a problem after all.
Amber decided to finish cleaning her house to take her mind off her crazy, dual life as of late. She mopped the kitchen and bathroom and ran her vacuum over the living room floor and bedroom rugs. Finished, it was time to eat supper and get ready for Paul. She made herself a tuna sandwich and just as she went to bite into it, she felt a sudden, overwhelming sadness. Tuna fish sandwiches were his favorite! Her eyes welled with tears and she slowly let the sandwich drop into Star’s waiting mouth. He gobbled it up without hesitation.
All at once overcome by depression, she no longer was hungry. “Paul is one of the sweetest men I have ever met! Dear God! How did I get into this mess? I don’t want to hurt him!” She ran into her bedroom and flung herself across her bed and bawled like a baby.
It appeared that Dorian’s influence wasn’t working in keeping her feelings of guilt away this time. Something she realized had happened before.
She laid there for several minutes, crying into her bedspread before she realized that someone was sitting by her on her bed. And it wasn’t Star.
“Dorian?”
There was hurt in his eyes but no traces of anger. “Paul means that much to you?”
She didn’t want to hurt him either, but she had to be truthful. “Yes! Shit! Yes! But I love you too!”
E cloHe sh
He shut his eyes for a moment. It looked as though he was fighting back tears.
“Dorian?”
“I told you I love you…and I do! Because I love you, I do not want to be the cause of any unhappiness in your life.”
“What are you getting at?” She had a feeling she wasn’t going to like what he was about to say. She sat up quickly.
He gently reached over and smoothed a tear from her face with his thumb. “I have pushed you into this too quickly. I knew you had feelings for Paul…But I had hoped your feelings for me would override the ones you have for him.” He sighed heavily. “Apparently…that’s not the case…So –.”
“What?”
“I’m going to back off.”
“What do you mean, Dorian? Back off?”
“You need more time…And it would seem you need a lot more time. And…my being a vampire…that is something I have a lot of. I’m going to go away for awhile.”
“No! No!” Now she was crying because she didn’t want him to leave. “No!”
“This is for the best, Amber. I need to go to Europe on business anyway…So this would be a good time for it.”
“How long?”
“A few months…maybe.”
“Please don’t go, Dorian! Please!”
“I don’t want to see you torn like this, Amber!” He stood.
“You said you’d be here for me…Always!”
“And I meant that. But…you need to think clearly and you can’t do that with me around. You have Star for protection…And…between you and me…I have a vampire friend I’m going to ask to watch out for you while I’m gone.”
“You do? Another vampire? Locally? Who?”
“He may not be too happy about my telling you…But it’s Klaus. Joseph Klaus.”
“Oh my God! I knew there was something about him. According to Judy, he’s been dating Sally!” Her hand went to her mouth in realization. “He’s turning her, isn’t he?”
“Yes…But not a word. She’s happy with it.”
“Of course, I won’t say anything.” She stood too. “Dorian…I have never known such passion…such amazing sex with anyone. No one has ever made me feel the way you do. But it’s not just the sex…I do love you! Only, I love Paul, too.”
“That is exactly why I must go.” He took her in his arms and held her close to his heart.
“When are you leaving?”
“Immediately…”
“That quickly?”
“I’m a vampire…I travel light…and I don’t need boats, trains or planes to get around. I can be in Europe by tomorrow morning.”
“I had no idea!”
“I’ve already taken a trip to Russia since you moved in.”
“You did?”
“You didn’t even know I was gone.” He kissed her forehead and snuggled his nose in her hair. “I want you to promise me something…Will you?”
“I’ll try…What is it?”
“You give Paul every chance you can. Spend time with him…Go places with him…Watch television…Have mad sex…Whatever. By the time I return, you should know which one of us you want to be with.”
She went to speak but he shushed her.
“Whatever your decision is when I get back will be a permanent one. You will either stay with Paul…Marry him…have a whole slew of kids. Or you will forget the life of a human and let me complete your turning and you will be my mate as a vampire forever.”
“Okay…But I really don’t want you to go!”
“And I really don’t want to…I truly feel this is necessary, Amber.” He kissed her then, more sweetly and more tenderly than ever. “Just remember that I will always love you…no matter what your decision is.”
Then he was gone!
“Dorian?”
“Bye, Amber,” his voice echoed through the cabin, but she could no longer see him.
“Bye! Dorian! I love you! I honestly do!”
Paul was all bright smiles when he knocked on the door, but when he saw Amber’s face that quickly changed. “What’s wrong, sweetheart?”
She couldn’t speak at first, and there was no way she wanted to tell him the truth. So she told him that she had been thinking about her late husband, which wasn’t a complete lie, as he was so much like Paul, and that she got all sad.
He set the DVD aside and took her in his arms. “Amber…We can do this some other time, if you’re not up to it. Why didn’t you tell me you were depressed? I thought we were happy? I know I’ve never been happier!” He held her chin up with his forefinger and peered down at her. “But it doesn’t count… if you’re not happy.”
“Oh…Paul. You are too sweet. I don’t deserve you.”
“Yes you do! In fact, you deserve better! I just feel honored that you’ll have anything to do with me.”
That brought on a burst of tears that he completely didn’t understand. She buried her face in his shirt, sobbing. She wanted so much to confess that he wasn’t the only one, but she didn’t dare hurt him like that.
He wasn’t like Dorian. Dorian knew what the real rules were, the rules of life and death, and how to play the game. Paul, on the other hand, was a sweet, trusting, honest, hardworking man that was looking for a woman to settle down with and raise a family. And she knew he was hoping that woman would be her. “You are a wonderful man, Paul! It is I that don’t deserve you!”
“Hush! Don’t say that. I think I’ve gotten to know you better than that. You’re good and wouldn’t dream of hurting anyone. I adore you, Amber. There’s nothing I want more than to make you happy.”
“I know that,” she said, sniffling and looking up into his kind eyes. They didn’t burn through her like fire as Dorian’s did, but they did stir a gentle warmth within her heart.
“Would you prefer I go and leave you alone this evening?’
“No! I want you to stay! I know I’m a mess…my mascara is probably all smeared and runny.”
“You’re beautiful to me!” he said.
Just then, Star crying at the back door took their attention.
“Wonder what’s up with him?” Amber said. “Hasn’t been that long since he was out.”
“Let’s take a look.” Paul headed for the kitchen. “Oh! It’s just that big crow or whatever it is. Just flew off the back porch. Was perched on the railing…He’s gone now.” He looked down at Star, who had calmed down. “See…He’s all right now.”
She sucked in air and exhaled. “Okay…Yeah…that bird’s here a lot.”
“You okay now? Want to watch that movie?”
“Sure. I’ll make the popcorn.”
He kissed
the top of her head. “I’ll go put it in.”
Ten:
Amber just couldn’t bring herself to sleep with Paul the night Dorian left, telling herself she just needed time, but it soon became apparent that she couldn’t bring herself to have sex with him at all. He was patient and sweet, better than she deserved. Only, there was no way she could forget the rapture she had experienced in Dorian’s embrace.
Though Dorian had told her to go ahead and be with Paul in all respects, and she had slept with Paul first, it was just hard in bringing herself around to the idea.
Of course Paul knew something was wrong, blamed himself in spite of her denying that anything was his fault. He still believed it was. She did continue to see him, though. They spent nearly every evening together, and she spent a lot of time at the store. She’d even given Judy a few of those painting lessons she had promised, and had cooked a couple of pot roast dinners on Sundays for them. Still, she just couldn’t go all the way with Paul now, not after knowing how she felt in Dorian’s embrace, that she was only complete with him.
Paul was amazingly patient, which in many respects made her feel rotten. Normally, she would not have done this to any man, especially such a sweet and cool guy as Paul. But there was nothing normal in her life now, for there was nothing normal about being crazy in love with a vampire.
About three weeks after Dorian left, Sally phoned in to Paul’s and said she had the flu and couldn’t come in that night. Sally hadn’t missed a day of work in three years, so Paul had no problem with it, but he did need someone to help.
Judy was having a lot of homework and business had picked up. So he phoned Amber and asked her if she’d mind filling in for Sally instead of their usual evening together. Amber was
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