by Lexy Timms
Lillian kept out of Cayden’s way, who had gotten back to pounding messages on his phone, until the house grew even more quiet. That was when she had noticed him asleep with the cats, who at last were getting precious naptime with their beloved Cayden.
She took a breath, feeling almost relieved when Cayden was finally going back over to his place for a while. Leaning over the edge of the couch, she stroked the cats’ backs. “Sweet babies,” she whispered to them, feeling the vibration of their soft purrs in their chests. “Cayden will come back soon. He really needs to go back to Los Angeles and get all his clients situated before he’s back for good. He won’t be distracted like this for much longer.”
Before going to see Andrew, she opened a window in the kitchen to let some fresh air in. That should help make it a little clearer and livelier in here, she thought, taking a deep breath. I’ll have to close it in a little while. Gosh, it has really cooled off quickly this year.
Andrew was sitting on the chair in his room. He had turned it to face the huge bookshelf. Hearing her come into the room, he turned and gave her a smile. “You’ve really got a collection here, Lillian,” he said, running his fingers along the spines of the books. “I mean, there are encyclopedias, a couple of biographies, and a million novels—what don’t you have over here?”
“Kids’ books,” she laughed. “Did you see the antique shelf?”
“Yeah, I did.” Andrew gingerly pulled one out; its edges were worn and ragged, but it was in good condition. “What’s the oldest one you have?”
“I think from 1920. The rest aren’t that old.”
“This one is from the ’40s. Where do you get all these?”
“I got a lot with Amelia.” Lillian sat on the bed, crossing her legs under her. “Remember that phase we went through when we went to thrift stores almost every weekend and loaded up on so much useless junk?”
Andrew thought for a moment and then gasped. “Is that where she got that horrible trench coat?”
“The neon purple one with roses?”
“Yeah, that one.” He laughed as he fake gagged. “No offense, Amelia, wherever you are, but I burned that when you died, and I loved watching it go up in flames.”
“Did you really burn it?” Lillian squealed.
Andrew nodded, and they both chuckled. “Hey, you look tired.”
“So do you,” she replied. “Do you feel okay?”
“Kind of in pain, to be honest. The meds aren’t helping as much as I wish they would.” He pursed his lips. “It’s nothing unbearable. Just a dull throbbing.”
“I know how that feels,” she joked.
“Did you sleep okay?”
“Not really.” The words came out before she could stop them. “Cayden was really thinking hard about something all night last night.”
“He was kind of out of it today, too.”
“I know. He hasn’t talked about it yet. I do know his clients are bugging him a lot. I’m pretty sure they all want him to find replacements. Their standards seem to be pretty high.”
“You’re an expert on Cayden’s line of work, aren’t you?” Andrew winked.
Lillian flexed her arm. “Totally.”
“Speaking from experience, it isn’t fun to move around for work so often. I used to commute an hour twice a week to another factory.” Putting the book back in its place, he leaned back in the chair. “Did that for about six months. It was brutal. I can’t imagine having to fly back and forth every few days.”
She nodded. “That’s largely why I haven’t officially accepted any more work over there. I don’t know how I feel about going so much.”
“Could you go, do your job, and then come back, or would it be more of a Cayden situation where you go help a client on and off for a while?”
“I think I would make it where I would get the work done all in one go.” Lillian hummed, thinking. “I don’t really know. This whole Los Angeles thing was awesome, and I’m glad I went, but I don’t know about the future.”
“Well, it’ll happen how it’s supposed to happen.”
Quietly, Lillian asked with a sad smile, “What would Amelia do?”
“Wear that horribly awful trench coat and make sure she scared away any more clients.”
Lillian let out another laugh, but quickly choked on it. A tear squeezed out of the corner of her eye. “I kind of wish I had that coat.”
“I will never apologize for burning it.”
“Why in the heck did you decide to burn it, Andrew? I mean, would donating it have been better?”
He shook his head. “Nope. No human should have worn that.”
“But for real, why did you burn it? That’s so dramatic.”
Andrew looked at the floor for a few moments. “I think it was a grief thing.”
“How so?” Please don’t shut down now, Andrew, she begged in her mind. Please let me into your feelings. We both need this.
“Because I remember how ridiculously happy she was when she put it on. Even when she wore it once to the grocery store—in broad daylight, of course—” He rolled his eyes. “She wore it around the house a couple of times and took photos of herself. You were there, you remember.”
“I still have the photos somewhere.”
“We should dig those up someday.” He took a breath. “Yeah, it was a grief thing. The amount of joy that butt-ugly trench coat gave her just stuck on it, I guess. I touched it and literally felt her there. It was too much.”
Lillian stayed quiet and watched him.
“I burned that pair of rope sandals she had, too. They smelled like—I don’t even want to revisit the smell right now. They needed to be burned.” He chuckled. “It probably released toxic gas into the air.”
“I don’t think Amelia owned much that would be detrimental to the environment.”
“I wouldn’t know, really. I only cleared out some of her stuff. There was too much.”
Lillian nodded, knowing exactly what he meant. Sure, Amelia had a lot of stuff spread between their apartment and her parents’ house—but that wasn’t the type of ‘too much’ Andrew was talking about.
“You know I just left, right?” she asked softly.
“Left?”
“I couldn’t go back to our place.”
“To your apartment?”
“Yeah. I couldn’t go back there. When I left there to go to the hospital, I never went back.”
“How did you get your stuff out?”
“I worked it out with a moving company and the landlord. I made a list of what I needed to be brought to me. Everything else I gave them permission to donate.”
Andrew stared at her. “I didn’t know you never went back, Lillian.”
The room suddenly started to feel very cold. She couldn’t muster up the nerve to look in Andrew’s face. He looked too much like Amelia in this light. “It worked out okay. I had that tiny service apartment for a couple of months until I moved over here.”
“I actually didn’t know that was how you ended up here.”
Guilt began to seep into her veins. “Andrew, I’m so sorry I never called after the funeral.”
“It’s okay. We’re back together now.”
She nodded. “She wouldn’t have wanted me to go that long without calling. I was selfish.”
“No, you weren’t. Look how much time has healed all of us. I never thought I would see Mom and Dad enjoy anything again, and here they are, off exploring Europe.”
“That’s the thing. I don’t know how much it’s healed me at all. When I heard that you were in an accident, and when your mom told me you were at the same hospital...” Her breath formed a hard lump in her throat that wouldn’t go away. “I fell onto the floor. I couldn’t move, Andrew. It was like Amelia’s wreck happening all over again.”
“Hey, Lillian,” he said gently, as if he were calling to her pain, “I’m okay. I made it.”
She clenched her teeth and dug her fingernails into her palms, trying with every o
unce of strength to fight off a good, long cry. “Yeah. You did.”
“Exactly. And I don’t intend to go anywhere again. So, stop worrying.” It was a soft command, and she knew he meant it in love.
“I’ll try.” She slowly sucked in a breath, imagining her lungs filling with the fresh air drifting through the house. “As long as I’m here, you won’t be going anywhere. I’ll find an indestructible car for you or something. Cover you in bubble wrap. Whatever it takes.”
Andrew smiled, taking his crutches and shakily standing up. “Well, in other news, I’m hungry. You look hungry, too.”
“Do I?”
“You do. You know thinking burns a lot of energy, right? Got to keep up your strength.”
“I need to be better about that.”
“Is Cayden here?”
“No, he went home to find a bag to take back to Los Angeles. He’ll probably show up sometime.”
Nodding, Andrew motioned Lillian through the door first. She held back, looking at his crutches.
“I don’t need help,” he said. “It’s okay.”
“Are you getting used to them?”
“Yeah. They aren’t so bad.” He winced, but didn’t stop. “Except that leg pain isn’t so pleasant.”
Lillian put a hand on his back. “Do you need more pain meds?”
“Nah. Just some water and food and sleep.” He tried to laugh a little, but she could tell it hurt. “This is the most time off I’ve had in a long time.”
“Enjoy it, if recovering from multiple injuries is something enjoyable.”
“You know me, I’ve got to have something to do. Not being able to move a lot is killing me. Before too long, I might pick up one of your encyclopedias and see how far into it I can get.”
Lillian pulled out a kitchen chair for him. “Leftovers?”
“Sounds good.” He leaned his crutches against the table. “Have you heard from my parents?”
“Your dad sent me a text when they were at the airport. Did they talk to you?”
“They sent me a photo of the toilet in their hotel room.” He snorted. “Can you believe it? They’re in Europe and that’s what they found fascinating enough to take a photo of.”
“It doesn’t surprise me. That’s very, well, it’s very them.” Lillian giggled, and took a bowl of leftover spaghetti out of the microwave. “Here. Eat up. I’m doing mine now, so don’t even ask.”
They made light conversation for a while until Lillian saw the time. “Oh, crap. It’s later than I thought.” She stretched her arms and took their bowls to the sink. “I have a little work to do, unfortunately.”
“Now?”
“Yeah. I was procrastinating earlier. It seems like the emails never stop.” She groaned, and put the dishes in the dishwasher. “I’ve got this one client here who is really into organizing. She always has a binder that’s literally full of new ideas to show me every time I go to her house. And she emails them to me as she finds them, too.”
“How do you handle that?”
“I respond the same every single time. Tell her they’re all great ideas and we’ll go over it when I see her next. Which thrills her, of course.”
“Can you tell her to stop?”
Lillian shook her head. “She’s really sweet, and I don’t want to crush her.”
“You’re too nice.”
“I give special privileges to clients who have been with me for a long time. There are a few—this woman included—who have known me since the week I moved here. They’re all great; I’m really lucky.”
“I hear this woman in Los Angeles loved you, too.”
“Ah, Katharina. She’s something else. She can come across as a little...” She looked for the word. “Maybe intimidating isn’t quite the right word. She has a really strong personality and is the type of person whose bad side you do not want to be on.”
“Sounds scary.”
“Not really. She’s a hoot. I hope I get to see her again one day. If she had her way, I would move over there right now.”
“Maybe you should let her have her way.”
“We’ll see.” She refilled Andrew’s water glass and handed it to him. “Oops. I’ll carry this for you.”
“Thanks.” He stood, and carefully positioned himself on his crutches. “You don’t realize how much you take for granted simple things, like carrying a glass of water and walking at the same time, until you can’t do it.”
“We take a lot for granted that we don’t even realize,” Lillian added, seeing him to the room. “I’m glad you’ve been resting so much. Tomorrow we’ll do something outrageous: go outside to the back porch for a while!”
Andrew gave a fake thrilled grin. “And touch sunlight? I can’t wait!”
“It’s going to be awesome!” Lillian lightly hit his shoulder. “The encyclopedias are waiting. Read yourself to sleep. Call for me anything, okay?”
“I have a feeling I’m about to be out for a few hours.”
“If you fall asleep now, you’re going to be awake for the entire night.”
“My sleep schedule is already screwed up, Lillian. I was unconscious for two days.”
“Good point. But we still need to get you back into a normal routine.”
“It’ll happen in time.”
“It’ll happen soon,” she corrected. “See you later, Andrew. Do you want the door shut?”
“Sure. Thanks, Lillian,” he replied as she shut the door. She stood there for a minute, listening to him making himself comfortable by the bookcase again. There was the sound of pages turning and books sliding in between other books on the shelves until it grew mostly quiet, the only noise the occasional flip of a page.
He’s here, she told herself. It’s real; this isn’t a dream. He’s here in my house and out of the hospital.
It was too good to be true. Happiness was one thing, but the immense sensation of relief was another. She could easily remember being happy because little things, even if she didn’t show it all the time, gave her joy. Waking up next to Cayden in her hotel in Los Angeles was one time, and they hadn’t even officially gotten back together yet. She was happy when Andrew had suddenly been in town for business right after she and Cayden had their argument in her kitchen.
But relief? She couldn’t recall a time she felt relieved—not like this, anyhow. Perhaps, for all this time, she had wanted so badly to have had the chance to be relieved when Amelia was in her accident. Relieved when Amelia woke up, when the doctors said she was stable, when she was regaining her appetite and figuring out her wheelchair, then her crutches, then walking with no help anymore...
But none of that had happened. Lillian had been hanging on to the anticipated feeling of relief since her phone rang that Amelia was in the emergency room. She had been waiting for her best friend to wake up, see her face, and smile. But she never did. And those feelings she’d bottled up inside for so long were finally getting the chance to come out and relieve her mind of the immense stress that had been hurling her into an emotional whirlwind.
Amelia must have been looking out for them. Lillian could feel it. She never got to feel that ear to ear grin when Amelia’s eyes opened up, but she did with Andrew. He’s alive. She had to remind herself every now and then, because it did still feel too good to be true. Using the word alive felt morbid sometimes, but when she gave it a little thought it was the most beautiful word in the world.
She sat down at her desk, listening to the quiet of the house. All right, she told herself, playtime is over now, Lillian. It’s time to focus for a little bit. Opening her laptop, she began to read and reply to emails, clean out her files, and update her schedule. After such a drastic change from her usual routine for the last couple of weeks, being at her desk in her home environment felt like a breath of fresh air. She could think clearly and get done what needed to be done.
When she looked up next, the sky was beginning to turn a warm orange. Clouds were smeared across the sky as far as she could see in
either direction from this window. The whole scene looked like a painting.
This is so much better than looking out a hospital window at streets and buildings, she thought.
Stretching her arms, she stood up and went to check on the cats. At first, they pretended not to notice her until she wouldn’t leave them alone, and then their playful energy kicked in. For a few minutes Lillian gave them her undivided attention; typically, they wouldn’t have played with her for this long, and she was thrilled that they did today.
Eventually they ran off and Lillian, feeling chipper as ever, took another peek at the sky. Purple hues were beginning to make their way along the edges of the clouds.
I bet it will be perfect for a photo when I get out of the shower. Flipping a lamp on, she went to her room, started up some music on a little speaker, and hopped into the shower. The soapsuds slid down her body along the curve of her waist; it felt like Cayden tracing his finger on her skin as he loved to do. She giggled to herself, remembering how he had joined her in the shower a couple of times before. That was fun, she thought with a smile, wishing he would surprise her now by sneaking into the bathroom.
She wasn’t really expecting him to, but as she dried off she began to devise a plan for surprising him next time he was showering. Poking her head out the bedroom door, she listened for any sign that Cayden had come back, but there was none.
Where is he? she wondered, standing on her tiptoes to look out the bathroom window. It looked out directly at Cayden’s house. He sure has been looking for that bag for a long time, she noted, peering between the blinds. His house, as far as she could tell, was completely dark; through the blinds in the living room window, she noticed the faint glow of the tiny lamp he kept on when he was away. Thick curtains covered all his other windows.