by Anna Hill
Trysten joined them for the first half of each day, training indoors since the footprints he made in the snow would immediately give his position away. Liam would let Trysten loose in the house, wait about a minute, and then release Rebecca. It was immensely fun, their own strange game of hide and seek. Even Owen and Aeden got in on it, chasing Rebecca around the house and calling out whenever they saw something suspicious.
In truth, Rebecca knew exactly where Trysten was the entire time. She could locate and track him effortlessly from the moment he became invisible. Liam had to know this as well, but neither of them said anything. Being this close with the boys, laughing and playing as they ran throughout the house, was the happiest she’d been in far too long.
After lunch, Rebecca and Liam would pull on their coats and head outside alone, into the snow. They’d hike through the woods until sunset, often returning when the moon was already high in the night sky. As they trekked, Liam had Rebecca practice breathing exercises and calming rituals. He would coach her through the process of entering her mind and closing off the dark thoughts that haunted her. It felt pointless at first, even aggravating, as the anxiety that festered within her mind kept halting any progress. But as Liam pushed her to continue, Rebecca slowly relaxed. Lost within the tranquility of the winter woods, the stillness of nature in hibernation, her overactive mind began to gradually settle.
More than anything else, simply being around Liam helped to ease Rebecca. It was so nice to hear his voice and see his smile. Rebecca had missed his companionship, his closeness. She’d missed the comfort and peace that being with him always brought her. And yet, deep down, she knew it wasn’t enough. Whenever she looked into his eyes, she was drawn to him, longing to feel his hands caress her hair, his lips press against her own.
She wouldn’t allow herself to act upon that urge though, not even when the same longing was mirrored on Liam’s face. She couldn’t do that to him. She wasn’t at a place right now where she could give him the affection that he desired or deserved, and she would never allow herself to hurt him again. Before she could open up her heart to him, to anyone, she needed to gain control over the darkness that haunted her mind.
“--their breeding system had become extremely regimented.”
Rebecca’s head snapped up. She’d zoned out and completely missed everything Liam had been saying. Today, as they’d headed out into the woods, Liam hadn’t begun the usual breathing rituals with Rebecca. Instead, he’d started talking. Something about how the royals had originally established the Feiceann society to help the Aillil…
Sneaking a peek over at him, Rebecca could see his face furrowed in concentration. She didn’t want to admit to her absentmindedness; instead, she nodded, feigning understanding.
“As the Feiceann’s abilities grew stronger with every generation, far surpassing what the royals had originally conceived, they became harder to manage. So much power held within one’s mind can corrupt even the purest of souls. In the end, the Feiceann became slaves to their own abilities, possessed by the darkness which they had forged inside themselves.”
Rebecca’s stomach clenched painfully, and she slowed to a stop. Even with all the work they’d put in this week trying to help her control her mind, it was still there, lurking in the dark recesses of her mind. The deep, unnerving craving that festered under the surface. The terrible yearning to feel the power flood over her, course throughout her body, and fill her with its strength. The disturbing desire to inflict pain.
“I don’t want to talk about this anymore,” Rebecca’s voice wavered slightly. All that progress she’d thought she’d made in conquering her ability, was wiped away in seconds. She been a fool to believe that someday she’d be able to control her Feiceann side.
“Rebecca, you have to learn about these things. This is what you are--”
“I know what I am!” Rebecca shouted, cutting Liam off. “I deal with it every second of every day!”
They stood in silence for a moment, staring heatedly at each other. Although Liam was allowing her a moment to calm down, it was clear that he wasn’t ready to put the conversation to rest.
Rebecca closed her eyes and took a slow, deep breath, counting to five as Liam had taught her. As she emptied her lungs, she worked to push away the anxiety that was building within her chest, the panic that was churning agonizingly within her stomach.
“I’m sorry,” she finally said, looking determinedly back up at Liam. “I know you’re trying to help, and I appreciate it. You just have to understand that I don’t want to talk about it. I can’t talk about it. Ignoring it is the only way to make it go away.”
“Ignoring it won’t make it go away, Rebecca,” Liam retorted exasperatedly. “I know it’s hard, but you have to face this head on. You can’t just push it away. You have to fight against it. That’s the only way you’ll ever be able to control your Feiceann side.”
Rebecca shook her head and turned back in the direction of the house. “It’s late,” she muttered and began hiking through the woods without bothering to look back.
After a few steps, Liam fell into stride beside her. Though they continued on in silence, Rebecca felt a small tug at her hand and looked down to see Liam’s fingers intertwining with hers.
She turned and smiled at him, giving his hand a soft squeeze.
Liam held her hand the rest of the walk home, his strength helping Rebecca to slowly build hers back. Neither attempted to begin a conversation as they trekked through the snow back to the safe house, both were simply content to enjoy the other’s company.
As they crossed over the threshold of the immense house, Liam gave Rebecca’s hand a last squeeze and then pulled his away.
“I’m going to go check in with Trysten,” Liam explained as he hung his coat on one of the wall pegs near the front door. “We’ll get something set up for dinner.”
“Thanks,” Rebecca smiled and began kicking off her shoes as Liam exited. She was just about to make her way upstairs to her room to change, when a voice stopped her.
“This house is freaking gigantic.”
Startled, Rebecca turned to see Maverick leaning against the far wall. His voice was soft and raspy, and he hunched forward slightly, unable to fully support his own weight. His clothes were disheveled and his face looked far too pale, but his usual cheeky smile parted his dry lips.
“Maverick! What are you doing out of bed?” Rebecca rushed to his side. “You need to lie down.” She grabbed onto his arm and tried to take some of his weight off, but Maverick stood tall.
“I’m OK, I promise. I can’t stay in that bed any longer. I’m going stir crazy locked away in that room.”
Rebecca looked questioningly up at him, “I don’t know if--”
“I was only going to sit outside on the front steps. No further, I promise. I just need some fresh air.” Sensing Rebecca’s hesitation, Maverick furrowed his brow. “How many times did I let you go running out into the woods when you weren’t supposed to?”
Rebecca laughed sarcastically, “Ummmm, never.”
A small smile crept across Maverick’s face and he shook his head slightly, “Bad example.”
“I’d say.”
Maverick’s eyes softened. “Come out and sit with me? Just for a bit?”
Rebecca hesitated, unsure of how to answer. She was dealing with enough emotional turbulence right now between Liam and her Feiceann urges. Throwing Maverick back into the mix didn’t seem like the greatest of ideas.
She began to shake her head no, but Maverick clasped a hand onto her arm, speaking before she could protest, “Please, just for a bit. I miss spending time with you.”
The truth was, she missed him too. It had been so long since they’d been alone together, and not in a hospital room. The time they’d spent together at the first safe house, deep in the woods, lying on the large rock, wrapped in each other’s arms. Her heart still longed for that intimacy with him, no matter how hard she fought against it.
; “Alright,” she conceded, “but it’s freezing out there. You’ll need a warm coat. And we’ll only stay out there for 10 minutes, max.”
Maverick’s cheeky smile spread across his face once again. “You drive a hard bargain, but I’ll take it.”
As strong as Maverick wanted to feign he was, he could barely pull on his coat and shoes. By the time they sat down on the top front step of the house, he was panting heavily from the effort, sending large, white clouds of vapor swirling around his face.
“I never knew getting dressed could be such hard work,” he chuckled as he struggled to catch his breath.
“Maybe you’re not quite as healed up as you’d like to think,” Rebecca proposed, without trying to hide the scorn in her voice.
“Or maybe I’ve been sitting on my fat ass for so long my body forgot what it feels like to move.”
Rebecca laughed, despite herself. Truthfully, it warmed her heart to be able to joke around with him again, to not have to constantly suppress how she felt about him. She’d been mad at him for so long that she’d almost forgotten how happy he’d once made her. “You should be resting,” she asserted, quickly pushing away the thought, “otherwise you’re never going to heal.”
Maverick tilted his head at her playfully. “Pretty hard to sleep when, for half of the day, it sounds like a heard of elephants is tramping throughout the house.”
Rebecca laughed guiltily, “Oh, yeah, sorry about that. It’s for my training.”
“That Aillil has a strange way of training you.”
“Liam.” Rebecca’s smile instantly faded. “His name is Liam.”
Maverick’s face fell into an angry scowl and he turned away from her, staring out at the dark, snowy landscape that spread out before them. “I know,” he finally mumbled, refusing to look back over at her. “You two seem close.”
“Liam is a good friend. He’s done a lot for me.” Rebecca eyed Maverick crossly. She knew what he’d meant by his comment, and she sensed where this conversation was going.
“Friend, huh?” Maverick turned toward her, his scowl deepening. “The way we were friends?”
“I don’t want to talk about this, OK? I don’t want to go back to hating each other.”
“Hating?” Maverick’s eyes went wide with shock. “I never hated you, Becs. I could never hate you.” He paused momentarily, searching her gaze, as sorrow crept into his own. “You hated me?”
“No,” Rebecca sighed heavily, squeezing her eyes shut as she rubbed a hand across her temple. She felt so drained, emotionally and physically. “I didn’t--I couldn’t hate you.” She looked back up at him as she continued, “But what you did really hurt me, more than I’ve ever been hurt before. I let you in and you abused my trust, Maverick. That’s something I can’t just forgive and forget.”
“I messed up. I know that. And I don’t expect everything to just go back to how it used to be between us.” Rebecca made to speak, but he raised his hand, stopping her. “I know you’re still angry with me, and you have every right to be, but you know as well as I do that the connection we had didn’t just go away. I feel it every time I’m around you, the urge to be close to you. It’s driving me crazy not to be able to hold you…or kiss you.”
“Maverick, stop. I told you I can’t deal with this right now.” Rebecca started to stand, but Maverick reached out and grabbed her arm, holding her still. She stared down at his hand and then up at his face. A mixture of sadness and yearning filled his eyes.
Rebecca opened her mouth to speak, but couldn’t find the words. She felt so confused, so utterly torn. Liam was such a wonderful man, so tender and loving. He made her feel so safe, as if he would do anything to protect her. So much of her heart belonged to him. And yet, here it was again, the intense, inherent urge drawing her closer to Maverick. Her whole body longed to be wrapped up in his strong arms, pressed firmly against his muscular form.
Unable to maintain his intense gaze, she dropped hers down to his chest as she struggled to suppress the overwhelming desire that had flooded her body. Suddenly she saw it, the blood spurting from the wound, drenching his shirt, covering his body and hers. She could feel it, hot and sticky, as it flowed over her, dripping from her hands to the ground below. She could feel his heartbeat slowing to a stop, hear his final breath leaving his lungs as his chest collapsed.
Rebecca rapidly pulled away from him and stood, pressing her palms against her eyes and using all her strength to push the horrifying image from her mind. Her body was shaking uncontrollably, her mind utterly overcome with shock and terror.
Strong arms slowly closed around her, cautiously drawing her into Maverick’s sturdy chest. At first, she hesitated, but as his warmth surrounded her, she gave in, collapsing against his solid form.
As she leaned into him, Maverick held her tighter, pressing her closer against him. She fit so perfectly in his arms, as if she’d always belonged there. He held her until her shaking stopped, until he felt her breathing return to normal.
“Are you alright, Becs? What just happened to you?” He whispered.
Rebecca lifted her head and looked up at him, still allowing his arms to remain wrapped tightly around her. “I saw it again, your wound. I felt you dying in my arms and--”
Feeling her anxiety creep back into her chest, Rebecca quickly pulled away from him. Maverick’s arms tensed momentarily as if he wasn’t going to let her go. “Maverick, I can’t do this right now. It doesn’t matter how I feel about you or anyone else. My mind, it’s not…I’m not--” She stopped as panic threatened to overwhelm her again.
“I’m sorry, Becs. I never meant to cause you any pain.”
Rebecca shook her head and turned away from Maverick, toward the door. “It’s alright,” her voice was a soft whisper as she spoke, “I just need to be alone for a while.”
As she opened the front door, she saw Maverick twitch out of the corner of her eye, as if he was tempted to try and stop her. But he remained still, watching her as she slipped through the door and out of sight.
Turning away, Maverick sunk down, resting once again upon the top step. Slumping over, he lay his forehead in his hands, listening as the front door swung shut behind him.
Chapter Ten
Over the course of the next week, Maverick became progressively more active inside the house. Constantly using the wall for balance, and never managing more than a slow shuffle, he pushed himself to make it further from his room each day. Eventually he even started to attempt the stairs, though at an arduously slow pace.
After their talk on the front steps, Rebecca began bridging the gap between Maverick and herself. Whenever she found him hobbling around in the house, she would offer him help, holding his arm for stability as he gradually moved forward. Maverick always readily accepted her assistance, clearly enjoying her willingness to spend time with him. As the days passed, Rebecca realized that Maverick only ever emerged after her morning training sessions, when Liam was no longer in the house. She had hoped that Maverick would eventually accept Liam as a part of the crew and try to find some common ground. But it was clear that, no matter what Liam did, Maverick was never going to trust him.
For his part, Liam wasn’t much better. After the third time he caught her helping Maverick hobble around, Liam again began pulling away from Rebecca. About four days prior, during their afternoon walk in the forest, he had been incredibly tense. Neither had attempted to speak a word during the entire ordeal. Since then, he’d called off all afternoon walks and, for the last two days, he hadn’t even bothered to show up for their morning training sessions. It hurt Rebecca to feel him pulling away again, to know that once more she’d caused him pain. And yet, maybe it was for the best. With her ability constantly clawing at the edges of her consciousness, and the darkness within her growing stronger every day, there was no possible way she could give him what he truly wanted. With Liam further away, she could forget her feelings toward him and more fervently concentrate her willpower on controlling the dark
urges that relentlessly haunted her mind.
Instead of her walks with Liam, Rebecca began spending more time with the boys and even Faolan, when she wasn’t out patrolling the woods.
After what had happened in Rebecca’s room, when she’d accidently used her ability on Faolan, she’d worried she’d damaged their friendship. But, eventually, Faolan had appeared at her bedroom door one afternoon. As always, Faolan had been calm and maintained an even tone when she spoke, but she very sternly told Rebecca to never do that again.
“Don’t abuse your ability, Rebecca. I understand that you believe it happened by accident, but that’s not an excuse you can continue to use. If you allow that to happen by accident, what else will you allow to happen?”
As frightening as Faolan’s speech had been, she was right. Rebecca had to get her ability under control before something far worse happened.
As they finished their indoor training session that morning, Rebecca took a seat at the bottom of the first-floor stairs to catch her breath. The boys had been particularly rowdy that morning, which had done wonders for helping Rebecca forget her tormented brain.
“We’re going to go play video games if you want to join,” Owen offered.
Rebecca had played video games with the boys the last two afternoons. She didn’t think she could handle another round. “I’m OK, thanks though. I think my thumbs need a break.”
“Suit yourself,” Aeden called back as the boys headed upstairs to the massive TV room.
Maverick hadn’t emerged from his bed yet and Faolan had been absent all morning, so Rebecca decided she’d take this opportunity to get out of the house and fill her lungs with some fresh air. Standing up, she headed to the front entryway and pulled on her shoes and thick, winter jacket that hung by the door.