by A. M. Miller
“Nope.”
Dion hacked into the school system on prior request. He’d switched around the contact number so that messages about tardiness and absences never made their way to her father.
“Raven, do you need to start talking to Dr. Bowing again?”
Raven sat up. “No. God, no, I’m fine. I just- I had a bad headache, that’s all.”
“Principle Alcester sounded concerned.”
“Principle Alcester cares a whole lot about shit that doesn’t involve her.”
“Aye, watch your language.”
Raven looked down at her lap. “Sorry. I just mean that you know how everyone talks. They still talk about her when they think I’m not listening and when they look at me I know they’re thinking of her. I can see it in their eyes.”
She didn’t want to be talking about these things with her father, but she knew she had to give him something to get him off of her back.
Michael let out a sigh. “Maybe we shouldn’t have come back here.”
“Well we couldn’t stay there. Not in that house. Not in that neighborhood.” Raven looked back down again her voice dropping down to a whisper. “Not with that woman.”
Raven could feel her father’s eyes on her. She closed her eyes, mentally cursing herself. She shouldn’t have brought her up. This conversation would have ended much sooner if she hadn’t.
“Raven-”
“God, can we please just skip this part. We don’t have to talk about it.”
Michael looked at Raven’s face, his eyes glancing up to the top of her head. “I think we do. I think it's been bothering you and us not talking about it is making it worse.”
“This and that are not connected. I’m a senior in high school and I’m stressed like every other senior in high school. We don’t have to dig up the past. We don’t have to talk about anything. We don’t have to pretend we’re more than what we are.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
Raven looked away and closed her eyes. “Nothing.”
Michael looked like he was about to say something but then his phone buzzed. He looked down at his screen and then back up at Raven.
“I have to get to work, “ Michael said.
Raven nodded still not looking at him. Work came first. Work always came first.
“Are you going to school today?”
Raven shook her head. “Taking a mental health day.”
“We’ll continue this conversation when I get home.”
Raven nodded again. Then Michael did something he had not done in years. Catching Raven completely off guard, his lips pressed against her forehead. She turned to look at him when he pulled back.
“I love you, Raven. Try to get some rest,“ Michael said before leaving.
He closed the door behind him. Raven stared at the door not knowing how to feel.
Tears stung her eyes. It was moments like these when it hurt the most. She could see the remnants of what they had been. This could have all been so much different if that woman hadn’t come along. If her father had just been the man he promised to be.
Anger swelled in Raven’s chest. She held onto that hate, blaming him for all that had happened, but her anger brunt bright and faded quickly. The sound of his car pulling off told Raven she was alone again.
According to the clock next to her bed, Raven should already have left for school. Feeling no desired to be around anyone, she stayed in bed. The seconds ticked by without her making any movement. She tried her best not to think of her mother, but it was impossible. Tears slipped from her eyes, but she wiped them away with the back of her hand.
Raven wished she could talk to her mother, or at least hear her voice. She remembered the feel of her mother’s slender fingers working through her hair as she lay on her lap. If her mother were here, they’d both be sipping hot coco.
“Words come easier when the tongue has been warmed and sweetened,” her mother used to say as she added extra marshmallows to both of their mugs.
If anyone could understand what Raven was going through it was her mother.
Hours passed. Raven started to drift back to sleep. She heard someone calling her name. Jerking up right, she stared at the door. For a split second, Raven feared the girl had returned. Her heart beats picked up speed.
“Raven, you here?”
Raven recognized Tiffany’s voice.
Tiffany came up the stairs. She stood in Raven’s doorway dressed in her school uniform. Her eyes widened and for a moment she just stared at Raven. Tiffany blinked and her shocked expression turned to concern.
Raven mustered up a smile, knowing how she must look. “Hey.”
Tiffany walked into the room. She sat down on the bed in the same spot Raven’s father had occupied a few hours before.
“What’s going on, Rae?” Tiffany asked.
Raven looked everywhere but at Tiffany’s face. “How’d you get in?”
“Spare key under the red brick. Answer my question.”
Raven looked down at her hands in her lap and shrugged. “Nothing.”
“Bullshit.”
“Shouldn’t you be in class right now?”
“Yeah, but so should you. Stop avoiding the question?”
Raven looked back up at Tiffany. “I’m fine, Tif.” She forced another smile. “Really.”
Tiffany reached over and grabbed one of Raven’s pillows. She hit Raven in the arm with it. Raven tried to jerk away from it but she was too slow.
“Don’t lie to me, Rae,” Tiffany said.
“I’m not-”
Raven received another feathery whack. “Ouch.”
“Come on, I can keep this up all day.”
“Tiffany this isn’t-”
Another whack. This time Raven reached out and with surprising speed she grabbed hold of the pillow. They both held on, pillow frozen between them and eyes locked. Raven sighed and let go.
Tiffany dropped the pillow and reached for Raven’s hand. “Talk to me, Rae.”
Raven looked at her friend’s hand. For a moment it was as if they were little girls again. So much had happened since then but at least this had never changed. Even if everyone else had gone, Tiffany remained, still breaking into her tower like a gallant hero.
Raven frowned. She was far from a storybook princess. “I’m scared, Tif. I think I’m losing control, and I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t want to end up like her.” Raven looked up at Tiffany, tears swelling in her eyes again.
Tiffany pulled her friend into a tight hug. Raven let her. She buried her head in Tiffany’s shoulder and let the tears fall freely.
Tiffany’s arms tightened around Raven. “Shhh, It’ll be okay. Just because you look like her doesn’t mean you are her. You’re not alone, Rae. Whatever problem you have, you don’t have to face it alone. Dion and I got your back no matter what.”
Raven pulled back and looked into her friend’s eyes. “You might regret those words someday.”
“Never.”
Raven saw the look in her eyes and she believed her. No matter how crazy the storm got, Tiffany wouldn’t leave.
Raven squeezed her hand. “Anyone ever tell you, you have bad taste in friends?”
“It’s a character flaw.”
Tiffany wiped Raven’s tears away with her thumb. She gave a gentle smile before standing from the bed. She held out her hand and Raven took it. With one pull Raven was back on her feet.
“Come on, we got work to do,” Tiffany said.
“Work?”
“Oh silly girl didn’t anybody ever tell you nothing ever got accomplished by sitting on your ass. You’ve got problems so we're going to find solutions.” Never one to shy away from a challenge, Tiffany’s natural take-charge attitude started to kick in.
“For starters we should probably text Dion. He can hack into the school system so that no one knows were gone.” Tiffany pulled out her phone and started to text. When she was finished she turned back to her friend.
“Next we should probably do something about that hair,” Tiffany said playing with one of Raven’s curls. “We can run up to the beauty supply and get some dye.”
Raven took a step back from her friend. “What’s wrong with my hair?”
“Don’t tell me you actually wanted hood rat red.”
“What?”
Fear slowly crept back in.
Tiffany shrugged. “I mean I guess you can pull it off with your complexion. It’s just a really bold move for you.”
Raven only half listened to her friend. Her hand reached up to her hair and pulled one of her curls into view. Bright red, the color of fresh strawberries. The curl seemed to catch fire in the sunlight. Raven pulled down curl after curl, each one as red as the one before.
Her hand fell away from her head. Heart pounding in her chest, she ran out from the room. Tiffany called after her but she didn’t stop until she reached the bathroom.
Raven slammed the door behind her. She yanked the lock into place and searched for the light switch. With the flick of her hand the florescent light filled the room.
The mirror hung on the adjacent wall. She took a step towards it. Part of her already knew what she would see but the other half content on denying it. She stepped into view of the mirror. A girl with bright red curls stared back at her. Her nightmare was far from over.
26
Raven stared into the mirror, still not believing her eyes. The longer she looked, the less real it seemed. She squeezed her eyes shut, hoping beyond all hope that when she opened them again, her hair would be back to its dark brown color. She slowly opened her eyes, a panic rising up her throat.
Red. Bright fiery red strands, from root to tip.
“This isn’t real,” Raven said.
Something brushed against the hairs of her arm. She looked down but saw nothing. The feeling of something touching her remained, an invisible hand pressed against her biceps.
Raven touched her arm. She felt the cold flesh and bones of another hand under hers. Yanking her hand back, she kept her eyes on that spot. Still, she saw nothing.
Raven held her breath as her eyes turned slowly to the mirror. She covered her mouth. The scream muffled between her hand and lips. Her body shook in terror.
The two girls in the mirror stared back at Raven. One with red curly hair and the other with straight black locks. The girl with black hair held the other with her pale white hand. She smiled. “Hello, Raven.”
Holyshitholyshithol-
“Shhh, it’s okay. Don’t be afraid. There’s nothing wrong with you, Raven. It’s the world that’s wrong.” The girl stepped forward, holding Raven’s gaze in the mirror. “Together we’ll make it right.”
The younger girl's hand slid down Raven’s arm, leaving goose bumps in its wake. She rested her hand on Raven’s. “From now on, we will always be as one,” the girl said.
Raven squeezed her eye shut. Mentally willing the younger girl away. Hot tears spilled down her face. She told herself again and again that what she was seeing wasn’t real. If this was all another nightmare, she was ready to wake up.
When Raven opened her eyes again the girl was gone. Body relaxing, her hands fell away from her mouth and rested on the sink. She leaned against it, unable to support her own weight. She didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.
Raven lifted her head. She stared once again at the ugly red curls. First the voices and now this. She was crazy. She’d actually gone completely insane.
We will always be as one, the girl’s voice echoed in her mind. Raven’s eyes narrowed and her trembling hands balled into tight fist. She pushed herself away from the sink. Fear gave way to anger.
Raven looked down into the basket next to her. It was full of random hair supplies, flatirons, coconut oil, hair clips, and a pair of silver scissors. She reached for the scissors. The metal shined under the fluorescent lights.
Her hand pulled at a chunk of hair. “No. I am not her.”
She began to cut, the scissors ripped through her hair. Her hand grabbed for more hair, silver blades shearing through the thick red strands.
“I am not my mother,” Raven said.
Her hands pulled at her hair until her scalp turned red and sore. The scissor scratched against her hand as she pulled. Cuts dripped blood into her hair from her fingers but Raven didn’t notice. She pulled at another chunk.
“I’m not crazy,” Raven growled in frustration.
She didn’t stop until the sink was full of curly red locks. Her breath turned into ragged pants. She stared at her reflection. The sight of her uneven chopped hair brought the image of another to mind. She’d never looked more like her mother than she did right then.
Something inside her broke. Raven laughed at her reflection. A cruel bitter laugh, hysteria setting in. She’d always known it would end like this. As much as she tried to deny and fight it, she’d always known. Her laughter became painful, abdomen crunching and mouth aching. She wanted to scream.
“Raven, open up.” Tiffany banged against the door.
Raven bit her lip to silence the laughter. The doorknob jiggle. She thought about how worried Tiffany must have been on the other side of the door. She wished Tiffany hadn’t come. No one should have to bear witness to something like this. Raven knew first hand how devastating it could be to watch someone she cared about lose their sanity.
“I’m serious Raven, you better open this door or else I’m going to break the damn thing down,” Tiffany yelled.
Not paying Tiffany’s threats any attention Raven turned back toward the mirror. She stared at her reflection, again unable to believe what she saw. The blood red curls had grown back. Not a single lock out of place. When she looked down at the blue sink it was empty.
27
The Heart Queensland
The woman looked around the crowd realizing what she had done. Her eyes widened by panic. Everyone knew what would come next.
The woman turned wild again. She scratched and kicked, her movement becoming desperate. Her nails scraped at Lu’s arms leaving trails of red. Lu barely noticed its sting.
Kovin and Marcella stepped forward from the crowd. They pulled the woman away from Lu. Their iron grips on her arms restrained her. The woman struggled against them, but she was no match. In that moment, the woman looked more like a scared child.
A hand gripped Lu’s shoulder. She turned to see Domicin standing behind her. In the dark, his eyes shined like gold. “She spoke against the crown and goddess herself. We all heard.” The finality in Domicin’s voice filled Lu with dread. “There is no forgiveness for such an act.”
Lu closed her eyes. She didn’t want this to happen. More than anything, she wished there was a way to stop it, but the fates had already decided. No matter what Lu did or didn’t do, the woman would die tonight. Meshi warned her that this time would come, but still she was not ready. She felt the bile rising up the back of her throat.
Wrath and mercy. She had to be both.
Lu swallowed and opened her eyes. She turned to face the woman again. Marcella held her sword against the woman’s throat, her blade nearly half the width of the neck it pressed into. Everyone looked to Lu. Once again they waited for her command.
“You spoke against the goddess,” Lu said. Her voice shook but she forced herself to continue. “To do so is unforgivable. It is a crime punishable by death.”
The woman’s eyes locked on to Lu. She didn’t need her third eye to know how much the woman hated her. She blamed Lu for everything that was happening.
I didn’t want this.
Lu took a deep breath. “Do you have any last words?” Her voice was clearer and colder now. She could do this. She had to do this.
Tears fell down the woman’s cheeks but the rage never left her eyes. “They was right about you. You are a death curse on our land. Not even the goddess gone save us from you. Damn you all.”
Lu looked away from the woman. She didn’t think it was possible for words to
cut any deeper. “For speaking against the goddess you will be granted no mercy. Your body will be marked,” Lu said.
Markolas stepped forward. He stood in front of the woman. Naxson handed him a knife. The blade was thin and the handle covered in inscriptions. Kovin yanked the woman’s head back by her hair. Markolas placed the knife against the woman’s forehead. He began to chant. The knife glowed bright. The skin burnt under the glowing heat of the knife. The woman screamed and wiggled but that only made it worse.
Lu trembled but she would not look away. She hated that sound, absolutely hated it.
When it was done, the priest stepped back so that everyone could see. Three burnt lines marked the woman's forehead. The one in the center was the longest, cutting just past her eyebrows. The crowd reacted to the sight of the mark.
“Filth,” one of the villagers yelled.
“Trash,” yelled another.
They continued to yell obscenities at the woman. Lu could feel their fear and hate. The emotions were overpowering her senses. When the sound of their voices became too much to bear, Lu held her hand up. The crowd quieted.
“Your soul has been tainted and will remain so in death.” Lu’s voice echoed through the now quiet village. “The goddess will not embrace you. Your soul will be forced to walk the dark earth. You will never know peace.”
The woman yelled, calling Lu a demon. She ignored her. Lu imagined herself isolated behind thick walls. It was a calming method Meshi had taught her. A cold chill ran through her body as she began to separate her emotions from the situation. She added barrier after barrier around herself. She buried herself into the deepest part of her mind and the coldest part of her soul.
Because sometimes great things require terrible actions.
Lu looked at Marcella and nodded. Without hesitation, the sword sliced across the woman's throat. Blood spurted, pouring down her neck and staining her dress red. The dark red color drained from the woman’s eyes.
The woman’s body fell to the ground once Kovin let her go. She landed with a thump. Her face turned to the side. Blood still pumped from her wound, soaking the ground red. Lu saw the woman’s lifeless eyes staring at her and turned away.