After a few days in hospice I was let go. They told me to report to someone named Balkava. They were going to be my mentor. The day couldn’t come quick enough, I was glad to be far away from that doctor. I couldn't believe it had already been almost a few days since I left Errikus. Finally I could take a look around the ship. There would be plenty of time to explore. I had the rest of my life. I’m sure by the time I was old and gray I would know every inch of this place. I began to make my way out of the hangar away from the room I had been locked inside. Balkava was described to me as a young soldier who had been in several fights and in and out of stasis several times. Balkava would have short hair and a scar running down the side of their face.
The scar was rumored to have been from a shipwreck. Apparently there was a dogfight over some inhospitable planet a few years ago between a group of Skrav warships and the Erebus fleet. We had won but lost half our fighters. Many, like Balkava defended the planet which they now called ‘Furors’. Balkava was the only one who had not died in the battle. Balkava had in fact led a suicide squad inside a Skrav warship, a battle which helped us escape. Balkava survived by finding an intact Skrav fighter, figured out its mapping configurations and navigational intelligence, figured out how to fly that god-forsaken thing and escaped. Balkava was almost shot down by allied forces but the commander in charge recognized the flying pattern and let them land. It was a huge chance. It would not have been the first time the Skrav used kamikaze fighters but Balkava's quick thinking and insane flight patterns showed them that the aircraft was not hostile. Balkava became a hero that day and was immediately promoted to fleet commander. Due to their ingenuity and extreme heroics we were also able to refit that Skrav fighter as a weapon of our own, helping to turn the tides of the war. Balkava was respected just as much as an elder after that. The next run in we had with the Skrav also involved Balkava. This time they had to fly in close dropping several explosives onto the Skrav. These explosive would upon destination eat up the Skrav hull literally imploding it into itself. After sneaking behind their defense Balkava put the explosive in place. After clearing the blast zone radius detonated the charger. The deep dark universe exploded into a cascade of fire and searing heat and Balkava along with the rest of the fleet watched as the Skrav dagger fell into the atmosphere of a gas giant. It was one of the easiest victories we had ever had. They named Balkava’s ship ‘the Trojan Horse’ after that, it seemed the Skrav couldn’t tell it apart from any of their own.
One of the many ways the Erebus is able to power itself is through radiation from gas giants. Errikus existed in a small planetary system. There was Errikus and two massive gas giants close by (they would have dwarfed anything in the Sol System). The star that shined on Errikus was just like Sol, the sun of Earth. Hell, the reason why we stayed on Errikus so long was a half-assed attempt at remembering Earth. The elders thought it would make the visions the ‘users’ would see inside the nexus easier to handle once that time had come. Whole generations of ‘users’ had gone insane or had to be kept medicated because they couldn’t accept the visions that had been granted to them. They weren’t able to accept living onboard a starship. The drastic change in stimulation and environment was too much for many. To a certain extent, I understood. If you spent every day watching someone else live in the same world kept in by the same walls, the outside held in by a cocoon of darkness how would you deal? Whether they were happy, sad, content, they were all still trapped in deep darkness, and to know that is the reality of your life? I understand how some can’t accept that type of reality.
For years being a ‘user’ was more of a burden then anything. No one ever really saw anything that great happen. It was just routine. Imagine all the people that have ever lived and stuck somewhere in that mass of people are one individual. Imagine how impossible it would be to find that person, something you’re searching for. It would be like looing for the top of a pin on the surface of the sun.
I walked down the dark corridor, past two Drok soldiers. They were holding laser carbines, federate issue 44962. Erebus was never short on weapons and had plenty of choices. The only thing that bothered me was that they felt the need to hold weapons at all on the ship. It seemed unnecessary. “What threat is there here?” I made a mental note to ask Balkava about that. Balkava was my mentor after all. It was going to be Balkava’s job to teach me everything I need to know about being both a ‘user’ and a soldier. That was the other unfrotunate part of being who I am. Being a ‘user’ meant you were also a soldier and that you would be the first on the frontline, the first into combat to defend the ship. There were other ‘users’ (aside from Aira I didn’t know any - yet) and plenty of soldier that didn’t have the ‘gift’ (mainly volunteers tired of sleeping in stasis). Some just wanted to fight. I just accepted it as it was. I could only guess as to what the battles would be like… but I figured that would be something Balkava would teach me about as well. I had already fought for my life on Errikus, if that had not prepared me for war I’m not sure what would.
I took a left at a medical station. It was welded to the wall. I asked an older woman exactly what it was and she told me it was alien tech. A gift from the Arr7. If the Skrav, Trepp, or any other hostile species ever boarded and we needed a quick fix of adrenaline or someone needed a way to stop from bleeding they just stick their hand inside. Four needles would inject your body with parasites. They would act the way blood cells do against disease, only better, stronger. They would mend wounds quicker clotting them instantly. The parasites would speed up your heartbeat and give you a boost when fighting; that is unless you die of a heart attack during the process. Few like to test it. “After about a day or so the parasites die off, come out in the bath I heard,” she said brushing her hair from her eyes. She went on to tell me about a few rare cases they lay eggs and hatch and kill the host in a slow agonizing death. I couldn’t tell if she was trying to frighten me or if that was just the dark truth. Everyone on the Erbeus seemed a bit morbid.
I had finally arrived at Balkava’s door. It was an office that doubled as a command’s quarters. When I opened the panel I felt something bite me. I was injected with something and the room quickly began to spin. It was like I was being lifted up into the air and off my feet. My insides began to turn and my chest tightened. My arms and legs became numb and the next thing I knew I was in and out of consciousness inside a white room. Balkava sat next to me in a cair.
“I’m sorry,” Balkava said. I wasn’t sure what the apology had been for I was too distracted by how sick my body felt. All of a sudden the vision from right to left faded black. I could only see still images ahead of me. Tunnel vision.
I was drowning, or at the very least I felt like I was drowning. I felt as if my body was completely submerged in water. My vision came back but it was all a blur. My lungs felt like they were filling with fluid and then there was nothing. I couldn’t feel. It was dark and I could no longer feel myself breathing. No longer could I feel my heart beating. My senses had abandoned me. ‘I’m dead,’ I thought. All that running on Errikus and killed by my own kind. ‘That bastard Balkava killed me’. I was still able to think, still forming words and sentences in my head. Was this hell? Purgatory? I was alone in the abyss with nothing but my own mortal thoughts to give me solace.
A few minutes of darkness passed. I kept thinking over and over, ‘I’m in hell.’ I opened my eyes. I was lying with my head back on a pillow. I could see sunlight shining through a window. I still couldn’t move my body. My eyelids blinked without my command. Once. Then twice. I had no control. It felt like I was waking up but I was still paralyzed. Then my body moved without my consent. A hand that was no my own reached up and touched my face brushing away the sleep. The sunlight hit my eyes, blinding me. I wanted to shut them but I couldn’t. My body lifted under the sheet and more of it shined through. The next thing I knew I was standing up. It wasn’t my body.
The room was white and the walls barren aside form a few paintings. There wa
s a desk sitting in the corner holding nothing but a small square screen. I walked towards a door and watched helpless as I began to undress. I couldn’t believe it. I was watching myself undress but it wasn’t me. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t command my body, this body, my hosts body to do anything. I was trapped in someone else. I could feel everything they felt but they had no idea I was there at all. I was screaming in my head but no one could hear me. I was alone in my thoughts watching through someone else’s eyes and then the darkness returned.
Sparks of sensation flashed in. For a moment I thought I could feel my ‘real’ body shake as if I was having a seizure. I felt my arms tense for a moment. The moment passed and I was back in the flood. My lungs began to breathe again and then they stopped. I was drowning faster then before.
My eyes were not shut. Instead I was a boy sitting at a table resting on a beach. The sun was overhead. Far brighter then the sun on Errikus. A red ballon was tied around my little wrist. I must have been nine, maybe ten years old surrounded by the strangest things I had ever seen. The table was covered in wrapped boxes, food, and even more balloons. There were dozens of other kids alongside me. Some were the same age and others older - all of them laughing and smiling. I felt happy, euphoric. My eyes blinked involuntarily. Another image washed in. It felt wrong. I still couldn’t move or feel my body but I could see the world around me. I could only watch helplessly as I moved through it.
I can feel my heart beat. I feel like I can just about move my hand. I feel like I’m being held down, choked even. I can smell copper and metal plating. There is a stench of sweat in the air, the smell of the wounded, bleeding, and dying.
Another flash, another drowning.
I’m holding a gun. I can barely tell underneath the length of my sleeve how thin my arms are. I know I am starving because I feel the gnawing, the intense hunger. I can’t see clearly. My host’s vision is blurred. I’m holding the gun out in front of me, staring down at a man I do not know. The stranger is well dressed in business attire. It’s like something I watched in a movie. The helpless stranger begs for his life. “Please stop! Please I’ll give you whatever you want! Take my money, my car, take anything you want,” he pleads for his life. I can feel rain against my skin. I hold out the gun and take a deep breath.
Unrelenting Tasks ‘Why can’t I stop this?’ I pull the trigger. There is a wide bust of blood that sprays from the back of his head. The man’s body lays out bleeding before me. He isn’t dead. He is continuing to beg. I (no, not me but whatever demon whose eyes I am borrowing) reach down and grabs the man’s wallet. There is only a few dollars in it. Nothing more, just enough for a one night fix. In frustration the demon tosses the wallet down on the ground. Minutes pass, the demon I inhabit doesn’t bother covering up the corpse or go for help. He just watches as the man bleeds out finally passing his last breath.
I wake up in my room and I am naked. Covered only by a white sheet. I can feel my body but it feels broken. My arms feel numb and my legs feel like I have been running for hours. There is a foul smell in the stale air. There is a cup of water sitting on a grey table next to my bed. I immediately reach for it. I almost smile, relieved that my body is listening to the commands my mind sends out. My throat feels like I have been inhaling fire. My gums hurt. I feel like my teeth haven’t been brushed in a week. The water hits my tongue but it doesn’t taste like water. It tastes sweet like tea. I drink it fast, too fast and begin to choke. I clear my throat and keep drinking and finish the entire thing before I even realize it. It does nothing to quench my thirst. I feel dehydrated, dizzy. I fall back into my bed and fall asleep.
I wake up again in the white room. How many times now, three, maybe four. I feel like I’m being tortured. I lost track of time. Every moment seems to blend into the next. I a father, a mother, a child. I am a soldier, a warrior, a doctor. I am a beggar, a CEO, a banker. I am living in a house. I am staring at a mirror. I am driving in a desert. Time blends. There is nothing important and nothing in particular to focus on. I am drowning, watching the lives of strangers flash before my eyes. How many now? Hundred? More?
I’m standing in combat armor holding an M44. This feels more recent. I’m not alone. Other soldiers dressed in simlar garb surround me. We are doing survelliance through an alien ship. Something appraches. It doesn’t rely on sight to see. A giant spider like limb stretches out from the darkness. Then another. Both limbs reach out grabbing the soldier next to me right out of his boots. We fire our weapons but nothing happens. Then I see the monsters tusk. There is blood all over my suit. There is blood all over the ground. I must be hurt. The monster grabs me and pulls me closer to its face and looks me directly in the eyes. It is an antliod. The vision ends. I’m floating through the darkness again trapped in my own thoughts. Is this what it means to be a ‘user’?
A week passes. I’m sitting in the chair in the white room. I can feel my body again. I never realized how much I would love to get my senses back. Slowly I start to feel like myself again. “Mental conditioning is almost complete,” I hear a voice say. A black veil is covering my eyes but I can still see the silhouette of several figures surrounding me. “Has he seen a Skrav yet?” another voice asks, “No but we suspect he will soon. He’s already had more then a dozen visions. A few we are sure come from the future. I doubt he will be able to tell us anything but who knows? Maybe it won’t all be a blur even if he doesn’t survive the next few days.” The voices continue to talk. ‘Survive the next few days?’ Am I going to die like this? Are we, ‘users’ nothing but cattle. No this is just training, they are getting my body use to what it takes, if this kills me I was never going to survive anyway. I will survive. I wish I could cut them out. I don’t recognize any of the voices. They seem to only grow more and more distant. I can’t take anymore. I’m not seeing what they want me to see. Much of the rest of my week is nothing but the same and then I see a Skrav.
Memoria
My name is Devon Cross (well, at the very least that is my host’s name but my real name is obviously not Devon Cross - I am Sev, a user, a soldier serving under orders to peer into the past as humanity struggles to survive) I am a commanding officer in the Terran Military, the military branch of the Hegemony and it is my job to protect the citizens of Earth, Mars, Deimos, Phobos, Europa, Pluto, and all the colonies of the Sol System from the alien force known as the Skrav. Why? Simple… they would see us die. We have no choice but to fight if we want to survive. The galaxy is a dangerous place.
We just devastated an entire fleet. Hundreds of Skrav ships destroyed in an instant. Nice way to introduce ourselves. First contact is always a bitch. It only took a day for me to make up my mind, I resigned my position as an officer and re-enlisted as a soldier. In spite of a lingering hangover and high I volunteered to lead Alpha Squad, a group of Terran Marines to do a head on attack against one of the few Skrav daggers (a nickname we gave the Skrav ships based on their looks) that didn’t totally burn up in our first offensive. We nicknamed the Skrav crash site “Hastur”. It only took two hours before I was in my gear sitting in a drop ship ready to be deployed.
Our starship, the New Hope (should have been called ‘Jaws’ if you ask me; it looked like dark gray metal shark tooth) tore through the man-made atmosphere on Deimos, a colony we only recently terraformed. I get the call and begin running down the hallways of the ship grabbing my prototype M17 and checking my suit. The military sees this as a great opportunity to test some new, more experimental weapons. Every Skrav we find living or dead is a corpse to test our technology on. We were also told to take no prisoners. Not like we could talk to them anyway. The M17 is an energy/projectile weapon that runs of electric and kinetic impulses. The more it fires the stronger it becomes. I grab the latest in military protection, black body armor and a gun that resembles an old world chain saw. Others in my unit carry much the same gear all of us well armed with a vast assortment of automatic weaponry. M16s, sniper rifles, rocket launchers, etc… all set and at the ready to
be used. Each of us also has a silver magnum at our hip.
My anxiousness makes me fumble. I tend to get a little clumsy before a big game but I am all action once they let us play. I trip going into the hangar but my second in command, Lieutenant Chev grabs me. “Not getting too old are you Cross?” I wanted to tell him I was, I wanted to turn back. I wanted to scream, I have seen too much blood and I want to give up on war, this is pointless, this is meaningless and I can’t go on but I knew otherwise. I knew why it was that I had enlisted my services. The Skrav wanted to kill us, all of us. I had the necessary skills needed to protect the human race, protect the ones I care about and love. “Never too old lieutenant to kill some Skravs,” I answer with a grin. In spite of myself and my own insecurities I get myself situated inside the skiff we are going to ride down to the surface. The skiff looks like a small silver platoon boat with a metal shell covering the sides. It holds seven troops. This feels familiar, kinda like D-Day but we are hoping all the Germans will be dead.
Within moments we are ready for take-off. All the soldiers in the unit are fastened in their seats. Some are looking off at the wall. Some are whispering low, grumbled prayers. Some are trying to control their breathing. Each of us do whatever we can to focus and get our heads ready as we make our big play. All of us are scared. We are the first to face an enemy we know little to nothing about.
There is a slight jerk. We could feel the ship steady itself as it began to rise from the cargo launch bay. The bottom of the skiff floats several feet off the hangar floor and moved towards the open bay doors. I could count the seconds before it clears the bay,. One. Two. Three. We are approximately two feet out from the ship. Sweat pools down soldier’s faces, especially the newbies. Fresh meat. No question about it. It hovers for ten seconds in midair before we begin our descent dropping straight down. The descent is quick, instantly turning the stomach to knots. You immediately feel the air pressure drop and breathing becomes almost unendurable. You feel your ears pop and the world around you goes quiet. Anything wrong with the skiff then you are dead. Our lives are in technologies hands. Depending how far you are seated up front you can’t even hear the roar of the engine over the roar of the fall. When that first breath of air leaves your lungs you feel like you are choking. Many expel hacking coughing trying to suck the air back up. Its best to just let it go. Others swallow their tongue choking on it. The captain steadies the skiff and glides us towards the Skrav. A few of the newbies pass out.
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