Although she grasped the sense of this, Firekeeper felt odd as she tried to superimpose it over the customs she knew. So much of her upbringing had been founded on the concept that the privilege to breed was one of the rewards for the burden of being the Ones that she had to think her way carefully through to Rascal's way of thinking. The conclusion she reached was that this was indeed the right way for the Wise Wolves to work, but she reached another conclusion that was tantalizing—even if a little frightening.
If she lived among the Wise Wolves, would it matter that Firekeeper was human in body and therefore could not bear puppies to her chosen mate? If she lived among the Wise Wolves, would some female carry Blind Seer's pups and not try to claim him as her own? In this way, Firekeeper could almost be a wolf, but not restrict Blind Seer's choices.
These thoughts both enticed and troubled the wolf-woman. It troubled her that these Wise Wolves—who otherwise made her so uncomfortable through their adoption of human religion—might have a place for her, a place denied to her by those who had reared her and whose values she accepted.
Already the Wise Wolves accepted her as an adult as the Royal Wolves never had. Now there rose this tempting hint that among the Wise Wolves Firekeeper might rise to the pinnacle of personal authority. She could be a One and have Blind Seer as her mate of record if not in fact.
With the knowledge she had gained from Rascal, certain changes that had occurred since Firekeeper won her fight against Moon Frost now took on a new light—especially the actions of the unmated males. Firekeeper had thought their behavior simply reflected a greater welcome and ease with her. She had shown herself strong, not weak, adult, not pup. Thus, knowing her place, they knew how to deal with her and, being like all wolves, creatures who valued order, they were more at ease.
Now Firekeeper wondered if she had understood fully enough. Were some of the young males considering her as a possible One Female to their One Male? It would be a grand situation for them, for although Firekeeper could not run into the hunt as a wolf would do, she had already proven how skillful she was with her bow. She had shown she understood the value wolves placed on mercy as well as strength, and that she could uphold those values even when her life was at risk.
The thought that she might be seen as valuable rather than a burden was both heady and fraught with confusion. She loved Blind Seer no less, but for the first time understood the desire to flirt, to show herself as desirable. She restrained herself from what might be unacceptable behavior, but longed for someone—maybe Elise—with whom she could discuss these matters.
Unhappily, as there was no one to whom Firekeeper could ask the questions she could barely formulate, even in her own mind, confusion and uneasiness came to dominate her mind, diluting the pleasure she had taken in her new adult status.
"Like knows like best," the proverb said, but in this Firekeeper knew she had no "like," and so found herself feeling even more alone than she had when she had thought Blind Seer might abandon her for Moon Frost.
Bitter and Lovable, the ravens, came to Firekeeper as she was meditating over such things.
"We have news for you, two-legged wolf," Bitter said, perching on a nearby maple sapling that bent and bobbed beneath his weight. "Your fox-haired friend is coming to Misheemnekuru. The jaguar Truth sends the message so you may more easily meet him at the outpost. Derian will be there midday tomorrow if Air and Water permit, and the omens say they will."
Firekeeper felt her face light with a smile. In her current mood, this announcement of Derian's coming was a huge relief. There was no way Firekeeper would discuss these personal matters with him, but there was much she could tell him, including some of what she and Blind Seer had seen in the ruins.
She leapt to her feet, bowing in a hybrid of human and wolf fashions to express her thanks.
"But I have something nice for you," she said, addressing Lovable, for thus far Bitter had disdained her offered gifts. "Blind Seer found it when we were digging through one of the ruined denning sites of the Old Country rulers."
She shinnied up the apple tree and drew the sapphire and diamond pendant from where she'd cached it in the crotch of two large branches. Even cupped in her hand, it sparkled, and when she dangled it from the thong on which she'd strung it, it shone like sunlight captured in frozen dewdrops.
"Humans hang these around their necks," Firekeeper said. "They serve no purpose but to catch the light and look pretty. I thought you might like this one."
Lovable hopped eagerly along the branch where she had perched, flapping her wings enough that Bitter puffed out his neck feathers in disgust.
"Give me! Give me!" she squawked, taking the thong in her beak. "Pretty! Pretty!"
Bitter sleaked his feathers. "You are as stupid about sparkling things as if you were a lesser beast."
Firekeeper couldn't help but smiling. The comparison was apt, but she also suspected that Lovable rather enjoyed annoying Bitter.
"I would give you a gift as well," Firekeeper said, "but I fear nothing but my most sincere thanks would satisfy a connoisseur like yourself."
Bitter sleeked his feathers again, and Firekeeper knew she had pleased him more than if she had offered him the largest gem in all the world.
"Please thank the jaguar Truth for granting me this information," Firekeeper continued. In the largely propertyless world of the yarimaimalom, she knew words counted for much—though actions for more. "She must have sent word as soon as the decision was made."
Bitter hacked a raven's laugh.
"Oh, she sent it long before the humans had decided. Remember, Truth is gifted with foresight. She knew what they would decide, even as they worked their way to a decision."
Firekeeper felt a bit uncomfortable about this, but she had decided that much of this talk of foresight must be symbolic rather than literal. Hadn't Truth admitted she could not see clearly where Firekeeper was concerned?
"Even with Truth's forewarning," Firekeeper said, "I should begin my run with little delay. I have a fair way to go."
"Run then," Bitter said. "We shall fly and let Lovable cache this shining thing."
Firekeeper held up a hand. "If you will let me," she said to Lovable, "I can loop that around your neck much as we did the message capsule. It will be heavier and may unbalance you… "
Lovable hopped over. "Do it! Do it!"
Firekeeper did, and when the ravens launched themselves into flight, she saw the gemstones gleaming against the dark feathers as Lovable made her slightly lopsided flight.
Blind Seer had seen the ravens' arrival, but had politely waited until they were gone to come over and learn the reason for their visit.
"Derian comes," Firekeeper explained, removing her bow and arrows from their cache in the tree. "I go to the outpost to speak with him. Will you come with me or shall I find you here?"
"I'll run with you," the blue-eyed wolf replied. "I'd hear what Fox Hair says, and remind you of all we have to tell him."
Firekeeper leapt lightly down.
"I am glad to have you with me," she said. "Shall we tell the others where we go? We owe them no deference, but they have been good hosts."
"We will tell them," Blind Seer said. "We are no newly made hunters to prop up our achievements with rudeness."
Firekeeper glowed inside at this reflection of his opinion of her. She knew too well how new-made her own status was—it was good to know that for him she had never been less.
Cricket and Neck Breaker were easiest to locate, and so to them Firekeeper and Blind Seer made their explanations.
"Will you return?" Cricket asked.
"If we are welcome," Firekeeper replied. "I understand the joined packs will soon split again, but we have much yet that you could teach us."
Neck Breaker thumped his tail in approval.
"You are welcome to return to our pack," he said, "and I think I do not take too much on myself to say that I believe you are welcome in any of these packs."
Crick
et agreed. "The ocean fish have ended much of their run, and soon summer hunting begins, but we will make certain all the wolves know where you go and that you hope to return."
There was no need for more to be said, and no empty wishes for luck along the trail.
That's the way of wolves, Firekeeper thought with satisfaction as she and Blind Seer fell into the jog that would carry them for great distances without much fatigue. Humans wish each other luck as if it comes from outside, but wolves make their own luck.
She knew she was being smug, but with the wind kissing her hair, and Blind Seer running beside her through the coolness of the shaded forest understory, she didn't care.
Chapter XXII
He'd forgotten how strange she was. Derian hadn't thought this was possible. He knew he'd gotten used to the wolf-woman, but at the moment when Firekeeper stepped out of the forest's edge and came to greet him, he realized he'd been expecting someone else—someone other…
Her hair needed a good combing. Her clothing—trousers and blouse after the style worn by the Liglimom—was definitely the worse for wear. It needed a wash, and the cotton fabric had never been intended for the hard use to which she had put it. But it wasn't just that Firekeeper needed grooming to bring her image into harmony with the person Derian expected. He'd forgotten the barely suppressed wildness in her every step, the assessing darkness in her eyes, the hundred and one little characteristics that made Firekeeper somehow other than human.
In contrast, Blind Seer, padding with his usual contained swagger at her left, looked positively familiar.
Harjeedian and Derian had discussed the various problems at length on the voyage over to Misheemnekuru, but once they had docked, the aridisdu had left Derian.
"I'm going to visit with the residents of the outpost," Harjeedian said. "Lady Blysse holds no liking for me, and I will not complicate an already too complicated matter with my presence. If she does not appear, you are welcome in the outpost. I know from my fellows' letters that she has not hesitated to come there."
Derian had agreed that he would do better to wait for Firekeeper alone. He didn't know if he'd ever like Harjeedian, but the more he learned of the reasons that had led to the aridisdu's role in their kidnapping, the more he didn't actively dislike him. Harjeedian was another person who seemed to be transforming under his eyes the longer Derian knew him. Was that the problem with this strangeness he now saw in Firekeeper—that Derian had thought he knew her and now must face how little he did know?
Doing his best not to show his disquiet, Derian moved to meet Firekeeper halfway between the forest's edge and the dock.
"I thought someone might tell you I was coming," he said, knowing the wolf-woman's disdain for empty conversation. "Nice to know you've made some friends."
"Some," Firekeeper replied with a slight smile, the monosyllable saying more than sentences would have done. "We speak nearer forest? Blind Seer hot in this sun."
Derian had noticed the wolf was panting. Indeed, his own shirt was sticking to his back.
"I'd be glad to go into the forest, as long as I don't trespass over any boundaries. I promised not to violate any of the agreements between the yarimaimalom and the Liglimom."
"I keep you safe," Firekeeper replied, and without another word she turned and led the way into the green-shaded coolness.
A double handful of paces within the curtain of larger trees they came upon a camp in whose compact design Derian recognized Firekeeper's mark. There was a stone circle in which banked coals glowed. Over these a spitted rabbit was slowly roasting, fat dripping intermittently to sizzle in the embers.
"We eat along the trail," Firekeeper said, "but then there was a stupid rabbit… We have berries, too, and fresh water."
She indicated a pottery jar with a toss of her head.
"That and water I take from well. I even ask."
A major concession on her part, for Derian knew that Firekeeper ascribed to a wolfish view that the strong took and the rest put up with the taking. She must have some reason for wanting to keep the Liglimom sweet. He was interested in what might have moderated her outlook, but explanations might come out without his pressing her with questions.
The camp was set up in an area obviously intended for such—another sign of her accommodation. Whatever the reason Firekeeper had elected to use it, Derian was glad for the table and benches already in place. He really didn't feel like sitting on a rock.
"So, wondering why I came?" Derian asked, teasingly.
"I think, maybe, I say I want to talk and you is kind," Firekeeper said, "but I then think must be more for Liglimom to let you come here so easy."
"Good thoughts," Derian replied. Firekeeper had slid across the table a leaf cup filled with a handful of sweet-tart wild blueberries, and he ate a few of these while he organized his thoughts. "Firekeeper, are you willing to listen to a very long story? I want to know what has been happening with you, the things that you wanted to talk with me about, but I want your promise that you'll give me a chance to tell you some things—important things—before you go running off again."
Firekeeper nodded. "I listen. Even you go first."
Derian realized that part of the reason for this courtesy was that his telling might save the wolf-woman the need to articulate some information that she might have received from another source.
"I'll go first," he said, "but promise you'll ask questions. This gets really complicated."
Firekeeper agreed with another nod. Blind Seer had withdrawn from the fire to a patch of damp ground and his panting had slowed. A dog might have finished cooling off by going to sleep, but the wolf lay watching with intelligent eyes.
Derian began explaining the complicated tangle of fears and accusations, threats of heresy and impiety that had grown from the very small seed of Firekeeper's arrival and the realization that she could without a doubt speak to the yarimaimalom. The wolf-woman listened with astonishing patience, asking occasional questions, and not even being offended when Derian mistook her silence for inattention.
"I listen," she said. "These yarimaimalom do listen to and work with humans. If the humans think strange, so may beasts and so I must know."
"You should also know," Derian said, "because one of these days someone is going to insist—or at least try to insist—on your coming back and playing teacher. I don't know if anyone could put pressure on the yarimaimalom to make you come back, but if and when you do, all of this is going to boil forth."
Firekeeper made a sharp gesture filled with contained energy. She and Derian had been picking at the rabbit during his long recital. Now she snapped one of the bones between her fingers and sucked out the marrow as a child might the honey from a sweet.
"I know," she said. "What I not know is if I can teach this thing—even if they decide that the learning is good. What happens if I cannot teach?"
"Some people will be relieved," Derian said, "and some will be disappointed. Unhappily, the basic question of whether your ability and apparent acceptance by the Wise Beasts makes you the equivalent of one of the five most powerful people in u-Seeheera—I think in the entire land—will remain. The yarimaimalom do seem to have accepted you as one of their own."
Without his intending such, Derian's voice turned the last into a question and Firekeeper answered it as such.
"The wolves accepted Blind Seer first, and Blind Seer claimed me as one of his pack. Later, I win my place. It is a little place, but, yes, I am accepted by these wolves. Some ravens, too, speak with me—the ones who carried the messages to you and their flock. Whether this is accepting of yarimaimalom or only of some yarimaimalom, I do not know."
"I think," Derian said, "that in this case—at least unless the humans received omens indicating otherwise—some is as good as all. What matters is that the yarimaimalom have not killed you as a trespasser. That makes you at the very least a human with privileges granted to no other—and I, for one, think it makes you a Beast."
He had seen
Firekeeper bristle slightly when he referred to her as a privileged human, but she eased as soon as she understood his point.
"And," she said, "if you see me so, so will many others and these problems will become more than words. Very well. If and when I come to mainland again, I be very careful how I act."
That was a greater concession than Derian had expected, and he found himself asking, "What has happened since you've been here?"
Firekeeper tossed the rabbit bone into the embers and stared at the little tongues of flame that licked up in response.
"Blind Seer and I have talked with many Wise Wolves, from many packs. They come for a hunting, but also for a looking over. We learn many things in this time. These Wise Wolves is not like my Royal Wolves—in both body and mind, they are different. I not know what humans know of this, so tell none, but I wish you to know. Speak of it only if humans tell first."
Derian promised, touched and frightened as once before when Firekeeper had confided in him things the powerful Beasts might not want known by humans. There were times when her trust in his discretion was a rather greater burden than he desired.
When Firekeeper finished the long account of how the yarimaimalom had bred for talents and ended up with monstrosities, Firekeeper shrugged as if to say "Now you figure it out." For Derian, who had grown to adulthood in a culture that tolerated inborn talents only because no one could do anything about them, and because many of them were admittedly useful, the idea of breeding for talents was almost as disquieting as the practice of magic.
"You're right," Derian said. "These Wise Wolves are nothing like your Royal Wolves, not in mind or—it seems—in body. The ravens told you that these differences have alienated the yarimaimalom from the Royal?"
"Yes," Firekeeper agreed. "I think it is with all. I have not yet talked with a member of the water folk, though I think some of the otters who hunted among the salmon must have been Wise."
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