by S. R. Grey
I feel so normal all of the sudden. I mean, here we are in a crappy situation, but we can still smile and blush over a boy. Emboldened, I take a chance and nudge Mandy with my knee. I wait for the panic to set in, but everything is fine. I feel good. Maybe there’s hope for me yet.
Mandy glances down at my knee, then back up at me. I know she’s surprised I made contact with her, but, to my relief, she says nothing. Instead, she treats me like I’m normal, nonchalantly smacking me with the edge of the top sheet.
“Shut up,” she says. “I am not blushing.” She ponders for a few seconds, and then qualifies, “Though I have to admit that Josh is certainly a blush-inducing kind of guy.”
“Josh, huh?”
“Yeah,” she sighs. “Josh.”
Mandy clearly cares for this “blush-inducing” guy. I mean, hell, he’s her reason to return to Morgantown, so I feel confident in asking, “Is Josh the special someone you told me about in the work barn?” She nods, and I add excitedly, “Well, tell me more about him.”
We both hunker down in the covers. I scoot lower on my pillows and she moves an inch closer.
“Okay,” she says. “I may be biased, but I have to say Josh is really super cute.”
“Go on,” I prompt.
Smiling, she tells me, “He has wavy blond hair and the bluest eyes you’ve ever seen. And, Jaynie, he is freaking built.”
I nod approvingly. “Nice.”
“Very nice,” she agrees with a waggle of her eyebrows.
We laugh for a minute, but then things turn serious when she says, “More important than all those things, though, is that Josh is a great guy. He’s a good soul, Jaynie. Like Flynn.” She smiles at me, and I smile back. “He really helped me a lot. I don’t think I ever would have made it for so long without him. He was a runaway, too, at the time, but he’d been out on his own for a lot longer than I had. He knew things, like which fast food restaurants didn’t lock their dumpsters at night and who dumped the most food. He also knew the best places to panhandle, and where it was safe to sleep.”
“He sounds amazing,” I say. “Was he fifteen at the time, too?”
“No, he was seventeen when I met him, almost eighteen.”
Mandy stares at the wall behind me, and I know she’s lost in a memory. Maybe she’s thinking about what Josh might be doing right now, maybe she’s wondering if he still thinks of her, the way she’s thinking of him on a stormy April night.
Mandy clears her throat. “Oh, I should tell you something else about Josh. Something that kind of makes him…well, him. He’s a really talented musician.”
“Wow, that’s pretty cool.”
“Yeah, it is. He used to play gigs around town, mostly in coffee shops. He sang a capella, at first, since he had no money for an instrument. But once he earned enough cash, he bought himself a pawned guitar. He was really catching on about the time I got picked up.”
“Picked up? What’d you do?”
“Something stupid.” Mandy makes a face. “I got arrested for shoplifting a donut and was thrown back in the system.”
“Ugh, that sucks.”
“Yeah, it sucked big time. Josh had been saving money at the time. We were hoping to get ourselves an apartment. There’s this state program Josh knew of where you can apply for subsidized housing.”
I perk up. “Wow, really? I might be interested in that. After I get out, that is.”
“We’ll keep in touch,” Mandy says. “Once I hook up with Josh, I’ll get the details for you.”
I like the idea, and I ask, “Do you think Josh has his own place by now?”
“He may, Jaynie. I sure hope so. But if not, we’ll find one together.”
Curious, I ask, “How do you plan to get in touch with him?”
Mandy smiles a we got that covered grin. “We worked out a plan ages ago. After I get to Morgantown I’m supposed to wait at our secret spot every evening at sunset. He’ll find me. He knows I’ll be there shortly after my birthday.”
“Secret spot, huh?” I can’t help but smile. “That sounds romantic.”
Mandy snickers softly. “Yeah, I guess it does. We had a little home set up under an overpass, right along the river. Josh used to play guitar at night and sing me to sleep. That’s where we plan to meet.”
“He sounds really sweet.”
“He is, Jaynie, he really is. And we’re going to have the life we want together. I figure if I get a job right away, and Josh is earning money from working and playing music, we can apply to be foster parents. That’s my real plan, Jaynie, to foster the twins. I just want to get them out of here. And eventually I hope to adopt Cody and Callie. I want to officially become their mom.”
“The twins do love you,” I say. “I think it’s a great idea.”
Mandy’s plan is amazing. Callie already told me she wants nothing more than for Mandy to become her mom, and I’m sure Cody feels the same way. Silently, I send up a prayer for everything to work out for Mandy and Josh, and for Cody and Callie, especially. I send up a quick prayer for Flynn, too, just in case he has a plan, as well.
Mandy glances over her shoulder at Callie, then back at me. “Do you want to hear the twins’ story?” she asks. “I can tell you how they ended up in foster care, if you want to know.”
“Of course I want to know,” I reply. And I do. I want to learn as much about my new family as possible.
“Well,” Mandy says. “I should start by telling you the twins have been in the system since they were four.”
“How’d they end up orphaned at such a young age?” I ask.
Mandy glances over at Callie once more, to make sure she’s asleep. When she turns back, she says, “Their mom was an addict. And they ended up in the system when she tried to sell them to her dealer to pay off a meth debt.”
“Jesus.”
“I know. It’s awful, right?”
“I can’t even…”
“It could’ve been worse,” Mandy says. “Lucky for the twins the dealer had a brother with a conscience. He dropped the kids off at Child Protective Services.”
I think of Callie mentioning how her mommy didn’t want them. But then she asked if I knew her mom. It kills me to think some part of that little girl still wants her mommy, despite everything.
“The things people do to their own children,” I say, disgusted. “It sickens me.”
“I know, Jaynie. I feel the same way.” Mandy rubs a hand down her face. “Ugh. Let’s talk about something else, okay?”
“Fine with me.”
Silence descends for a minute as we listen to the rain. And then I clear my throat and ask, “Do you know when Flynn turns eighteen?”
“Yeah.” Mandy nods. “October.”
“Does he know about your plan to foster the twins?”
“Yeah, he knows everything. And he thinks it’s a great idea, too.”
“Okay, I have to ask…” I trail off.
Mandy waits for me to continue, and when I don’t, she says, “Come on already. What?
I blurt out, “Does Flynn have any sort of plan for when he turns eighteen?”
Mandy laughs. “Yeah, his plan is to get the hell out of here.”
“That’s it?”
“More or less,” Mandy says. “Flynn’s not much of a planner. But, still, I’m sure once he gets settled, he’ll want to come up and visit the twins.” She contemplates, and then adds, “Maybe Flynn will stay up in Morgantown with us for a while. I know he loves Cody dearly. I think it’s because he reminds him of Galen.”
“Who is Galen?” I inquire.
Mandy lowers her voice to a barely audible whisper. “He was Flynn’s little brother.”
“Was?”
“Yeah, Jaynie…was.” She looks at me for a beat, then peers down at the bunched-up covers.
I know the answer has to be bad, but I can’t help but ask, “Flynn’s brother is dead, then? What the hell happened?”
Mandy closes her eyes and shakes her head
sharply. “Flynn should be the one to tell you the story. It’s not my place. But, yeah, his little brother is dead.”
Suddenly, lightning lights up the sky outside our window more brightly than ever. The blinding flash is accompanied by a vicious boom of thunder. The next crack is so loud, kind of like a whip cutting through the air, that both Mandy and I jump out of bed.
“Shit, that was loud,” Mandy says. She places her hand over her heart as she steadies herself.
“I know, right.”
Callie is awake now, too. She’s sitting up, rubbing her eyes. “Where’s Cody?” she asks drowsily.
What an odd question, seeing as Cody is down the hall in the room he shares with Flynn. Maybe Callie dreamt her brother was here with us in our room.
I try to sound consoling when I reply, “I’m sure Cody is fine. He’s safe in his room with Flynn.”
“Yeah,” Callie agrees as she yawns and stretches. “He’s always safe with Flynn, but they’ll still be here soon enough.”
I look to Mandy, questioning, and she says, “Uh, there’s something I need to tell you.”
Flynn
Here’s how it works…
I know how to sneak around the watchful red eyes of the cameras in the hall, so I lead Cody down the short hall. He follows, stepping in my exact footsteps. He’s an accurate little guy, as he knows one mistake and we are fucked.
The camera outside the girls’ bedroom door is tilted up, only the top half of the hallway is visible within its intrusive view. That means we can outsmart it. Hopefully, Mrs. Lowry will never get around to re-adjusting the damn thing.
“Okay.” I turn to Cody and drop down to my knees, putting me at about his height. With forced cheerfulness, I say, “Ready to do some covert crawling, little dude?”
“Uh-huh.” Cody nods and gets down on his knees, mimicking me. When he looks my way, waiting for the signal to go, I notice his eyes are so red-rimmed from crying that it gives me pause.
How long can this shit go on? The kid needs professional help for these bad dreams and night terrors. Tonight’s nightmare has left him visibly shaken. It was worse than the others, and it took me a full ten minutes to calm him down.
Despite my efforts, snot still pours from Cody’s nose. I sigh and peel off my white T-shirt, leaving me in dark blue boxers and nothing else.
Placing my balled-up tee under his nose, I wipe away the goo and ask, “Is that better?”
“Yeah,” Cody says, throat thick with phlegm. “Thank you, Flynnie.”
Damn, I know the kid loves me. And God help me, I love him, too. Leaving when I turn eighteen is going to be hard. I hope Mandy’s plan to foster the twins actually comes to fruition.
Cody tilts his head and asks, “What wrong now?”
I reach over and tousle his dark hair. “Nothing, bud. Let’s go.”
When we reach the girls’ room, I knock once on the door, down low, out of camera range. After a few seconds, Mandy opens the door. She must have been awake; she looks alert. She doesn’t acknowledge us in any way, as that would blow our cover. Instead, she glances down the hall to the bathroom, like she’s not sure if she has to go or not. It’s all part of our ruse.
While Mandy mock-contemplates, Cody and I crawl past her legs and into the room. That’s when Mandy does her final act for the camera, sighing and pretending she’s changed her mind.
After Mandy closes the door, the cameras are no longer a concern. Cody and I stand. And while I brush away fibers from the carpet from my knees, Cody is throwing his little arms around Mandy’s legs.
Kneeling down, she encircles him in a hug and assures him, “You’re safe, sweetie. Everything is okay.”
“I had bad dream, Mandy, with monsters. Scary monsters chase me all over the place.” Cody clings to Mandy tightly. “It was scary, so scary.”
“I know, sweetie, I know.” She kisses his cheek. “But nothing bad can get you now. We’re all together. Me, you, Flynn, Callie—”
“Callie,” he calls out frantically, his gaze sweeping the room for his sister. “Where are you?”
“I’m here, silly.” Callie slips from her bed, rubbing her eyes, and Cody runs to his twin.
I’m still standing by the door. While I shove hair out of my field of vision—I really need a damn haircut—I say quietly to Mandy, “It was really bad tonight for him. I don’t know how much longer this can go on. The kid needs to sleep in order to function.”
“Yeah, but what can we do, Flynn?” Mandy’s face is pained. This situation is killing her too. Our helplessness, our inability to do more for Cody, is wearing us down.
I sigh, and out of the corner of my eye, I notice Jaynie, sitting up on her mattress, leaned forward with bunched-up pillows behind her. She starts tugging at the cuffs of the bulky sweatshirt she’s wearing. The strain on her face is evident. I know it has to be uncomfortable for her to have a guy standing in her room, at night, wearing only boxers. I don’t know Jaynie’s story, but I’m smart enough to have figured out she was assaulted in some way. Fuck, I feel like an ass. I should have left the stupid T-shirt on.
I suddenly realize I’m still holding the snot-filled, balled-up cotton tee. Gross. I turn and toss it in the direction of the laundry basket in the corner. When I turn back around, Jaynie is watching me curiously.
I smile at the girl in what I hope is a reassuring way, and not some pervert grin. Shit, maybe it comes off as shady, seeing as Jaynie quickly averts her gaze to where Mandy has gone to the twins. She’s getting them settled on her full-size mattress in the middle of the room.
I wonder then if Mandy has given Jaynie the full details of how this kind of night usually unfolds. Mandy always gives her bed to Callie and Cody so they can sleep in a bed with lots of room. Mandy then sleeps in Callie’s bed. And that leaves me. I usually sleep on the floor where Jaynie’s mattress now resides.
Shit.
Going back to my room is not an option. There’s too much risk of getting caught if the door keeps opening and closing. I shift from one foot to the other as I watch Mandy crawl under the covers in Callie’s empty bed. She looks over at me and says, “Flynn, you better get some sleep. It’s almost three AM.”
“Yeah, you’re right.” I yawn at the reminder. “Morning will be here soon enough.”
“Yep,” she says. “And then it’s back to work for all of us. Oh, yay,” she sarcastically adds.
“That reminds me.” I cross my arms over my chest. “I damn well better be assigned back to work in the barn. I don’t think I can take another day with Allison.”
While I head toward the space on the floor between the twins and Mandy, Mandy says, “I hope you’re back, too. We didn’t make quota today.”
“No wonder Cody had a nightmare,” I grumble. “His dreams are always bad when he’s really hungry.”
“Do you think you can steal a few extra bars tomorrow at breakfast?” Mandy looks to me, hope in her eyes. “Like, maybe more than two?”
“I can try.” I tell her.
I then attempt to lie down on the floor between Mandy and the twins, but the space between the mattresses is far too narrow.
“We pushed them closer to give Jaynie more space,” Mandy whispers to me when she sees my dilemma. “Sorry.”
“Eh, it’s okay,” I say.
But it’s kind of a problem. The only other open space would be on the floor next to Jaynie. Great.
Mandy, her gaze following mine, says, “Just sleep over there. I think she’ll be fine for one night. We can move the beds back the way they were tomorrow.”
“Uh, okay.” I feel less confident than I sound. But what choice do I have?
I tiptoe over to the space between Jaynie’s bed and the twins. The kids are fast asleep already, but Jaynie sure as hell isn’t. She has the covers pulled up to her chin, and her wide eyes are watching my every move.
“I’m not going to hurt you,” I tell her.
“I know,” she snaps.
I can see s
he’s trying hard to be brave, but it’s not working out too well for her. Which is a shame ‘cause we’ve been getting along so well. What the hell happened to this girl to set her back so far? All I know is we were informed on her first day here not to touch her, like, ever. If she was sexually assaulted, as I suspect, it must have happened not all that long ago. Her wounds—the ones in her psyche, the kind that stick—seem fresh.
I hardly know Jaynie, but from what I’ve seen she seems like a sweet, kind girl. I feel a sudden surge of anger. I have no tolerance for men who inflict pain on someone weaker. And, yeah, I know why.
Damn, I’d like to get my hands on the motherfucker who made Jaynie this way. I can tell she was once fiery. That was evident the day I met her. Her witty retorts amused me, and I liked the spark in her pretty emerald eyes.
Gesturing to the floor, I ask, “Do you mind if I sleep here?”
“No,” she whispers. “That’s fine.”
“I promise I don’t snore,” I tease as I lower myself to the floor. “At least, not too loudly.” Maybe I can relax her with my dumbass humor.
And hey, wouldn’t you know it, it works. She cracks a smile.
I try to get comfortable on the hardwood floor, but it’s tough, especially since I’m trying not to make a bunch of noise as I roll from one side to the other. When I settle on a position facing Jaynie, I think everything is cool. But then she scoots away. As she presses her back to the wall behind her, I hear her swallowing hard.
“Hey.” I lift my head. “I can face the other way if that’d be better for you.”
She bites her lip, like she’s surmounting a huge obstacle.
“No,” she says at last, her tone determined. “You’re good like that.”
She’s trying hard to be accommodating, but I can’t in good conscience sleep this way if it makes her that uncomfortable.
I roll to my other side and whisper over my shoulder, “Actually, I sleep better on this side.”
“Okay, Flynn.”
She sounds completely unconvinced, and I hear her sigh. Then there’s some rustling of covers. I guess she’s trying to get comfortable.
It’s chilly on the cold floor without my T-shirt, so I curl up to keep warm. Eventually, despite the cold, I start to drift off. But before I am completely out, I feel the soft texture of a blanket as it’s draped over me.