Finding Peace

by Emilia Finn

  I let myself go before he even finishes his sentence and his hand slaps down over my mouth to stifle my cries.

  I have a moment to panic about this large man holding me captive, about him covering my mouth to keep me silent, before I remember who he is and that he is good and pure and this is nothing like before.

  “Oh god,” he breathes through clenched teeth, still holding my weight up despite the loss of one hand, as I feel his dick growing, pulsating, coming deep inside me.

  His hips keep grinding in and out, total possession as I come down from my high and try to catch my breath.

  I literally see spots floating in my vision, similar to the other day when I hurt myself at the gym and I giggle.

  Aiden stops moving, his breath coming hard and saturating my face as his eyes narrow to slits. “You’re giggling?” His voice is gruff but despite the harsh tone, I can tell he’s fighting a smile. “I just fuck you blind, and you’re giggling? The fuck, Peaches?”

  I giggle again, dizzy from being almost upside down, plus he’s right, he basically just fucked me blind.

  “You feel that?” he asks quietly, lowering so my ass touches the bed again. “That’s my dick shriveling up and falling off.”

  “I’m sorry,” I laugh. “I’m not laughing at you.”

  “My dick’s still inside you, you’re laughing at me,” he declares, laying on top of me, holding his weight on his forearms as his lips come down to nibble on mine then on the tip of my nose.

  “I swear, it’s not you. I was thinking of something funny.”

  “My dick’s still inside you, Peaches, you better be thinkin’ of nothing except me.” He leans down, biting the side of my chin, barely less than punishing, but nonetheless sending fire back through my veins.

  “You’re right, I’m sorry,” I giggle again, stifling a squeal when he bites my neck playfully.

  “I was rough,” he admits softly, no longer playful. “I’m sorry.”

  “Please don’t say sorry for that,” I beg him. “No regrets tomorrow, remember?”

  “Did I hurt you?”

  “Only in all the best ways,” I tell him truthfully and he groans, his face dropping into my neck and burrowing into my hair.

  Fifteen

  Aiden

  I screwed up

  I hear tiny toddler feet padding down the hall, heading right his way, and I sit up in Tina’s bed and look around the morning lit room.

  Rays of sunlight sneak through the blinds at the window and play on the wall opposite.

  Tina is asleep on her stomach, her hair spread across her face and shoulders, her eyelashes fluttering. Dreaming.

  Wishing I had more time; to study her, to study her body without restriction, to wake her up the way I wish I could, I feel bad because I know it’s my fault she’s exhausted and still asleep.

  We only fell to the bed, exhausted and passing out an hour or so ago.

  Not cool of me, since she has a kid to look after.

  Pulling the sheet off and grabbing my boxers real quick, I shove my legs in then pull my jeans on. Quietly as I can, I get dressed, grab my shirt, then slip into the hall before Evie can come in.

  “Biggie?” she squeaks, stopping short and almost skidding on the hardwood floor. Her stuffed puppy dangles from her slack arms, his floppy legs brushing the floor.

  “Hey Smalls. Good morning,” I whisper, bending down and picking her up. She stretches her arms out for me, not questioning my sudden appearance past her surprise. “Want some coffee?”

  “Yes,” she answers excitedly and I move us away from Tina’s door. I want her to rest.

  “Yes what, Evelyn?”

  “Yes pwease.”

  “Good job.” I high five her as we enter Tina’s kitchen and head toward the coffee machine. I never took time to look around last night, it was fairly point A to point B, so I take a look around now, desperate to know how these girls live. I find the image on her counter of Tina, Evie, the girls and Jack, and I smile at the irony that she had this picture all along. Could have saved my balls if she gifted this image instead. I continue my scan of the room and like a bull to a red flag, I spot Tina’s panties on the floor beside the dining table.

  “Shit.”

  “You swear!”

  “No Smalls, I said shoot.” I desperately look around the room for some kind of escape. A distraction. Anything so this tiny toddler doesn’t see her mamas sexy undies on the kitchen floor and starts asking questions.

  I turn us away to face the fridge instead. “Smalls, can you grab the milk for me?”

  “Yep!” She wriggles to be put down and as soon as she makes a run for it, I swipe the panties and shove them in my pocket.

  “Got it!” Evie announces, slamming the fridge door and I wince. She’s seriously loud when you’re trying to be quiet.

  “Hey Smalls,” I whisper, crouching down in front of her and taking the milk. “Let’s be quiet, okay? Mommy is very tired.”

  “Mama still in bed?”

  “Yeah, she is.”

  “She doesn’t wanna make Evie’s cawfee?”

  “She’s still asleep, but I’ll make your coffee.”

  “Pancakes too?”

  “Ah, I’ll try,” I tell her, standing and poking my head into the pantry, and not finding any bottles with pancakes on the label.

  Well shit, I’m not sure I even know how to make pancakes. I thought they just come in a bottle.

  “Evie help.”

  “You know how to make pancakes?” I ask her, impressed since she’s barely taller than my knee caps.

  “Yep.” She pushes a dining chair across the floor, the scraping noise echoing in the kitchen, booming in the early morning quiet.

  She stops in front of the cutlery drawer and grabs a whisk out, then scraping the chair aside again, she opens a corner door and grabs a white mixing bowl.

  Shit. She’s clever.

  “K, ready,” she announces, scraping the chair across the room again and stopping in front of the counter. Scrambling onto the chair, she climbs up, her legs flailing and I wonder if I should help her, but before I decide, she’s up and dropping the whisk into the bowl.

  “What next?”

  “Pancakes.”

  “Yeah, pancakes. But what next? Like, flour or somethin’?”

  “Fowers?” She tilts her head to the side adorably. “Mommy likes fowers.”

  “Oh, no, I meant--” Shit. “Like, powder?”

  “For my booty?”

  “No, Smalls, not baby powder.”

  “I’m not a baby!” she frowns, the whisk coming down on her hip and her brows pinching. Instantly, I get a look into the future, showing me where she’ll have a wrinkle thirty years from now.

  “Not you. Cool your jets, Smalls. Do you know how to make pancakes?”

  “Yes,” she huffs impatiently, turning back to the empty fucking bowl and making me wonder if maybe I’m just an idiot. Maybe the bowl isn’t empty. Maybe I’m just in an alternate universe and stupid.

  “So what goes in the bowl next, honey? How do we make pancakes?”

  “Hot!”

  “What’s hot?”

  “The pan.”

  “Yeah that comes later, but what do we need now?”

  “Where’s Evie’s cawfee? You forgot, Biggie. You’re so silly.”

  Fuck.

  Me.

  “Alright, no pancakes today.” I pick her up from the chair and pop her pouty ass on the floor.

  Fuck it. Maybe we can run next door to the bakery.

  “Put your shoes on, Smalls.”

  “Where we going?”

  “For a walk.”

  “Where to?”

  “Just downstairs. Let’s go.” I walk to the door and turn to watch her scramble around the kitchen. She plops to her butt and puts some pink polka dot boots on the wrong feet.

  She’s still wearing lime green pyjamas with pink butterflies, her hair is wild and everywhere and her cheek is pink from b
eing smooshed in bed, but whatever. We won’t see anyone we know. We’ll just run next door, grab some coffee and pastries then we’ll come right back.

  I take Evie’s hand and we slowly make our way down the stairs, three slow ass steps per stair as she chatters about her night of spaghetti and splashing in the tub.

  We walk to the street front then turn left.

  “What do you wanna eat, Smalls?”

  “Evie likes muffins, banana ones. Can I have chocolate chips? And strawberry milk…”

  I stop and groan as soon as we step through the shop doors. “Damn.”

  “Aww, hey there Biggie.” Jimmy’s smile stretches across his face as he stands at the counter with Bean in the stroller. “Hey, Evie bug. Nice jammies.”

  “Hi Unca Jimmy. Hi baby bean.” She drops my hand and skips to the stroller, poking her head in and almost climbing in herself. I hear kissy noises and tickling then I look up again to meet my asshole brother’s laughing eyes.

  “Don’t.”

  “I didn’t say a thing.”

  “Not a word.”

  “I’m still silent.”

  “Can I just get some coffee and pastries,” I ask the girl behind the counter and she nods, steaming milk and arranging cups.

  “I’m just saying,” Jimmy begins arrogantly and I close my eyes, biting my tongue before I swear in front of the girls. “I seriously love how we all get notified when the gates open and close now. The new security is awesome, because now I know when my brother goes tearing away from home late at night. I mean, I was worried about you, Aido,” he lies through his stupid liar teeth. “I was worried there was some kind of emergency. But then I find you here this morning, with Evie… and she’s still in her pj’s… and your shirt is inside out.”

  My eyes snap down to my shirt, which is not inside out, but that doesn’t matter because Jim thinks he’s fucking hilarious.

  “So then, my heart is all better knowing my brother is safe.”

  “James.”

  “What? I’m glad you had a warm bed last--”

  “Dude,” I cut him off. “Stop. Not in front of Evie.”

  “Okay, okay,” he laughs. “I’ll stop. But seriously, I’m actually psyched.”

  “Don’t be. It’s nothing.”

  “Mmhmm. It better be something, Aido. Don’t disrespect Smalls’ mama with this player stuff.”

  “Okay, you can shut up now.”

  “Why are you even here?”

  “Because she,” I nod toward Evie as she giggles along with Bean, “didn’t know how to make pancakes.”

  “It just comes in a bottle, dumbass.”

  “That’s what I said, but there were no bottles in her pantry.”

  The girl behind the counter passes Jim his tray of coffee then she turns to me and I order some croissants and banana nut muffins.

  “Come on, Smalls. We better get back.”

  “’K. Bye, Unca Jimmy.”

  “Catch ya later, baby. Tell your mama you wanna come over today to play.”

  “Okay.” She wiggles excitedly in place, her curls bouncing adorably with her movements.

  “Oh, and Aido, you might wanna change her diaper before Mama gets up. Evie’s butt is looking a little soggy.”

  “Yeah,” I grab our shit and clasp it all in one hand then I take Evie’s with my other. “Whatever, smartass.”

  “Just trying to help, brother.”

  “Didn’t ask for it,” I shoot back but he just laughs at me.

  I walk us out front then turn us down the alley and walk to the back of the studio.

  “Did you get Evie’s muffin?”

  “Yeah smalls, I got you a banana one.”

  “What did you get Mama?”

  “Coffee and croissant.”

  “Mama likes cawfee. Where’s Evie’s cawfee?” she asks, genuinely perplexed since she asked for it ages ago.

  “I forgot. I’ll make you one when we get inside.”

  We start slowly climbing the stairs, three step shuffles per stair, but my feet falter when the door at the top slams open. “Jesus fucking Christ,” Tina cries out, her gown flying open in the early morning breeze. Her hair is wild around her shoulders, her tiny boyleg panties showcasing her sexy as fuck legs. Her nipples puckering behind her thin cami.

  “What are you doing?” I ask, moving Evie and I fast so I can move Tina’s pretty ass back inside and away from prying eyes.

  “You can’t just take her,” she snaps. I stop short, shocked at her cutting tone. She picks Evie up and hugs her to her chest. “You can’t just take her out of my house without telling me. I couldn’t find her. I couldn’t find you baby.” She kisses Evie’s curls as Evie’s lips start quivering.

  Shit. “I’m sorr--”

  “Don’t ever do that again,” she snaps, glaring at me and I take a step back.

  “I wasn’t thinking, I’m sorry.”

  “No, you weren’t. You weren’t thinking, Aiden. Did you forget already? There are ogres around, dammit. You can’t just take her!”

  “I’m sorry.” Damn. I fucked up bad. She did tell me, she told me all her secrets and I completely disregarded them and took her daughter for a walk. “I’ll ah… here.” I sit the muffins and coffee cups on the step beside her feet. “I got you some breakfast. I’ll just go.”

  “Yeah,” she agrees, looking down at me as though I was a bug squished under her shoe. “You should go.”

  Well, fuck.

  “Alright.” I step down, backing away slowly, missing them already.

  I slowly descend the stairs, as though I was wishing she’d call me back, but I hit the pavement at the bottom and her eyes still hold disdain.

  Fuck.

  Evie’s chin wobbles as she waves sadly. “Bye Biggie.”

  “Bye Smalls.” Love you, baby girl.

  ~*~

  “What are you doing home already?” Jimmy asks from his front porch as I get out of my truck. “I just saw you.”

  “I fucked up.”

  “What’d you do? It’s been literally like, three minutes.”

  “I took Evie for a walk.”

  “Yeah, I know. I saw you, dumbass.”

  “I took her without asking. I was trying to help, to let Tina sleep, but I was dumb.”

  “Ohhh.” He nods softly. He rests his hip against the railing, his face no longer teasing, but a study in contemplation. “Damn. I get why that blew up then. Tina’s a bit twitchy.”

  I sigh and lean my arms on the railing. “She has reason to be.”

  “What happened to her?” he asks softly, seriously, as he snuggles Bean into his chest and rocks her gently.

  “She hasn’t told you?”

  “Nah. The girls don’t know either. I asked. You know?”

  “Yeah, I know everything. It’s bad. Really bad.”

  “Damn,” he repeats. “Wanna come in? Bubs is making pancakes.”

  “Fucking pancakes,” I grumble, unbelieving that Evie and I were ‘making’ pancakes in Tina’s kitchen only an hour ago.

  I went from blissfully fucked to oblivion, to waking up to the blonde beauty, to making breakfast with another blonde, to out on my ass. Quick as a flash.

  How the fuck do I fix this? Can I even fix it? I won’t make the same mistake twice, but other than that, is there anything for me to fix? Or is this on Tina because she needs to trust me…

  “Yeah, I’m starving.”

  Jim turns on his feet and we walk into his kitchen, almost the same as mine, to find Izzy in her gown and pyjamas.

  Her hair is tied up high, her eyes alert. It’s only about eight a.m. but I’d bet they’ve been up for hours already.

  I walk up behind her and kiss the top of her head, and she spins, resting against my chest for a moment. “Hey Sissy.”

  “I’m sorry, Aido.”

  I frown and squeeze her close. “What for?”

  “Well, Jim’s got a big mouth,” she says, telling me something I already know. “So I al
ready know where you were. And now you’re here looking all sad. So I’m sorry you’re sad.”

  “It’s okay, Sissy. It’ll work out.”

  “Is Tina okay?”

  “Probably not. I think I scared her half to death this morning.”

  “Maybe I should call her,” Iz ponders on a sigh, stepping out of my arms and walking to Jim instead. “Maybe we should do a girls thing. I wonder if she’d be open to a girls night out?”

  “Umm, Bubs, I’m not okay with a girls night out.” Jim takes her under his arm and presses her into his side.

  “You’ll be fine,” she brushes him off. “We haven’t actually done a girls night out yet. I wasn’t old enough for Kit and Tink before, but I am now. And you guys can look after Bean and Evie.”

  “You can ask, Sissy, but I seriously doubt Tina will leave Evie’s side ever again.”

  “I’ll work on it.”

  “Umm, no.” Jim pushes. “And I’ll tell Bobby. He won’t let Kit go.”

  “Well, he doesn’t get to let her do anything. She does her own shit and he just gets to pout about it.”

  “He won’t be happy.”

  Iz laughs. “He’s always whining. If we stopped our plans every time he whined about something, Kit would never get to fight, and we’d miss out on lot of fun stuff… where are you going?”

  “To talk to Bobby,” Jim throws over his shoulder as he walks out the front door with Bean in his arms, off to narc on the girls before they even make their plans.

  “He’s such a baby,” she laughs again, turning back to the counter where she has a bottle of pancake mix already shaken. “Sit down and have something to eat. Jim will be back soon, and he’ll probably bring everyone with him.”

  “Gonna need more bottles of pancake mix.”

  Sixteen

  Tina

  Let’s get stupid

  I’m an asshole. A complete, tool head, jerky asshole.

  I can’t believe I treated Aiden that way. I know better. I know he’s not Sean. I also know he adores Evie.

  He’s spent time with her, without me, at Kit’s house a million times, but I panicked. She wasn’t here when I woke up and neither was he, and I lost it.