Always Series Box Set

by Becs, Lindsay

  “Sure, pretty girl. Come on, Tates, let’s get a snack.”

  Once they leave, I turn to Ollie, who’s still looking at the carpet like it has a secret to tell. “Ollie, I need you to be strong for your sister. You can’t say stuff like that around her. We have to stay positive.”

  “I’m sorry. I just… I just hate it. I don’t know how else to say it.”

  “I don’t like it, either.”

  “I know. It’s just hard to see you like this and not be able to do anything. I wish you’d let me take a break from school to help.”

  “No. I told you before, you are where you’re supposed to be. Travis is amazing, and Candace helps fill in the gaps. We’re OK.”

  “It’s OK if you’re not, you know.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Mom, you’re so strong and brave all the time, but it’s alright if you need to cry or whatever. You’re allowed.”

  “I just can’t. If I let myself go, I’m afraid I won’t be able to stop,” I admit.

  “Are you scared?”

  “Petrified.”

  His tear-filled eyes meet mine, and I can’t hold back my sobs any longer. He wraps me in his arms and holds me while our tears fall.

  “I’m so scared of losing you and having Dad as my only parent.”

  It’s a different kind of sad that he thinks that, but it’s enough to make me laugh. “Sorry, you got a raw deal there.”

  “Eh, you win some, you lose some. I won the lottery with my mom though, so it’s alright.” He smiles.

  “I love you, Ollie. Thank you for coming home this weekend. I know it means a lot to Tatum, too.”

  “I’ll be here as much as I can, and when I’m not, I’m glad you have Trav.”

  “Me too.”

  “Who’s ready for some Uno?” Tatum asks, walking in to join us.

  “Oh, you are going down,” Ollie says, rubbing his hands together.

  “Not a chance, loser,” she taunts.

  We spent the weekend playing Uno and napping while watching movies. It was perfect despite the reason behind it all. I hated that I lost it with Ollie, but I think I kind of needed the release of emotions. It seemed to calm him as well, so I guess that’s good.

  I love these kids of mine so much, and I can’t imagine living without them or losing Travis. The fact that they are having to deal with the thought of losing me is so devastating. I want to protect them from everything bad and painful; it just happens that this time I’m what’s causing the pain. It hurts my heart to know that I can’t protect them from this. We just have to keep moving forward and hoping for the best. One day at a time and all that.

  TRAVIS

  If there was ever a time I wish I could sacrifice myself for someone, to take their place, it’s now. Watching Josie the past couple weeks has been torture. I’ve tried so hard not to let her see how much it’s affecting me, but I’m sure she can sense it some. I hate seeing her in pain. I would gladly cut off all my limbs for her not to have to endure this.

  It's so unfair that Josie, the most selfless person I know, is the one with the bad luck to get this. Why does this shit always happen to the good people and not to the scumbags of the world? Where’s the justice in that? She should be having the most beautiful life, without pain and suffering. I don’t get it.

  I’m lost in my thoughts as the shower pounds on my back. This is where I let my emotions run through me. It’s where my pleas are muffled by the sound of the water. It’s where I feel like I can let the hot water burn and scald the pain I feel for her off me. Down the drain go my tears, my fears, my anger.

  She’s at the end of her second cycle, which means she feels the best right now. Her eyes have their glow, the deep blue pools I love to swim in swallow me whole. But it also means that in a couple days, I have to see her writhe in pain. I fucking hate this!

  “Travis?” Her flowery voice pulls me from my dark thoughts. I lift my head from where it’s resting against the tile wall and look at her. “Oh, baby, it’s OK.” I don’t have to say anything; she can see the emotions all over my face. I clench my jaw to hold back my anger and tears that want to surface.

  She strips off her clothes and steps into the shower with me. Her arms wrap around me, and it’s all I need right now to help the rest of my emotions wash away.

  “You can talk to me about it, you know.”

  “No, I can’t, Joes.”

  “Why not?”

  “I just can’t. Not now, OK?”

  “Alright.” There’s a hesitance in her voice, but she doesn’t push for more. “Can I ask a favor of you without you getting more upset?”

  I pull enough away from her so I can cup her face in my hands and soak up her beauty. “Of course. Anything.”

  “I, uh… I want to shave my head.” Her eyes look so big and vulnerable. She’s trying to be strong, but I know this is killing her, too.

  I slowly shake my head. “But you have to shave mine, too, then.”

  “What? Why?” If her eyes could get bigger, they do. She runs her fingers through my hair.

  “We’re in this together. I want to do this together. Actually, we need to call Ollie. He wants to shave his when you do yours.”

  After Josie’s hair started to thin and fall out last week, I knew it was coming. Ollie and I talk every day, and when I told him it was starting to fall out, he told me he wanted to support her in that way. So, we decided that when the time came, we’d both shave our heads in solidarity with her. We’re all in this together. We all love this woman more than she’ll ever know.

  “I don’t understand.”

  “We all love you.” I shrug. “It’s as simple as that. We can’t take your pain away, but we can support you and do this with you.”

  Her smile goes so big, it stretches to her tear-filled eyes, making liquid thank yous spill out. I kiss her falling tears away before we finish our shower.

  We wait for Ollie to be done with classes for the day, and we Facetime him at the usual time I call every day. As soon as he sees us, he knows. He gets a mischievous smile on his face before he leaves the camera space to come back holding up electric clippers. He plugs them in and makes a gesture like Jason from the horror films with his chainsaw.

  Tatum walks in the door from school and joins us in the kitchen. I watch her as she takes in everything. “What going on?”

  “Remember when I told you I’d lose my hair?” Josie asks her. Tatum nods her head, her eyes wide. “Well, it’s starting to fall out, so I’m going to shave it. Your brother and Travis decided to do theirs, too.”

  “Can I shave mine?”

  “Why would you want to do that, sweet girl? You have the most beautiful hair. Enough for both of us.” Josie runs her fingers through Tatum’s hair as she says it.

  “OK, but can I at least watch?”

  “Of course! Pull up a stool.”

  “So, who’s first?” Ollie asks, a little too excited about all this.

  “Me,” Josie says next to me, giving my hand a squeeze. She’s putting on a brave face for Ollie, but I know how hard this is for her. I’m sure it is for any woman who loses her hair.

  “You sure?” I lift a brow at her. She smiles and nods, looking just like Ollie did a minute ago.

  Before I have a chance to stop her, she grabs our clippers and makes a pass straight down the center of her head, laughter bubbling out of her the whole time. Once she has a solid line of missing hair, she stops and looks at me with a twinkle in her eye. “How do I look?”

  Tatum’s eyes go big. “Please tell me that’s not it.” Josie’s laugh fills my ears.

  “Ridiculous,” I laugh. “Give me those.” I snatch the clippers from her and finish the job, her blonde hair falling down around her onto the kitchen floor. It’s beautiful and sad. I finish, turning off the clippers and brushing the hair off her before I step back to look at her. Her eyes still shine and pull me in. I lean in and kiss her. “Beautiful,” I say against her lips.

/>   We hear Ollie fake cough from the laptop sitting on the counter. “Still here guys. If you could keep from mauling my mom while I’m forced to watch, that’d be awesome, dude,” he says before fake gagging.

  “At least you’re there. I have to see it all the time,” Tatum says, rolling her eyes.

  I step back and watch as Josie runs her hands over her now-shaved head with a smile. She takes in her picture on the computer screen and smiles. “It feels weird,” she says, scrunching her nose. “I like it.”

  She leans her head forward toward me with a big smile. “You wanna touch it?”

  “No…”

  “Come on, touch it.”

  I smile at her. Damn, this woman is beautiful, hair or not. I reach out. “OK.” I give it a rub. “You can feel all the bones in your skull.” I lean forward and kiss her bald head as she giggles. Her laughter makes me laugh, too, after we quoted the Friends scene between Ross and his girlfriend, Bonnie. Ollie and Tate probably don’t understand, but we do.

  “What do you think, Tate?” Josie asks, turning toward her unsure daughter.

  “It’s strange,” she giggles. “But I’ll get used to it, and then it’ll be weird when you have hair again.”

  “Probably.”

  “OK, my turn!” Ollie yells.

  We watch him shave his hair, and then Josie shaves mine. The three of us can’t keep from running our hands over our now-bald heads.

  Tatum even gets in on it, feeling mine. She hasn’t touched Josie’s head yet, and I think it’s a hard thing for her to come to terms with. She’s been so strong and brave for a young girl. I’m proud as hell of her.

  Josie and I say bye to Ollie so we can jump in the shower to wash off all the stray hairs while he talks to Tatum. Even being away at school, he’s still here. He's made it a point to talk to her at least once a week. I’m thankful that he’s been so understanding about my relationship with Josie and didn’t pull away, not just for our sake, but for Tatum’s, too. She might have a crappy dad, but she’s got an amazing brother.

  * * *

  The weeks that followed were much the same. Chemo day would come around, it’d be a living hell for her for about a week, then she’d be OK for the next week. Not great, but able to still go to work, spend time with Tatum and me, and do ‘normal’ things. If anything was sure, Josie was determined not to let cancer or chemo keep her from her life any more than she had to. I knew she was brave and tough, but she showed me just how tough she really was on a daily basis.

  I worked at the garage as much as I could, and when I couldn’t, Roger was there picking up my slack. He never made me feel guilty for not pulling my weight or being gone for days at a time.

  Candace has also become a huge help, especially on the first few days after chemo when Josie needed help the most. She helped with Tatum, made dinners, did laundry and helped Josie with work, too, making it as low stress as possible. She was a lifesaver for us.

  Josie was having surgery in three days, and Tatum was staying with her dad tonight. It’s the first time since Josie found out she had cancer. Tatum hasn’t wanted to leave her mom, and no one pushed her to do anything she didn’t want to with all the changes.

  I walk into the house after a busy day at the garage and am greeted with the heavenly smell of Josie’s roast beef cooking. My mouth instantly starts to water. I toe off my boots by the door and smile when I hear her singing N’Sync from the kitchen. In case you haven’t figured it out by now, my girl is a 90’s girl through and through.

  I walk into the kitchen and wrap my arms around her from behind, kissing the side of her neck when she relaxes into me. “Whatcha making? It smells incredible.”

  “All your favorites – Mississippi Roast, mashed potatoes, roasted green beans and dirt pudding for dessert. I hope you’re hungry.”

  “I’m always hungry. What did I do to deserve all this?” I ask, still nuzzling and kissing her neck.

  “I felt good today. Like, really good. I wanted to do something for you since you’ve been so amazing the last few months, and with Tatum gone tonight, I thought we could have a kind of date night in.”

  It’s been three months of chemo treatments for her. Last month her doctor told her, her immune system was getting too low for her to keep working and it was time to take a sabbatical. It was hard for her to hear, but she knew it was coming. She still does some work from home when she’s feeling well enough but otherwise has stepped back from it all.

  Since then, we stay in so she doesn’t catch anything going around that could weaken her more than she already is. She’s lost weight, mostly from not wanting to eat anything.

  “That sounds perfect.” I turn her around and kiss her again, on the lips this time. “I’m going to jump in the shower real quick. How long until it’s time to eat?”

  “Ten minutes. You better hurry,” she says in a teasing tone. I don’t know what she’s up to, but I haven’t seen her this playful and carefree in a while. I flash her a smile and run upstairs.

  After I shower, we eat and laugh like we used to. For a little bit, it’s almost like the two years we were apart and cancer never happened. It’s a nice reprieve from the heavy that’s been circling us lately.

  We finish eating, and I tell her to go get cleaned up and comfy while I do the dishes and clean the kitchen. She doesn’t fight me, which is unusual, and darts off upstairs to take her own shower. As I’m putting the last of the leftovers in the fridge, I realize she’s been gone for a while.

  I walk upstairs to check on her, and I’m not prepared when I open the bedroom door to find her surrounded by the glow of candles lit all over the room. She’s perched in the middle of the bed in a lacy bra and thong. She looks like an angel with the golden hue around her from the flickering flames.

  “Someone’s been busy plotting today,” I smirk, leaning against the door frame.

  “Why are you still over there?” she asks, crawling to the end of the bed where she stops and hooks her finger at me in a ‘come here’ motion.

  “I’m just enjoying the view. Stand and turn for me, pretty girl.”

  She smiles and does as I ask. I see the slight pink that colors her cheeks, and it makes me harder than I already was. She reaches behind her to unclasp her bra, but I’m not ready for that.

  “Wait. I want to do it.” I push off the wall, pulling my shirt off while walking to her, and press my front to her back. Running my hands down her arms, I clasp her fingers in mine and bring them up and around my neck. My hands then run their way back down her arms, over her sides and cross over her stomach. She’s soft to my hard, and I could run my hands over her all day.

  I run my nose up the side of her neck and let her intoxicate me with her scent of lavender and honey. “I love you,” I whisper in her ear before I lightly bite it, making her shiver in response.

  “I love you, too,” she hums. “And I love the feel of your hands on me.”

  “You mean like this?” I ask, sliding my hand further down her stomach until my fingers dance over the wetness that’s seeping through her lace panties.

  “Yes.”

  “And like this?” My other hand goes in the opposite direction, palming her breast and rolling her hardened nipple through her bra.

  “Uh huh,” she hums, arching and pressing her chest further into my hand. “Take them.”

  “Take what, pretty girl?”

  “My breasts. I want you to have them. Take your fill.” And that’s what this is about.

  I spin her around so she can see me when I say the next words to her. “You give me my fill every day, Josie. From your beautiful smile. From your eyes that captivate me, drowning me in the depths of their blues. From the smell of you that’s intoxicating, making me high off of you, and you alone. I get my fill of you when I hear you laugh and when I kiss your sexy lips. When I hear you and Tatum playing Uno or watching Gilmore Girls, debating whose team you’re on. When I hear how much you wish Ollie were here, but you put on a brave face s
o he doesn’t see it and will stay at school. When I catch you checking me out when you think I’m not looking. I get filled by you when you tell me you love me, when you put your hands on my face, and when you love me for me.” I pause to make sure she’s listening. “I’d be lying if I said it isn’t a damn travesty that you are going to lose one of these fine fucking tits, but that’s all they are – boobs. They aren’t you. And you are what I want. You are what I love. More than boobs, Josie. I love you. Do you hear me?”

  She leans forward and rests her head on my chest, but then I feel her nod. I put a finger under her chin and lift her face to look at me. “I love you, pretty girl.”

  “What in the hell did I do to deserve you?” she asks, choking on a laugh through the tears threatening to fall.

  “We don’t have to do this if you don’t feel up to it.”

  “You don’t—”

  “I did not say I didn’t want to,” I chuckle, kissing the top of her head. “I haven’t had you in months, Josie. I want you so bad, but I’m also not that much of an asshole.”

  “Did you not feel how wet and ready I am for you?”

  I groan, pulling her face to mine and taking her lips. I kiss her long and soft at first, but it quickly turns heated and sloppy.

  “Stop me now, Joes. Because much more and I won’t be able to.”

  “I want you, Travis. I need you. Please.”

  Josie wanting me is awesome, but Josie begging me is fucking fantastic!

  However, I still want to make sure my girl gets what she needs to feel loved, wanted and beautiful.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Josie

  I knew when the day started and I didn’t feel sick that I wanted to make it special. I was given today as a gift. That’s how I see it. It couldn’t have come at a better time with Tatum at her dad’s. I would get a chance to let Travis have me however he wanted. I might be bald-headed, but at least I still had two breasts today. He could enjoy my body in its entirety at least once more before I was a lesser woman.