by Tia Siren
“You must have hope and faith. Both are things you can’t see. Since you believe in God, you must have believe in hope and faith. Try it out! You’ll see it will change your perspective.”
“Oh, Nana.” Gabby smiled at her. “I will try very hard to have hope for my future. I just…”
Nana cut her off, shaking her head. “Don’t you do that, dearie. You will be happy.”
She sounded so certain, Gabby couldn’t help but believe her. She nodded. “Okay, I will try to be positive.”
Nana nodded and looked out of the window again, sipping her tea. Her hand was shaking when she lifted it and Gabby reached out to help her steady it. “Thank you, dear.”
“I love you, Nana.” Gabby said. “I really do. I don’t want you do pass very soon.”
Nana looked at her, widening her eyes. “You mustn’t say such a thing. I have lived a long time, as I said. I am ready to see the Lord.”
Gabby felt tears rising to her eyes and fought them.
“I love you, too, little flower. My life now is not very active. I used to be very active and was for many years. But time has caught up with me and now I just wait for my final judgment. I love the Lord and I am ready for Him.”
“Oh, Nana.” Gabby couldn’t help letting her tears fill her eyes. She looked up and out at the sky when two of them escaped and rolled slowly down her cheeks. She hid them and her flushed cheeks by taking a sip of her tea. When she discovered it was just the right temperature for her, she took longer drinks of it. Soon, it was gone.
“I need to go finish hanging the sheets, Nana.” She stood up and leaned to kiss her Nana on the cheek. “I love you.”
A chill of delight ran through her when her Nana giggled. If she was ever to leave this place, she would miss her sweet grandmother the most.
She felt a lot better as she went down the stairs and out to hang up the sheets she’d left behind. Her brothers were nowhere in sight when she stepped out into the blazing sun. She was immediately hot again and her forehead was wet before she even got to the line. She wasn’t as frustrated now. When she got to the basket, she began singing an old hymn Nana had taught her when she was young.
“Lord, ‘tis a pleasant thing to stand, In gardens planted by thine hand; Let me within thy courts be seen, Like a young cedar, like a young cedar, Like a young cedar, fresh and green.”
She finished the sheets and cases fairly quickly, anxious to get back into the house, where it was cooler. It was uncommonly hot for this time of year. It was already November. She expected snow soon. But not if the heat remained where it was. Thanksgiving would be celebrated soon. She wondered if her brothers had plans. She had to assume they did. They usually did. Before she could begin to dwell, she resumed her singing.
“Laden with fruits of age, they show the Lord is holy, just and true; None who attend his gates shall find A God unfaithful or unkind.”
****
Chapter Two
The sun burned bright outside Edward’s window and he could feel the intense heat through the glass. He was dreading going out there, even though he was used to the heat in Arizona. His depressed state had only gotten worse and he was beginning to think he was going to lose his mind. Mark looked over the land, watching Jonathan play in the yard. He was pushing the pram quickly over the short grass, stopping short and then leaning over to make sure his baby sister had a smile on her face. When he saw that she did, he would take off again, only to stop once more and lean over.
Jonathan repeated the motion over and over. It was as if he would never stop. Edward didn’t stop him. He knew that Jon wouldn’t let anything happen to Emilia. She was precious to him, a reminder of the mother he had lost.
Edward’s heart squeezed when his dear wife, Beth, passed through his mind. He was glad Jon didn’t resent the baby when it was during her birth that they had lost his sweet Beth. In fact, the boy treated the little baby girl as if she was made of precious gold, a fine gem that would shatter if put under too much strain. He hadn’t expected it but it was a true blessing. He hadn’t taken it nearly as well.
It had been six months since then. Edward’s sister, Patricia, had been visiting every single day since, trying to get him to give the baby to her.
He couldn’t do it. He loved Emilia more than his sister or anyone else realized. His depressed mood didn’t come from having to care for a baby. It came from having the opportunity to live his life happy with the woman he loved ripped from his hands, crushing his heart. His spirit for life, the flame that keeps everyone going, was almost out.
He’d been in deep thought all morning. He had decided to miss work today, knowing that his job as the head groundskeeper for the vicarage in town was secure. He’d worked there since he was sixteen, ten years ago. They loved him there and he loved his job. The only other time off he’d ever asked for was when Beth died. He took a week and then went back to business as usual.
But it wasn’t business as usual in his heart. Nor his mind. He was finding it hard to concentrate. And his children needed him to pull it together. He wanted so much to care for them properly, to be a happy, playful father like he would have been, like he was before he lost Beth. Jon had seen the change and said nothing. For a nine year-old, he was extremely wise.
Edward didn’t want Jon to grow up so fast. He didn’t want the little boy to miss out on playing and having fun and enjoying his life because he needed to be a father and mother to a newborn.
He heard the door slam and turned in his seat to look behind him, leaning forward on the table. He grunted and nodded when Patricia came into the room.
“Hello, Eddie, how are you today?”
“I’m all right,” Edward said, his deep voice resonating naturally through the room. Patricia came over and stopped to stand next to him. He turned and looked back out at Jon, who was still playing the same game.
“You shouldn’t let him play out there in the heat like that,” Patricia said, her stern tone irritating him immediately. She acted like he didn’t know how to parent without Beth, that he hadn’t raised Jon to the age of nine, too. “He’ll turn red and fall over unconscious.”
“He’ll be fine, Patty. Did you need something today?”
“Why aren’t you at work?”
“I took the day off.”
“You never take days off. And do you think you should? You will never get your head back on straight if you aren’t working. You’ll just sit here and think about it day in and day out. How do you think that’s going to make the children feel? Well, Jonny anyway. If you don’t…”
She continued on until Edward thought she should be glad their father had taught him to respect the weaker sex. All he really wanted was for her to be quiet. He would have welcomed her help otherwise. If only she could have come over to help without criticizing every step he took.
“Did you suppose to leave the children here by themselves today?”
“Of course not, Patty. I take them to the vicarage with me on Saturdays. Always have. Why would it be different today?”
For the first time in a long time, Patty didn’t reply. He glanced up at her and saw the look on her face. It irritated him even more. She was gazing at his children as if they were hers. That wouldn’t have been so bad if the look wasn’t mixed with such jealousy and bitterness. She and her husband had not been able to conceive. She had always been upset that her little brother had a child first. When Beth became pregnant the second time, it was like Patricia’s pain doubled.
Her dark hair was pulled back from her face and pulled up in a tight bun. She had a long, thin face and a large pouty mouth. They had never been close. That wasn’t going to change.
“Patty, why are you here today? I don’t remember asking you to come by for anything.”
“You don’t have to ask, Eddie.” Patty looked down at him through narrow eyes. “You know those kids need someone to watch out for them and I’m just doing my part.”
Edward’s jaw clenched and he abruptly stoo
d up, knocking Patty backwards slightly. She was the same height as he but much thinner, with less muscle power. She steadied herself on her feet, widening her eyes in shock and anger.
“Excuse me, Edward!”
He narrowed his eyes at her and leaned toward her. She took a step back.
“My children don’t need someone to watch out for them, Patricia! They have their father! That’s me! Don’t you forget that!”
Patricia stiffened her spine and huffed at him. “Well! I was just trying to help my brother!”
“Yes, to his children! But you can’t have them. They are not going with you. And yes, I understand you were only really interested in taking Emilia. But for the last time, woman, I am not turning them over to you, even for a night! I do appreciate all the help you’ve given me, especially when Emilia was first born! But I do not want your help any longer, do you understand me?”
Patricia was making small noises, unable to get a complete word out. Her face had drained of all color and she was staring at her brother, stunned.
“That means you do not need to come by whenever you wish any more. I will raise my children and I do not want your interference, criticism or bitterness in my house anymore!”
He began to walk toward her. She moved backward and was eventually at the threshold of the house. She turned quickly and was out on the porch in half a second. He followed her out on the porch to make sure she went back to her small wagon.
She turned back to spit out the words, “You’re going to regret pushing me away, Edward. You’ll never have anyone and you’ll be miserable all your life.”
He shook her off with one hand, gesturing wildly in the air. “Go on, Patricia! Go on out of here! You can’t have them! Just leave!”
“Oh!” Patricia stomped to her wagon and pulled herself up. “Scoot! Go!” She slapped the reins and rode off, stiffening her back and looking as refined and dignified as possible.
“Good riddance to ya.” Edward mumbled as he watched her go. Soon the wagon was lost in the dust and he turned back to go inside.
He let the door slam behind him, went through the house and out the back door to the yard where his children were. His young son had carefully taken the baby from her pram and laid her on a blanket he’d prepared on the ground under the shade of a tree he’d planted ten years ago when Jon was born.
“Hey there, Jon. What are you and Emilia doing?”
“I was pointing out some shapes I see in the clouds.” Jon pushed himself up on his elbows, giving his father a large smile. “But it’s kind of hard to do that when we are under the tree. I thought maybe she needed to be in the shade for a bit because I don’t want her face to turn red.”
“You are one smart lad.” Edward nodded and dropped to sit cross-legged on the ground next to his children. Emilia turned her tiny head to look at her papa and gave him a large smile.
Edward’s heart lifted, feeling as if it was up in the clouds Jon was trying to look at. Both of his children were smiling at him. It was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. He wanted to shed his mood and bring back the happiness to his home.
But how?
That evening as he perused the newspaper after his children were in bed, he had an idea. He’d heard that some men were sending for a woman from the East to travel to them to become their bride. He looked in the section where they usually had any advertisements but didn’t see anything like he was thinking about.
Edward realized that there wouldn’t be any in this newspaper because the wives were being sought from the East. He wondered if such a thing would be good for his children. He would be brutally honest with any woman who might answer such an ad. He had no plans of lying. He would let the woman know he had lost his Beth and was interested in rebuilding his family.
Could he fall in love with a woman this way? Would he really be able to do that?
He put one hand over his mouth and debated the thought.
He turned so that his legs would swing off the edge of the bed and touched his feet to the cold floor. He immediately pulled them back up and pushed them into a pair of slippers Beth had gotten him as a Christmas present.
He reached into the drawer in the stand by his bed and pulled out a writing board with a small piece of chalk. He didn’t want to waste paper just to write the same thing over and over.
He leaned over the board and began to write. He only wrote a few words before he used one sleeve to wipe it clean. He wrote again. He started again.
I am looking for someone to be a wife and mother to my two children. I seek companionship, someone strong and who will be kind and gentle with them.
It was a start. Edward looked at it and ran the words through once again in his mind. He needed the woman he brought over to be the best mother he could provide for his little ones. He wasn’t about to sacrifice their happiness for his. If it made him miserable, he would live with it. But if she was good for his children, he would accept it.
****
Chapter Three
It wasn’t the first time Gabby wondered why her brothers were not living in huge houses far away from her. They had houses. Why weren’t they there?
They came bursting into the kitchen just like they always had, talking loudly about some political thing or other, Lincoln was doing this, Lincoln was doing that. Good for them. She didn’t think about that kind of thing. She thought someday she might go back to their homeland and see how things were there.
She stayed seated at the table, responded with “Morning” when they greeted her and looked down at the newspaper Aeden tossed down onto the table. They both went to the stove and poured a cup of coffee from the pot for themselves. As they headed back to the door, she lifted the newspaper and waved it at him.
He shook his head. “Already looked through it, Gabs. You keep it and give yourself something to do today.”
She turned back to the table so he wouldn’t see the resentment and disdain on her face. “Thank you.” She murmured. Give her something to do? Gabs? She wasn’t sure how much longer she could take it.
She snorted. The newspaper was filled with political information that she didn’t care for. She flipped through it and scanned each page. Her eyes stopped when she saw a small paragraph in the section that held the advertisements. A soft chill ran over her arms as the idea formed in her mind.
Freedom.
She sucked in her breath and grabbed the paper, focusing on the ad. It was a way to get out. Her brothers would be forced to care for her grandparents and she could have her life, for the first time in her life. She stood up, letting the chair scoot violently back behind her.
They would soon know how much work it took to make this house run, to keep it clean and to keep her grandparents alive and healthy. She was sure they would do it, that her grandparents would be healthy and cared for. There was no way her brothers didn’t have that kind of compassion.
She moved through the house and up to her room, knowing the path so well, she didn’t even look up from the paper. In her room, the large desk her grandfather had made for her when she was just a child sat waiting. She pulled the chair out, set the paper down and sat. It would only take one piece of paper, some ink and an envelope and her life would change dramatically.
I am wanting to answer the ad for the bride to come to Buxley. I am 23 years old, have long red curly hair, green eyes and I am slender but strong. I have been caring for my elderly grandparents since my brothers and I lost our parents in an accident some years ago. I am looking for a change of scenery, a change of pace. I am willing to care for your children, as I said I have been doing that kind of thing for some time now. Please let me know if you have any questions I should answer before you choose and if you will respond with further information as to how to proceed.
Gabby looked down at the letter and pondered whether it sounded to abrupt or rude or in a way that she would not accept herself if she was him. That confusing thought did no good when it came to her intentions. She tilted her he
ad and reread it a third time. By the time she was done, she was satisfied with it and hurried to find an envelope. She would take it to the post straight away. She couldn’t help wondering how long it would take to hear back from him.
As she rode into town on her horse, Amazon, she began to feel excited. She wasn’t used to her heart beating so quickly. It was as if she saw a light in front of her and she was hurrying toward it as fast as she could. What would her life be like? Would she love the man she was going to marry?
Her breath came and went rapidly, as if she was the one running and galloping instead of Amazon. She gripped the reins tightly.
Gabby’s mind swirled around the possibilities. She had so many hopes and dreams, she didn’t even know were lurking in the back of her mind. And apparently deep down in her heart.
She felt the strange sensation that she wanted to cry. She rarely cried about anything. The last time she cried was at the funeral of her parents. She hadn’t felt happy since then. But now…it was strange to her. She wanted to be away from here, finally living her life. But she was going to miss her grandparents. And in some strange way, she was going to miss her brothers.
But not much.
She passed the store her family owned and glanced inside. Donnie was standing in the front of the store, talking to another man. He looked like he was having an intense conversation. The other man was a stranger to her, which was odd. She thought she knew everyone in town.
It was of no consequence. She wasn’t going to stop and tell her brothers her plans. She wasn’t even going to tell her grandparents until she heard back from this Edward. She moved on from the store. The post office was just down from it, only four buildings. She rode up to the front and got down from Amazon, satisfied that she was doing the right thing. She had prayed for something to happen to change her life. It was as if God himself had put the paper in front of her so that she would see it and respond.
Was that what the Lord wanted for her?
She looked up just before she went into the building. “I hope so, Lord, because I’m doing it.”