Aurora was taken aback by the level of luxury that her grandmother’s parents had lived. She had never known. As long as she had known her grandmother, she had always done all her own housework and cooking — never an ironing lady or a cleaner. What a change to have come from where she did to live the life that she had. Her grandparents had been well off, but nowhere near the wealth that Gran had started her life with. Aurora’s brain started to tick over and she couldn’t help wondering whether the primitive conditions that Gran encountered out here all those years ago led her to the decision to do her own work, rather than follow in the footsteps of her parents, even though Aurora knew that her grandparents could have afforded domestic help five times over.
Aurora returned her attention to the journal.
5 January 1946
I am thoroughly exhausted. My admiration for these women grows with each day that I spend in their company. I decided that I cannot be a further burden to them even though they insist that I am their guest. My presence here has created even more work for them in terms of washing and housework and I could not in good conscience allow things to keep going as they have been. Today was washing day for bed linen and I decided to give them what help I could. Fiona was determined that there was no need for me to help. I was equally determined that I was going to try. Eventually I talked her round. I don’t think that she realised how useless I really was. We changed all the sheets today. Fiona showed me where the clean linen was kept and asked me to make the beds. I was so embarrassed by the fact that I didn’t even know how to make a bed. Fiona was shocked as well, although she didn’t say anything it was written all over her face. She showed me how to do the first one, complete with hospital corners and left me to do the rest, including the beds for the men in the barracks. I felt very uncomfortable being inside the bedrooms of other people, especially the men. It felt very much as though I was intruding on their privacy and it made me wonder whether domestic staff feel that way at the beginning. It is not something that has ever crossed my mind before. Once I finished with the beds I went to help with the washing of the sheets. I never realised how much work goes into it. They have a big copper that has to have a fire lit under it as there is no electricity here. The water has to be carted from the well. Once boiling the sheets are thrown in and agitated with a large stick. It is very hot work with the steam that comes off the boiling water. I found myself wiping my face with the front of my dress, or on the sleeves. Ma would be horrified at treating my clothes like that. Of course, she would not have accepted that I wanted to do the work to start with... The sheets had to be wrung by hand and then carried in baskets to the line and hung. I have to admit that the wringing was hard on my hands and the baskets full of wet sheets were heavy. There also seems to be a knack of hanging the sheets without letting them hit the ground which would make them dirty again. They were brought in and folded in the afternoon, ready to be ironed after lunch. First thing in the morning we start on the pile of clothes so that they have time to dry. I really am exhausted.
Aurora kept reading, discovering entry after entry where the days’ activities were discussed in detail. Her grandmother related the trials of learning to iron with irons heated on the wood stove, the girls’ kind natured ribbing when they discovered that she couldn’t even boil water on the stove, learning to bake bread, make stocks and soups and cook meals. Gran learnt to polish furniture, clean windows, polish floors, scrub and wax. The young Isabella had been given an education in domestic chores. In the brief space of a couple of weeks, she went from being used to being waited on to becoming a useful and productive member of the crew here at the time. Gran seemed to have delighted in learning to cook, wash and do basic household chores. The picture that came through loud and clear to Aurora was a young woman who was shaking off the old persona and discovering herself in the process. In the entries her grandmother made it very clear that she respected the people here and what they stood for.
What Aurora did find hard to comprehend was the fact that there was no communication at all between her grandmother and her grandfather while they were separated. Modern communication is so instant with telephones, faxes, emails and mobile phones that a world without that seemed incomprehensible, even though she knew it to be true here at the time.
Aurora couldn’t help but laugh at her grandmother’s recounting of her first attempts at riding, astride a horse in a borrowed pair of jeans from Will that had needed to be rolled up at the bottom and cinched in at the waist with the only thing available at the time, a length of rope.
17January 1946
Today I did something that I would never have imagined possible even in my wildest dreams. I learnt to ride a horse. Yes, me who has never done anything more daring than be a passenger on a sailing boat in the harbour, learnt to ride a horse. I was scared to death. They seem so much bigger when you are sitting on top of them. Will exercised great patience with me. Initially I didn’t want to even touch it, but Will cajoled me into petting the big black animal who was very unfortunately, in my opinion at least, named Hellequin. I didn’t mention it to Will, in case he thought that I was acting in any way superior, but Hellequin traditionally popped up in French theatre as a black-faced emissary of the devil, who purportedly roamed the countryside with a posse of demons, chasing the souls of the damned to Hell. I found this to not be the most comforting name for the horse that I was about to learn to ride on. Luckily, Will is blessed with unending patience with both people and animals and over the course of an hour managed to convince both myself and Hellequin to act in a friendly manner to one another. Another unfortunate aspect of the whole drama was that I had nothing in my case to wear. Fiona is smaller framed than me and the only other woman on the property is Eloise, whose clothes are several sizes larger than mine, so I found myself standing in the middle of the round yard in a pair of jeans belonging to Will, cinched in at the waist with a piece of rope as his belts were all too big. I feel like a brown paper bag tied up with string.
Aurora’s laugh became a full belly one with the paper bag comment. The mental picture evoked was so vivid that Aurora had no trouble seeing a young Isabella decked out like that.
I also felt a bit of a clown. The only spare boots around belong to Will as well and they are a size too big, even with two pairs of thick socks. He insisted on them though, as he said it is too dangerous to ride barefoot as my foot may go straight through the stirrup. I had several goes at mounting with no success. I really struggled with one foot in the stirrup to spring hard enough to rise up and over. I was also apparently tugging too hard on the saddle in my attempt to get on. Eventually Will led the horse over to the rail and I climbed up and on. He made it clear in his own gentle no-nonsense way, that it was the one and only time that he would allow me to do that. Will seems to me to be a man that is more comfortable around the horses than he is around people. He seems surrounded by an air of detachment. I will grant that he is a good teacher. He gently corrected, was firm with me when necessary and slowly extended what I was doing until he had me trotting figure eights. We are going to continue tomorrow to see if he can get me to a point where I can canter and control the horse well, as the whole crew except Eloise are going mustering and I desperately want to go with them. They seem to have awakened within me an adventurous spirit that I didn’t know was there. I have to admit though, that my backside and the insides of my thighs are very, very sore. Fiona assures me that the muscles will get used to it, but each time I move, sit or walk at the moment they are paining me. The thought of getting back on for more of the same tomorrow fills me with dread, but I so desperately want to go out with them that I will grin and bear it, come what may...
Aurora couldn’t help but be impressed by Gran’s fortitude. As she tucked the journal back in its spot in the chest of draws, she only hoped that her own determination to succeed was as strong. Learning to ride a horse was not something that Aurora had ever imagined doing in her wildest dreams either. Aurora turned off the light and cra
wled into bed. Tomorrow would tell whether she rose to the challenge, or folded in a defeated heap. Her money at the moment was on the latter.
seven
New Experiences
Morning dawned and so did the realisation for Aurora that she was about to come face to face with her fear of horses. Fortunately for her, the others were off to do some fencing on the northern boundary about a twenty minute drive from the house, so the only people around to witness her humiliation were Callan, Trudy, Fiona, Kate and Harriet. With a bit of luck Trudy and the girls would be home schooling all morning, so they wouldn’t be able to watch her either completely lose it at the beginning, or worse yet, fall straight on her head. She hoped Fiona would be tactful enough to leave her to embarrass herself on her own.
She got her wish, as when Callan had collected her from the house, Fiona had made some comments about a lot to do in the kitchen. Aurora couldn’t believe that she was now standing in the tack room of the stables building watching Callan saddle the horse. Sweaty palms were the least of her problems at the moment. Callan tightened the girth, led the horse around a bit and then tightened the girth a little more. He fastened those piercing blue eyes of his on her and motioned for her to come on over.
‘Come over and meet Sox. He is the best one on the property to learn on. He has the most fabulous nature.’
Aurora went over a little closer to the horse. Looking at him, Sox seemed like a reasonable name for a creamy coloured horse with four white feet. As silly as it was, and she very nearly giggled with the stupidity of the thought, she was glad that this horse wasn’t called Hellequin, or anything equally as fear inspiring. Sox seemed innocuous enough. It was going to be a miracle if she managed to get on the horse without fainting. She had never been so scared in all her life and the longer that she had to wait, the worse the hysteria inside her seemed to get.
‘Hold your fist out and let him smell you. He won’t hurt you, but it’ll be easier if you are a little more comfortable around him.’
Aurora took another step over towards Sox and held out her fist as instructed, whilst trying to remain as far away from the animal as possible. Sox extended his neck and nosed her hand. She jumped the tiniest bit when he touched her with his nose. His nostrils flared ever so slightly and he moved his nose around a little and then licked her. This time she jumped a mile and ripped her hand back before she had thought about it. The horse to his credit, didn’t move an inch. Callan looked at her and smiled, not condescendingly, but in a genuinely friendly way.
‘You’ll be fine. Put your hand back out and this time gently stroke his nose and when you’re ready, run your hand up between his eyes.’
Aurora balked for a moment. She couldn’t do this, she really couldn’t. She took a deep breath and then looked down at the ground. Really, what choice did she have? She summoned all the courage she had and put her hand out again, letting him sniff her, but this time using the backs of her fingers to stroke the end of his nose as Callan had said. She smiled without thought. The end of his nose felt like velvet. Who would have thought? Getting a little gamer, she inched her fingers up a little, then a little further until she was gently stroking him between his eyes. Sox partially closed his eyes and looked like he was in horse heaven. Callan’s voice was gentle.
‘Now use two hands and move them around the side of his face.’
Aurora very slowly and tentatively moved a little closer and did what she thought he meant, looking at him enquiringly.
‘Yep. That’s it. You’re doing great.’
Aurora released the breath that she hadn’t realised that she had been holding. Callan then upped the stakes a little.
‘Without taking your hand off this side of his head, come around beside me and run your hands from his face along the side of his neck.’
Callan stepped back slightly to make more room for her, allowing her space to gently drag her fingers down the horse’s neck. She was surprised that the hair didn’t feel coarser. She grew increasingly gamer as her confidence mounted. When she was less reserved and patting him more freely, Callan spoke again.
‘Now, I want your hands to follow where mine go.’
He then reached around her and traced his fingers over the horse’s breast, then up again and ran his fingers through Sox’s mane, then down his back to his rump. Aurora hesitated slightly; this required getting closer than she was comfortable with and it must have registered on her face. Callan looked at her squarely and spoke again, gently.
‘He won’t hurt you. He will stand there and let you do to him what I have just done.’
Aurora chewed on her bottom lip. Very, very hesitantly she followed Callan’s example. When she got to the horse’s rump as he had, and then stepped back, her face split into an amazingly spontaneous grin. She couldn’t help it. She was so damned proud of herself. Callan flashed a smile of his own back and reached out, firmly giving her left hand a quick squeeze.
‘You did well.’
He let her continue to run her hands over the horse for a while before he moved in front of Sox and untied him from the hitching rail.
‘Righto. Now that you realise that he’s a gentle giant, let’s get you out there and show you what’s what.’
He walked out the door, Sox following along behind like a giant puppy. Aurora let them pass, then, when she figured that she was safely out of kicking range, she made her way out to the circular yard. Callan opened the gate, took Sox in, let Aurora come through, then drove the bolt on the gate home. He walked Sox out into the middle of the yard, before he turned and looked at her.
‘Do you want to get on the usual way, or since it’s your first time, do you want to climb off the fence and get on?’
Aurora’s thoughts went to the Journal entry where Gran had tried and failed at swinging herself up. Determination rose up in her. If somebody as small as Theresa could get on a horse larger than Sox, then she, who had a good few inches on Theresa, could bloody well get on this horse! There was a pesky little voice inside that was telling her she would look like a first class fool if she couldn’t get on and had to eat her words. She ignored that little voice and replied in the most ordinary manner she could manage.
‘If you’re going to teach me, then you may as well teach me properly from the beginning.’
Callan threw her a cheeky smile, the unspoken content of which said that it may not be as easy as she thought, and she instantly regretted her decision. Couldn’t back out now though. He got her to come over closer, showed her how to hold the reins and a handful of mane in one hand and where to hold the stock saddle.
‘Your left foot is going to go in the stirrup and you’re going to have to spring off the other foot, quickly transfer your weight to the one in the stirrup and then swing up and around.’
Now that it had been explained to her and she could see how high the stirrup that she had to get her foot into was, she was calling herself all types of fool, and could well understand why Gran had given up after her first couple of attempts.
‘Do you want me to swing up so you can see what I mean?’
Aurora only nodded. Callan then did a quick run through of what he had said and did it in slow motion for her. On the inside she was horrified she was never going to be able to do that. Theresa had made it look incredibly easy. So had Callan just now; evidently it wasn’t. She had to at least give it a go though. Nothing ventured, nothing gained as they say.
Her first attempt was not particularly successful as she was having trouble with the springing bit. Gran’s words about being in trouble for pulling on the saddle too hard popped into her head and Aurora had visions of herself pulling so hard on the saddle that it swung around under the horse’s belly, like they do in the movies. Luckily Callan didn’t poke fun at her, just urged her to have another go. Attempt number two was a little better than attempt number one, but she didn’t swing her leg high enough and kicked poor Sox in the rump. The horse, to his credit, flinched but didn’t move off or play up. She f
elt as though her face had gone beetroot red. If she thought she had been embarrassed after the first attempt, that was nothing to how mortified she was feeling now.
She decided that attempt number three was going to be the last. Either she would get on or she wouldn’t. If she didn’t they could stick their horse riding where the sun doesn’t shine.
Aurora more than surprised herself, when, on her third attempt, she found herself sitting in the saddle. Pure pleasure radiated from her face. Callan looked at her and was surprised by the feeling of accomplishment that it gave him. He had never had to teach an adult to ride, and none of the kids had been as scared of horses as Aurora had been at the start. He had taught the girls to ride, but they’d been around horses all their lives and everybody else that came out here had already been able to ride or was already horse savvy.
Aurora made the mistake of looking down and self-satisfaction was quickly replaced by sheer terror. She was sitting on a horse. Up high, on a HORSE. She grabbed the knee pads of the stock saddle. If she held on hard enough, maybe she wouldn’t fall off. She was instantly incredibly angry with herself. She couldn’t believe that she had been talked into this. What the hell had she been thinking? Callan looked up at her and the stark whiteness of her face concerned him.
‘You ok?’
‘No.’
She didn’t say it loudly. She didn’t say it forcefully. It was a simple statement of fact, but the terror wrapped itself around the words. She was stuck between a rock and a hard place: she was too scared to get down, and too scared to stay up. Callan came and stood beside her.
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