by Anna Hill
Neala’s eyes went wide with realization.
Taking great effort to compose herself, she rose from her chair, fixing her heated glare on the young general. “You’ve spoken to no one of this?”
He shook his head adamantly, “No one. You have my word.”
“Gather your unit. We depart at daybreak tomorrow. You will instruct your soldiers to remain isolated from all others. If I hear that any word of this has been leaked, it will mean your death. Am I understood?”
Though confusion creased his brow, the young general nodded tersely. Without a word, he pivoted and vacated the room.
Alone, Neala fell back into her chair. It couldn’t be true, she reassured herself. It wasn’t possible. And yet, as much as she tried to convince herself otherwise, dread still clawed at her mind. There was only one way she could know for sure, only one person who could tell her the truth.
Chapter Fourteen
Subsequent to her frightening conversation with Fina, Rebecca had stopped searching for her father. In fact, she’d stopped doing pretty much everything. Feigning migraine headaches, she’d put an end to her morning training session with the boys and, more recently, she was even avoiding helping Maverick hobble around the house.
With every passing day, Maverick was growing stronger and, with his strength, his boldness grew as well. A few days earlier, after she’d helped him up the stairs, he’d drawn her into a tight embrace. Holding his arms securely around her waist, he’d pressed his body firmly against hers and kissed her softly on the forehead.
A primal urge to pull him closer, to wrap her arms around his strong back, to have his lips pressed up against hers had instantly flooded her body. The feeling had been almost powerful enough for her to act upon it, but she’d pulled away, placing as much distance as possible between herself and Maverick. She hadn’t spoken to him since.
For the last two days, Rebecca had avoided speaking with, or even seeing, any member of the crew. Lost within her self-imposed isolation, a deep emptiness had settled heavily inside her heart. She missed Liam. It had been weeks now since she’d last spoken to him. Whenever she was lucky enough to see him, it was only for a brief moment before he left the house to go on patrol. It broke her to have created such a distance between them, one that she feared they would never be able to bridge. And yet, with her departure nearing, she tried to convince herself it was for the best. For Liam’s own good, he needed to be free of her. The whole crew did.
Her dark urges were growing ever more dangerous. Any sign of fear, any hint of anger within her mind, and she could feel the power erupt within her, inundating her body with its intoxicating energy. The truth was, deep down, she desperately desired to have it consume her. Her body yearned to feel it control her again, to lose herself within its power. Every instinct she had was screaming at her to do so. She wasn’t sure how much longer she could hold it at bay. She wasn’t sure how much longer she could remain amongst the crew before her Feiceann side won out and caused her to hurt one of them--or worse.
“I had thought we would already be preparing the forces by now.” The angry voice brought Rebecca back to the present. Stopping immediately, she threw herself behind the nearest tree. “Everything has changed now that the Aillil know about her. With every day that passes, our window of opportunity narrows. We need to strike now, before we lose our chance.” The voice belonged to her mother and, from the sound of it, she wasn’t alone.
“Then, we should tell her.” Maverick? Scandalized, Rebecca leaned around the tree trunk, trying to get a glimpse of the pair. “She deserves to know. Maybe it’ll help her. Maybe it’ll be the push she needs to start making progress. To start conquering her Feiceann side.”
She spotted Maverick sitting on a fallen tree, heavily resting his weight on his legs, not even bothering to look up at her mother. His face was a ghostly shade of white and beads of sweat were collecting on his forehead. It was clear that trekking this far out into the woods had been too much for him, and he was paying greatly for it.
“No. She would reject the plan.”
Rebecca’s anger surged. She’d had enough of everyone talking about her behind her back, plotting about her life, and excluding her from the decisions that affected her most of all.
Fighting to push away the horrible rush of dark power that this surge of anger had awoken, she marched out from behind the tree, setting her heated gaze on her mother. “When will you all stop hiding things from me? How can you ever expect me to trust you if you keep doing this?” Rebecca turned her livid scowl on Maverick. “You of all people should have learned that by now.”
He recoiled under her heavy glower, obviously shaken by her sudden appearance.
Rebecca returned her glare to her mother as Aileen spoke. “What we are discussing is for your benefit. Nothing underhanded is occurring here.”
Rebecca scoffed, irritated. She hated her mother’s emotionless voice. At least Maverick had the courtesy to look apologetic after being caught. “You’re speaking about something that obviously concerns me, without bothering to tell me about it. How is that not underhanded?”
“It does concern you,” Maverick’s voice was soft, yet compelling, “and you deserve to know.” He turned his attention toward Aileen as he continued, “It’s time to tell her, and let her decide what she wants to do.”
Aileen closed her eyes, slowly shaking her head in defeat. “Sit,” she demanded of her daughter as she reopened her eyes, “and listen to everything before you react.”
Rebecca swallowed the urge to argue and haughtily made her way over to the fallen tree, making sure to place as much distance as possible between herself and Maverick as she sat.
“I will begin and, Maverick, you can fill in your portion when I’m finished.” Maverick nodded in assent as Aileen trained her focus on Rebecca. “As you know, when I lost you, I left the Aillil. I could no longer be a part of a society I loathed and a philosophy I didn’t believe in.”
Rebecca rolled her eyes. If her mother was looking for pity, she wasn’t going to find any.
Ignoring her daughter’s obvious resentment, Aileen continued, “I spent the next decade in isolation, hiding from both the Aillil and humans. I would have continued to do so if it hadn’t been for Carrick. He’d been a very close friend of mine while I served in the military, but I hadn’t seen him since I deserted for your father. He tracked me down, as only someone with an Elite skill set could have done, and told me of his own loss.
“His newborn child, a boy, had been ripped from Carrick’s arms before the boy had even opened his eyes. Carrick went mad with rage, killing several soldiers before he was finally detained. He was imprisoned for two years. As soon as Carrick was released, he began searching for his child. He spent four years scouring the world only to discover that the boy had died alone in an orphanage, never having known about the family who loved him so greatly.”
A deep sorrow seeped into Rebecca’s heart. She dropped her eyes to the ground, her hands fidgeting uncomfortably in her lap. She didn’t want her mother to see how much the story was affecting her. Rebecca knew Aileen was telling her this to gain sympathy, to make Rebecca comply with whatever scheme they’d been hiding from her. As sad as the story was, as sorry as she felt for this man Carrick and his lost child, she wouldn’t allow these feelings to cloud her decision.
Aileen looked down at her daughter. It was reassuring to see that Rebecca could still grieve for others. Knowing that the darkness did not yet have complete control over her daughter gave her an ounce of hope. “Carrick came to me with a proposition,” Aileen continued, “one that he’d brought to several others before me. He asked me to join him, to fight back. He was creating a secret force of Aillil whose lives had also been torn apart by the military and the outdated, chauvinistic, hateful laws they enforced.
“I readily joined him, dedicating the next years of my life to growing the roster of our clandestine army. Yet, even as I worked to further our cause, I also continued t
o watch over you.”
Rebecca made an aggravated, sarcastic sound in her throat, insolently crossing her arms over her chest.
Aileen shook her head slowly, “Believe what you will, Rebecca, but since the moment you were born my only purpose has been to protect you. Part of that was placing you with Maverick. When I began to realize what your inherited trait was, I knew I had to hide you. Not just to keep you safe or for my own solace, but for the hopes of all Aillil. You were our missing link, Rebecca. You were exactly what our army needed to be able to finally face the Aillil Ki--”
“Aileen,” Maverick cut in quickly. “I think I should take it from here.” He turned to look at Rebecca, whose furious glare was still cemented upon her mother.
“You saved me so that you could use me--”
“Rebecca, you promised to listen to the entire story.” Maverick placed a tentative hand on her shoulder.
Rebecca spun her enraged gaze toward him, ripping her arm out of his reach. She could feel her skin beginning to tingle as fury boiled up within her, causing the darkness to claw ever harder at the edges of her mind, willing itself to be unleashed. “I think I’ve heard enough.”
She made to stand, but her mother moved to block her path. “Listen to everything before you make your decision. This is far more important than just you and me. You must understand that.”
An exhilarating strength was coursing through Rebecca’s body, its intoxicating sensation clouding her mind, threatening to wholly consume her. Hatred of her mother, disgust at being lied to yet again, infuriated at being continually exploited by those she trusted most, all of it circled wildly within her mind, flooding her body with a desire to lash out, to use the power that was rapidly mounting inside of her.
Sheer agony hammering away at her skull, Rebecca threw her hands up to her temples and collapsed onto the log. Squeezing her eyes shut, she pressed harshly against her head, frantically fighting to control her unstable mind, to quash the evil, primal instincts that inundated her.
“Rebecca!” Maverick swiftly moved close to her and pulled her securely into his chest, embracing her tightly. “Breathe, Rebecca. Breathe. Fight against this.”
Rebecca allowed him to hold her, to slowly rock her as she desperately wrestled with her own mind. Her Feiceann side was growing terrifyingly strong. This was the hardest she’d ever had to work to suppress it, to curb her desire to release it. She felt drained and weak. Every time she had to fight off her Feiceann instincts, she sacrificed more of her strength.
A tense silence enveloped all three of them as Rebecca gradually regained control over her mind. Finally, pulling herself away from Maverick, she inhaled deeply, hands visibly shaking in her lap. “Now do you see what’s happening to me? Why I can’t do what you ask? I’m not a hero. I can’t save anyone. I can’t even save myself.”
“Rebecca, we understand this is hard for you. We know you’re struggling right now, but--”
“Obviously, you don’t!” Rebecca irritably interrupted her mother. “If you truly understood, you wouldn’t even be asking this of me.” She clenched her trembling hands into fists. “I can see how afraid of me you are, and you’re right to be afraid. You know what I can do. Why would you want to unleash this on anyone?”
“We don’t want to unleash you,” Maverick responded, his voice soft and reassuring. “We only want you to attack the King, only the King. Aileen’s forces and the Truaillithe will fight the Aillil soldiers.”
Shocked, Rebecca turned toward Maverick. “The Truaillithe? Is that what you’ve been planning all along? You weren’t bringing everyone together to give them a family, you were building your own army!” She pushed herself further away from him, disgusted by the revelation.
“No!” Maverick’s eyes went wide with alarm. “Not at all! Rebecca, you have to believe me. This was never my original intention. I began training the Truaillithe so that we could defend ourselves from the Aillil’s attacks. Then, when your mother arrived earlier this winter, she approached me with the idea of joining our forces. I spoke to several of the older Truaillithe and they agreed to join. They want to fight back. We all want to end the Aillil King’s reign of terror, to be able to rejoin with our families.”
“Maverick is telling the truth.” Aileen faced her daughter. “I brought this idea to him, and everyone has agreed it needs to happen. We will fight back, no matter what you choose to do. But only with your help will we have a chance of killing the King.”
“Killing?” Rebecca whispered in revulsion. “I can’t kill again. I would lose myself to my Feiceann side--you’d lose me, probably forever. Is your cause worth that? Is it worth losing your only daughter?”
Aileen hesitated, only momentarily, but Rebecca had seen it. Instantly, she felt her heart shatter, her chest collapse with the weight of her sorrow. Her own mother was willing to sacrifice her. Rebecca stood and immediately started walking away, fighting back the tears that were rapidly blurring her vision, “I need to leave.”
“Of course you’re more important to me, Rebecca!” Aileen stepped in front of her daughter and reached forward in an attempt to stop her, but Rebecca pushed past.
Within seconds, Rebecca had reached a full sprint, racing madly through the darkening forest. She had no idea where she was going; all she knew is that she needed to get away. She needed to run until she collapsed, until all of her pain and grief were gone, until her utterly exhausted mind finally shut off.
Chapter Fifteen
Rebecca woke with a jolt, flinging herself upright. It took a moment, but her eyes finally focused and her wits returned. Her father’s voice still echoed painfully in her head, desperately calling for her through the ever-encroaching blackness.
As reality came slowly into focus, Rebecca was gripped by confusion and shock. She was in her bedroom, and yet she had no memory of how she’d gotten there. The last thing she could remember was sprinting through the darkening forest, pushing her body to its absolute limits, relishing the pain of her fatigued lungs, the trembling of her drained muscles. Anything to get her mind off of what had happened, away from what her m--
Suddenly, Rebecca’s senses spiked. She wasn’t alone. Detecting a presence within her mind, she immediately located the trespasser lurking in the shadowy corner of her room. “What are you doing here?”
The presence slipped from Rebecca’s mind as Aileen materialized, walking cautiously toward the bed. “I was worried about you.”
“I’m fine,” Rebecca mumbled, wrapping her arms around her body and lowering her gaze to the bed covers. The last person in the world Rebecca wanted to see or speak to right now was her mother.
“I followed you into the woods, tracking you while you ran for miles. You were sprinting at a ridiculous pace, one even I couldn’t match, until you finally collapsed.” Aileen paused as her face creased with anxiety and grief. “When I reached you, you were motionless. Your face had gone white and your lips were blue. For a second, I thought I’d lost you. I thought you’d pushed yourself too far…”
Aileen stepped forward, tentatively sitting at the far end of Rebecca’s bed, “I’m sorry, Rebecca, so very sorry, for everything.” Her voice shook as she spoke, her usual severity forgotten completely. “I should have been here this whole time, watching over you, taking care of you, helping you. I’ve been a pathetic fool, and I don’t know if you can ever forgive me.”
Though her mother’s confession sounded sincere, Rebecca remained silent, unmoving. Every person she’d let in had eventually hurt her, and she simply couldn’t handle any more heartache in her life. Part of her yearned to be able to love and trust her mother unconditionally, but she wasn’t a fool. Nothing Aileen had done so far in their relationship led Rebecca to believe that her mother would ever become the parent she so desperately needed.
“Since the moment I first held you in my arms, you’ve been the most important part of my life. You saved me, Rebecca. I know this doesn’t excuse my behavior, but I’m fighting for Carrick�
�s cause not only because of what happened to us,” Aileen closed her eyes and took a long, deep breath before continuing, “but because I need to make up for all I did wrong before you were born. It’s my redemption for all the horrible things I did while in the Aillil army.” Aileen reopened her eyes, a vivid mix of anger and regret lighting them from within. “Every day I wake with the painful knowledge of the terrible wrongs I committed. I’m haunted by a past I cannot escape. I didn’t hide away for those ten years because I was depressed; I hid because I couldn’t face anyone knowing the atrocities I had committed upon both societies. These are the thoughts that have driven me since Carrick first found me; this redemption is all that’s kept me going throughout these past years.”
Aileen shook her head dejectedly, “I see now that I allowed this desire to blind me. Defeating the King is important, but it means nothing to me if I end up losing you. I need you to know that.”
Rebecca had begun trembling, overwhelmed by both compassion and anger toward her mother. As genuine and touching as Aileen’s confession had been, Rebecca needed proof. Proof that her mother really meant it, that within a week she wouldn’t just revert back to the way she’d always been, that Aileen wasn’t going to desert her yet again.
Aileen slid her hand forward on the bedspread, stopping a few inches in front of her daughter. “If there is anything I can do to make up for what I’ve done, please, tell me.”
“My father,” Rebecca answered immediately, the words spilling out almost desperately. “I need to know where he is. I have to find him.”
Aileen flinched, drawing herself away from her daughter. “Rebecca, I--”
“No,” Rebecca’s voice was severe as she interrupted her mother. “You said you would do anything for me. This is what I want. I need to go to him.”
Aileen shook her head, her saddened gaze falling down to the bed covers. A long silence lingered between them, the tension broken only by their measured breathing. Finally, as Rebecca was just about to commence yelling at her mother, Aileen spoke. “I never told you how you got your name. It’s customary for Aillil to choose names from our heritage, names that represent the world we left before we hid ourselves away. But your father would have none of it.” Aileen looked up, a soft smile on her lips even though the corners of her eyes glittered with teetering tears. “Rebecca was the name of Charley’s mother. She died from cancer when he was 17. She was his hero and his best friend. It was always his wish to name his first daughter after her.”