‘… Abhishek Puri …’
‘Umm, hi!’ A long and lean body sits down on the bench next to me, his hand tucked under his shirt, scratching his stomach.
‘Hi, Nihar,’ I shoot back, jolted out of my guilt trip. I don’t need to look up to see who the owner of the troubled abdomen is.
‘… integrity, morals, values …’
‘Listen, umm … you’ve prepared a paper for Rika, right?’
‘Uh-huh.’ I’m too busy listening to the principal. The name of the Blue house vice-captain for the girls is going to be called out. Please god, not Anamika, not Anamika. Even though I know no one in their right mind would put her on the student council, I continue the chant in my head.
Anyway, god isn’t a sadist. He would never be cruel enough to let a cow like Anamika become vice-captain. Not when her first act in power would be to stick the sharp pin of her badge between my nails. Not that she doesn’t dream of doing that already …
‘Yeah, so I need a favour,’ Nihar says hesitantly.
‘… Anamika Gopani …’
Nooooooooo!
Nihar clears his throat. It takes me a few seconds to register this and then I remember that he’s just asked me something.
‘What is it, Nihar?’ I snap. Anamika is standing at her seat, striking a classic Miss Universe pose. She fakes some tears of joy (quite skillfully, I have to admit) and daintily dabs some of them away with her pinky.
‘Umm, can you give me a copy of the paper?’ Nihar says, his words tumbling over each other.
‘Which paper?’ I ask, still distracted by the grim prospect of life under the vindictive thumb of Anamika.
‘… Karam Siddhwani…’ Nihar stops short when he hears this.
Karam Siddhwani, Rika and Nihar’s stepbrother, has just been made the boys vice-captain of Blue house. Nihar and I exchange sad smiles.
Karam is the son of Sangeeta Jaiswal, Rika’s and Nihar’s stepmother. In fact, the new missus Jaiswal and Sameera aunty had been childhood friends. When they were younger, they spent every moment indulging in one common pursuit, romantic conquests, setting their sights on the Tata and Birla scions. They continued this hobby even after they both got married, skillfully dodging their husbands’ suspicions, and miraculously managed to hang on to their loaded finds. Until one day Sangeeta Jaiswal decided to try her hand at her best friend’s husband and succeeded.
One of the saddest things about this is that Karam, Rika and Nihar had been brought up together practically like siblings. Nihar and Karam had been best friends like their mothers.
‘I want the one you’re preparing for Rika. You know, for tuitions,’ Nihar continues quietly after a minute.
He is very fidgety, even by his normal standards. In addition to his habitual scratching, he is squirming and wiping the seat with his bum like a primary school student with a bursting bladder.
‘Why do you want it?’ I ask. I hear a deafening victory scream from Shantanu’s side and realize that he has been crowned vice-president of the performing arts society. His expressions are exquisitely furnished with tactful smiles in the direction of other aspirants for this position. He waves his hands in victory even as he is crushed beneath a bunch of overly joyous and uncouth co-performers who jumped on him as soon as the syllable ‘Sh’ was read out.
Hmm … that was expected. Shantanu and his Bollywood dreams are legendary.
The sports vice-captains are going to be announced next.
‘Practice?’ Nihar says lamely.
I am immediately suspicious. Practice? And Nihar? That’s like Rika giving up Iron Maiden for Justin Beiber.
It takes me less than a minute to put two and two together. ‘You don’t have anyone, do you, to prepare a paper for you for tuitions?’
He is like a deer caught in headlights when I say that. He turns a deep shade of scarlet and turns away, and I know I’ve guessed right.
‘… Ira Bhatt …’
Before Nihar can explain, a crowd descends upon me. I can vaguely make out Nim’s Nike deo, Lavisha’s unmoisturized hands and a wild Rika running into the class. I am being mauled in every possible manner. Someone who ate an egg roll for lunch is screaming into my face and a very Rika-ish manicured finger has clawed its way to my cheeks.
‘SSSHHHH!’ a voice somewhere yells. ‘The vice-head girl and vice-head boy are going to be announced!’
Everyone immediately clambers back to their chairs, leaving me dishevelled, stunned and alone to revel in my new position of power.
Rika is standing with bated breath. And I’m hoping for something I know isn’t going to happen, something that makes me feel like the worst best friend ever.
‘And the vice-head girl for the next academic year is Niharika Jaiswal!’
Everyone jumps up in synchronized motion, like dancers from Shiamak Davar’s Winter Dhamaka! Troupe, squealing Rika’s name. I sit back in my chair, watching my wild classmates swarm Rika the same way they swarmed me a minute ago.
Breaking free of the clutches of our ill-mannered friends, Rika looks at Nihar and me jubilantly. Nihar and I bear the same expression of polite congratulation. She is whisked away by a gaggle of lackeys. I can’t overlook the expression on her face. Even though she was waiting with her ears pricked up for the name to be announced, there was no surprise on her face. She’d been completely confident of her victory.
Why am I upset? And why hadn’t I voted for Rika?
‘So, Nihar!’ My chemistry teacher Pereira sir’s booming voice makes us jump. Obviously nobody has noticed his entrance, since they are still leaping around the classroom with a skill and agility that would put jungle monkeys to shame.
‘Niharika’s become the vice-head girl, eh?’ he chortles, obviously in a very Santa Claus-like jovial mood. He even looks like Santa Claus—pot-bellied, white-mustachioed and with an overwhelming presence albeit imaginary teaching skills. ‘What are you, hmm? Nothing! Now I don’t mean to offend you, but you should try to be a bit like her. You are twins, no?’
Nihar nods in reply to his last question. I sympathize with his situation. It must be hard being Rika’s brother. His expression is harsh and almost menacing, a stark difference to his usual bumbling self. His fists are clenched, his knuckles white and his jaw is set. He looks daggers at Pereira sir.
Pereira sir draws back, looking puzzled. Then he notices the vein throbbing on Nihar’s forehead and his demeanour immediately changes to a more placating one.
‘Now, Nihar,’ he almost coos, ‘you mustn’t envy your sister. I said I’m not intending to insult you. It’s just that you should try to imbibe some of her discipline and sincerity.’
Nihar continues to glower at him. Deciding (somewhat wisely, in my opinion) that flight is the best option, my chemistry teacher smiles beatifically in our direction before making an inconspicuous exit.
‘It’s not that I am jealous of her, OK?’ Nihar turns to me and says in an almost accusing tone.
‘I know you aren’t,’ I mumble pathetically. ‘Chuck what that asshole says.’
‘You don’t understand, do you?’ Nihar exclaims. ‘You completely agree with what he says!’
‘No, I don’t!’ I protest.
‘Then why didn’t you say so?’
‘Because he wasn’t even talking to me! What’s wrong with you?’
‘I know that’s what you think too,’ he says with gritted teeth. He raises his voice to a falsetto in a bad imitation of me. ‘“Oh my god, Nihaaar! You’re sooo weird. OMG, Rikaaa, I would diiieee of embarrassment if I had a brother like him.”’
‘Listen,’ my voice gets an edge too, ‘don’t take your anger out on me. Just because your sister is something and you’re absolutely nothing, don’t be rude to me.’
I stand up, eager to get away from him. I’d already been feeling sick. The last thing I want is to be a guest to Nihar’s anger party too. God knows what triggered his reaction.
‘Yeah, go!’ Nihar yells when I start to walk away. ‘
Go and tell Rika what just happened. You’re not any different from me, you know. At least I don’t bitch about my best friend behind her back. And at least I don’t have a massive inferiority complex.’
I am stunned, but manage to retort, ‘Bitch about your best friend? Do you even have any friends of your own? The only reason people talk to you is because of Rika.’
‘Piss off!’ Nihar gets up angrily. ‘You’re just a wannabe. Don’t you know the only reason people talk to you is because of Rika?’ His face is red with fury. ‘In fact, how come you never voted for Rika?’
My mouth falls open. How does he know?
Reading my mind, he answers, ‘I was sitting right behind you when we voted.’
I’ve never seen this side of Nihar. Looks like he does have something in common with Rika.
‘I’m not dumb, you know,’ he says in a flat voice. ‘You’re a bigger bitch than Rika.’
‘Did you just call me a bitch?’ My voice sounds unnaturally hard to me. My insides are shaking and I am grateful that there is too much of a commotion for people to notice our spat.
‘And a liar,’ he adds ferociously. His stance is combative. He looks as if he is waiting for my reply, having already lined up a volley of ripostes.
I get a sinking feeling that I have nothing to defend myself with. The menacing gleam in Nihar’s eyes confirms that he knows it too. I contort my face into my most condescending expression and shake my head in patronizing disbelief.
I see a shadow of triumph creep into his eyes. He has caught me.
Help comes in the unlikely form of Anita and Hina. The pint-sized twosome enter my class, their eyes darting around the room in search of me. As they see me, they sprint towards me.
‘Congraaatts!’ Anita shrieks as she nears me. In their excitement, both Hina and she push across Nihar. His acerbic mood intensifies. He looks at me pityingly and sourly mouths, ‘Shame on you,’ before walking out, leaving me on the verge of tears.
‘Ira, I’m so bloody sorry!’ Rika exclaims. ‘I shouldn’t have—’
She stops when she sees me sink to the floor with my head in my hands. I can’t believe what just happened.
It had all started out perfectly normally. After lots of shrieking, crying and hugging, our entire group had gone to Gelato to celebrate. Even Yash, who managed to recover from a locker-kicking fit after finding out that he wasn’t the Blue house vice-captain. He had conveniently ignored the fact that he had been given the extremely appropriate (for him) post of vice-president of the nature club. The only club where you had a legitimate reason to spend most of your time in the loo.
I went for tuitions after that. Ma had started to become suspicious about my excuses for not attending tuition so I had no option but to trudge to tuition, hoping against hope that no one would notice me. At school today, my newfound intelligence had been eclipsed by the spectacle of the student council. However, I knew that while all the tutors were praising themselves for the extraordinary work they had done on me, everyone else would hanker for the raaz behind my full marks.
Oddly enough, Shikha ma’am, our science tutor, did not pick on me for missing so many classes. She just raised one eyebrow and sighed. ‘Finally. Did you prepare a paper for Rika?’
I nodded quietly and slunk away to a seat at the far end of the room next to Rika. Truth be told, no one had really bothered me. But as I walked across the room, a few heads turned to ogle at the freakish new me. Some of them started whispering and pointing while some completely unknown ones waved and said an extremely enthusiastic ‘Hi!’
I put it down to my full marks. I mean, hello, how many times does a dunce of a student get the highest percentage in class?
(Yes, you heard that right, the highest. Rajveer, the class nerd, was spotted sobbing quietly during lunch after finding out that I had beaten his 95.89 per cent with a remarkable 98.83 per cent. It was only because of the language papers that I’d been deprived of a cent per cent result.)
I bent my head low and tried to walk the Bollywood-actress-spotted-on-a-secret-dinner-date-with-her-co-actor walk. I kept running my hands through my hair as I mentally segregated my observers into the hostile traitor-left-us-for-the-geeks group and the Mummy-says-to-be-friends-with-full-marks category who had big fake smiles plastered on their faces. Reaching the last seat of the last row, I sat down, only to find that Rika was at the front of the room, talking to Shikha ma’am. Looking around furtively, she quickly slipped a piece of paper to Shikha ma’am.
Shikha ma’am cast a quick look at it. Both eyebrows shot up, and then she gave the paper a satisfied smirk. ‘OK, everyone, settle down. I’m giving out the papers.’
In a sudden moment of clarity, it hit me. Even before Shikha ma’am could pass around the test papers, I knew the questions would be the same as the ones I had written on my practice test for Rika. She had just handed it over to Shikha ma’am, effectively outing me to the entire tuition group.
‘Ira?’ Rika’s voice calls out. I quickly get up from the floor and realize that a huddle consisting of Nihar, Lavisha, Nim, Yash, Shantanu and Rika has formed around me. This is embarassing.
But why should I be embarrassed? I should be furious.
I glare at Rika accusingly. ‘You purposely did that, didn’t you?’
Rika remains silent, shifting guiltily. Tears spring to my eyes. She knew what would happen. She knew it.
Nihar is next on my radar. ‘So that’s why you were so desperate yesterday?’ I screech. ‘You just didn’t want to study for the exam so you asked me to make a paper. And then you started screaming at me for an absolutely rubbish reason.’
I can’t believe what they have done.
‘You people call yourself my friends? Why would you do this?’
‘Ira?’ Shikha ma’am is standing in front of me, in her usual business-like manner. ‘I told them to.’
It’s one thing to have your friends plotting to use you. But your tutor? Now that’s bad.
I look around Shikha ma’am’s office. Contrary to my expectations, the place isn’t filled with dusty old books. Books? Yes. Dusty? No. There is warm sunshine trickling in through the airy windows and a large bamboo plant popping in and out of a window. Her office is fully furnished, not your usual bare staff room with foldable steel chairs.
Once seated she throws some light on the undercover operation, which shall now, given the planning and plotting that went into it, be dubbed Operation Ira, spearheaded by her and Rika. (It breaks my heart to know that Rika was so actively involved in this mission. It is worse than the time Ma forgot to tell me that she saw on TV that Kristen Stewart had cheated on Robert Pattinson.)
‘Lavisha had unintentionally told us about your, umm,’ Shikha ma’am struggles to find a suitable word, ‘ability.’
If Rika is the Bitchiest Person Ever, Lavisha is undeniably the Biggest Mouth Ever. During one of the tuition classes in the post-prelims break, Lavisha had blurted out my secret to everyone.
‘Normally, we laugh these things off. It’s not good for the students if they start believing in all this,’ Shikha informs me hastily. ‘But a few days later, when one of our other students, a not-so-brilliant CLAT student, did well in her exams, all the teachers and students asked her the secret.’
See, why do you need to demoralize an average student who is riding high on her recent success by suspiciously asking them the ‘secret’ behind it? I mean, if a 90+ student gets another 90+, no one really bothers them that much, do they?
I stare at Shikha ma’am stonily. She turns her gaze away from me and starts concentrating on the blank screen of her Macbook Pro. (OK, how much do these tutors earn?!?)
‘Anyway, this girl, Aisha something, said that her neighbour could predict question papers. Aisha showed us the GK textbook where her neighbour—you—had marked some MCQs. And surprise, surprise! Those questions came in our exam. And it wasn’t just any mock test, Ira. It was an,’ she pauses, ‘Ashok Amroliwallah mock test.’ Shikha ma’am’s voi
ce has a cool edge to it. ‘Anyway, it wasn’t hard to put two and two together.’
I twiddle my thumbs, mentally cursing Aisha. Normally her mouth hardly opens except at mealtimes. Why did she have to open her peep-hole to blabber about me?
Shikha is staring at me intently. As if there is something seriously wrong with me. Or as if she expects me to slump back into my chair any moment now, close my eyes and start spouting question papers in an eerie voice.
The rest was simple. They had decided to ‘test’ my abilities and she had asked Rika to get me to prepare a question paper.
‘We were all in for a pleasant shock when your paper turned out to be an exact replica of my paper.’ Something in her voice makes me feel that she isn’t too pleased with this. Well, that makes two of us.
‘Come to the main office tomorrow. Ashok sir wants to meet you.’
7
‘Ira, you’re not in trouble, are you?’ Rika asks anxiously as I come out of Shikha ma’am’s office.
I keep walking. Rika gasps loudly and follows me. This has to be the first time I’ve publicly snubbed her.
For the longest time, I thought Rika was a really good friend of mine. She was a snobby, Cuffe Parade rich bitch but we had tons of fun together. The one thing I really liked about her was that she seemed above the petty things in life, like exams.
Today, I find it hard to believe that Rika could stoop to this. My insides clench as I continue walking. A large vat of anger is bubbling inside me, fuelled by humiliation and betrayal.
‘Don’t ignore me!’ She grabs my shoulder.
I flare up. ‘Rika, first you go and squeal on me to a teacher. Then you lie to me and trick me into preparing a paper for your own ulterior motives! And now you have the guts to show me attitude!’
The rest of the gang is staring at us with their mouths hanging open. Rika and I have never fought. Actually, that’s mainly because I’ve ensured that we never got into a fight. I can’t afford to upset her. My social status will go spiralling downwards.
‘Coz if you ask me, hell hath no fury like Rika scorned.
But Ira Said Page 6