by Lisa Jackson
Outside, the air was fresh, the sky a clear shade of blue. Beth breathed in a blend of fragrances from Harriet’s flower garden and she watched birds flutter around a rusted feeder swinging from a low branch of an ornamental plum tree no longer in bloom.
“Well,” she said, as she picked up the paper from the front porch, “how do you feel about meeting someone today?” Cody turned his blue eyes up to her.
“Who I meet?” Cody asked.
“Your fath—a man I knew a few years ago,” she said, deciding it was better not to confuse her son. Not yet. Not until she knew how Jenner would react.
“A friend?” Cody asked innocently.
Beth rumpled her son’s dark blond hair. “Well now, I don’t know that I’d call him a friend,” she admitted as she scanned the headlines. “But he’s someone who wants to meet you.” She winked at her boy and hurried back inside.
The phone jangled as Beth tossed Zeke’s paper onto the table. Harriet grabbed the receiver on the second ring, then stretched the cord as she kept pronging pieces of bacon that were beginning to sizzle in a skillet on the stove.
“Oh, hello. Yes, she’s here...no, don’t worry about that. We’re up with the chickens around here.” Harriet’s eyebrows rose as she handed the phone to Beth and mouthed, “It’s Stan.”
Beth’s stomach clenched suddenly. She felt a jab of guilt and didn’t know why, but she took the receiver from her mother’s hand and tried to remain calm. After all, she’d done nothing wrong. Yet.
“Hello?” she said brightly as Zeke snapped his paper open and Harriet turned back to the stove. Cody investigated the back porch.
“Hi! Thought I might catch you.” Stan’s voice was friendly, and for an inexplicable reason Beth thought of her Uncle Jim with his pleasant smile and graying beard. Oh, Lord, this would never do.
“Hi! How are you, Stan? Didn’t expect another call from you so soon,” she said, easing around the corner for some privacy and drawing the coiled cord tight as a piano wire.
“I know, but I’ve been thinking.” Then as an afterthought, he added, “You know, I really miss you.”
“Oh, well—”
“I really do. It gets lonely here without you,” he said, and she suddenly felt uncomfortable, as if a noose was tightening around her neck. “Listen, I had an idea. Maybe you could leave Cody with your mom for an extra few days and you and I could do something together.”
“Without Cody,” she said, her heart nearly dropping to the floor.
“Right. We need time alone. To be adults.”
That was the problem. Always the problem. The noose tightened a little bit more.
“It’s not that I don’t love the little tyke, you know I do, but, well, frankly, Beth, he wears me out sometimes and I need a break. Besides, we never see each other without him. So... since you’re there already, I thought leaving him for a few more days wouldn’t be a big deal.”
“I don’t think that’s possible, Stan,” she said.
“Why not? It’s not like your mother sees the kid all that often. She’s his grandmother, for Pete’s sake. You think she’d be thrilled to have him to herself for a few days.”
“She works, Stan, and so does Zeke and... well, to tell you the truth, I don’t want to leave him here alone.”
“Why not? Don’t you trust your mother?”
“Of course I do.”
“Then I don’t see why you couldn’t spend a couple of days alone with me,” he said in a tone that bordered on whining. Sighing patiently, he added, “You know, it wouldn’t kill you to forget you’re a mother once in a while.”
“Never,” she said, and then it occurred to her how far she and Stan were apart, at least on this issue. Stan was a kind, decent, loving man, but no matter how she tried to kid herself, she had to face the fact that he wasn’t willing to be a father a second time around. He’d had his kids; he really didn’t want hers.
“Beth, you know I think Cody’s the greatest, but—”
“But you like him best when he’s not around.”
“That’s not true!”
“Sure it is, Stan, and something else is true, as well. This—our relationship—isn’t working. Not for me or for you.” She waited and heard only stunned silence. “I’ve been thinking and—”
“You’re seeing him again, aren’t you?” Stan charged, his voice an angry whisper. “Cody’s father. That’s the problem.” Stan jumped to the same conclusion he always did, whenever they argued—that Beth was still in love with the man who had sired Cody.
“I’m not seeing him. Not like you mean.”
“But you’d like to. You’re thinking that the three of you could be a cute little family unit, aren’t you?”
“No, I—”
“Just remember how he reacted when you told him you were pregnant, will ya?”
“I never told him,” Beth said, then held her tongue. This was a subject she and Stan had avoided in the year they’d been seeing each other. It only came up when they argued. He didn’t know who Cody’s father was and didn’t really seem to care. She’d never confided the truth to him, only told him that her relationship with Cody’s father hadn’t worked out and that she’d wanted a baby and had moved away. It hadn’t been a lie—not really—but she’d never felt close enough to Stan to share her most private secret. There had been a part of her that had always held back. Maybe it was because he didn’t seem as close to Cody as she’d hoped he’d be or maybe it was because she didn’t trust him. Not completely.
“Jeez, Beth, what do you want from me?” Stan asked, unable to hide a ring of anger in his words.
“Nothing.” And that was the truth. “I don’t want anything, Stan.”
“So this is it? You’re telling me it’s over?”
She tried to swallow the lump in her throat. “I think it has to be, Stan, because Cody and I, we’re a package deal. You don’t get one of us without the other.”
“For the love of God, Beth, listen to you! Have I ever said I don’t want him? Have I?”
“Yeah, Stan, you did. Just a couple of minutes ago.” Tears burned behind her eyes as she said a quick goodbye. She didn’t need any more emotional turmoil in her life right now, didn’t want to make any abrupt changes in her life. Yet she knew deep in her heart that Stan would never love Cody as his son. She’d rather never marry than put her own son through the hell of rejection that she’d felt because of her own father. Brushing aside her tears, she cleared her throat, walked back to the kitchen and hung up the phone.
As she speared crisp strips of bacon onto a plate, Harriet slid her a glance. “Oh, honey—”
“It’s all right, Mom,” she said.
Zeke didn’t bother looking up from the sports page.
“You sure?”
“Positive.”
As her mother cracked eggs into the skillet, Beth scooped up her son and held him as if she were afraid he might disappear. To think that she had contemplated marrying a man who didn’t realize how wonderful Cody was. Again she fought tears. “Come on, kiddo,” she said, forcing a smile as she kissed Cody’s crown. “I think it’s time we got outta here.”
The apartment house wasn’t as huge as Beth remembered, nor as imposing. For years she’d come to this old Victorian home on Pine Street with the basement clinic where Dr. Fletcher had had his practice before he’d moved to the modern facility on the next lot. Beth had always been intimidated by the size of the house, three full stories, and detested walking down the outside stairs to a small reception area. It had smelled of antiseptic and was guarded by a no-nonsense nurse with gray hair. She’d insisted that all the children who were patients of Doc Fletcher call her Nurse Hazel. A fleshy woman, she’d lied and told Beth that the shots wouldn’t hurt, then handed out balloons when the ordeal of the examination was over. With kinky hair and big eyes magnified by the thick lenses of her glasses, she’d scared the life out of Beth.
It was a wonder she’d taken up nursing, she thought n
ow, as she parked on the street and unbuckled Cody from his car seat.
So this was where Jenner lived. It didn’t seem right somehow. She could see him in the sprawling ranch house at the Rocking M or imagine him throwing down a bedroll in a bunkhouse or under the stars. But an apartment in town? No way.
Carrying Cody, she walked up the front steps, opened the door to the foyer, and knocked on the door of the first-floor unit where she supposed the new owner lived.
The door swung open to reveal a tall blond woman who looked bone weary. Her hair was damp from a recent shower and she was wearing a pink-and-gray sweat suit. Without a trace of makeup, she was still beautiful. “Can I help you?”
“I—I’m looking for Jenner McKee.”
The woman’s eyes moved from Beth’s face to Cody’s and she managed a smile that didn’t quite touch her eyes. “You must be Beth Crandall. I’m Skye Donahue.” She extended her hand.
Juggling Cody, Beth took the long fingers in her own. “Should I know you?”
“I’m engaged to Max and—” She yawned and placed her hand over her mouth. “Forgive me, I spent the last twenty-four hours on my feet at the clinic and then worked the emergency room at Dawson Memorial Hospital. Jenner’s downstairs in the basement. He doesn’t know it yet, but I intend to evict him, at least until the place is finished. I think the board of health and the city wouldn’t much like it if they knew he took up residence in a half-finished set of rooms.” She let her eyes stray to Cody again. “So this is Jenner’s boy?”
“You already know?” Beth asked, and something akin to fear stole through her heart.
Her concern must have registered on her face because Skye said, “Don’t worry, it’s not common knowledge—not yet. Except for the McKees. I don’t think the rest of the town knows anything. But it will. It’s just a matter of time. I only know because Max and Jenner spoke earlier today, and I talked to Max on the phone when I went off duty.” She stretched and sighed, her gaze lingering on Cody, and a sadness seemed to come over her. “Go on downstairs—the door’s over there on the other side of the foyer. I think Jenner’s expecting you.”
With Cody still in her arms, Beth steeled herself for another confrontation with Jenner and hurried down the stairs. Before she could knock, the door at the base of the steps was thrown open. Jenner stood in front of her, leaning against the wall. She watched his throat tighten when he gazed upon his son.
“So you’re Cody,” he said as she walked into the room. She felt Cody cling to her a little more tightly.
“He’s a little...nervous about being here,” Beth said. The apartment wasn’t small, as it had once housed a reception area, an office and three examining rooms. But it had been gutted and now was one room devoid of any kind of flooring except old tile that showed the outlines of the former rooms.
“Don’t blame you, Cody,” Jenner said. “Makes me nervous, too.”
“Who are you?” Cody asked, his face a mask of concentration, as if he, though only two, could feel the tension between his mother and this stranger. Jenner’s eyes held Beth’s an instant.
“A friend of your ma’s. You can call me...” His brows drew over his eyes. “Just call me Jenner.”
“Funny name.”
Jenner’s lips twisted into a smile. “That it is. Actually, my name’s General, can you beat that? My dad...” He lost his train of thought again, but cleared his throat. “He gave me that god-awful handle, but Mom, she changed it to Jenner. Not much better, but I can live with it.”
“General’s in the army.”
Jenner snorted. “What do you know about the army?”
“Television,” Beth supplied as Cody, relaxing a little, wiggled to be let down.
“Don’t watch too much of that,” Jenner warned. “It’ll rot your brain. A boy like you... well, you need to be out playing in the creek, building forts, riding ponies—”
“He’s only two.” Beth bristled a little. Jenner had no right whatsoever to insinuate that she was depriving her boy.
“Yeah, but he should start young.”
“Cody and I live in an apartment, Jenner, not even as big as this one.” She glanced around. “It does have more than one room and it is finished, but there’s no yard or barn or creek. The nearest water is the Willamette River, where the water rushes over the falls in Oregon City, and when he needs to go outside we go to the park or over to his baby-sitter’s house. She’s got a fenced yard and—”
“Puppies!” Cody supplied. “Lots! A new one. Barney.”
“Is that right?” Jenner’s smile suddenly seemed tight. “You ever ridden a horse?”
Cody shook his head.
“Ever caught a tadpole?”
“I told you he’s too young,” Beth insisted, exasperated now.
“You know what a crawdad is?”
Cody’s little lips pursed together in concentration. “Nor.”
This was worse than Beth had expected. Jenner didn’t bother to hide the censure in his gaze. “We live in the city,” she explained.
“That’s a problem.”
“I don’t think so. And it looks to me like you’re in town now, too.”
“It’s only temporary.”
“That’s what I tell myself.” She felt her blood begin to boil. Jenner McKee could be the most maddening man in the world. She knew that much about him. He lived by his own code, threw convention to the wind, and didn’t give a damn about what anyone else thought about him. Including her.
His jaw muscles tightened and he shoved a hand into his back pocket. “You had breakfast?”
“Pancakes at Grandma’s!”
“Well then, how about I buy you two some lunch? It’s nearly noon.”
“I don’t know—”
“Hell, Beth, that’s why you’re here, isn’t it? For us to get to know each other?”
“I’m here because I was threatened,” she said, her voice barely a whisper.
“Oh, yeah, I forgot. My eighty-seven-year-old grandma scared the living hell out of you and you hightailed it right over here.”
“No say hell,” Cody said, and Jenner’s gaze narrowed on his son.
“Seems your boy has himself some manners.”
“I hope so.”
“Maybe I can change that. Come on, Cody, let’s have a hamburger and French fries and a milk shake, then we’ll go out to the ranch and you can ride a horse.”
“A what? No way!” Beth said.
Jenner turned and his eyes sparked with determination. “You gonna fight me on this, Beth?” he drawled.
“He’s too little.”
“Bullsh—” He caught Cody staring at him and bit off the rest of his curse. “I was in the saddle at his age.”
“He’s not you!”
Jenner’s expression turned to granite. “Isn’t he? Well, well, Ms. Crandall. You’d better make up your mind.” He reached for his Stetson, which hung from a nail near one of the ground-level windows offering only a rodent’s view of shrubbery. With a cold smile he added, “Either this here boy is mine, or he ain’t, but I’m damn sure he isn’t both. So, Lady, you’d better decide which it is and get your story straight.”
Chapter Five
Beth couldn’t decide whether to hate the man or love him.
From her side of the booth at the Shady Grove Café, she slid a glance in his direction. His hair was mussed, his hat hung on the post at the end of the bench seat. He still looked as hard and dangerous as the outcropping of red rock that rimmed the mountains surrounding the town.
She decided that hating him was a whole lot easier and safer than loving him. Ever since she’d shown up at the Rocking M, he’d berated and degraded her and she was getting fed up. She didn’t need or want the abuse.
As for loving him—it was a fool’s dream, an old, silly notion that she kept rekindling because of the stupid reason that he was Cody’s father. Big deal. So he’d sired her boy; that was no reason for childish fantasies about him.
A
n ancient air-conditioning unit rattled and wheezed, losing the battle with the smoke and heat that wafted from the kitchen. Beth swirled a straw in her diet soda and watched as Cody, his little face beaming with delight, wiggled happily in a booster seat set on the worn Naugahyde. He alternately sipped from his strawberry milk shake and dunked French fries in a glob of catsup Jenner had plopped onto his plate.
For Cody’s sake, Beth managed a tight smile, but her nerves were stretched as tight as newly strung barbed wire. Jenner, one long leg stretched into the aisle, regarded his son with an amicable enough expression, outwardly seeming to enjoy himself. But his cold blue eyes betrayed him. He regarded the boy carefully as if looking for flaws, and studied Cody’s facial features as if trying to find clues to the boy’s parentage.
Only when Jenner glanced at Beth, when his gaze pierced hers, did she see the anger, the accusations, the repressed fury that boiled inside.
Beth ignored the hostile glare even though Jenner seemed to be silently warning her that if Cody did prove to be his son, she was in for the battle of her life. Playing idly with her straw, she worried that it was a battle she might lose. Her heart shredded a little when she noticed how easily Cody responded to this man he’d never met before.
Jenner taught Cody how to blow the paper off his straw and make a foam mustache by drinking the milk shake right from the glass. He even let Cody wear his cowboy hat.
“That’s right, Cody,” Jenner said, his eyes moving from the boy to Beth. “Maybe I’ll take you riding, and someday we can even go camping out by the stream at the ranch.”
“Don’t,” Beth said under her breath as Cody picked up his child-size burger. “There are no maybes when you’re two years old. Either you make a promise you intend to keep or you hold your tongue.”
“I keep all my promises.” His voice was low and steady, his eyes so intense that her stomach seemed to be suddenly filled with a swarm of restless butterflies.