by S. R. Grey
“Hey,” I say to Mandy, waving the scissors at her. “I thought you were supposed to put these things back in the barn.”
“Give those to me.” Mandy snatches the scissors from me and reaches around me to shove them under Jaynie’s mattress. “I obviously kept them, genius.”
“Why are you hiding them under Jaynie’s bed?”
“Because I gave her the scissors this morning and told her to keep them handy for when Cody”—she narrows her eyes at me—“or you need a haircut.”
I take a seat on the edge of the bed and shrug. “Yeah, it’s not like they’ll be missed. Allison never inventories anything, anymore.”
“Allison has checked out,” Mandy agrees.
“Hope it stays that way,” I say.
Both Lowry women have been gone a lot lately, though I sense Allison’s absences are more in desperation. Her boyfriend is slipping away. She cries after she talks with him on the phone, and she just has that frazzled demeanor of a girl who knows she’s about to be scorned.
“Enough about annoying Allison,” Mandy says. “Did Jaynie tell you about the condom I gave her?”
“Oh, hell no,” I protest, hands out in front of me. “I am not talking about sex with you.”
I start to stand, but Mandy places her hand on my chest to stop me. “Sit back down, Flynn,” she says in her no-nonsense tone.
“Okay, okay.” I do as I’m told.
“I’m trying to help you, okay?”
I can’t imagine what possible “help” Mandy can offer, and I’m still not sure I like her meddling in my sex life, but what the hell.
Acquiescing, I say, “Go ahead,” as I make a let’s-get-this-rolling motion with my hand. “This should be interesting.”
Mandy then informs me she has arranged for me and Jaynie to have the bedroom to ourselves all Sunday afternoon.
“Really?” I’m happy she interfered now. “I’m down with that.”
“Figured you would be,” she snarks. “Anyway, here’s the plan. I’ll take the kids up to the fields by the old barn. I have a bunch of ideas for games they can play. And you know how Cody and Callie lose track of time when they’re having fun.” She winks, and I roll my eyes. “In any case, I figure I can keep them occupied for a couple of hours.”
“Sounds good to me,” I reply, smiling.
But then I am suddenly struck with anxiety. “Shit, Mandy. I want this to be perfect for Jaynie. What if I fuck it up? What if I do, or say, something wrong?”
“Hey, look at me.” Mandy grabs my chin when I remain panicked and distracted. “Perfect isn’t what Jaynie needs. Can’t you see what she wants, Flynn? The one thing she really needs?”
“What’s that?” I’m curious to hear a woman’s perspective.
She lets go of my chin, and tells me what I’ve actually known all along. “Jaynie wants you, Flynn. She needs you. Just be there for her. Let her know you’ll stay by her side no matter what.”
That, I can do.
Jaynie
Sunday arrives, and everything is set. Mandy takes the kids up to the old barn, as planned.
By the time I finish showering, I am both nervous and excited. After I dry off, I put on the white dress, the one Mandy gave me. It’s Flynn’s favorite outfit on me. With a swish of my palm, I wipe steam from the bathroom mirror. Green eyes stare back at me, hope and doubt warring within their depths.
“You can do it,” I whisper to the uncertain girl in the reflection. “This is Flynn. This is love. You’ll be okay.”
I don’t own any makeup, so there’s not much to do in way of preparation. I simply tuck my damp auburn hair behind my ears, and smooth the cotton fabric of the dress over the gentle swell of my hips.
Flynn is waiting in the bedroom. I gave him the condom from Mandy earlier, so that part is in his hands now. It’s funny that we’ve messed around several times and slept in the same bed almost every night. We’ve even shared our souls up at the cliff’s edge, but here I am, hands shaking.
I just want to be good enough for Flynn. Oh, and I don’t want to have a flashback.
When I walk into the bedroom, tentatively, like it’s my first time entering an unfamiliar space, I find Flynn sitting on the edge of my bed, head in his hands.
Forgetting my reticence, I rush over and kneel down in front of him. “What’s wrong?” I ask. “Are you having second thoughts?”
He lowers his hands from his face and places them on my shoulders. “No second thoughts,” he assures me with a sweet smile, making him appear more handsome than ever. “I’m just hoping I don’t mess this up.”
“Oh, thank God,” I breathe out. “I thought it was just me. I was thinking the same thing in the bathroom.”
With his hand moving to my cheek, he says softly, “You look beautiful, Jaynie. And you’re such a good person. You deserve for this day to be special.”
I move up to the bed, and together we lay back on the covers. Nestling close to Flynn, I whisper, “I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
Nothing happens for a while. We are content lying together, legs intertwined. My head rests on his chest, and his arm is draped loosely around my shoulders. We don’t even kiss, not yet, though there is something powerful building between us. Heat emanates through the thin material of Flynn’s tee and the faded jeans he’s wearing.
I feel my own skin growing warm, aching for his touch, longing for the hand that rests on my shoulder to run down my arm. Goosebumps rise at the mere thought. When I shift and let out a stuttered breath, Flynn does exactly what I wish for.
The floodgates open then, on both our parts. How long has this moment been building?
Our lips meet, desperate and insistent. Mouths open freely, tongues dance, and bodies roll this way and that, making a mess of the covers. There are gasps and moans, from me, from him. And there is awkwardness and fun, too.
Flynn’s tee gets stuck on his head when he tries to remove it in a seductive way. “A little help here,” he says through the gray cotton.
We tug his shirt off him together, as a team, with me giggling and Flynn mumbling choice words. When his chest is bare, he rocks back on his heels and flicks open the top button of his jeans.
The giggling stops.
“Your body is stunning, Flynn.” I say it often, but this time it’s uttered with more meaning.
Reaching out, I trace the fine line of sandy brown disappearing under the band of his boxers.
He sucks in a sharp breath, and I ask, “Does that tickle?”
“It does a little more than tickle, Jaynie.”
While I unzip his jeans, he undoes the hooks on the back of my dress. The spaghetti straps drop and the front gapes open, exposing my breasts since I’ve forgone a bra.
His eyes meet mine, and this becomes something serious.
Flynn rises to his knees and urges me to do the same. “I want to see you as I undress you,” he says gently.
It’s not going to be anything he hasn’t seen before, especially up in the woods, but when he tugs the dress down, and the fabric falls to around my hips, I feel as if he is seeing me bared for him for the first time.
Tentatively, I reach forward and press my palm to his bare chest. “You’re so strong,” I whisper. I spread my fingers wide to feel the solid muscle beneath his warm skin. “But not just in this way. You’re strong inside, Flynn.”
“Because of you—”
“No.” I shake my head. “That’s sweet of you to say, but your strength is all your own. And it’s so abundant, so overflowing. I feel lucky to stand beneath you and soak up whatever strength trickles down to me.”
“Jaynie…”
My words move Flynn, but he moves me just by being him. He doesn’t need words to inspire me.
I move closer to him, my lips grazing his. “Give me more, Flynn. Fill me up…with you.”
We come together, skin pressed to skin, mouth devouring mouth. My dress is discarded, Flynn’s clothes, too. We becom
e two bodies, dancing a tango as old as time. Bare limbs brush over parts that are hard…and parts that are wet. We do things we’ve learned drive each other wild—stroking, licking, fingers exploring, and Flynn’s mouth on me, making me come apart, again and again.
I am ready for him, and as he crawls up my body, I tell him what he already knows. “I want you.”
He settles between my thighs, his hard length pressed to my core. This is it.
“Flynn,” I whisper. “Please don’t stop. No matter what happens. Keep going, okay?”
He leans across me, reaching for the wrapped condom by the bed. “Okay.”
He sounds as nervous as I feel. I close my eyes. Don’t panic.
When Flynn settles back between my legs, I feel him, wrapped, different. And up until this point, I’ve been fine. But the condom…ugh. The feel of it, the smell of it, it reminds me of Mrs. Giessen’s son. He never did it to me without a condom, and now that’s all I can think of.
“Stop, stop, stop,” I cry. “Please, stop.”
The panic I feel must come through in my tone. Flynn forgets about me telling him not to stop no matter what. Swiftly, he shifts his hips away from me. His torso remains covering me, though, and with a gentle hand to my cheek, he asks, “Do you want to stop completely? We don’t have to do this today.”
“No, I want to try.” I tap his hip, urging him to re-position and try again.
He does, and it’s the same result.
“I think we need to ditch the condom,” I say, sighing. “I know it’s not the most responsible move, but the condom, the feel of the latex, the way it smells, it…it…reminds me of him.”
Flynn peers down at me, uncertainty in his eyes. “We’ll be taking a big risk, Jaynie. What if you get pregnant?”
“You could always pull out,” I suggest.
He buries his face in the crook of my neck. “We both know that shit is unreliable.” His words are muffled. He’s torn.
I want to try, though, without the condom, so I say, “The chances of me getting pregnant are slim. This shouldn’t be a dangerous time.”
I pause for a beat. The only sound in the room is our breathing while Flynn contemplates.
Softly, I say, “I still want this, Flynn. I want you.”
I watch as he lifts his head, his resolve crumbling before my eyes. “Okay.” He nods.
He removes the condom and tosses it to the wastepaper basket on the floor.
And then he’s back between my legs, brushing me bare. Already it’s better. “Yes,” I whisper as he kisses me.
I begin to move with him, his bare length gliding along my folds. “Fuck, that feels great,” he grinds out.
“God, it does,” I agree.
Flynn bare against me is indescribably good.
With our shifting and rocking, the tip of him slips inside. “Oh,” I gasp.
He stills. “Are you okay?”
I nod, and he gives me a little more.
Grasping the sheet with one hand, and digging into Flynn’s shoulder with the other, I say, “More.”
A shallow thrust this time, then a deeper one. Two more and I feel overwhelmed, panting out a desperate, “Wait, wait, Flynn.”
He starts to pull out completely, but I shift to keep him in place.
“I don’t want you to stop,” I whisper against his neck. “Just give me a minute to catch up.”
Lowering his mouth to mine, he kisses me.
And kisses me…
And kisses me…
And then he is moving, fast. And I am moving with him, faster, wanting the friction. Flynn completes me in a way I never knew possible. It humbles me that an act I associated with repulsion and disgust is rewritten by Flynn. With every stroke, and accompanying kiss, and declaration of love, the damage written on my soul is erased and scribed anew to something beautiful.
Everything bad is turned good, and I am awed by the power of love.
Flynn
I fall asleep with Jaynie in my arms. I am spent, but contented. I could sleep for hours, but I only get what feels like minutes.
“Five more minutes,” I mumble when Jaynie shakes me for a second time.
“We’ve been sleeping for a while, Flynn,” she says. “We need to get up and be dressed before Mandy comes back with the kids.”
She’s right, so, albeit reluctantly, I get out of bed. I throw on the same clothes I was wearing earlier. Jaynie dresses next to me, but forgoes the white dress for jean shorts and a beige T-shirt. I watch as she carefully hangs the dress in the closet. When she turns around, I ask her how she feels.
“I’m good,” she says.
“You sure?”
She nods, and then sighs. “What about you, Flynn? Are you okay with what we did? I mean the not-using-protection part.”
Blowing out a breath, I tell her the truth. “I was really careful, and I think we should be okay, but I don’t know, Jaynie. What we did was crazy-risky. We’re going to have to think of something different for next time.”
She doesn’t disagree. “Maybe I can pretend to be sick and Allison will have to take me to town to see a doctor. I could ask for birth control, maybe something I don’t have to take every day.” She gives me a meaningful look because we both know the pill would be discovered.
“That might work,” I say.
Before we can discuss it further, there’s a frantic knock on the door.
“It’s me.” Mandy and she sounds panicked. “Can I come in?”
I race over to the door, and Mandy flies in so quickly she almost falls. Once she’s righted herself, she looks me over, then does the same with Jaynie. “Good, you’re both dressed.”
“What’s going on?” I ask. “Where are Cody and Callie?”
“They’re downstairs.” With a sour expression, she adds, “With Allison.”
“Shit.”
“Yeah, of all the days for her to make a Sunday afternoon appearance,” Mandy scoffs.
I shake my head. “Unbelievable.”
Sighing, Mandy tells us how Allison arrived with pizza for everyone. “But, dude,” Mandy adds, “she is so not in a good mood. She keeps asking where you two are. Especially you, Flynn.”
“Great,” I mutter, sarcasm dripping.
“Why is she back to being so interested in Flynn?” Jaynie chimes in.
“Uh…” Mandy appears less than happy to be the bearer of bad news. “…I think that guy she was dating finally dumped her.”
Jaynie’s eyes widen. “Crap. We are so dead.”
“Not necessarily,” I interject. “Let’s go downstairs and act normal.” Turning to Mandy, I ask, “What did you say we were doing?”
Unable to resist a laugh, she says, “I told her you two were putting away laundry.”
The three of us glance around the room, which is a mess. There are clothes everywhere, mainly from the twins, but still, it sure doesn’t look like any laundry was put away today.
“Don’t worry,” I say, more confidently than I feel. “She rarely comes up here.”
“It doesn’t matter if she comes up here or not,” Jaynie says. “We still look guilty. I just hope she doesn’t figure out what was happening, or there’s going to be hell to pay.”
With that thought in mind, we head downstairs to face our keeper’s wrath.
Jaynie
Allison knows. I see it in her disdainful expression when Flynn and I reach the base of the stairs. She’s out in the hall, waiting for us, the twins beside her.
Callie knows not to say a word, but Cody has no idea there’s a secret to be kept.
“Flynnie, Flynnie.” He runs up to Flynn and wraps his arms around his legs. “Why you no come out and play with us today?”
Callie winces, and Allison’s eyes narrow. “Go to your rooms,” she barks to the kids.
The twins pale as they scurry past us. They know when shit’s about to go down.
“Where is Mandy?” Allison asks me.
“She’s still up in th
e bedroom.”
“Good.” She peers past me and yells up to where the twins are paused on the second-floor landing. “Tell Mandy no one is to come down till tomorrow morning.”
Little voices gasp, and then little feet keep little legs moving.
“Where were you two?” Allison hisses when the twins are out of sight.
“Um…” I am at a loss, until I remember our cover. “We were putting away laundry.”
Accusing, ice-blue eyes scan Flynn in a licentious manner, and then snap to me. “Sure you were. Funny, but you don’t look as if you were putting away laundry.” Focusing on me, she says, “Jaynie, your skin is flushed. Why is that?”
She then has the nerve to reach out and press a manicured fingertip to where my pink-tinged skin peeks out under the v of my tee. “Hmmm,” she muses, “my chest gets that same appearance, usually after I engage in something that really excites me.”
I wince, and she thankfully stops touching me. Her eyes meet mine. “You’ve certainly come a long way in the touching department, haven’t you?”
I shrug, and she says, “Even Flynn can touch you now, can’t he?”
“Um—”
“I know he can,” she interrupts. “I’ve seen him sneaking kisses with you in the barn.” Shit. “I sure hope it hasn’t gone further, for both your sakes. You do realize if you were to have sex it would be a severe violation of house rules?”
“We were putting away laundry,” Flynn maintains. “There’s no need for this interrogation.”
Allison’s finger returns to my chest. She smirks and curls her index finger so her pointed nail digs deep in my skin. “He had better be telling the truth, little slut.”
“That’s enough,” Flynn interjects. He smacks Allison’s hand away from me, and she spins to him, eyes blazing.
“You fucked her, didn’t you? Little, innocent Jaynie,” she mocks. “Bet you couldn’t wait to shove your cock in her. Talk about a challenge, sticking it in the fucked-up girl who can’t stand to be touched.”
Allison’s jealousy is ugly, raw and rancid as it seeps from her pores. I’m ready to bolt, but Flynn remains steadfast. He shakes his head and chuckles as if Allison has lost her mind.