“Tilly?” I croak out in my sleep-deprived state. I only fell asleep a little bit ago.
“I’m sorry to wake you up,” she says in a panicked rush. “I can’t find Jesse. I woke up to use the bathroom, and his bedroom door was open. I went to close it, but when I looked inside, his bed was empty and his window was open. I looked all over the house and around the yard, but I don’t know where he is,” she tells me quickly, sounding winded. “Travis, I’m scared,” she adds in a whisper.
“Don’t panic. We’ll find him. Let me wake Penny and see if she knows anything.”
“You don’t—”
“I’ll call you back in a few minutes,” I cut her off, not giving her an option.
Hanging up with her, I scrub my tired face with my hands and pull on a pair of shorts and a shirt, heading down to Penny’s room.
Quietly, I open her bedroom door, not wanting to scare her. I pause mid-step when I look at her bed and see two bodies there instead of one. I squint my eyes to be sure I’m seeing what I think I am, and sure enough, it’s Jesse wrapped around Penny’s back. Both of them are sound asleep.
I fight the urge to wake him up and throw him out of my house for sneaking out and climbing in bed with my little girl, but then I remember that they are just kids. And as much as I hate to admit it, I see so much of myself in him. Looks like climbing through the windows of our best friends to sleep in peace is another similarity we share.
I release a breath, accepting that this is innocent and that I need to trust my baby girl to tell me if it’s anything else. I leave them to sleep, finding my phone to call Tilly back, but when I look outside, I see her pacing back and forth out back.
Slipping on my shoes, I walk outside to join her. Her head snaps to me, and I can tell she’s been crying. I give her a small grin of reassurance as I walk toward her.
“He’s inside in Penny’s room,” I tell her.
“What?” she asks breathlessly, wiping tears from her damp cheeks. I fight the need to wipe them away for her, to comfort her.
“Penny’s window is across from his. He must have climbed in. He’s safe. They’re fast asleep.”
Her hand goes to her mouth to muffle a sob that falls from her. “I thought I lost him.”
Not able to stop the pull I feel to comfort her, I close the space between us and wrap my arms around her. She sinks into me, her arms tucked up under her as she cries into my chest. I stand there holding her in the darkness of night while she cries all the tears she needs to. For the first time in a long time, it feels good to comfort someone else.
After all her tears are gone, she steps back out of my embrace and gives me an awkward smile. “I should get back to bed.”
“Tilly…” I start, but I don’t know what to say.
“Night, Travis.” She gives me another weak smile. “Thank you.” She turns and walks inside her house, leaving me there lost in my thoughts. Which is never a good thing.
I collapse into the lounge chair that once belonged to Josie, her favorite place to sit curled up with a book or Penny or me. “What am I doing, Joes?” I ask the open air, needing her to hear my plea.
Anger hits me fast. I sit up, swinging my legs to the side, and my fist connects with the back of the chair. I’m not mad at Josie; I’m mad at myself. I’m mad at myself for holding another woman—no matter how innocent it was. I hit the chair again, letting out a growl into the night. That growl turns into a cry as my fist opens and my head drops into my hands.
“You weren’t supposed to leave again,” I cry. “We were supposed to do this together. We were supposed to have gotten our second chance, our life together. Our always,” I tell the sky, tilting my head up then. “Why doesn’t it ever hurt less? Why do I still feel like I’m slowly dying without you? Why do I still not want anyone but you?”
I sniff and fall back once again into the chair, closing my eyes and letting tears of love and anguish fall down my face.
“Travis?” I freeze, squeezing my eyes shut harder when I hear Tilly’s timid voice. “I’m sorry, I heard someone talking. I just…” she trails off but doesn’t leave.
“It was me,” I confess after minutes of tortured silence.
“I can leave. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t go.” I say the words without thinking, and I’m sure it surprises her as much as it does me. I slowly open my eyes, turning my head to look at her. She looks unsure, nervous. I sit up and pat the spot next to me. Slowly, she walks toward me and sits, her back ramrod straight.
“I was talking to Josie,” I tell her.
“Was that your—”
“My wife.” I choke on those two words. It feels wrong to talk about Josie with another woman. I run my hands through my hair, not knowing what to do or say now.
“You can talk about her if you want to. With me. I don’t mind.” She sounds genuine, but I still don’t know if I can. I turn my head to look at her and meet her kind brown eyes. A small smile pulls on my lips.
“Thanks, Cookie,” I grin at her, making her shy smile grow.
Shit. What am I doing? Am I flirting with her now after I just had a mental breakdown for comforting her?
“You should try to get some sleep,” I tell her, standing and pulling her up to stand too. She nods her head, turning to go, but I stop her, grabbing her hand.
Brown eyes, the opposite of Josie’s, go wide finding mine swirling with questions and unknowns. But then they fall, landing on my mouth, and when they slowly rise again, I swallow all my own questions and guilt.
I pull her to me, crashing my mouth to hers. We stand frozen, neither of us knowing if or how to move. My hand goes to the back of her head and her lips part, inviting me in. Squeezing my eyes shut, I take her invitation, my tongue grazing the tip of hers, and it lights a match in what’s been dark for a long time.
We stand there kissing, slowly, tentatively, testing and tasting. Unsure and shy. I pull back, breaking a kiss that I didn’t know I wanted. She keeps her head down and peeks up at me through her thick lashes. Her tongue licks her lip and teeth graze the soft flesh, and it stirs things that haven’t stirred in years.
Cupping her jaw, I lean in. “Night, Cookie,” I whisper against her lips, leaving a soft kiss there before I turn and walk away.
* * *
I’m fixing dinner after work when I hear the door slam shut.
“LP? What’s wrong?” I ask, yelling after her as she stomps through the house.
“Tilly won’t let me and Jesse play,” she yells with her hands on her hips.
That seems weird. “Why not?”
She shrugs her shoulder. “I think he got in trouble at school or something,” she grumbles. Yeah, she knows more than she’s saying.
I lift a questioning brow at her. “Fine, he got suspended,” she tells me. turning around. “Again,” she adds before slamming her door shut. OK, then.
I finish making dinner while Penny stews in her room. After we eat and she finishes homework, we play a few games of Uno before it’s time for her to shower and get ready for bed. Once I kiss her and tuck her in, I grab a beer and head outside.
“Got another one of those?” I hear Tilly ask before my ass has time to touch the chair I’m aiming for. Without a word, I go back inside and grab one for her, popping the top and handing it to her once I’m back outside. She’s seated in one of the chairs I have out back while I choose the lounge chair.
It’s reminiscent of the night a few months ago when we sat here and I kissed her. We haven’t talked about it, brought it up, or done anything like it since. In fact, we’ve hardly acknowledged each other’s presence altogether. Basically, we kissed and have been acting like middle schoolers ever since.
We go about our days, weaving in and out of each other’s lives as neighbors and friends, helping when we feel lost raising these kids we’re clueless about or borrowing a cup of sugar—or a beer—when needed.
I know I don’t want to cross a line with her. I’m not ready to date,
and I never want to string anyone along, least of all Tilly. She deserves better than that. I’m glad she’s never pushed and isn’t clinging in that sense. Besides LP, Tilly is my best friend these days.
“If he keeps this up, he’s going to end up in jail. I don’t know what to do with him anymore. The only thing he seems to care about at all is Penny, and that’s a hell of a lot to put on a little girl,” Tilly starts rambling as I sit. “He peed in a trashcan in science class.” My eyes go wide before I burst out laughing. “It’s not funny, Travis! He got suspended for a week. Now, I have to take the time off of work and will probably lose my job.”
“He can go with me to Pretty Girl. He seems to like cars, and at twelve, he’s old enough to help.”
“You’d do that?”
I shrug. “Sure. It’s no big deal.” Except it’s a really big deal. This is exactly the age I was when Roger took me in and started to teach me about cars and engines because I had nowhere else to go. Why is this kid like a replica of me?
“Travis… thank you.”
“It’s—” I pause because just then, I see Jesse’s window open. I watch as he waits for a minute, probably waiting for Penny, before he throws a paper airplane out. I’m captivated watching it play out in front of me. He stands there, waiting, and then he smiles, the biggest smile I’ve ever seen on his face since he moved in with Tilly.
“What are you watching?” Tilly asks before she leans over to see what I’m looking at. “That little shit!” She starts to get up when she sees him climb out of his window and start toward my house.
“Let him go,” I tell her, putting my hand on her arm to stop her. She gives me a quizzical look. “Just… trust me. He needs this. Her. It’s OK.”
“But—” she starts to protest again.
“Trust me,” I cut her off.
“I do.”
When I go back inside, I pull down my box and find the letter I never understood until now. It’s one of the few I haven’t read yet. “Roger” is written on the envelope.
Hey, baby,
So, either Roger passed away or he’s still living, heading toward 150, and it’s what I’m thinking it is…
Roger was so special to you. I could see that before I think you even understood what he was to you. He was your mentor, your teacher, your friend, your confidant, your sounding-board, and your role model. There are very few people, men especially, that would do what Roger did for you. Not just selling the garage to you, but taking you under his wing at such a young age.
He once told me that you reminded him of himself when he was younger and he wished someone would have taken him in to help steer him away from the many mistakes he made. You were his second chance. He lives through you and loves you like a son.
Now, it’s your turn. You’ll know when it’s right. When that troubled kid enters your life and you see yourself in them. Be the mentor they need. Give them their second chance to start over and make things right. Use the life you’re given for good. Because you have so much good in you to share.
Always,
Josie
* * *
The next morning, I drop Penny at school because I don’t like her walking alone, before bringing Jesse to Pretty Girl with me. We pull in, and he follows me in silence to my office, where I give him a shirt to wear. He snorts when he catches it and pulls it on over the shirt he’s already wearing.
“Sit,” I instruct him. He rolls his eyes and falls into a chair. “Jesse, I’m not your enemy. I’m trying to help.”
“Yeah, help by having me do free labor for you,” he scoffs.
“Listen, if you like working here, I’ll gladly keep you on past the next four days and pay you. But the next four days, yeah, you’re mine. You messed up, kid, and it needs to stop.”
“Yeah, yeah, I’ve heard it all from Tilly already. I’m self-destructing and will end up in jail if I don’t start making wise choices,” he says in a mocking tone.
Gritting my teeth, I turn to him with nothing but seriousness. “You like hanging with Penny?” He takes a minute but nods. “You like sneaking into her room at night?” His cocky demeanor changes then. “Jesse, look, I was you. I had a terrible home life, and I did the same thing. I’d sneak into the window of my best friend—although he was a boy, not a girl—and it would make me feel safe. I’m not going to take that away from you. Yet. But if you keep messing up, then I will.” He nods at me, knowing. “This is the last chance. This is your chance to do the right thing. I know it sucks sometimes and it’s a little less exciting, but stop trying to kill your aunt. She’s trying pretty damn hard to give you everything you need, including a loving home.”
“It’s not about Tilly,” he throws back at me.
“You mad about what life threw at you? I get that too. But you can’t change what’s already been done. As much as you might want to. So, use the life you’re given for good,” I echo Josie’s words to him. He drops his head and nods again.
“Jesse,” I start again but wait for him to look at me. “I’m here. Anytime. I know we’re dudes and don’t do mushy shit like girls, but if you need anything or there’s ever anything you need to ask or talk about that you can’t with Tilly, I’m just next door.”
“Thanks, Mr. Gellar,” he mumbles, and I feel good. I can do this. We can do this.
“Come on, kid. Let’s see if you’re any good.”
Chapter Eight
Travis
Seven Years After Josie
The whole family is here in Graves for Tatum and Benton’s wedding. They’re finally going to stop living in sin and get married today.
Things picked up speed when she found out she was expecting again. She was mortified to have another baby without being married first, even if the two of them lived as if they were already married anyway. None of us cared one way or another. Not like Ollie and Bex have tied the knot yet either. Sinners. All of them!
Sinners or not, I was pretty choked up when Tatum asked me to walk her down the aisle. I thought she’d choose Ollie, but she chose me.
“Ready for this, Tate?” I ask as we wait our turn to walk down the snow-covered path to the gazebo in the middle of the botanical garden where they are marrying.
“I’ve been ready since the first time he called me Sugar.” She smiles, looking the most relaxed and content I’ve ever seen her. She puts a hand on her just-beginning-to-show stomach. “Let’s go get your daddy, little one.”
She looks up at me with the biggest smile I’ve ever seen on her face, hooking her glove-covered hand through my arm. We walk to where Benton, Ollie, Penny, and Poppy are waiting ahead of us. Tatum’s white velvet cape blows behind her as our feet crunch under the snow. I’m careful to hold her tight so she doesn’t slip in the heels she’s wearing, regardless of the weather and her pregnant state. Some things never change.
The ceremony is short and sweet outside in the cold as snow slowly falls, kissing all of us just as Josie would if she was here. Closing my eyes, I tilt my head back to feel the wet flakes touch my skin. I feel you, pretty girl.
In true Benton fashion, he rented out a pub in the city for the night for their reception. Friends, family, and racers joined as we all celebrated the union of Tatum and Benton together.
“Dance with me, Trav,” Tate says, finding me in a corner watching everyone around me.
Giving her a grin, I stand and take her hand, leading her to the center of the small space where others are attempting to dance.
“Thank you for walking me down the aisle today.”
“It was my honor, Tate.”
“When it started to snow, I could feel her,” she whispers leaning her head on my shoulder.
“Me too.”
* * *
“You’re unusually quiet. Is it because you now know for sure that your little sister isn’t a virgin?” I ask Ollie with a smile as we sit outside sharing a beer while the girls and Benton—poor guy—are at the baby shower.
“Dick.” He gives me a
side-eye, taking a swig of his beer, making me laugh.
“Bex can’t have kids,” he says after a bit.
“What?” I sit up, turning serious with my best friend.
He nods his head slowly. “She had an ectopic pregnancy a year ago and when they went in to…” he trails off. “Anyway, there’s a lot of scar tissue and damage. And the good side doesn’t ovulate anymore. We have, like, a two percent chance of ever getting pregnant and her actually delivering.”
“Shit, man. Why didn’t you say anything before?”
“She doesn’t like people knowing about stuff.”
“But I’m not people.”
“I know. You’re my dad.”
“Shut up,” I laugh, shoving his shoulder. “Do you need anything? You doing alright with everything?”
“We’ve talked about adopting, but I think we’re both still just in shock. We thought we’d still have a decent chance to have a baby of our own. But then she went to make sure everything was alright before we started to actively try, and that’s when everything else came to light. We just found out last week.” He picks at the label on his beer bottle for a second. “It’s so fucked up. She works with kids at the hospital every day. She’s damn good with kids and yet can’t have her own. It’s tragic.”
“It’s not the end though, Ollie. It’ll happen for you guys when it’s right. You’ll find the perfect kid who needs you.”
“Yeah.” He smiles. “I hope so because I never want to see that look of pain on her face ever again.”
“I really am sorry.”
“Meanwhile, my sister keeps getting herself knocked up by a British bad boy I wish I could hate, but he’s so good to her and Poppy.”
“I can’t believe she’s having another baby,” I tell him. “I never thought she’d love motherhood as much as she does.”
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