Always Series Box Set

by Becs, Lindsay

  Stepping back, I give her room to finish what she was doing and clean up. I watch her for a few minutes, but when I see a tear fall from her eye, which she quickly swipes away, I hate that I caused it.

  “I’m sorry,” I say quietly, turning to leave her alone and put space between us. I’m almost at the top of the stairs when I hear her defeated, “Me too,” and those two words crush me, making me feel worse than I already do.

  Ollie and Tatum have tried to get me to go out and start dating for a while now. They typically leave it alone after I say no so many times. At Thanksgiving, Benton asked if I had gone out with Tilly. His words from that night keep swirling in my head.

  “I admire you. I promised my girl that we’d always have that spark, the fun, the fire between us. If she ever left me, in any way, I’d be broken. But you also deserve to be happy, yeah? It’s alright to move forward. No one would look down on you for that.”

  No one will look down on me except my wife.

  I pull down my box and sit back, holding it in my arms a minute before opening it. Her smell, the scent of lavender and honey, isn’t there like it used to be. If I close my eyes and concentrate really hard, I can still smell it and feel her arms around me.

  Opening my eyes, I pull out the letter. I don’t know if I really want to read it, but I know I need to. Especially now. “Moving On” is written on the unopened envelope.

  There are so few that are unopened at this point. And the ones I haven’t read yet, the ones that sit inside this box unopened, are the ones I fear the most. They’re the letters about my biggest fear… moving on without Josie. The ones that put an end to always.

  Swallowing the lump in my throat, with shaky hands I read the first of the last letters my wife wrote to me.

  Hey, baby,

  I bet this one is a hard pill to swallow. The question is: are you reading this because you’re ready to move on or afraid to move on? Whichever it is for you, they both make my stomach sink a little, if I’m being honest. Maybe I shouldn’t tell you that… But we’ve never been anything but honest and I’m not going to stop being truthful now, not when it matters the most.

  I don’t know if you’re reading this a day after I’m gone, or a month, or a year, or twenty years after, but know that I feel the end is close as I write this. And it sucks.

  I already miss you so much. I wish like hell we had more time together, but that wasn’t in the cards for us. But. You are young and WILL move on. You hear me?

  I want you to move on and find someone who will care for you and love you like I do. Although, I’m not 100% sure anyone can love you as much as I do, try to find a close second.

  I’m sure that the first date, kiss, person you feel drawn to will be hard to accept. Promise me you’ll give them your all. Don’t hold back because of me or your feelings, but do it openly and honestly because feeling loved by you is such an honor and an amazing feeling. Make sure they’re worthy of it and then shower them with everything you have to offer.

  Always,

  Josie

  I scrub my hands over my face and sit there for a minute, thinking about what I just read. Tucking the letter back inside the box, I place it back in the top of my closet next to Penny’s.

  When I go back downstairs, Tilly is gone, but a note sits on the counter.

  “Thank you for helping me today. When the buzzer times, take the bread out and enjoy. It’s our bread. It didn’t seem right to give it to anyone else.”

  Well, shit.

  I know she’s busy and needs to finish work, so I decide to stay put at home. The buzzer sounds, and I pull the bread out to cool. Penny comes back with Jesse from their day of Christmas shopping, and I throw some cash at her and tell them to order a couple of pizzas as I head out the door.

  I drive to Pretty Girl and work on a car that came in the day before. I get lost in my work for hours, letting my mind go. I look up to see it’s almost midnight, and I need to head home, so I clean up and lock the shop behind me.

  Driving home, I make the trip past Sugar Stacked and see the lights are on and Tilly’s car still there. Impulsively, I pull in and park, walking to the back door. I pull on it, but it’s locked. Smart girl. I knock and wait. Nothing. I call, but she doesn’t answer, so I text her and knock again. Then, I hear the lock turn and the door cautiously open.

  “Hey,” she says, sounding nervous.

  My lips curve up in a smile. “You gonna let me in, Cookie?”

  “I don’t know if I want to,” she replies, leaning her hip on the doorframe, not opening the door any farther.

  My smile grows as I drop my head to look at the ground. And now I realize that Tilly Lane has me by the balls and I didn’t even know it.

  “Fair enough.” I look up and meet her eyes then. “I guess I earned that.”

  “Yup,” she says, popping the P.

  “I was just recruited into the war. Guess this is my first battle,” I tell her, turning to leave, but I stop and turn back to look at her. “I don’t always fight fair. You should know that. It’ll still be a long war, but I’m ready to fight my way to the front lines.”

  * * *

  It’s been six months since I declared war with Tilly, promising to fight through my internal battle to get to her. In these past months, I’ve learned that I’m a chicken shit.

  I haven’t done one thing to make her think that anything I said that night was true. I went home that night and ate the entire loaf of bread she left at my house and started to overthink everything.

  Things went right back to how they’d always been. Neighborly. Friendly. Nothing more, nothing less.

  I’m sitting out back, a little drunk, and it’s after one in the morning. I couldn’t fall asleep, like most nights. I don’t turn to alcohol often as a way to erase the pain of loss or help me sleep, but tonight my mind kept turning to Tilly.

  More than that, my hand was reaching down to my cock with her on my mind, and it freaked me the fuck out. Sure, I’ve jerked off some through the years but always, always, with Josie behind my closed eyes. But tonight, I closed my eyes and saw brown eyes instead of blue, dark curls instead of blonde.

  So, I grabbed a bottle of liquor and headed outside. I’ve been sitting here for over an hour, drinking straight from the bottle and willing my hard dick to listen to me and go down for the night. It’s not listening.

  Putting the bottle to my lips again, I go for another swig but it’s empty. I throw the bottle out in the yard with a frustrated groan. My hands scrub down my face, and then I fist my cock through my gym shorts. Fuuuuuck… it’s been a while.

  Gritting my teeth and squeezing my eyes shut, I slide my fist up and down my hard dick, which just won’t listen tonight. Needing more, I slide the band down and free my cock to the night, hissing when the cool air hits the heated head of my dick. Spitting into my palm, I grip myself with a groan when my fist glides down and I give myself a tug.

  Sitting out back under the night sky, I jerk off thinking about brown eyes I want to get lost in and curls I want to wrap my fist around. It causes me to feel both angry and turned on at the same time, making me harder still.

  I feel my balls tighten, knowing I’m almost there. I pull my shirt over my head and ball it around my hand still fisting my cock. Letting out a groan, with Tilly’s name slipping from my lips at the end, I blow into my shirt.

  I sit there with my head back and eyes closed for a second to calm my heavy breathing. I sit up to clean myself, and when I open my eyes, I meet the same brown ones that had me hard as stone a second ago.

  I don’t know how long she was watching me, but from the look on her face, she saw, and probably heard, enough. I don’t take my eyes off of her as I quickly clean off with my shirt, tuck myself back into my shorts and toss the shirt into the trash can as I walk to where she’s standing, unmoved.

  I don’t say anything when I stop in front of her, tilt her head up, and drop my lips to hers. I give her one soft kiss on the lips. When I step
back, I hear a small moan leave her now-parted lips.

  “Night, Cookie,” I tell her, turning to head inside, feeling relaxed and tired.

  TILLY

  Minutes After Hearing My Name On His Lips

  Ho. Lee. Fuck.

  I always thought Travis was hot as hell, but seeing him grip myself, grunting as his pleasure released… with my name dropping from his lips…

  I think a bucketful of my arousal could be wrung from my panties right now.

  And then his eyes found mine. Instead of being embarrassed or trying to act like I didn’t just watch him jerk off, he locked eyes with me. Stalking to me and pressing those full, soft, pouty lips to mine.

  Is it weird that part of me wants to dig the shirt that’s covered in him from the trash and keep it as a souvenir?

  Yes. Yes, that’s weird and a lot gross.

  But still. Fuck…

  He’s so hot and cold with me.

  Nothing for months. Then this.

  If he didn’t light my body on fire every time he looks my way, I would move on.

  But I’m addicted. And each tease and taste I get draws me in further and further.

  He said it would be slow, and he wasn’t lying. It’s the slowest play of seduction ever.

  I’m happy to wait around for the next act to play out. Each one gets better and better.

  What in the hell will the finale look like?

  Chapter Thirteen

  Travis

  Twelve Years After Josie

  Things between Tilly and I are complicated. Neither of us wants anyone to know how we feel about each other, least of all Penny and Jesse. Basically, it means that we do exactly what we’ve done since she moved in next door. We talk and help each other out when we need it. We steal a few kisses here and there, we flirt, but that’s about it. We’re stuck.

  As much as she tells me that she wants me, I don’t think she’s really ready for a big committed relationship. And I’m not either. Yet, we don’t want the one-night stand or serial dating thing. So, again, we’re stuck.

  We’re on this revolving carousel. One of us jumps on, ready to have fun, and for an instant, we both spin together in bliss. Then, it slows, we open our eyes, and one of us jumps off again.

  My head is fuzzy with thoughts of what I want with Tilly. She’s awesome, and when we can both relax for a minute and let down our defenses, we have a great time. She can make me laugh in a way I don’t with anyone else. She puts me at ease and calms me, and I think I do the same for her.

  But, timing. It’s just not right. I don’t know if it ever will be entirely.

  * * *

  “Bex, what are you doing in the kitchen?” Ollie yells to his wife from where he sits on the floor playing with cars with Max. He then looks to me like we’re going to die from whatever it is she exits with, making me smother a laugh.

  Penny and I came over to spend the day with them. Something we don’t do often enough but try to when we can.

  “I’m ordering food like a freaking champion is what I’m doing,” Bex tells her husband, hitting him over the head with a stack of takeout menus.

  “Ouch! Fuck!” he yells like a little girl, rubbing his head.

  “Max is right here,” Penny tells her brother, annoyed with him. “Two bucks for your potty mouth in front of my nephew.”

  “Yeah, Ollie, better lock that shit down, now,” Bex says, already slipping a dollar into Penny’s hand with a smirk.

  Sitting back, I chuckle watching the free show in front of me.

  “Here.” Bexley hands me the menus. “What do you guys want? You know better than to expect me to cook when you come here. We don’t have a Tilly next door to feed us like you do,” she teases, but her jab makes me tense.

  Ollie, still rubbing his head like a baby, grabs the menus from me and starts rattling off what he wants her to order, knowing exactly what we all like to eat. He may act like a child, but he looks out for all of us better than anyone else.

  “So, either Gellar dating these days?” Ollie asks as we all dig into our boxes of takeout.

  Penny snorts into her fried rice. “Nope. You think I could get anyone to date me? Most guys know about you and Dad from when you ran the school.” She rolls her eyes. “They know of Benton and Tate, so there’s that. Then add in Jesse, who scares away anyone who’s left.”

  “Good, then. Job’s done,” he quips with a satisfied smile. Looking to me, we give each other a mental high five for the legacy we left behind. Then he stuffs another bite of food into his big mouth and turns to me. “And, Mr. Gellar, you tapping anyone yet?”

  “Oliver!” Bex yells in my defense as I grit my teeth. My eyes shift to Penny to see her eyes locked on her plate, looking uncomfortable.

  “What?” Ollie asks like it’s no big deal. I shoot him a look to shut the fuck up, but of course, he doesn’t. “You need to at some point.” He shrugs adding, “Probably take that scowl off your face,” and the fucker winks at me.

  “I don’t need to do shit,” I tell him through clenched teeth, “And I definitely don’t need to talk about it in front of my daughter.”

  He throws a piece of broccoli at me then. “Will you relax?” My head snaps up at him then, angry he isn’t letting this go. “I don’t think Pen expects you to be a monk your whole life. Do you, Pen?” he pushes more.

  My hand smacks the table, making Penny and Max jump. “You need to stop talking. Right. Now.” Ollie and I have a stare-off for a few before he finally concedes and goes back to eating. Me? I’m not hungry anymore.

  Standing from the table, I toss the rest of my food in the trash, kiss Max on the head and tell Penny it’s time to go.

  “Travis, you don’t have to go.” Bex tries to smooth things over, shooting Ollie a look.

  “Yeah, I’m sorry,” Ollie tells me, actually looking sincere.

  “Regardless, I need to go before I punch you in the face. And I really don’t want to lay you out in front of your family, or mine,” I tell him with little humor in my voice. He knows I’m speaking nothing but truth and nods in understanding.

  Ollie and I haven’t fought much through the years, but when we do, it usually ends with our fists. He’s not a fighter by nature, but I am. We’ve duked it out a few times, me winning each one with him admitting to being a douche.

  Penny cleans up her stuff and tells them all goodbye while I’m already halfway to the truck. We drive in silence until we’re almost home.

  “Dad?”

  “Just… Don’t. Not right now, LP,” I tell her and hate when I see her deflate a little in the seat next to me.

  We’re quiet a bit longer when she speaks up again. “You do know I know about the birds and the bees, right?”

  Air gets caught in my throat when the mention of sex comes out of my little girl’s mouth. Sure, she’s fifteen. Still don’t like it though.

  “Not that I’ve had it,” she tries to ease me. “What I said at Ollie’s was true. Every guy is afraid to get too close to me.”

  “O…K…”

  “Dad, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t date.”

  “Penny,” I groan as I put the truck in park after we pull into the drive.

  “I’m serious,” she says, rounding the front and following me inside the house.

  “I am too,” I tell her and pull a beer from the fridge.

  She huffs, jumping up on the counter. “I just want you to be happy. Are you happy?”

  I turn then, looking at her. Really looking at her. This girl of mine who is becoming more and more of a woman. I can’t keep her little forever, but hearing her talk to me about things like this is weird. I’m also proud of her for speaking her mind and not being afraid to tell me what she thinks.

  “I’m happy,” I tell her with a grin.

  “But are you? I’ve never seen you with any woman but Tilly, and we both know that’s just weird,” she says, jolting me back a second.

  “Why is that weird?” I try to laugh it off.
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  She shrugs. “She’s like this cool aunt or something. Mother-like. It’s weird to think you and she would do… anything like that.”

  I laugh when she fake shudders. It reminds me of when Ollie found out about me and Josie. I pull her into a hug, kissing the top of her head.

  “I promise you I’m happy. I got my LP with me, and I don’t need anyone else.”

  “Dad…”

  “And we’re not going to talk about this again. Because it’s weird.”

  She laughs then. “Fine. But for the record, I’m alright with it if you did want to date.” She pops a quick kiss on my cheek before jumping from the counter and heading to her room. “Night, Daddy! Love you!”

  “Love you too, LP.”

  And what in the hell do I do with that?! My daughter is OK with me dating as long as it’s not the only woman I’m slightly interested in. That is just great.

  I also didn’t miss the way Penny spoke about Tilly like a mother figure, and that made me happy. Despite her feeling skeeved out about the thought of Tilly and me together, I’m happy that she’s always had Tilly to help her and be that woman in her life when Tatum wasn’t around.

  I smile when I pull out a letter that I guess I should have read a long time ago and never realized it. “A New Mom for Penny.”

  OK. I’m not crying. Nope. It’s totally easy to write this letter about another woman coming in to help raise my daughter. Not crying at all.

  Alright, fine. I can’t stop the tears from falling. But this one has to be written, so here it goes…

  I expect it. I want it, even if it does hurt to think about. One day, when you meet that person worthy of you, she’ll have to be worthy of our daughter, too. I know with all my heart that you won’t think lightly about bringing another woman into her life. I don’t worry about that.

  Just promise me that she’ll love our Penny as much as we do. That she’ll treat her like her own. That she will make her a priority in her life and shower her with nothing but adoration and love. The kind that I’m not there to give her anymore.