by A. M. Miller
“The third eye has been opened.” Ethareal announced, “She who sees the truth-”
“Knows the faces of evil,” the crowd finished for her.
Ethareal turned to face Lu. “The goddess sees through you now and judges all. Kneel before her princess and rise again reborn.”
Lu sank down on her knees and lowered her head. Upon her head they placed the crown. She could feel the weight of it pressing down. Though it had a gold coloring the metal of it had been forged on mountain Dormidain, the highest point in the west, and blessed by the high order. There was power inside a queen’s crown.
“Princess #### is dead.” Lu’s name came out as a grading shriek that made several people in the crowd wince.
The magic had already started to work. Lu would never hear her name uttered again. Her name and the girl she’d been were both dead now with no one to mourn their loss.
“Rise again queen of heart, stronger and wiser. Light made flesh and bone, blood and fire, wrath and mercy.”
Lu stood again. She stared out at her people with her head held high.
“Long live the Queen of Heart,” Ethareal said.
“Long live the queen,” they cried.
10
Raven sat down at the table closest to the window. She held her tea in her hand sipping it gingerly as she watched the people outside pass by. On Tuesday afternoons both Dion and Tiffany had after school meetings. Raven spent her time at a nearby coffee shop waiting for them to finish. Her meeting yesterday with Mr. Otulo had gone relatively well. She looked down at the assignment he’d given her.
Fifteen minutes of work and Raven was no closer towards solving the third problem. She chewed on her lip. No matter what she did she couldn’t get the variables to cross out correctly. One look at the problem was probably all it would take for her friends to be able to solve it. She could always ask one of them for help but she was always asking.
Raven got another cup of tea. She’d settled back into her seat when the store door opened. Looking up she saw a familiar face. Drake held the door open for his friend. Their rumbustious laughter caught the attention of several others inside of the coffee shop. The boy next to Drake said something that made his smile brighten.
None of them noticed Raven sitting across the way. She turned herself so that she was facing more towards the window and continued her work.
Raven wanted to enjoy the peace of the coffee shop but the atmosphere had completely changed. Concentrating was already hard enough without the boys. They stood at the counter but their loud voices traveled throughout the whole café. She shot them a look of irritation but quickly turned back to her work. Pulling out her phone, she turned the music up loud enough to drown them out.
Dion’s black truck pulled into the parking lot a few minutes later. Raven sighed and grabbed her things, preparing to leave. Just as she was about to reach the door, a shoulder collided into her side.
Raven stumbled. Hot tea sloshed out of the cup and onto her hand. She screamed. Reflexively she dropped the cup. More hot liquid splashed out onto her shoes and legs. Raven jumped back, still feeling the pain of the burn hot on her hand.
The boy who bumped into her laughed. “Uh-oh, didn’t see you there.”
Raven turned her head to see that it was the same boy from the party who had bumped into her. He smiled at her but his green eyes were full of loathing. It was the same look he’d given her after she’d punched him in the face. His friends were sitting in the booth behind him laughing at Raven’s humiliation. She saw Drake sitting with them, his eyes locked on her.
Raven glared back at them. Her chest burned with anger, but her eyes betrayed her. She could feel the tears starting to swell in her eyes. It made no sense to her that she should cry when angry but that was her body’s natural response.
Raven turned away from them. She took a deep breath. Her body trembled with the force of her anger. Raven clenched her fists at her sides, trying to regain control.
“I think you made her cry, Rashawn,” one of his friends teased behind him.
Rashawn took a step closer to Raven. “Is it true? Did I make you cry?” His finger trailed down Raven’s arm. “I thought you were supposed to be a tough chick.”
Raven snapped her attention back to him. She pushed against his chest. The move had been meant to put distance between them, but Rashawn fell back into his friends’ table. The table rocked back, cups falling to the ground. Rashawn sat with bits of donuts and ice coffee staining his shirt and hair. The cafe went silent.
Raven looked up and saw all eyes were pointed towards them. She looked back down at Rashawn, something cold settled into her chest. “Don’t ever put your hands on me.”
She left the boys staring slack jawed and marched out of the café.
Both Tiffany and Dion were already out of the truck when she made it outside. They looked prepared to intervene. Tiffany was the closest to the door. Raven took hold of her arm and pulled her back towards the truck.
“Come on,” Raven said, “I just want to get out of here.”
Tiffany seemed a little surprised but eventually started to follow Raven. They all got back into Dion’s truck. Raven took the back seat wiping her cheeks where the tears had fallen. Taking a few more deep breaths the angry fire inside of her started to burn down. Without her anger, the sense of humiliation started to return. How could she have let them see her cry?
“How’s your hand?” Dion asked, looking back at Raven through his rearview mirror.
Raven looked down at her hand. She’d almost forgotten about the pain of the burn. Her hand seemed fine. Not even one sign of blistering. She turned her hand over and saw her ring staring back up at her. The gems sparkled in the light, transfixing in there beauty. Something stirred inside of Raven’s chest.
“Raven?” Dion asked.
Raven’s head snapped back up. Her eyes connected with Dion’s in the mirror.
“I’m fine,” She answered.
“He’s such an ass,” Tiffany said, still seething in the front seat.
“They all are.” Raven sat back in her seat. There was a reason why Dion and Tiffany were her only friends. Raven kept a negative view of the general student body. Once she’d been the girl people gravitated towards; now she seemed to repulse them with a single glance.
Raven stared out the window, silent for the rest of the car ride. When Dion pulled up to her house she unbuckled her seatbelt and slid out of the car. She waved to her friends as they turned to leave. Once they were gone, her hand fell to her side.
The house was empty. She’d expected as much. Raven dropped her backpack off on the couch. She walked over to the kitchen and washed her hands. Cold water poured down over her fingers. It was still surprising that her skin had survived the scold of the tea.
After drying her hands, Raven walked over to the refrigerator. The shelves were starting to look a little empty. She would have to go shopping again soon, which would require more money.
Plenty of that to go around these days.
Raven sighed and pulled out the chicken. She prepared to cook. A few of the spices were also running on a low. Raven did what she could with her limited resources. When she finished she realized that she’d made too much for one person to eat. The proportions of cooking a single meal were often lost on her.
Raven stared at the left over food. There was enough left for her to make a plate for her father. Whenever he got off of work the first place he went was the kitchen to find something to eat. She could tell from the weight he’d put on that he hadn’t been eating healthy enough. The buttons of his uniform were starting to pull around his stomach.
The last time he’d been to the doctor his blood pressure had been high. As far as Raven knew he hadn’t taken any steps to lower it.
Raven almost pulled out another plate, but the action reminded her of her mother. Even though her mom had been a poor cook she always tried to have something ready for Raven’s father when he got off of work
. Raven thought of the last months before her mother’s hospitalization and how many plates her father had let turn cold.
The memory of her mother preparing her father’s place at the table was vivid in her mind. A soft smile would cross her mother’s lips every time she caught Raven staring at the empty chair.
“Daddy’ll be home soon.” Her mother would promise. Even then Raven knew her mother didn’t believe those words but she’d nod anyway.
Raven blinked the memory away. She squashed the pain swelling up inside of her chest and walked back over to the oven. Raven dumped the leftovers. Looking down at the waste bin she felt a twinge of regret. They didn’t have money to waste on food, but sometimes when she was upset her body moved on its own.
Raven closed the lid and washed her dishes. When she finished Raven headed back up to her room. As she was walking up the stairs she thought she felt someone breeze past her. Her curls shifted in the wind and skin prickled. Raven turned. The staircase behind her was empty, as was the hall.
Raven waited, listening to the sounds of the house. She could hear the ticking sound of their radiator as it kicked on, pumping heat into the two-story home, but besides that there was nothing. Raven turned back around. She shook her head. No one was there. Whatever she’d felt must have been inside her mind.
Raven took a step up the stairs and then stopped. Somehow the thought she was imagining things was more disturbing than the ideal that someone had broken in.
Raven went into her bathroom. She grabbed her toothbrush and opened the medicine cabinet. The toothpaste was on the second shelf. Raven reached in to grab it but stopped. Her eyes glanced over at the medicine bottle. She reached for the orange tube.
The prescription sticker stared back up at Raven. One bottle of Xanax with her name on it. She popped the top and stared down at the pills inside. There were about thirty of the happy round pills. She poured half of them into the palm of her hand.
Raven looked down at her palm. One swallow and she’d be so high she’d never come down. As soon as the thought entered her head it left. She poured all the pills back in, save for one, which she popped in her mouth and swallowed down dry.
After placing the bottle back she closed the mirror. Raven stared at her reflection. She could see her mother’s features, same broad nose and high cheekbones. Raven’s full lips pulled back into a smile. She laughed, shoulders shaking and round cheeks pushed up, she allowed the laughter to vibrate through her. Her eyes remained on the mirror, making sure her expression remained authentic. Her laughter stopped abruptly and her face fell.
Good enough.
Raven’s eyes drifted back to the scars. She tilted her head to the side stretching the scars into full view. She stared at them, loathing hardening her brown eyes to stone.
When the sight became too much to bear she looked away. Raven finished up inside of the bathroom and walked back to her room. She sat down on her bed and pulled out her phone to make a call. Seven different automatic voice answering machines later, she was redirected to a real person.
“Hello, I was just calling to check if visiting hours were available for my mom,” Raven said, her voice taking on a phony high pitch.
“What’s the patient's name?”
“Denise. Denise More.”
“One second,” Raven listened to the sound of the woman typing as she looked up her mother’s information, “I’m sorry Ms. More, it would seem her doctor has prohibited visitation.”
“I know, I was just wondering if you could tell me when her restriction might be lifted.”
“There’s no way for us to know. Your mother has been flagged as a red case. If her visitations are restricted it’s because her doctor believes she is a danger to others as well as to herself.”
Raven’s grip tightened around the phone. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.
“Ms. More?” The woman called.
“Yeah, um, thank you. If her status changes tell Dr. Renaud to give me a call.”
“Dr. Renaud is no longer your mother’s doctor.”
“What? Why not?”
Dr. Renaud had been overseeing her mother’s case since she moved to the new clinic. He was working with her the last time Raven visited. Highly certified and arrogant, he was a familiar pain in her backside.
“Dr. Renaud passed late last week. All his patients were shifted over to new doctors,” the woman said.
“Why wasn’t I notified?”
“We made sure to inform primary contacts for all his patients. Mr. More should have received the call sometime late last Saturday.”
Raven felt like throwing something. Every time she ran into a problem with getting information about her mother it was because her father was listed as the primary contact and not her.
He doesn’t care about her. He doesn’t care about either of us! Raven felt like shouting.
“Is there anything else you-“
Raven ended the call. She tossed her phone back against the pillows and it bounced down onto the bed. With her elbows on her knees and her palms covering her eyes, Raven took several deep breaths, fighting off the urge to cry.
“Goddammit,” Raven cursed.
She rubbed her eyes once before raising her head. All she wanted was to be able to see her mother. Raven missed being able to come home and tell her mother about her day. Her mother would have been ready to fight after hearing about Rashawn and Raven would have to calm her down. Afterwards, her mother would say something comforting and kiss her forehead.
Raven’s hands balled the sheets under her. She missed it. She missed every part of it.
11
The Heart Queensland
The golden crown rested atop Lu’s head. With her hair pulled back, the crown was just big enough to fit around her bun. It amazed Lu that such a small thing could hold so much power. Even now Lu could feel the weight of it pressing down on her.
She straightened her back and made a point of standing taller. A resolve set in her eyes. She would not crack under the weight of the crown. Her time to play the role of queen had come and she wouldn’t fail.
“You keep standing all stiff like that and you’ll mess your back up,” Eleaa said entering the room.
Lu’s body tensed before relaxing. Since her parents' death, her nerves had not been well. The murderer was still out there and no one would be safe until he was caught.
Lu turned away from the mirror.
“How are you this morning, my queen?” Eleaa asked.
“Queen?”
“Yes, unless the whole coronation was a dream, I do believe that is what you are now.”
Lu looked to Eleaa. Despite being first-born daughter of the old queen Lu never truly believed there’d come a day when she would hold that title. She realized it would take some getting use to, especially coming from Eleaa.
“You seem troubled my child. What is it?” Eleaa asked.
“Do I look different, Eleaa?”
“What do you mean by different?”
“Do I look like a queen?”
Eleaa’s brows crinkled as she gave Lu a confused look. “Of course you do. You wear the crown.”
“Then is that all it means to be queen? To wear a crown?”
“No, one must also be blessed, which you have been.”
“True, it’s just…” Lu turned back to the mirror. There was no evidence of the mark Princess Ethareal carved into her forehead, almost as if it had never happened. “I’ve heard the stories. Queens from all ages tell of how their coronation changed them. They feel it in that moment. A connection with the goddess so strong they become something else, something better.”
Eleaa walked over and placed her hands on Lu’s shoulders. Their eyes caught in the mirror’s reflection. “These are stories, my queen. Free to interpretation and embellishment. You mustn’t worry yourself over something like that.”
“But what if they had something I do not? What if they were the truly blessed and I am just-“
/> “Whatever doubts you have inside your head throw them out,” Eleaa said turning Lu towards her, “I hate it when you beat yourself down like that. You are the queen the people have accepted. You are no less than the ones who came before you, do you understand?”
The stern tone of Eleaa’s voice left no room for argument. Lu looked into her green eyes and saw that she’d meant every word. Even if no one else believed in her, Eleaa did.
Eleaa smiled and reached up to tuck a loose strand of Lu’s hair back into place. “You worry because you do not feel different now but in time you will.”
Eleaa’s hand froze, her eyes saddening for a moment but then she blinked and it was gone. She turned away from Lu and Lu watched as Eleaa moved around her room.
“What was she like?” Lu asked in a low voice.
Lu’s mother was the sixteenth Queen of Heart. She assumed power at age twenty, but before who had she been? Lu tried to picture her mother before she became queen. She couldn’t imagine it. Lu wondered sometimes but lacked the confidence to ask.
Eleaa stopped. She looked at Lu but there was someone else she saw. For a moment time seemed to shift bringing the older woman back to her younger years.
“What was she like before?” Lu asked again breaking Eleaa from her trance.
“Innocent.”
The word hung in the air between them. Lu didn’t understand. She wanted to ask more but for some reason she couldn’t. That old fear that had haunted her as a child returned. Her mother’s back was always turned to her, always one step away.
Eleaa blinked. When she looked back at Lu she smiled. The tension in the air lessened. “She was strong like you, but not strong enough. You train here in the castle but out there is where you get most of your strength. You worry that you are not strong enough now, but that’s okay, because soon you will be.”
Lu wanted to take comfort in Eleaa’s words but doubt still weighed heavy on her mind. She couldn’t wait to be strong when the people needed their queen now.