by L. A. Meyer
The nightmares don't come every night now.
This day I get information.
During the morning I was doing my usual things and working on cracking the Marine's reserve. Actually, there're three Marines assigned to keep me from wreaking moral havoc on the crew. All three are young and good looking, quite splendid in their uniforms of scarlet and white with clay buttons and high collars and tight white breeches. They are not allowed to talk to me, but I talk to them as I sit and sew on the quarterdeck hatch and look out over the beach and try to figure out what is happening from all the fuss and scurrying about. "And I'm sure you have a young lass awaiting you at home, don't you, Johnny? Did she cry on the dock when you marched aboard? I know she did, Johnny, you're such a fine-looking lad, I know she did, and she couldn't stop, could she? She just kept on cryin' and cryin', I know, and it fair broke your heart to hear it. Here, let me play 'My Bonnie Light Horseman' for you, Johnny, because it's about a soldier just like you. It's ever so sad and beautiful..."
He still doesn't say anything when I'm finished, but I notice the tip of his bayonet shaking a bit and he's biting his lip. Soon, Johnny, soon...
There's Davy! The boat must be back over here! I go to the rail and call out and wave, but he just keeps going. He does wave, however, and taps his fist on his tattoo and points to the guard at the foot of the gangway leading up to the ship. I guess I'll have to wait.
"'Ere, 'ere, Miss Faber, you must come away from there! It's orders!"
Ah, so Johnny can talk.
I have not been put into female clothing yet, since they don't have any such thing aboard and they don't know about my two dresses, and they wouldn't let me wear the Kingston dress, anyway. I don't want them to know about my blue dress till I'm ready. Besides, I'm not likely to drive any of the men aboard mad with desire, so I'm told to just wear my ship's boy uniform in a modest manner and be good and don't flounce around.
What I do is get my Marine to take me to ship's store and I get a midshipman's black neckerchief, which I put right on. With my white shirt it looks quite dashing. I can't do anything about the rest of a middies uniform, the black pants and black jacket, but they'll get the idea. I get a sea chest, too, and my first hairbrush. Deacon Dunne charges the items against my name and promises to come see me later in the day to continue my spiritual instruction. Praise be.
Johnny gallantly carries my sea chest back to the brig, and I put my things in it, which is satisfying. I resolve to get a carving tool and engrave the chest with my name.
The Deacon is as good as his word. Just after noon we sit at the table in the gun room and he assigns me more Bible verses, which I dutifully read and then try to explain, and then he assigns me more to read at night and then he goes into other topics such as my Immortal Soul, which we pray over quite vigorously. I find I have several other things in addition to my Immortal Soul that I did not know I had, one of which is my Sacred Honor and the other is my Precious Jewel, both of which seem to have something to do with the fact that Jaimy and I haven't done that baby-making thing yet.
Just before he leaves me to my studies, he leans back in his chair and fixes me with his gaze. Then he lobs the bomb. "You are to be enrolled in a girls' school in Boston, Massachusetts, in the United States. Mr. Tilden has connections there and will make the necessary arrangements. You are to receive a midshipman's share of the prize money, and that will be placed on your account at the school. Upon completion of your studies, you will receive the balance, if any. We all thought this would be best, and you should thank God for this opportunity to better yourself. Good day, Miss."
He leaves me with the wind knocked out of me and I just sit there for a while in thought. Then I get out one of the books that Mr. Lawrence has lent me and I go up on deck and before Johnny can say no I fly up to the mizzentop and Johnny says, "Please come down," and I put my head over the side of the top and says, "C'mon, Johnny, I'm right here, I can't get away and a girl needs some time to herself, like," and I put my back against the mast and let my mind race on.
Johnny stands guard below.
I take my dinners with Deacon Dunne in the gun room and they are pretty joyless affairs. The first time I tucked into my horse, he said, "Oh my, we'll have to do something about that," and so I'm being taught table manners and etiquette and how a fork is used and what goes where in setting a table and where to put my hands, which is all right because it gives us something to talk about. After dinner, I take a turn about the deck and then am taken to my kip and locked in. The Marine on night duty doesn't stand outside the door all night, as I'm not considered all that dangerous, but instead he beds down on a cot in the passageway.
I hear Henry Marine's snores coming through the bars not long after we have a bit of a talk and he goes off to turn in. Henry was the easiest of the Marines to crack, him having a mother and sisters at home and used to talking to females. I had him blubbering over "The Cruel Sister" in no time.
I light my candle and look over at my Bible but pick up instead Moll Flanders, which I borrowed from the midshipmen's berth and say to myself I'll only read a little and then I'll do the Bible assignment. The middies got some pretty interesting books, the naughty boys. I'm settling in but then I hear a tap on the bars of the little window. What...
It's Davy. I blow out the candle.
"Shushh ... talk real low," I says, getting up and standing under the grating. "What's happened ... how's Jaimy ... what's—"
"Back in jail again, Jacky? My, my," says Davy, all full of himself for having snuck on the ship undetected and so full of news that he can barely contain himself. "Seems you've spent more time in here than any of us. It's proper, though, you bein' a connivin' deceiver and liar and all."
"Davy...," I hisses.
"All right, Jacky, calm yerself." He clears his throat. "Well, right after you got hung and we all charged up the beach, yellin' like banshees and swingin' our cutlasses and bangin' our guns with Jaimy in the lead—or I should say Mr. Fletcher, him bein' made midshipman about the same time you was but he didn't get to enjoy it none, you bein' dead and all—and anyways, Jaimy runs straight through the pirates' line and cuts you down with one swipe of his sword and you crumpled on down to the ground, all loose-jointed like you didn't have no bones, and you know the rest of that part, but you don't know that the pirates were all killed, LeFievre, too, except for a few who were real happy to tell us where their loot was stashed. There's tons and tons of it, Jacky, all gold and silver and jewels, and we're rich again, Jacky. The Captain is so happy, he's forgivin' you for bein' a girl and you're to get a full midshipman's share o' the plunder."
He pauses. "You did hear what they're gonna do with you?" I reply that I had.
"Sorry, Jack. Anyway there's more. After the pirates are buried—'cept for LeFievre's head, which we're goin' to hang from the bowsprit when we go into port as a warnin' to other pirates, neat, hey?—well, right after that, Jaimy goes up to Bliffil and slaps him across the face and calls him out! Right! He challenges him to a duel with swords to avenge the beatin' o' you. I guess the Captain's rule about no duelling amongst the midshipmen don't apply when the ship is far away and anyway he don't say nothin' against it. Calm down, Jacky, he's all right. Anyways, Bliffil weasels out and won't fight and ever'one sees that he won't and the Captain is going to put him off at the next port 'cause the Captain found out that Bliffil hung back by the boat when the fight was going on and he's to receive no share of the loot! How's that for justice!
"The fixin' o' the ship is goin' real fast, and they expect to be done in a few days. Everyone's comin' back now 'cause we've got enough wood, so Jaimy'll be here tomorrow, and Tink and I are now rated Ordinary, and didn't I have the best time in your camp!"
Chapter 45
So it is to be Boston. After all this time of wondering where I would finally be put off, it is to be there, the home of the bean and the cod. Well, it is a seafaring town and maybe I'll be able to find my little ship there, after I'm finished o
ff at the finishing school, which is the Lawson Peabody School for Young Girls. So maybe I'll get to be one after all. A lady, that is.
Not that I have much say in the matter. When Tilly comes back on board, I go to see him and say, "Why do I have to go to this school? I have money now and I want to marry James Fletcher and he wants to marry me and why can't we?
He says, "Because you're too young. The Doctor says you're probably about fifteen years old at the outside and therefore have not reached your majority and have no rights, and furthermore, you are female, which means you have even fewer rights. Besides, the Captain has obligations to Mr. Fletcher's parents and marriage to you is not in it."
"But Mr. Tilden, why can't I just be given my prize money and be put off? I've been looking after myself for my whole life now and I believe I'm qualified to continue doing it."
"I'm afraid the matter is settled, Miss," he says, primly. I think I make him nervous in my new femaleness. He looks over his spectacles at me. "The Schoolmistress is personally known to me. She is a fine upstanding Puritan lady. You and your money will be safe there. I will convey you to the school when we arrive in Boston."
End of matter.
Everyone came back aboard today. I will not be closeted away, and I browbeat the poor helpless George Marine and Johnny Marine to escort me down to the gangway. I have them stand on either side of me, all beautiful in their uniforms and me in the middle with my new black midshipman's kerchief and my dress whites. I have a Bo'sun's pipe, which I use to pipe everyone aboard, saluting smartly like a proper middie. There's Mr. Lawrence and Liam and the Master and ... there's Jaimy.
He comes towards me and I go towards him, but the Marines step between us.
"Sorry, Miss Faber, but specific orders on this one."
The Captain is the last one to come on board. He returns my salute and orders me below. I think my midshipmanship is over.
It takes some doing, but the Dolphin is off on the tide.
Chapter 46
Bliffil was put off the ship without ceremony in Charleston. Before he left he laid his curse upon Jaimy and me and promised to see us both in Hell.
My poor dear Marines have been replaced with a trio of older men. Major Piggott, the commander of the Marine unit, apparently wasn't pleased with the level of discipline that the former dear boys were able to maintain in the force of my charms. No matter. I found that two of my new grizzled veterans have daughters of my age, so...
I am still entered on the books as a midshipman, since the senior officers consider it a great joke. When I had previously thought the Captain might be mad, I was mistaken. Mr. Lawrence tells me the Captain is the sort to quickly take offense and is a dead shot and has fought several duels already and left the other fellow the worse off for it, so no one is liable to be cheeky, to his face at least. "Plus," says Mr. Lawrence, "you've made him rich beyond all dreams of avarice, so he don't care."
I, however, do not consider my rank a joke. I wheedled Deacon Dunne into writing out my commission all fair and legal-like and he goes along with it, what could it hurt? The Deacon likes the idea of the prize money, too. It'll buy him a nice little parish up-country and he'll never have to go to sea again. I put the commission in my sea chest with my other things. Davy, on that first night when he brought his news, also brought me back my shiv and my other clothes, and so all I own is now in the trunk. Except for my share of the prize.
I get visited by the officers, but neither the midshipmen nor the sailors are allowed to see me. Especially not Jaimy. Or so they think.
Late at night, when the moon is bright and when the Marine is off to sleep, Jaimy creeps to my grating and through it we whisper. I have found chinks in the wall for handholds and toeholds, and I can climb up high enough so that I can leap up and grab the grating. Hanging there I slowly chin myself up, and through the bars we can bring our lips together for a moment till my arms start to quiver and weaken and I have to drop back down.
We left Charleston a week ago and the winds have been generally fair and so we're one day from Boston. I, who have been kept locked down for the entire time since we refloated the Dolphin, have finally been invited to dine with the officers and midshipmen. I suppose they figure I can't do too much damage now.
Now that I have a brush, I have experimented with my hair, which comes down to below my shoulders, and I believe that tonight, my last night on the Dolphin, I will wear it swept up, as that makes me look a little bit older. I have an old broken piece of comb to hold it in place. There. Like that. And tonight I shall wear my blue dress for the first time. I start to make myself ready.
Outside my window, I hear the boys playing in the rigging and it fair breaks my heart to think of my younger self all carefree in the foretop and how I'll never be there again. It isn't the Brotherhood up there, now, though, it's new boys, brought on in Charleston. Some more will be picked up in Boston to fill our spaces. Good luck to them. I've certainly had my share of luck.
I hear other things from my window, too. Apparently, I have become Our Tacky, the Darling of the Ship, and Jaimy is in for some abuse ... "Lazing aroun in the mizzentop wi our little Jacky, 'e was, the dog..." I can imagine the shaking of heads and the black looks from the suddenly pious bunch of scoundrels. "And in the same hammock, mind you, for two years ... Little hound, 'e is..."
Liam has come by and given me a concertina, the one owned by Grant. "It's of no use to him now, Jacky, and I know he'd want you to have it. He loved the music and I know you do, too. You're a rare one, Jacky. I'll wave when you go off the ship tomorrow, lass, but I'll say good-bye now."
I put on the dress and look at myself in the mirror. My hair is up and my sandals are on my feet. I've tied my midshipman's neckerchief around my throat, and with the ends hanging down in back it covers up the welt across my neck and looks right elegant, and hey, I'm a middie, too.
The dress fits perfectly, as well it should, since I've had it on and off a dozen times adjusting the fit. The skirt hangs nicely, not too full, and the middle fits good and snug around my ribs, and my chest sits up all jaunty in the top part.
There's one bell in the second dog watch and a knock on the door. It's time for dinner.
I resolve to be merry.
They are all at table when I enter, and they all rise. I rather like that. Or most rise, anyway. Some of the midshipmen almost faint back into their seats. I can see they've already been into the wine as their faces are flushed. Mr. Lawrence casts his eyes to the ceiling and smiles slightly and pulls out a chair for me. I'm seated between him and Major Piggott. Always a Marine by my side.
Mr. Lawrence is the senior officer present. The First Mate is off dining with the Captain. It would be asking too much for them to be here.
I'm seated across from Jaimy. I hope he's pleased with how I look. I think he is. He does look a bit stunned, though, but then, they all do.
"Good evening, gentlemen," I purrs. "I thank you very much for your kind invitation." I have been coached by the Deacon.
"It is our pleasure, Miss Faber," says Mr. Lawrence. "Steward, a glass of wine for the lady. Oh, and a shawl for Miss Faber, too. There's one in my cabin."
The steward pours out the wine in a crystal goblet and I pick it up.
"Mr. Fletcher, will you give us the King?" says Mr. Lawrence.
They all stand and pick up their glasses and hold them out in front of them. I go to stand, too, but Mr. Lawrence very gently puts his fingertip on my shoulder to keep me down.
"The King!" Jaimy manages to get out and they all repeat, "The King!" Then they drink down their wine and sit and go back to staring at me.
Mr. Lawrence turns to me. "I perceive that you might be a bit chilly, my dear, as this is, after all, the coast of New England and not the sunny shores of the Caribbean. And I know that our midshipmen share my concern to the degree that they will be unable to speak or eat until you are made more comfortable. Isn't that true, gentlemen?"
Less than enthusiastic murmurs of a
ssent, but the shawl is brought nonetheless and placed around my shoulders. It is a very nice shawl and I thank Mr. Lawrence for his kindness.
"It is a present for my wife. Do you think she will like it?"
I reply that I'm sure she will, Sir, but think to myself that he'd best not tell her that Bloody Jack Faber was first to wear it, or his homecoming might not be all he hopes it to be.
I lift my glass to my lips and gaze across the rim at Jaimy, and as he looks at me my eyes start brimming up 'cause I know the ship's leavin' right after they drop me off tomorrow and I thought maybe they'd stay around for at least a little while, but no, and everything else in the room falls away and...
But then they bring in the food and we fall to.
It is a most glorious dinner, and at the end there is laughter and talk and toasts all around, and when it is time for me to leave, I stand and lift my glass and say, "A toast to the newest member of your company, James Emerson Fletcher, by the grace of God, Midshipman of the Line of Battle, His Majesty's Royal Navy!"
Cries of Hear, hear, and the toast is drunk, and then my eyes start to fill up again and my lip starts quiverin', and Mr. Lawrence notices, so he stands and raises his glass and says, "To Jacky Faber, the fairest midshipman and saltiest sailor ever to grace the decks of the Dolphin!"
Cheers, and then my Marine leads me back to the brig.
Jaimy comes to me later, after all are asleep. I rise from my bed and go to the grating and reach up my hand and we whisper far into the night.