CHAPTER XXX.
Ceux qui ne sont gens de bien qu'en apparence--sont obliges de se contraindre, beaucoup, et de garder de grandes mesures, afin de passer pour se qu'ils ne sont pas.
Alida ruminated on her lonely situation. She reflected on former days,and the many happy hours that had gone by for ever, when the roses ofhealth had arrayed her cheeks, and gay thought had filled her fancy, andevery object was decked with the charms of fascination, when her heartwas unacquainted with sorrow, and experienced serenity and happinesswithout alloy. She deplored the loss of a kind father; in him she wasdeprived of a friend, who could never be again supplied to her, and inwhose society her mind was in a constant progressive state ofimprovement. His filial affection, his kindness, his watchful endeavoursfor her welfare, were evinced by a careful anxiety and pains toenlighten her mind with those qualities and acquirements, that would bemost conducive to enlarge her sphere of usefulness in life, and furnishher with the means of rational pleasure, and to blend with her personalappearance the more fascinating charms of a well-improved understanding.
She mourned his loss at a residence where every object recalled himcontinually to her remembrance. She was wholly absorbed in melancholy,and amid these sad ideas that agitated her bosom alternately, Bonvillearrived from the neighbouring village, and her attention was for a timediverted, and she was relieved from a train of painful reflections. Herbrother had a long conversation with him respecting Theodore, andwondered how it happened that his friend Raymond had never received anyintelligence from him.
Bonville seemed much embarrassed at these observations of Albert, and itwas some length of time before he made any reply. Then biting his lips,and putting on an air of displeasure, he said that he had actuallythought of going to England himself, to trace him out, and ascertain thecause of his strange conduct. Then assuming a look of insignificance,accompanied with several speeches in double entendre, he remained insullen silence.
The conduct of Theodore certainly, thought Alida, is mysterious andsingular, and his long silence is truly unaccountable, and the idea ofever meeting him again with these different impressions, that at presentbore sway over her mind, agitated her greatly. In happier days, when herhopes had rested on him in full confidence, she thought herselfsufficiently strong to bear every other evil; but to be assured of hisinconstancy, was an idea she could scarcely endure.
Although Albert might decidedly be called a person of discernment, stillhe had not yet fully discovered the deceptive powers of Bonville, whosemany evil propensities were in a manner concealed, by a condescendingcourtesy and affability; though his mind inherited ill-nature andsarcasm in the extreme.
The sprightliness of his manners, mingled with a certain degree ofhumour and generous sentiments, occasionally mingling with hisdiscourse, threw a veil over his imperfections, and excited one'sadmiration.
Albert thought him ungenerous for many scandalous assertions concerningTheodore, and he still hoped he might again arrive on his native shores,and be able to answer all suggestions to his disadvantage.
Alida had never discerned his real character, therefore she reposed fullconfidence in all he said. His behaviour to her was respectful, and hisexterior extremely prepossessing. He appeared all goodness andbenevolence, and ever expressed the most generous sentiments towardsthose he pretended to censure.
These deceitful appearances were joined with a semblance of piety; andhe could at any time make himself appear to advantage, by the display ofa variety of superficial knowledge. He was proud to excess, as if hereally possessed qualities to be proud of. One would scarcely supposethat such a person could be capable of true attachment, but so itcertainly was; that knowing the many imperfections of his own nature,caused him more deeply to revere the opposite qualities in Alida, andthe idea of shortly gaining her hand, carried his senses to such a pitchof enthusiasm, that it would not be thought strange to suppose, that thedisappointment of his pride would overwhelm him with lasting dismay.
The superior excellence of Theodore furnished a mark for the calumny ofBonville, supposing his own success depended on the disparagement of theother. Thus envy is usually led to asperse what it cannot imitate; andthe little mind scandalizes the pre-eminence of its neighbour, andendeavours to depreciate the good qualities that it cannot attain to.
Thus the distempered eye is impatient of prevailing brightness, and byattempting to observe the lucid object, inadvertently betrays its ownweakness; and persons of their unhappy complexion, regard all praisesconferred upon another, as derogatory from their own value. And a personwithout merit may live without envy; but who would wish to escape it onthese terms!
Alida; or, Miscellaneous Sketches of Incidents During the Late American War. Page 33