Before I Die

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Before I Die Page 23

by Jenny Downham


  Acknowledgements

  Thank you to the first and best of readers – Megan Dunn, Brian Keaney, Anne Douglas and Nicola Williams.

  For her generosity (of spirit and space), thank you, Anne McShane.

  For his insightful research, thank you, Andrew St John.

  Thank you to my fellow writers at Centerprise Literature Development Project, for their continued support and encouragement – Nathalie Abi-Ezzi, Steve Cook, Sarah Lerner, Eva Lewin, Anna Owen, Stef Pixner, Jacob Ross and Spike Warwick.

  And thank you, Catherine Clarke, for her faith.

  discussion questions

  • Describe Tessa’s relationship with her father. How has this relationship been shaped by Tessa’s illness? Debate whether Cal, Tessa’s younger brother, feels neglected by his father. Discuss Tessa’s relationship with her mother. Why did she leave home? When does Tessa miss her mother the most?

  • Discuss the true qualities of a friend. Which of these qualities best describes Tessa and Zoey’s friendship? What does Zoey offer Tessa that her father cannot give? Why does Tessa’s father call Zoey when Tessa won’t get out of bed? Cal hates Zoey. How does Tessa explain her friendship with Zoey to her little brother?

  • Tessa’s father is frustrated when she becomes withdrawn. He says, “If you won’t talk about it, how can I help?” (p. 2) How does this withdrawal represent the first stage of grief? Why is talking about feelings always better than keeping them to yourself?

  • Discuss why Tessa doesn’t want to return to school. She says that Zoey is the only person at school that isn’t afraid of her illness. Explain how difficult it is for teenagers to deal with the terminal illness of a classmate. What might Zoey say to other students that would help them know how to interact with Tessa?

  • Tessa writes her private thoughts on the wall beside her bed. Why does she let Zoey read what she has written?

  • Zoey tells Tessa that it’s all right to be afraid. How does Tessa reveal her fear? How does she use her hat to hide her fear? Discuss how Cal, Adam, and Tessa’s father express their fear.

  • How is Tessa’s list a form of bargaining and acceptance? At what point in the novel does Tessa accept the fact that she is dying? Explain how her list helps her “get on with living.” Which item on her list is the most dangerous? Why does doing illegal things like shoplifting and driving without a license give Tessa a thrill?

  • Tessa’s father wants to know the things on her list. He says, “I need to know about it, not because I want to stop you, but because I want to keep you safe.” (p. 80) Discuss how Tessa reacts to her father when he asks to see the list.

  • Discuss the conversation between Tessa and her father after she is caught shoplifting. Why does he think anger is taking her over?

  • How is Tessa’s list confusing to her father? Explain how Tessa’s list is self-centered. Her mum tells her, “You have to think about the people who love you.” (p. 170) At what point does Tessa begin to think about Cal and her father? Explain why Tessa’s mother speaks in past tense when she says, “We loved you.” Why is it unrealistic for Tessa to think that she can rekindle her parents’ relationship?

  • Why do you think sex is number one on Tessa’s list of things she wants to do before she dies? Tessa worries about being a “slag” if she has sex with someone that she doesn’t know. Explain Zoey’s reaction to Tessa’s thoughts.

  • Tessa says that walking up the stairs behind a boy she doesn’t know reminds her of hospital corridors. What do the stairs and the corridors symbolize?

  • Discuss the moments in the novel when Tessa is most depressed. Who helps her deal with her depression?

  • Why does Zoey suspect that Tessa is in love with Adam? What does Zoey mean when she says, “I thought you understood the rules! Never let a bloke into your heart—it’s fatal”? (p. 88) Why is Adam different than Zoey? Discuss what Adam means when he says, “I can’t give you what you want.” (p. 117) What does he ultimately give her? What does she offer him?

  • Tessa asks the home health care nurse if she believes in God. What is the significance of this question? Tessa tells the nurse that she doesn’t believe in heaven. Discuss the nurse’s reaction to Tessa’s confession. Why does the nurse think a support group might be helpful to Tessa? How does Tessa’s list take the place of a support group?

  • How does Tessa’s dad react when he finds out Zoey wants to terminate her pregnancy? Discuss how his opinion is related to Tessa’s terminal illness.

  • Sorrow, loneliness, anxiety, and guilt are emotions associated with grief. How does each of the characters in the novel deal with these emotions?

  praise for BEFORE I DIE

  “The eloquent dying teen can seem a staple of the YA novel, but this British debut completely breaks the mold. Downham holds nothing back in her wrenching and exceptionally vibrant story.”

  —Publishers Weekly, Starred

  “This may sound too depressing for words, but it is only one indication of the inspired originality of Before I Die, by Jenny Downham, that the reader can finish its last pages feeling thrillingly alive.… I don’t care how old you are. This book will not leave you.”—The New York Times Book Review

  Prepared by Pat Scales, Children’s Literature Consultant, Greenville, South Carolina.

  Random House Children’s Books • School and Library Marketing • 1745 Broadway • New York, NY 10019 • BN1127 • 09/11

  A Conversation with Jenny Downham, author of You Against Me

  Before I Die, published in 2007, was a huge success. Was it difficult to write another novel following that?

  It’s very easy for a first time novelist to feel like an impostor, to fret that everyone who has shown faith in them will soon realise that they’ve made a horrible mistake and that coming up with a second novel is completely out of the question. I spent a lot of time worrying instead of writing.

  Both of your young adult novels broach difficult subjects—the terminal illness of a teen in Before I Die and sexual assault in You Against Me. What is it that draws you to tackle such weighty topics?

  I don’t know. I can’t seem to help it. I don’t really think in terms of themes or topics when I begin a project; I’m more interested in characters and the stories they have to tell. I seem to have a tendency to be drawn to the extraordinary in the everyday and vice versa. In Before I Die, the protagonist is dying, but the novel is actually an examination of what it means to be alive. In You Against Me, there has been an allegation of sexual assault, but at the book’s heart is a love story.

  What inspired you to write You Against Me?

  I actually knew very little when I started writing. I had a few ideas, but they were abstract, theoretical, as if I knew the tone of the piece, but nothing else. I always use free writing techniques when I start a new book, which is a bit like improvising in theatre—throwing words down and not planning anything in advance. Most of it goes in the bin, but the strongest themes and voices keep returning.

  After months of this, I began to know more. I was haunted by a small seaside town, by a girl called Karyn who alleged something terrible had happened to her and by her brother, Mikey, who was out for revenge.

  Your new novel handles a very tough topic that effects many teens. What was that responsibility like and how did it inform your writing?

  I often felt overwhelmed with responsibility. I didn’t want any girl or young woman to pick up my book and think after reading it that they shouldn’t bother reporting an assault, and yet I wanted the novel to accurately reflect the very difficult realities of prosecuting a case such as this.

  I tried not to let my fear inform the writing. The danger was that I would hold back on tackling anything too difficult in case I offended anyone. To counter the fear, I interviewed criminal lawyers, social workers, family support workers and police officers. I watched court cases and read lots of books. The research really grounded the novel, but it slowed me down a lot too. When the first draft was finished,
every single one of the people who helped me with research read it and gave feedback. I wanted any gender bias or prejudice to come from the characters, not from the author. I wanted to be sure I wasn’t perpetuating any myths or stereotypes around sexual assault.

  Were there any other young adult works that you found particularly helpful or inspirational while working on You Against Me?

  I tend to steer away from fiction that is thematically similar when I am writing. I stick to nonfiction books about the subject instead.

  The two main characters of You Against Me are not directly involved in the incident that the book centers around. Did you know from the beginning that you would tell the story from the perspectives of Mikey and Ellie, the siblings of the victim and the accused?

  I originally started writing from Karyn’s point of view, but it became clear quite quickly that her perspective was too “hot.” In fact, she was a very unreliable narrator, often unwilling and mostly silent, almost as if she didn’t want to be in the story. At that point, her brother Mikey took over the narrative. In fact he ran with it. He was determined to avenge his sister and all I had to do was follow him.

  I loved writing Mikey because he was a mass of contradictions—he’d left school with limited prospects, yet was hugely ambitious. The main carer for his family, he also managed to juggle a complicated love life. Bright, but often inarticulate, he had an innate distrust of authority, yet his family were dependent on police and social workers for support.

  I thought I’d found the book’s narrative voice, but then Ellie appeared—clever, determined Ellie. She’d recently moved to the area and had no friends yet. She did, however, have a brother and she certainly seemed to know a lot more than she was saying about what had happened to Mikey’s sister.

  With two voices, a more complex narrative began to emerge. I also knew that being one step back from what happened was a more interesting way to tackle the subject of assault and all the prejudice that surrounds it.

  While dealing with sexual assault, You Against Me is much more than an “issues” book. Was the theme of finding love in unexpected places something that evolved during the course of your writing?

  You Against Me is a love story, but the love is fought for under very difficult circumstances. It’s also about truth, about looking at someone you know really well and wondering if you know them at all. Those two threads evolved quite quickly as I wrote. I don’t want my job as a writer to be about looking at “issues” or giving moral guidance. Teens don’t want to read about things adults think are good for them, or about how they ought to behave.

  Of course, books can address difficult situations and confront social issues and help readers deal with real-life challenges. They can transport you, make you think, move you … the list is endless. Ultimately though, it’s the story—with all its complexities, with the emotional truths it uncovers, the experiences beyond the everyday that it gives, that will be the real reason why young people read.

  The Parkers and the McKenzies are from different social classes. What inspired you to have these families, and Mikey and Ellie, come from such varied worlds?

  I know it sounds odd, but I have no clue about character, geography, social class, or anything else when I begin a novel. After months of generating material, I begin to get a clearer idea of what a book might be about. I guess I had Romeo and Juliet in the back of my mind because I was interested in loving someone forbidden. But I also had Hamlet in my mind—something rotten in your own family.

  It was important to me that my two central protagonists would never have met under normal circumstances. I wanted them to have to tackle their own prejudices about each others’ backgrounds, as well as their preconceptions about the assault. I wanted them to fall in love “despite themselves.”

  What do you hope that readers come away with after reading You Against Me?

  I was attempting to write a good story, one that moved readers emotionally, but also made them think. I hope that the book encourages debate for the very reason that I am not telling anyone what the right answers are.

  ABOUT THE BOOK

  If someone hurts your sister and you’re any kind of man, you seek revenge. If your brother’s accused of a terrible crime but says he didn’t do it, you defend him.

  When Mikey’s sister claims a boy assaulted her, his world begins to fall apart. When Ellie’s brother is charged with the offense, her world begins to unravel. When Mikey and Ellie meet, two worlds collide.

  This is a brave and unflinching novel from the bestselling author of Before I Die. It’s a book about loyalty and the choices that come with it. But above all, it’s a book about love.

  DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

  Mikey McKenzie is already the “man” of his family. How is he forced to take total responsibility for his family after Karyn is assaulted? He says that taking care of Karyn makes him feel “adult, male, and purposeful.” (p. 20) How does his mother’s inability to accept responsibility for her family contribute to Mikey’s sense of duty?

  Discuss the difference between a primary and secondary survivor of sexual assault. Karyn is the primary survivor. How might her family be considered secondary survivors? Mikey is angry with Tom Parker and is determined to retaliate by fighting him. How is this a typical response from a secondary survivor? Debate what action Mikey should have taken. It is common for a secondary survivor to feel guilt, shame, frustration, and helplessness. How do each of these emotions describe Karyn’s mother?

  Debate whether Ellie Parker is a secondary survivor. At what point does she feel frustrated and helpless? Discuss whether it’s guilt and shame that ultimately causes her to tell the truth.

  Karyn’s mum deals with her daughter’s rape by hiding away. How do the Parkers deal with the rape? Why do they plan a party for their son when he gets bail? Debate whether this type of celebration is a form of hiding. Why does the party make Tom nervous?

  The McKenzie family is overtly dysfunctional, and requires the aide of social services. How is the Parker family covertly dysfunctional? Which family faces the toughest road toward becoming a functioning family unit? Discuss their greatest obstacles.

  Karyn’s mum takes her to the police because she thinks they will help her. A policewoman is assigned to Karyn’s case. Why does Karyn refuse to talk with her? Discuss why Mrs. McKenzie is sorry she ever got the cops involved.

  Ellie Parker is a primary witness for her brother. She feels a mixture of “pity and fear” in this role. For whom does she feel pity? Discuss who and what she fears the most. How does watching her family preceding the trial escalate her feelings?

  Karyn won’t go to school because she fears that people will stare at her as if she deserved to be assaulted by Tom Parker. Explain why Karyn feels that her peers will think she “deserved” the assault. Her friends are supportive, but she blocks them completely out. Why does she refuse to see them?

  Ellie Parker is a new kid at school, and finds it difficult to make friends. How does being the sister of an alleged rapist make Ellie even more an outsider? Discuss how Karyn’s friends treat her. Compare and contrast Ellie’s relationship with Tom to Karyn’s relationship with Mikey. How do Ellie and Tom restore their relationship at the end of the novel, in spite of their father?

  Mikey says to Ellie, “What I did to you was out of order. What you did to me I probably deserved. So we’re even, ok?” (p. 227) Why was it legally dangerous for Mikey and Ellie to take matters into their own hands? How do they both grow and change because their plans went awry?

  Explain what Mikey’s mother means when she tells him, “If you want a girl to like you, you have to listen like a woman and love like a man.” (p. 166) How does Mikey treat Ellie with respect and tenderness once they realize that they care for one another?

  Both Karyn and Ellie are afraid of going to court. What does Karyn fear most about testifying before a judge? Discuss Ellie’s fears. Debate whether they have conquered their fears by the end of the novel.

&
nbsp; Ellie admits that she lied to the police. She tells Mikey, “You might think that I’m brave, but really I’m a coward.” (p. 296) Why does Ellie think that she is a coward? How does it take bravery to tell the truth? Discuss how Ellie is the bravest member of her family.

  Ellie’s mother and father react very differently to her confession. What causes the change in Mrs. Parker? Debate whether she is strong enough to support her daughter through the ordeal of the trial.

  Ellie still has to testify against her brother. Discuss the wrath that she is likely to experience from her father. Why is Mr. Parker so willing to sacrifice his daughter’s reputation to save his son? Explain Mr. Parker’s reaction when Tom says, “I can’t do it to her Dad.… You said yourself that they will break her apart.” (p. 399)

  Mikey tells Ellie that Karyn gets help through social services. How does Mikey provide Ellie the help she needs? Why does he think it a good idea that Ellie talk to Karyn?

  At the end of the novel, Mikey says, “Maybe we can grab something good out of this while we can.” (p. 409) What good has come out of this entire situation? Talk about the lessons that Karyn and her peers, and Tom and his mates, have learned. Discuss whether the novel is Ellie and Mikey’s story or Karyn and Tom’s story.

  As in the novel, many sexual assault cases are one person’s word against another. What is the overall message that a reader should take away from You Against Me?

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  Jenny Downham trained as an actor and worked in alternative theater before starting to write. Her first novel, Before I Die, became a bestseller. She lives in London.

  Prepared by Pat Scales, Children’s Literature Consultant, Greenville, South Carolina.

 

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