by Tara Rose
“I don’t know what to say, Sire.” Why won’t you tell them that you’re falling in love with them?
He kissed her gently. “You don’t need to. I see it in your eyes.”
She blinked back tears. “Every time I think about moving on I become confused. And then I realized today I haven’t thought about home or Mark in a week. And instead of making me guilty, all I felt was relief. But now I’m confused all over again. I don’t know what the right way to feel is.”
“What can we do to help?” asked Parker.
“Will you still take me to meet one of your stargazers? I think I’d like that.”
They both smiled. “Let’s go,” said Jaxon.
As they walked through the castle, Brenna repeated their words in her mind, over and over. She would keep them in her heart, and pull them out to examine them again whenever she became afraid. And then one day, maybe soon, she’d work up the courage to tell them how she really felt. She’d tell them she was falling in love with them.
And maybe, just maybe, she wouldn’t be overwhelmed by guilt when that happened.
Chapter Fourteen
Jaxon watched Brenna glance over star charts, and listened to her speak with Morton, their chief stargazer. She asked intelligent questions about what they could and could not tell by the stars, and Morton subtly guided her toward talking about her life before she crossed over, and about Mark.
Her voice still sounded too flat and matter-of-fact to his ears, but then it struck him that she’d been dealing with this for almost three years. It was quite possible she’d gone as far as she could go in coming to terms with it, and this was how she’d always cope with the memories.
He’d come as close to telling her he was in love with her earlier as he’d ever done. The words had been right there, ready to spill out. But he and Parker hadn’t discussed this yet, and Jaxon knew they needed to. Because he didn’t need to ask. He could tell by the look on Parker’s face every time he glanced at her that his friend was head over heels crazy about her.
Jaxon was thrilled that their feelings for Brenna had grown so strong. He was more than content to share her with Parker, and he was certain they had both chosen well. She was everything he’d ever dreamed of in a woman. There was only one thing still bothering him, and it had nothing to do with Brenna.
Where was Molly, and had she met the same fate as each of the women the triplets had chosen?
The fact that they hadn’t found her body, poisoned or not, didn’t lead Jaxon to believe the triplets were innocent. As far as he was concerned, it only meant that this time they’d been more careful. If her body were never found, no suspicions could be cast on them this time. If anything, they were now more cunning and therefore more dangerous.
The guards watched him, Parker, and Brenna closely, and they in turn watched their own servants. Nothing further had happened, but Jaxon wasn’t ready to relax his vigilance just yet. He might never be ready for that. Not until they got some answers.
One thing was certain, though. The closer they grew to Brenna, the more they needed to keep an eye on her. Because if others saw how much they cared for her, that fact alone placed her in greater danger from whoever was behind Molly’s disappearance, even if it turned out that Molly had been involved in it, and was still alive.
* * * *
Parker wasn’t sure he could refrain much longer from telling Brenna how he felt. He glanced toward Jaxon, who watched her with a smile on his face. It was no secret how either of them felt. But was it too soon? And did she feel the same way? Was it possible for her to shed enough of her past guilt and turmoil to trust them enough to love them?
The emotion in her beautiful eyes earlier when they’d told her how much they cared for her had been love. He’d been certain of it at the time. But then doubt had crept in. What if he was wrong, and all he’d seen was his own wishful thinking? He’d never heard a woman say the words to him. He’d always longed to, but it had never happened. Then again, he’d been reduced to seducing servants, who weren’t likely to ever say anything like that to a prince.
He envied Brenna. She’d known love, even if the man had been hiding a terrible secret. At some point in their relationship, before his first accident, he’d truly loved her and she’d loved him back. She’d known that heady feeling of believing the world was a just and good place, and knowing that the person you woke up next to would die for you.
Parker wanted that. He wanted Brenna to look at him the way she had earlier every day of his life. He wanted her to know that he would defend her to the death, and he would never, ever grow tired of holding her in his arms, or tasting her sweet lips. When he made love to her he felt complete in a way that sex had never made him feel before. When he watched her come, it was like drinking nectar from the goddesses in the stories his mother used to tell him. The ones where princes rode horses and defended their ladies from the evils of the world.
It wasn’t only her looks that had captivated him. It was her spirit. Her extraordinary kindness, and her intelligence. He loved all of it. He loved her. And he knew that he needed to tell her. But he didn’t want to frighten her away. He first needed to know that she was emotionally ready to handle all that living here with him and Jaxon would entail.
These were dangerous times, and Parker wasn’t naïve. He knew they were going to get worse before they got better. He didn’t believe for a moment that Molly was dead, as Jaxon had hinted might be true. And he wasn’t sure if Molly was being held against her will, but he knew with every ounce of his being that the triplets were somehow involved. Who else would have done this?
He would find the answers because those three, and now possibly Molly, posed a threat to the woman he loved. Only then would he be free to tell the entire castle how much he loved Brenna.
* * * *
Brenna was fascinated with the star charts, and realized how little she’d known about astronomy. Morton was very patient and answered all her questions, and when they ventured into talking about the future and the past, as opposed to what one could see through a telescope, he got a bit esoteric, but she did understand most of his logic.
The stargazers weren’t merely observers. The people who lived here trusted them to predict the future and make sense of the past, all based on what they saw in the heavens. She had no idea how accurate it was, but it was obvious within a few minutes that Morton believed all of it was, and she had to admire the courage of his convictions.
He gradually asked her about her life back home, and she found herself spilling her guts about Mark and his addiction. The man had a quiet, unassuming way about him that reminded her of one of their trauma surgeons. His presence had a calming effect on the patients and staff. He’d walk onto the unit and everyone would suddenly speak quieter, and move at a less hurried pace, without the man saying a word.
Morton reminded her of Dr. Bingham, and she found herself telling him everything, including her conflict over the lack of guilt the past week. She nearly forgot that Jaxon and Parker were still in the room.
“It’s been three years,” said Morton. “What do you think Mark would want you to do by now?”
“That’s easy. He’d want me to move on. He only ever wanted me happy. But that’s why this is so difficult. If he meant that…that he wanted me happy, why did he hide his addiction from me?”
“He didn’t only hide it from you. He hid it from everyone.”
She nodded.
“All that subterfuge and the things he must have done to pull that off for so long tell me he was both an intelligent man, and a desperate one. Did you ever stop to consider he might have been trying to protect you?”
“No.”
“Consider it. You both were health care professionals. Pardon me. You still are one, of course. He knew if he told you, you’d be obligated to do something about it. Not only as his submissive, but as a nurse. You worked in the same hospital. You would have had to report it.”
“That’s true.” And th
at had also been part of the conflict in the aftermath. So many of her coworkers were angry because they thought she’d known and had never gone to HR, or persuaded him to seek help. They believed that she’d kept it hidden along with him.
“So by keeping it from you, he made sure you never had to make that decision. I’m not saying what he did was right, but it was a conscious choice. And I don’t believe you’ve faced that yet. Not completely. He knew what he was doing. He must have had to work very hard to hide it from so many people for that long. He not only hid it from you, but from his coworkers, too. That takes planning, and it takes effort.”
She took several deep breaths as she digested everything Morton had just said. Of course it made sense, and Brenna was ashamed to admit she’d never allowed her thoughts to go there before now. “But people who are addicted do that. They hide it.”
“Yes, they do. And the addiction becomes everything to them. It takes over every aspect of their lives. But with all your knowledge of this, hasn’t it also been your experience that they slip up quite often? That there are clues and signs? They don’t usually hide it for so long, do they? Not without some small signs, especially to the people closest to them?”
She agreed with him on each point he’d just made, and said so.
“And yet you didn’t see the signs. No one did. Not even the people with whom he worked closely every day.”
“No one focused on that afterward. They only focused on what I should have known or seen.”
Morton nodded slowly. “I thought as much. It was easier for them to blame you than to admit they’d been duped as well. They assuaged their own guilt by placing it squarely on your shoulders.”
She’d thought the same thing so many times now. It was such a relief to realize that someone else saw the unfairness of it as well. “Okay. So what do I do with all this insight now that I’m here? I can’t ever go back and tell them all to look into their own hearts again.”
He gave her the same glance a kindly grandfather might give a grandchild. “You forgive yourself for not seeing what others also overlooked. You start there. I don’t think you’ve ever done that, have you?”
Brenna had to take a seat on the nearest stool as his words struck home. Parker and Jaxon were at her sides now, and they each stroked her hair and back as she let the emotions wash over her. Everything Morton had just said was completely true. He’d nailed it, just like that. The guys were right. Their stargazers were extraordinary people.
“Thank you.” The words seemed horrible inadequate, but they were all she had. She’d never forgiven herself. The thought had never even crossed her mind. She’d taken on Mark’s death as her fault because she should have noticed that something was very, very wrong.
“You don’t have to thank me. You only have to be easier on yourself. Mark’s addiction wasn’t your fault, and neither was the fact that he worked so hard to hide it from you and others. You need to understand that.”
“I know.” She had blamed herself. That was no secret. She and Gretchen had talked about it often enough. But what Brenna had never fully considered before was the fact that she hadn’t been the only one he’d kept it from. And, she’d never really let herself think about how hard he must have worked to pull off the ruse, day after day. Morton was right. That took conscious thought and effort. It hadn’t been random. It had been calculated. Desperate, perhaps, but still precise. He’d known what he was doing.
She slid off the stood and shook Morton’s hand. “Thank you again. For everything.”
“My pleasure. I hope Their Highnesses will bring you back again if you ever need to talk, or simply want to look at the stars with me.”
“I would love that.”
“We’d be happy to,” said Parker.
“Are you ready to leave now?” asked Jaxon.
“Yes.”
When they returned to their suites and had eaten a late lunch, Jaxon asked Brenna if she needed to take a nap. “No, Sire. Not today. I don’t feel tired.”
“What do you feel?”
She smiled. “Relief. Morton helped me finally face what I hadn’t done yet. Not completely, anyway. Mark had an addiction, and he knew that. He must have known it. But instead of asking for help, he continued to let it take him over and he hid it from everyone. When I think of the times he must have been high as a kite while he topped me…”
Brenna shook her head to clear away the images of what might have been. “I could have been seriously hurt. That’s scary enough to realize. But he took care of patients. What if he’d hurt one of them?”
Jaxon’s face was full of sympathy. “I’m grateful he didn’t hurt you or any of his patients.”
“And Morton was right about the blame. Because everyone accused me, I did blame myself. I’ve been beating myself up over this for almost three years. Should have, would have, could have. I’ve never really thought it was entirely his fault. I’ve insisted on taking some of…most of that blame on myself.”
“Where it never belonged,” said Parker. “You didn’t do this, love he did.”
He just called you “love.” She stared at him, then at Jaxon, and her heart filled with so much love for these two men that she actually became dizzy. “Thank you. God, I keep saying that and it sounds so trite. But I don’t know what else to say right now.”
Parker grinned, and her pussy grew wet. “Then don’t say anything, Brenna. Show me what you mean.” He pulled back her hair and kissed her neck. “Show me how grateful you are, love.”
“Oh…” She was toast with these two, every single time, and she loved that. This was exactly where she wanted to be.
Chapter Fifteen
Brenna glanced toward the doors leading to the hallway. They were open, so she moved away from Parker and closed them. Then she gave them each a sexy smile and walked toward the door leading to Jaxon’s room. They followed, and when she entered the room, instead of heading for the bed, she walked out onto the balcony.
Parker’s room had one, too, but this one was more private and didn’t face the courtyard as his did. It faced the woods surrounding the castle, and since they were four stories up, no one could see them unless they were hiding in the trees. She turned to face them, and then she unlaced the bodice on her dress.
They exchanged a startled glance, and then Jaxon gazed past her toward the woods. “I don’t know, Brenna.”
She couldn’t reach the laces in the back, but she did kick off her shoes and pull down her tights. “No one can see us, Sire. And we face no windows on this side.” She stepped out of her tights and tossed them on top of her shoes.
“She’s right,” said Parker. “We’re too far away from a guard post to be seen, and no one else is out there.” He pointed. “The trees are still too sparse for anyone to hide in the foliage.”
Jaxon chuckled, and then he moved toward her and turned her to face the woods. “All right. You have your wish.” He kissed her neck and she shivered. Then he began to unlace her dress. “But you might wish we’d stayed inside.”
“Why is that, Sire?”
“Because we’re not bringing any blankets or pads out here. You’ll have to make do with the cushions on the wicker furniture and the cold, stone floor.”
She exhaled loudly. “I hadn’t thought of that.”
He slipped the dress off her shoulders. “I’m sure you didn’t, but it’s too late now. You chose your fate.”
Jaxon unlaced her corset and when she was naked, she glanced out into the woods, but like he said, it was too late now. She’d done this to herself. He reached around and grasped her breasts, teasing her nipples until she moaned loudly at his touch. Her arousal grew so easily now at the mere sight of them. When they touched her, she was out of her mind with need every single time.
Jaxon led her to the wicker love seat, and then he sat down on the cushions and pulled her on top of him. She straddled his muscular thighs and kissed him like she might never do so again, shoving her tongue into his mouth.
When she released the kiss, Parker moved next to her, took his dick out of his breeches, and then held her head with both hands. She knew what to do. She grasped his cock and guided it into her mouth, sucking hard. He groaned loudly, and the sound sent jolts of electricity through her body, as it always did. She loved making her men squirm and moan.
Jaxon reached between them to stroke her clit while Parker fucked her mouth, and Brenna merely let go and enjoyed the sensations. Everything Morton had said to her faded away. Any doubts she’d had about leading them outside followed, until her entire being was focused only on Jaxon and Parker. They were her whole world now, and all she wanted to do was please them and love them.
When Parker pulled out of her mouth, he helped her stand, and then kissed her long and hard before releasing her. He pulled down his breeches but didn’t take them completely off, and then he took a seat where Jaxon had been, and told her to climb on. She did, sheathing his dick with her pussy.
Brenna moaned loudly as Parker grasped her hips and moved her up and down, fucking her fast and furious. Jaxon pulled on his cock next to her, and she couldn’t look away. When he held her head and shoved his dick into her mouth, Brenna hung on to his forearms to brace herself so she could suck him, because Parker was moving her so much she couldn’t get any leverage.
But she loved this. The way her men took her so roughly at times she felt like an actor in a porno. She knew how much they enjoyed this dominance over her, and she loved pleasing them this way. It fed the demons inside her as well as her need to please them.
They changed places again, and she was amazed as always by their strength and stamina. When she came, it was explosive and intense, and she moaned in the back of her throat as it went on and on.
She thought they were both ready, too, but then they laid her on her back and took turns licking her pussy and sucking her clit. She was so close to another orgasm, but then they made her stand on a cushion they tossed onto the stone. They told her to bend over the love seat until her ass was in the air, and then they took turns spanking her and finger fucking her from behind.