'll sound like an adult male Natisien."
"I see," Roniathan said.
"I will see if I can get the medical information tomorrow," Amnika said. "Today we think of those we miss."
"Will you miss me if I am gone?" Roniathan asked.
Amnika smiled a little. The question sounded as though a child were asking it. She knew that should answer truthfully to a computer.
Amnika answered him the best she could. "The more positive impact you have on everyone's life, the more everyone will miss you if you are gone." She took a deep breath. "We call it 'Living well.'"
Rhada put his hand on her back, and they walked out into the gathering room where her father and mother were sitting. With them was Tanishia. Zonstan was on the floor, playing with the lighted stacking blocks. Rhada sat next to Tanishia, and Amnika sat on the floor next to Zonstan.
"You know, I remember when we first met," Tanishia said to Father. She glanced at Amnika who was handing a block to Zonstan. "Zeth, you were on your mission. We were all talking about how long you have been gone. Oshtron missed you so much."
Father chuckled. Amnika thought it sounded nervous.
"Well, we were close," he said. "I was his first share." he trailed off a little.
It got quiet for a moment and then the door buzzed. Mother answered, and it was Zakkon and Rodgistan. Everyone greeted each other and then the two sat down.
"He used to frustrate easily," Rodgistan reminisced with a chuckle. "We thought he would want to be Leader so, I had to mentor him. It bothered him when he couldn't get something right away. Only a few days ago he mentioned his frustration with his inability to solve all the home problems."
Father nodded and chuckled a little.
"It frustrated him when he heard that they weren't going back to Mahla," Mother said.
Amnika looked at her mother. Oshtron never mentioned that particular frustration in front of her. She wondered if he wanted to avoid making her feel remorseful about their project together. Her father soon answered her question.
"Yes," he agreed. "He said it was bittersweet. If he were at Mahla, he wouldn't have spent as much time with Amnika. He loved the project they were working on."
Amnika looked at Zakkon. She almost forgot he was there. Then she wondered why he hadn't said anything yet. She studied him for a moment until he looked at her. When their eyes met, he looked away quickly and shifted in his seat.
Assuming that it was possible that he didn't want to upset her, she didn't say anything. She knew that if she were too emotional, her cape would not be enough.
She turned back to Zonstan, but she only watched him play.
"Oshtron did the evaluation for the communities," Father said. "He contributed so much information."
"Those bugs in the rikta fluid." Rodgistan groaned a little. "It turns out those things can hold their breath for a long time. Long enough to get into the smaller generators and swim into the homes. It was Oshtron who figured it out while testing to see if we needed more generators."
Zonstan began to get restless. He laid on his back and stretched out. Then he pushed himself with his feet across the floor. He slid this way until his head was up against Father's feet.
He looked down at Zonstan and cleared his throat. "It is the evening meal," His voice was low, and it wavered.
Tanishia looked at her son and sighed. "I suppose I should take him home to sleep."
"Allow me to walk you to your home," Zakkon said. Tanishia picked up Zonstan and put him in his wrap and carried him out. Zakkon put his arm around her as they walked out the door.
Mother got up and went to the cooking area to grab some bars. Amnika sat next to her father and leaned on him. Rhada sat next to her.
"I still can't believe he's gone," Amnika whispered.
Father put his arm around his daughter and gave her a hug. "The pain diminishes over time," he consoled. "It's harder when the death is unexpected like Oshtron's, but it will diminish."
Amnika knew he was talking from personal experience. His wife, before he met her mother, died on a mission.
The door buzzed. It was Trinka with her aunt and uncle. They talked with Amnika's father with allowing Trinka to stay with them. Amnika seemed to help her with her grief.
Amnika got up and gave her friend a hug. "We can go to the trees if you like."
Trinka didn't answer for a moment.
"No, I think I will lay down for a while," she sniffled.
"I'll be up in a moment," Amnika told her.
After the evening meal, Amnika, Rhada, and Trinka spent time with each other in the bedroom.
"My Aunt and Uncle can't take me." Trinka laid back on her bed with her arms spread out. "They are gone a lot for exploration. I don't know them that well, anyway."
Amnika looked at Rhada and sighed. "Do you still want to be an artist?"
"Art." Trinka hopped off her bed and grabbed the case that Natia brought over. She opened it and took out her charcoal sticks and whiteboards. "Drawing does help." She began to draw. "I do like drawing. It helps me feel better."
"If no one takes you, Father will," Amnika said finally. "Citizens will do the best they can to help each other out. If your aunt and uncle take you in, it will be difficult for you to be an artist."
Trinka stopped drawing and looked up. "I know," she said. "Your father is busy, though. It would be hard to take on another child as the Advisor." She sighed.
"It would only be a few months so, I guess it's possible," She continued, "I bet I will be with Afkistan or Rodgistan. They'll help me learn more before going into formal education. I know Rodgistan will make sure I get what I need, though. I'm not sure about Afkistan. I don't know him that well."
"I heard Afkistan is a cynic, but a great teacher," Amnika said.
"It looks like we won't be going to formal education for at least a moon-cycle," Trinka said.
"Father says a lot of new teachers died." Amnika looked down at her hands. It was still hard to talk about.
Rhada sighed. Amnika and Trinka looked at him.
"It's sad to see you sad." Rhada sat down next to Amnika. Trinka got up and sat on his other side. He put his arms around the two girls.
"This is what friends are for," Amnika cast a t
hought to Trinka. She leaned up against Rhada.
"I know," Trinka cast back. "Because of this, I know everything will be okay."
After leaning on Rhada for a while, Amnika got up. "I really need to shift my focus." She thought for a moment. "If it's okay with you, I'm going to work on my project a little."
Rhada pointed towards Trinka who had her eyes closed. "I'll stay here for a little while."
"Well." Amnika took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "If art helps Trinka, then maybe my project will help me. The door will be closed, but it won't be locked. Just come in when you are ready."
Once in the project room, Amnika stood in front of the door and looked around.
"Is there something you are looking for?" Roniathan asked.
"No." Amnika closed the door behind her. She sighed "Listen, I don't want to talk right now. I need to think."
"I understand."
Amnika checked the display, but she couldn't process the data. She put her fingers on the bridge of her nose. Looking up at the remaining components, she decided to tidy up. When there were no more parts, Amnika tried rereading the display, but the algorithms that scrolled up the screen had no meaning for her.
Soon it was getting late, and the three got ready for bed.
"Father said I should stay here for a few days," he squeaked. "I guess I'm practicing guarding again."
Amnika and Trinka gave each other a sad smile. The walls started to dim, and they climbed into bed. Rhada moved into his sit-sleep position on the edge of Amnika's bed.
Rhada whisper chuckled. "Now, Trinka and I are both here. I can't sing you to sleep. It will be a few days before I can purr."
"I don't think I would be able to sleep even if my room were empty." Amnika pulled her blankets up. "As a matter of fact, since you two are here, I think I will sleep better tonight."
The walls were finally dark. Amnika, despite her sadness, felt safe.
The next day, Rhada and the girls went down the lift. They were eating their bars when the door buzzed. It was Rodgistan and his wife.
"We thought it would best to take Trinka," he said to Father. "Afkistan lives in the dorms, but we live on the floor below you. During half-cycles, Amnika and Trinka could still be together."